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September 3rd, 2010
02:18 PM ET

How Christians spoil sex

Christian marriage.

Hot sex.

Let’s try that again:

Christian marriage; hot sex.

It doesn’t quite go together does it?

Passionate, toe-curling sex isn’t normally associated with Christianity or even spirituality in general.

At least that’s what Jonathan Acuff, a Belief Blog contributor and author of "Stuff Christians Like," argues in a recent blog. He says Christians need to do a better job of connecting God with a vibrant sex life.

That’s what we’ve been told. That God and sex don’t go together. And if you say something enough times, people start to believe it’s true…. You can’t have both in the same bottle. They’re oil and water. Cats and dogs. Spencer and Heidi. They just don’t go together.

Acuff, who is married, says Christians shouldn’t just teach abstinence. They should also teach that while sex before marriage is bad, “sex when you’re married is awesome.”

He says Christians damage sex in four ways:

They teach guilt, not abstinence.

They have very few ways to discuss it.

They write 10 books about lust for every one book about the gift of sex.

They've "made the crayon box pretty small" (they're afraid of being creative during sex).

Acuff says it's time Christian couples realize passionate sex is God's idea.

We’ve bought the lie that the world gets to have wild, crazy sex and Christians, holy folks like us, have to have black-and-white, two-dimensional sex. But what if that’s wrong? What if the God who overflows us with love and hope and mercy wants that part of our lives to be as big and as colorful as two married people could possibly imagine?

- CNN Writer

Filed under: Christianity • Culture & Science • United States

soundoff (2,079 Responses)
  1. stanknasty

    Both man and woman have needs. A woman's primary need is to talk, share, communicate with her husband. She needs that like we need air. The man's primary need (and I mean need not desire or want) is Sex. He needs to fill her tank with talking, sharing on a deeper level. She needs to understad that he will open up emotionally through his need, Sex. If he meets her need and he meets her need, then they both will have a happier marriage. Men need to talk to their woman, the woman needs to give him all the sex he needs. This is the foundation to a happy marriage. And by the way, it will avoid paying $50,000.00 to your therapist.

    September 3, 2010 at 6:30 pm |
  2. Atreyuth

    Very simple: because the religion is organized by those usually not very interested in sex. If they were, they would do it secretly since the teaching is based on guilt and shame, then again educating how good sex can promote a healthy marriage is out of the question... vicious cycle it is...

    September 3, 2010 at 6:28 pm |
  3. Loki

    This article is very stereotyped. My wife and I are practicing Catholics. She had a strict upbringing. Even though my mother was a practicing Catholic, she was a lot more even toned about s3x stuff. You know what, my wife and I have been together for almost 30 years (20 of it married). We had s3x a LOT before marriage. And we still have s3x around every other night. Plenty of sex toys. And have experimented in almost ANYTHING you can imagine s3xually. We have a few kids and still stay very intimate. Nud1ty is common in our house. And we still go to church every Sunday WITHOUT guilt and enjoy our lives. A LOT. Not the picture painted in the article is it.

    September 3, 2010 at 6:25 pm |
  4. George

    Mr. New Creation in Christ and Mrs. New Creation in Christ are joined in holy matrimony and thereafter exhorted by their Creator and Savior Jesus Christ to help their lifelong partner enjoy thousands of times the bliss of hot panting you know what climax!

    September 3, 2010 at 6:25 pm |
  5. stanknasty

    My Chritian marriage is the best ever. My wife and I enjoy each other every moment. Our love life is the best. Way better than when I wasn't a Christian. 1,000 times better. This is a good article but some people take it the wrong way.

    September 3, 2010 at 6:24 pm |
  6. lequino

    Christians need to do a bette job of connecting themselves with the actual teachings of Christ. For people who proclaim their goodness, and imagine their goodness, too often they espouse hate: hate for gays, Muslims, Mexicans, Liberals. But they love guns, war, money. How can you have good sex if you leave out the love? Christians flock to see a hyper violent movie like The Passion of Christ and champion warmongeing college dropouts like Glen Beck. Good grief... Sex is an expression of love. Try going to church and saying that. You can't spread hate and love at the same time. Too many Christians aren't in contact with what love really is. They will never catch on to Christ's teaching to "turn the other cheek" or "as you have done unto the least of these so too have you done unto me". They are too busy slapping themselves on the back because they have lots of money and they give it to the chuch to pay the preachers salary.

