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September 3rd, 2010
02:18 PM ET

How Christians spoil sex

Christian marriage.

Hot sex.

Let’s try that again:

Christian marriage; hot sex.

It doesn’t quite go together does it?

Passionate, toe-curling sex isn’t normally associated with Christianity or even spirituality in general.

At least that’s what Jonathan Acuff, a Belief Blog contributor and author of "Stuff Christians Like," argues in a recent blog. He says Christians need to do a better job of connecting God with a vibrant sex life.

That’s what we’ve been told. That God and sex don’t go together. And if you say something enough times, people start to believe it’s true…. You can’t have both in the same bottle. They’re oil and water. Cats and dogs. Spencer and Heidi. They just don’t go together.

Acuff, who is married, says Christians shouldn’t just teach abstinence. They should also teach that while sex before marriage is bad, “sex when you’re married is awesome.”

He says Christians damage sex in four ways:

They teach guilt, not abstinence.

They have very few ways to discuss it.

They write 10 books about lust for every one book about the gift of sex.

They've "made the crayon box pretty small" (they're afraid of being creative during sex).

Acuff says it's time Christian couples realize passionate sex is God's idea.

We’ve bought the lie that the world gets to have wild, crazy sex and Christians, holy folks like us, have to have black-and-white, two-dimensional sex. But what if that’s wrong? What if the God who overflows us with love and hope and mercy wants that part of our lives to be as big and as colorful as two married people could possibly imagine?

- CNN Writer

Filed under: Christianity • Culture & Science • United States

soundoff (2,079 Responses)
  1. Robyn

    I think the writer is painting with too broad a brush.

    September 3, 2010 at 3:45 pm |
  2. Vijay Krishnamurti

    What a crock. Snotty, down-nose, pretentious, stereotyping Christian-bashing. How about muslim attitudes on sex? Wanna tackle that one? Bigoted Christophobe.

    September 3, 2010 at 3:44 pm |
  3. VT Citizen

    Nice article..but you can file it under the "No duh!" category.

    September 3, 2010 at 3:44 pm |
  4. sheisbackisis

    Before my husband was killed he told me somthing rather profound "Religion kills people, Spirit will uplift them." When any human gets to carried away in the details of what they believe is true they close themselves off to how the divine might want to reveal itself. Guilt and shame that is provided and taught by others from their own understandings is the same double edge sword as pornography or exploitation. We have to often become our own worst critics continually punishing ourselves that we are wrong and when we have had enough of beating ourselves we turn to blame someone else. This pushing and pulling of self and others is often deluding and a complete illusion we've created to explain a thing. Love knows few limits. And often there are things that very well cannot be explained

    September 3, 2010 at 3:44 pm |
  5. J.

    Decent article, just wish it was more detailed. I saw somebody earlier mentioned the book "Sheet Music". My new wife and I read that recently. It is a good book to talk about what REAL Christian s-x is. It is NOT boring, dull, or flavorless. So long as it's within the bounds of marriage, virtually anything goes. Also, while there are things you can do to reduce your chances of getting diseases, the ONLY 100% effective way of not EVER getting one, is to be 100% monogomous. And one last interesting tidbit: research has shown the happily married couples actually have way more s-x than people who aren't married.

    September 3, 2010 at 3:44 pm |
    • T

      My husband and I also recently read the book "Sheet Music" after it was recommended in a marriage class by our Pastor. WOW! This is an excellent book on the joys of married love. We have always had a wonderful s e x life but after reading this I can say it has become even more enjoyable. Dr. Lehman leaves no doubt as to the extent that God wants married couples to completely give themselves to each other.

      September 3, 2010 at 4:26 pm |
  6. Holy S-ex Batman!

    Well I read about a priest who had sex with a girl he was counseling, so I guess they do get it on.

