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September 3rd, 2010
02:18 PM ET

How Christians spoil sex

Christian marriage.

Hot sex.

Let’s try that again:

Christian marriage; hot sex.

It doesn’t quite go together does it?

Passionate, toe-curling sex isn’t normally associated with Christianity or even spirituality in general.

At least that’s what Jonathan Acuff, a Belief Blog contributor and author of "Stuff Christians Like," argues in a recent blog. He says Christians need to do a better job of connecting God with a vibrant sex life.

That’s what we’ve been told. That God and sex don’t go together. And if you say something enough times, people start to believe it’s true…. You can’t have both in the same bottle. They’re oil and water. Cats and dogs. Spencer and Heidi. They just don’t go together.

Acuff, who is married, says Christians shouldn’t just teach abstinence. They should also teach that while sex before marriage is bad, “sex when you’re married is awesome.”

He says Christians damage sex in four ways:

They teach guilt, not abstinence.

They have very few ways to discuss it.

They write 10 books about lust for every one book about the gift of sex.

They've "made the crayon box pretty small" (they're afraid of being creative during sex).

Acuff says it's time Christian couples realize passionate sex is God's idea.

We’ve bought the lie that the world gets to have wild, crazy sex and Christians, holy folks like us, have to have black-and-white, two-dimensional sex. But what if that’s wrong? What if the God who overflows us with love and hope and mercy wants that part of our lives to be as big and as colorful as two married people could possibly imagine?

- CNN Writer

Filed under: Christianity • Culture & Science • United States

soundoff (2,079 Responses)
  1. Saint

    Eleni! You did it again. "All scripture was given by inspiration from God" ... He certainly inspired Solomon. The scriptures are beautiful, and where within that scripture does our Father convey that His beautiful creation of s*x is bad. My message to 'message to christians.' Careful. You are acting as if you really did evolve from a monkey. But at least you are reading about Christianity. 'In all of thy ways, get an understanding."

    September 3, 2010 at 3:57 pm |
  2. speedro

    God is a myth. Free yourself from it.

    September 3, 2010 at 3:56 pm |
    • Mike

      God is your Father, and you will meet Him again one day. I guarantee it.

      September 3, 2010 at 4:10 pm |
    • Lapsed

      God is not a myth, but a support system that groups of human beings rely on. For some, life is what it is and science makes sense. For others, a reason for being is required, a hope to find out what our purpose in life is. This clusters the faithful into groups of similar beliefs. It has been this way since the beginning, however the actual being that gets worshipped has changed names and some faiths adjust to changing times better than others. Myths are not worshipped, they are just told and retold.

      September 3, 2010 at 6:04 pm |
    • Mike

      @Lapsed–God is a being, not a support system, or a myth, or some other essence. He is the same type of spirit being that we all are, only perfected. He is your Father, too, and you will see him again one day.

      September 3, 2010 at 7:14 pm |
    • Niwotmom

      God is not a myth. God is very real. If God were a myth, you would not be able to be making comments on this page. You would not exist!

      September 4, 2010 at 12:03 pm |
  3. Phil

    I am thoroughly enlightened by your rhetoric. It changed my outlook on the usage of all caps and various ASCII symbols..

    September 3, 2010 at 3:55 pm |
  4. Mike

    The author brings up an excellent point that relates to the challenge today for Christians (or anyone with a decent sense of morality) to protect the sanctity of the s-xual relationship as something more than just another form of entertainment. The approach in the past, and often today, is to not talk about it or treat it as something taboo. It's not a good approach, but it was easy to do, and probably worked better in the past that it does today. I agree that a better approach is needed today when just about anything and everything is considered acceptable by someone, and when so many people are willing to critize someone else's standards or values simply because they don't share them. The problem, however, is that we have built a culture based on entertainment that portrays s-x as entertainment, and that if s-x doesn't conform to the way it is portrayed in movies or p-rn, that you cannot have a fulfilling relationship with someone else. In my opinion, s-x is an important part of the marriage relationship, but should not be the focal point. S-x helps to strenthen the committment in marriage, but the committment should not be based on s-x. And if you're not willing to make the committment of marriage, you shouldn't be trifling with such an important and powerful gift whose purpose is to create life and nurture the relationships that make life worth living.

    September 3, 2010 at 3:54 pm |
  5. Crystal

    As a female Christian I would like to announce that I thoroughly enjoy s-ex with my husband. And 100% agree with Reality! I think if people view s-ex and Christianity as analogous to oil and water its because they have a distorted view of s-ex as God created it to be enjoyed... between husband and wife. I think this article could have been presented more accurately... guilt is not something that is "taught". Guilt stems from a person recognizing their own wrongdoing. When the Bible blatantly calls ad-ultery and for-nication sin and people react to this with feelings of guilt... that is called conviction. So in such a case, a person's issue is not with Christianity, it is with God. And the overwhelming ratio to "lust" books vs. "gift of sex" books is because dealing with lust is much more prevalent in society than enjoying the gift of sex as God intended. And for those who don't think s-ex is important in Christianity, please read Song of Songs. I don't know about you, but making love in a vineyard and exploring the different "flavors" of a person's spouse sounds pretty intriguing to me! So break out the crayon box married people and start exploring some new colors (and/or flavors)! And if the s-ex is below par between husband and wife my guess is that the real issue is stemming from somewhere outside of the bedroom... or vineyard... or you get the idea 😉 In which case I would strongly encourage you to deal with such issues asap and then start re-exploring each others God-given gift.