    September 3, 2010 at 6:21 pm |
  7. Kimberly

    I've been married for five years now. Sex during marriage is adequate, on average. Sometimes it's just okay, other times it's pretty good, but it's never mind-blowing like much of the sex I had before getting married. You should marry someone with a compatible temperament, similar goals, whose company you enjoy, etc. rather than marry someone with whom sex is superb but is otherwise a poor choice for a life mate.

    September 3, 2010 at 6:21 pm |
  8. JimmyJam

    I would prefer that Christians didn't breed.

    September 3, 2010 at 6:20 pm |
    • Lucifer

      ])itto

      September 3, 2010 at 6:30 pm |
    • Lynn

      oh snap, son. That's so prejudice its borderline red-neck. Heaven forbid we ask him about Jews.

      September 4, 2010 at 12:13 am |
  9. Spoonless Eddie

    The author is right. I wonder, though, how Puritanism figures into this. I suspect it figures in in a very strong and lasting way. The article SEEMS to be about "S" in the US. It is worth remembering that while the teachings of Christ were enlightened, the Puritans were disruptive nut jobs who came here to stay out of jail. Let us not put the blame on Christianity as a whole. If you were to rank the world's religions based on which devalued "S" the most, I doubt Christianity would come out the winner.

    September 3, 2010 at 6:19 pm |
  10. Lucifer

    Jonathan Acuff should go screw himself!

    September 3, 2010 at 6:18 pm |
  11. Florida

    Wrong, wrong, wrong!
    Christians having nothing against sex in particular. Sex was created by God for the enjoyment between a Husband and a Wife (married couple). Christianity is teaches against sex between unmarried couples (such as girlfriend-boyfriend relationship).

    September 3, 2010 at 6:15 pm |
  12. FENCE

    If it is a gift from god who does/did he/she have s3x with?

    September 3, 2010 at 6:15 pm |
  13. Josh

    The christians have it right. God's kind of sex isn't sex for pleasure. It's sex for baby making. Find me one quote anywhere in the bible that so much as mentions the pleasure of sex. If you read the bible and nothing else, you'd think orgasms don't exist.

    September 3, 2010 at 6:14 pm |
  14. Sheri

    Christians do not consider s*x and faith like oil and water. We know that sexuality is a HUGE gift and trust me...we enjoy the gift to the fullest...just because not all of us talk about it doesn't mean there's nothing going to talk about.

    September 3, 2010 at 6:13 pm |
  15. SAG

    Every organized religion on the face of the Earth has perverted sexuality to manipulate its followers for the advancement of the political agenda of the church. I doubt any of today's "churches" could handle an honest acceptance of human sexuality.

    September 3, 2010 at 6:11 pm |
  16. Liz

    My husband and I have been married for going on 8 years, and we are christian. We have three small kids and we STILL have awesome sex! Full of oral, orgasm and toys! Oh, and guess what... we are very active and devout members of our local parish... thank you CNN.
    Oh, and another thing, CNN, why do you have so many articles praising the muslim faith and so many that are negative about christians? Isn't the country about 90 percent christian and like 1 or 2 percent muslim? I'm pretty sure it is. Hay CNN... get a clue!

    September 3, 2010 at 6:09 pm |
  17. avenger206

    God says you shal not enjoy s3x, and you can only do it when she is clean and for the purpose of having a child. Other than that, and you will burn in he11. Repent, never pleasure yourself, and by God, don't enjoy the deed!