    September 3, 2010 at 3:44 pm |
  7. Saint

    Bravo Eleni. Thanks for the scriptural reference. Just for a point of reference, remember the movie 'City of Angels?' The 'angel' made a wonderful statement. He said, 'some things are true wether you believe them or not.' This is a wonderful time to invite those of you who are not Christians into the Body of Christ. He is your creator and His son died for your sins. Sin is real wether you believe it or not, and so is eternal life. You will be judged by your creator; all eyes will behold Him and every knee will bow. Every deed done in your body will have to be accounted for-wether you believe it or not. Come to Jesus and allow Him to welcome you home-your eternal home- when He returns to claim his church. After you accept Him, your life belongs to Him. He will direct you in every way.

    September 3, 2010 at 3:43 pm |
    • Sam Satan

      My My, Saint......always recruiting....even when the article is about sex. I see your numbers dwindling day by day......better get busy! Science and common sense are working against you..........time marches on..............

      September 3, 2010 at 4:06 pm |
    • Sam Satan

      My My Saint.......I see you are always recruiting....even when the article is about s ex. Well, you better get busy....your numbers are dwindling day-by-day..........science and common sense are working against you as time marches on........

      September 3, 2010 at 4:21 pm |
    • Jita2060

      @Saint: Excellent post and very appropriate response. I find it amazing and ironic how many unbelievers there are who read this 'Belief' blog. You just gave them an invitation to turn their lives around. BRAVO! Keep shining the light of Jesus Christ, Saint 🙂

      September 3, 2010 at 5:28 pm |
  8. Fiona

    My post was rejected? I'll try this edited version:

    This item made me laugh. Every professed "Christian" couple I know has no problem producing numerous offspring, so something is going on in the bedroom with regularity. Catholics, too. With the fundamentalist types, though, it does end up being a better deal for the man (all that stuff in the Bible about him being the boss). He gets it when he wants it, but he might not take the times to, you know, spread the joy. I remember seeing an interview with a Baptist fiction writer of great renown - John Grisham, I think - and he was asked something like why there was so little socks in his books. He told a story about running something socksy by his wife, and she laughed and said, essentially, "What do you know about socks?".

    How doy you like them apples, moderator?

    September 3, 2010 at 3:43 pm |
    • Mike

      Just for the record, the Bible does not appoint us men bosses over our wives, it says we should Love them the way Christ loved the church...sacraficially, and in our home when I do that, my wife has no problem with respecting/obeying me just as the church is supposed to obey Christ. And I never force myself on her, in fact I like to do the dishes and fold clothes so that she BEGS for some "socks" to fold. And I ALWAYS make sure my wife gets her "socks" off first and quite often, multiple times.

      September 3, 2010 at 4:02 pm |
  9. Sly

    It's true...I used to stand up in my church (when I still went; I've abandoned religion since for this very reason) and try to open the topic of sex, hoping to start a good discussion. People seemed interested, but the church leaders ran away from it and refused any intellectual exchange. This, and other blacklisted subjects, basically limited things to a "do as we say" attitude, which is not at all good news.

    September 3, 2010 at 3:43 pm |
  10. Bama Girl

    Apparently to the guy who said this, Christians sin when they are married by having sex in an enjoyably way. Sex is a beautiful thing when you share it with your spouse, no matter what religion. Sex before marriage is a sin. Sex with another man or woman other than your spouse is a sin. Christians are not perfect people. No one is perfect, not even you! So why say that Christians are spoiling sex? When those who commit adultery are the ones spoiling it!

    September 3, 2010 at 3:43 pm |
  11. perplexed

    hello peace 2 all. no it wasn't meant as tongue in cheek although i can see why it may be taken that way it was a reference to the "delicate" nature of the subject and the and the firestorm it often ignites. peace to you too

    September 3, 2010 at 3:42 pm |
    • peace2all

      @perplexed

      I understand.... however, your comment did make me chuckle.... thank you.... even if it wasn't intended. Needed a good laugh. 🙂

      Peace to you....

      September 3, 2010 at 3:44 pm |
  12. Ciana02

    i was asked to write a paragraph on an article from this website and this is what i wrote:Christians obviously are not normal. Some people seem to think that just because you are Christian that you aren’t allowed to have sex the way you want. You’re just supposed to lay there like a dead fish. Well I don’t think that is what the Bible is saying. I think that when you are married that you should be able to do what you want in your bedroom with whom ever you are married to. I am 100% agreeing with the author of this article because he clearly has some insight on the way things are supposed to be when you are a Christian. I don’t think that sex before marriage is right, I agree with that but when you marry someone that you are in love with it is yours and no one else’s business what or how you love each other.