    September 3, 2010 at 3:54 pm |
  6. RG

    I want that hot Muslim love

    September 3, 2010 at 3:53 pm |
  7. Peace

    I think somebody should do a study on how majority of young women feel after they have sex out of marraige. What do majority of women think about having a single mate who loves and cares for her for the whole life?

    September 3, 2010 at 3:52 pm |
  8. meh

    Slow day at CNN? Must be out for the long weekend.

    September 3, 2010 at 3:51 pm |
  9. Tammy

    Wow- it is amazing to see the lack of education and thought process in so many of these comments. I have a strong Christian background but also a medical background. I freely talk to my young children about love, marriage and the role that healthy strong s ex life plays in this. I did not come from a radical extreme Christian background where my widowed father preached abstain until you are married, but my involvement in my church youth group taught me that the love found in a strong FAITHFUL marriage is SO much stronger than just the act of s ex. This article is merely saying that many Christians are brought up to believe that s ex is dirty and wrong and something you must do without regard for your emotions in a marriage and that he says NO! Embrace it, cherish it, and have fun with it... it will surely prevent ALOT of the adultery and fornication. God made s ex beautiful, Satan painted the lust into the equation!

    September 3, 2010 at 3:50 pm |
  10. Nobody Important

    LOL - The writer (John Blake) of this article is stereotyping christians into a group of people who don't have good sex. I'm here to tell you that is not true! My crayon box is very large - my wife used to say I was a bit too creative, but she's warmed up to the ideas now! 🙂 I'm thinking John Blake (the author of this article) is making an attempt to explain why his crayon box is so small! 🙂

    September 3, 2010 at 3:50 pm |
  11. Greg

    LOL i love banging the back out of christian females! nothing pleases me more than the moment of enlightenment when they realize that marriage in itself was created as a form of legal statement of ownership of a women. I find it amazing that how many women have such a huge issue with themselves in this regard. i mean honestly the one thing that is absolutely guaranteed to see the survival of our species is bad? So save it jesusers, i hope you practice post marriage more than pre marriage because it will keep your genes from spreading out into the pool and infecting the rest of us with your sad nonsense.

    September 3, 2010 at 3:50 pm |
  12. Graub

    The freakiest women I ever slept with were raised Catholic or Baptist, so I can't complain there.

    September 3, 2010 at 3:49 pm |
  13. steve

    Make that, religion would make a duck feel guilty for swimming. How dumb can you get?

    September 3, 2010 at 3:48 pm |
  14. Brett Favre's Fan (a.k.a. ybs)

    What hot sex?

    Christians believe that sexual abstinence works best!

    They use their hands all the time! 🙂

    September 3, 2010 at 3:47 pm |
  15. Shannon Nutt

    Stephen Hawking just told me I can have all the s-ex I want!

    September 3, 2010 at 3:47 pm |
  16. Phil

    For those out there afraid to discuss the "forbidden topic", bear in mind the Bible itself goes into graphic detail for you. Ever read the entire Song of Solomon? It's PG-13 at times.

    September 3, 2010 at 3:47 pm |
  17. steve

    Jesus am I glad I don't have to ask the Easter Bunny about my bodily functions. Amazing how much religion divorces people from their own instincts. It could probably teach a duck how not to swim.

    September 3, 2010 at 3:46 pm |
    • ssap

      agreed!

      September 4, 2010 at 6:09 pm |
  18. Paul Cassidy

    The author is absolutely clueless about this subject. God created sex from the beginning, and if people follow His divine guidelines for sexual fulfillment (man, woman, lifelong marriage), then there is NO better sex available anywhere! Books about 'lust' are popular because our culture has been saturated in sexual immorality where lust reigns supreme (especially online). There are also many, many great books on sex from a Christian perspective. Oh, and let's see you write a title like "How Muslims Spoil Sex" – because you are liberal, fearful, and will do anything to appease other religious groups except Christianity. CNN – you are pitiful!

    September 3, 2010 at 3:46 pm |
  19. Shannon Nutt

    The hangups over s-ex isn't a "Christian" thing as much as it is an "American" thing. Christians in most European nations have a much more liberal attitude towards s-ex.

    September 3, 2010 at 3:46 pm |
  20. orgasmic!!!!

    So 1st off,I grew up n a Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist Church,married at 18 cuz I was pregnant, 2 a gay man.we were Sunday Schoolteachers 2 12yr olds.$ex was bad no matter what.they always would make u feel so guilty if u enjoyed it!my ex n I's $ex life was horrible.we tried 2 enjoy it but the guilt was overwhelming.left the church after 22yrs n finally re-married after 12yrs.I am still n my heart a christian, but 2 all, that is btween me n jesus.not a church n definitely not a pastor who thnks he's gonna tell me what's rite n wrong.n my hubby n me have the best $ex ever!!! It rocks!! What they try 2 preach n these CULTS is sad.it ruins people!I'm more free now then I'd ever b following the words of human-gods (pastors etc)get out while u can,baptist r the worst!!!!listen 2 ur heart,talk 2 god,u can do it personally.what u do is btween him n u!no one else. God bless

    September 3, 2010 at 3:46 pm |
    • Chris

      Have to agree. Fled a "good Baptist" home where one was beaten if you didn't want to go to church (spare the rod spoil the child). Don't need a hypocrite telling me how to be a good person.

      September 3, 2010 at 4:46 pm |
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The CNN Belief Blog covers the faith angles of the day's biggest stories, from breaking news to politics to entertainment, fostering a global conversation about the role of religion and belief in readers' lives. It's edited by CNN's Daniel Burke with contributions from Eric Marrapodi and CNN's worldwide news gathering team.