    September 3, 2010 at 6:09 pm |
    • Lynn

      hahaha good one.... oh crap you weren't kidding, were you. *facepalm* *sigh*

      September 4, 2010 at 12:10 am |
    • chad niell

      God is the one who created sex. It was His gift to us. And God gave us the ability to enjoy sex not only so that we could reproduce, but it is also a way for husbands and wives to bond and experience intimacy. God wants us to experience fulfilling, joyful sexual relations with the people we are married to.
      Proverbs 5:15, 18-19 reads "Drink waters out of thine own cistern, and running waters out of thine own well...Let thy fountain be blessed and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love."
      If God didn't want us to enjoy sexual relations, He would not have made sex pleasurable. God obviously wants us to enjoy sex. And his Word makes it equally obvious that He only gives sexual relations His blessing when it occurs between a husband and a wife. And, again, the reason for this is because God wants what is best for us.
      What a lot of people don't realize is that sex is not just something that is to be done casually for temporary pleasure. When you are intimate with someone in a sexual way, you are actually becoming one with that person on a deep spiritual level that goes far beyond just temporary thrills.
      Genesis 2:24-25 shows us this when referring to the first husband and wife, Adam and Eve. It reads, "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed."
      When you are intimate with your husband or wife, there is no shame. When you fornicate or masturbate, there is shame, regret, and loss of self-respect.
      When we engage in sex, we "become one" with that other person. Who in their right mind would willingly want to become one with a prostitute or someone who has had multiple sex partners? Maybe nowadays "sleeping around" is no big deal. But in the Bible people who took part in such behavior were referred to as harlots or whores or whoremasters (These terms refer to men and women). And the definition of a harlot or a whoremaster is "one who practices habitual, customary, unlawful indulgence of lust, fornication, or adultery."
      1 Corinthians 6:15-16 reads, "Know ye not that your bodies are the members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ, and make them the members of a harlot? God forbid. What! Know ye not that he which is joined to a harlot is one body? For two, saith he, shall be one flesh."
      So, again, every time you casually have sexual relations with someone who you are not married to, a little bit of your soul dies in a way. You have given to a stranger something that is valuable and precious. You have allowed this person to steal your wealth, to take away your honor.
      And when we are disobedient to God in this area, we even run the risk of harming our relationship with our Heavenly Father. God still loves us and will forgive us, but we might feel too ashamed to go to God in prayer.
      When we engage in sexual relations with people we are not married to, we bring hell and pain into our lives in many different forms: Sexually transmitted diseases, unwanted pregnancies that lead to abortions, sexual dysfunctions, shame. You may even rob yourself of the ability to have a fulfilling sexual relationship in the future when you do get married. Proverb 6:27 asks the question: "Can a man take fire to his bosom and his clothes not be burned?"
      God knows what is best for us. He has given us standards to follow because He wants to save us from ourselves and from the pain we can bring to our lives.
      Start understanding th ebible bbefore you condemn it avenger 206

      September 4, 2010 at 12:18 am |
  18. Momo

    Marriage is a sex killer. Before marrage: Lotsa sex, hot, wild. After marriage: Once every few months, mediocre, somtimes boring. Dont get married.. EVER!!!! ADVICE TO ALL SINGLE PEOPLE!!!!

    September 3, 2010 at 6:08 pm |
  19. Paul

    I have no idea what this author is talking about.
    I'm a Christian and my wife and I have AWESOME sex... when we talk to our kids about it we teach why abstinence is preferred by mitigating unintended pregnancies and STD's.
    We don't GUILT our kids into it.

    Sounds like this author was raised Catholic.
    I don't know many Evangelical people who guilt their kids into not having sex.
    This is just weird.

    September 3, 2010 at 6:08 pm |
  20. Lapsed

    Grow up or don't participate! Idiots like you should be stoned (literally). The article does not mention Jesus, it is about S-E-X and religion. Jesus is a figure in religion, but has nothing to do with this discussion. If you felt like being a smarter idiot, you could have written 'suck it solomon'.

    September 3, 2010 at 6:07 pm |
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The CNN Belief Blog covers the faith angles of the day's biggest stories, from breaking news to politics to entertainment, fostering a global conversation about the role of religion and belief in readers' lives. It's edited by CNN's Daniel Burke with contributions from Eric Marrapodi and CNN's worldwide news gathering team.