    September 3, 2010 at 3:42 pm |
  13. Andy

    What's an "artical"? Maybe "their" not the stupid ones...

    September 3, 2010 at 3:42 pm |
  14. GoodChristian

    Eventhough this article generalizing Christians, I have to admit that attending the same Church for 11 yrs the Pastor has not one time taught or preached a sermon from Song of Solomon. I think we should be the example of what great sex can be in the context of marriage. If kept between two married adults you never have to worry about STD's. Christians shouldn't be worried talking about sex.... Our society has made it into something taboo. The Bible talks a lot sex. Get to know the author and read the book.

    September 3, 2010 at 3:40 pm |
  15. David Johnson

    As a god lovin' fundie, I have some reservations:

    Jesus is always watching. I'm scared to try any kinky stuff. I might go the hell. Once we cut that hole in the sheet, I felt much better. I could feel Jesus' smiling down on me.

    September 3, 2010 at 3:40 pm |
  16. Fiona

    This made me laugh. Every professed "Christian" couple I know has no problem producing numerous offspring, so something is going on in the bedroom with regularity. Catholics, too. With the fundamentalist types, though, it does end up being a better deal for the man (all that stuff in the Bible about him being the boss). He gets it when he wants it, but he might not take the times to, you know, spread the joy. I remember seeing an interview with a Baptist fiction writer of great renown - John Grisham, I think - and he was asked something like why there was so little sex in his books. He told a story about running something sexy by his wife, and she laughed and said, essentially, "What do you know about sex?".

    September 3, 2010 at 3:40 pm |
  17. Ergo

    People should just relax, live, laugh and have a lot of s– it's really good for you.

    September 3, 2010 at 3:39 pm |
    • Lapsed

      I can't believe how many people are responding to this teeny article. The article itself is vague and generalizing. The title is pompous and does not support the filler. But apparently enough people (myself included) were curious to see how christianity has ruined S-E-X. And it appears most of us agree that the author did not do the homework. S-E-X is healthy and natural. NYTimes recently did an article on the health benefits of having a vigorous S-life. The biggest problem with attaining an O, though, has always been the mind. So tell your religious voice to pipe down and enjoy the moment ( AND USE PROTECTION if you don't want disease and aren't ready for children!) PLEASE!

      September 3, 2010 at 5:55 pm |
  18. Mathius

    Obviously John Blake never read Pope John Paul II "Theology of the Body" (or the guide to it by Christopher West). JPII dedicates almost two chapters worth on the importance that sexual activity be pleasurable for both the husband and the wife.

    September 3, 2010 at 3:39 pm |
  19. SL

    When discussing the Song of Soloman in the Old Testament, our youth pastor gave this as a "cliff-notes" of it:

    God created sex.
    He likes it.
    Good sex requires lots of work on the good relationship.
    When its time, you should do it.
    A solid sex life is good for your marriage.

    Personally...my wife and I have awesome HOT sex and we are devout Christians and participate in many areas in our church.

    September 3, 2010 at 3:38 pm |
  20. sheisbackisis

    Before my husband was killed he told me somthing rather profound "Religion kills people, Spirit will uplift them." When any human gets to carried away in the details of what they believe is true they close themselves off to how the divine might want to reveal itself. Guilt and shame that is provided and taught by others from their own understandings is the same double edge sword as pornography or exploitation. We have to often become our own worst critics continually punishing ourselves that we are wrong and when we have had enough of beating ourselves we turn to blame someone else. This pushing and pulling of self and others is often deluding and a complete illusion we've created to explain a thing. Love knows few limits. And often there are things that very well cannot be explained.

    September 3, 2010 at 3:38 pm |
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The CNN Belief Blog covers the faith angles of the day's biggest stories, from breaking news to politics to entertainment, fostering a global conversation about the role of religion and belief in readers' lives. It's edited by CNN's Daniel Burke with contributions from Eric Marrapodi and CNN's worldwide news gathering team.