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September 3rd, 2010
02:18 PM ET

How Christians spoil sex

Christian marriage.

Hot sex.

Let’s try that again:

Christian marriage; hot sex.

It doesn’t quite go together does it?

Passionate, toe-curling sex isn’t normally associated with Christianity or even spirituality in general.

At least that’s what Jonathan Acuff, a Belief Blog contributor and author of "Stuff Christians Like," argues in a recent blog. He says Christians need to do a better job of connecting God with a vibrant sex life.

That’s what we’ve been told. That God and sex don’t go together. And if you say something enough times, people start to believe it’s true…. You can’t have both in the same bottle. They’re oil and water. Cats and dogs. Spencer and Heidi. They just don’t go together.

Acuff, who is married, says Christians shouldn’t just teach abstinence. They should also teach that while sex before marriage is bad, “sex when you’re married is awesome.”

He says Christians damage sex in four ways:

They teach guilt, not abstinence.

They have very few ways to discuss it.

They write 10 books about lust for every one book about the gift of sex.

They've "made the crayon box pretty small" (they're afraid of being creative during sex).

Acuff says it's time Christian couples realize passionate sex is God's idea.

We’ve bought the lie that the world gets to have wild, crazy sex and Christians, holy folks like us, have to have black-and-white, two-dimensional sex. But what if that’s wrong? What if the God who overflows us with love and hope and mercy wants that part of our lives to be as big and as colorful as two married people could possibly imagine?

- CNN Writer

Filed under: Christianity • Culture & Science • United States

soundoff (2,079 Responses)
  1. William Baney

    If the problem truly exists... as the author would have you believe, the problem is with "nominal Christians" who don't really know God, nor attempt to truly follow Jesus Christ. If people would follow Him, (meaning actually obey His laws and learn His ways), they would discover the Truth, and that Truth will set them free. "For I THROUGH the law am DEAD to the law, that I might live unto God." Galatians 2:19 (emphasis mine.)

    September 3, 2010 at 7:07 pm |
  2. Bob-O

    This is the most disgusting article ever written. Sex is not to be talked about in public. Only behind closed doors and there is only one reason to have sex: to procreate. If the intent is to conceive a child in wedlock, that is blessed by god. However, sex for any other reason is a sin and strictly forbidden. Shame on CNN for writing this sinful article. And shame on anyone who has sex out of wedlock without the intent to procreate. SHAME SIN SHAME.

    September 3, 2010 at 7:06 pm |
  3. Cappii

    This article is both very short-sighted, and very humorous. Maybe my ideal of Christian marriage is different that the author of this sham of a God-bashing article, but our love life is amazingly wonderful. The marriage bed is undefiled. Just because we don't believe in it before marriage doesn't mean that we can't fully enjoy it after. @Author: get over yourself.

    September 3, 2010 at 7:03 pm |
  4. chad niell

    God is the one who created s ex. It was His gift to us. And God gave us the ability to enjoy s ex not only so that we could reproduce, but it is also a way for husbands and wives to bond and experience intimacy. God wants us to experience fulfilling, joyful s exual relations with the people we are married to.

    Proverbs 5:15, 18-19 reads "Drink waters out of thine own cistern, and running waters out of thine own well...Let thy fountain be blessed and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love."

    If God didn't want us to enjoy s exual relations, He would not have made s ex pleasurable. God obviously wants us to enjoy s ex. And his Word makes it equally obvious that He only gives s exual relations His blessing when it occurs between a husband and a wife. And, again, the reason for this is because God wants what is best for us.

    What a lot of people don't realize is that s ex is not just something that is to be done casually for temporary pleasure. When you are intimate with someone in a sexual way, you are actually becoming one with that person on a deep spiritual level that goes far beyond just temporary thrills.

    Genesis 2:24-25 shows us this when referring to the first husband and wife, Adam and Eve. It reads, "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed."

    September 3, 2010 at 7:03 pm |
  5. Blessed Geek

    Examples of the many Christians who are already having lots of hot sex:
    Donald Trump, Newt Gingrinch and his various sexual associates, Sarah Palin, Bristol Palin and her ex, Kate Perry highly probable, Arhnold Schwarzbuckler, former mayor Giuliani, Mr and Mrs Obama, Kobe Bryant, Joe Frasier when he was younger, snooki, President Kennedy+Marilyn Monroe+Frank Sinatra when they were alive, the list goes on.

    Did the author apply a personally-opinionated filter on whom he considers as Christian-having-great-sex?

    September 3, 2010 at 7:02 pm |
  6. Testament

    This article needs to do a better job at defining which class of Christian they are speaking of. The everyday Christian ppl come into contact with atleast where I am from anyway, are not prude in any way. Sure you have extremeists....but you have those in every group of ppl. Now as for the mainstream Christianity that go around daming everything to h3ll, yes they do want your love life to be dull and boring just like a s3x life. They don't want ppl to know the difference between love making and just "doing it". Whether ppl want to believe it or not Popes and their pupils are not supposed to touch anyone in that way because their idea of Holy is just....well warped. In fact, if we go on a time travel trip, the "Holy" men (i laugh at that) used to whip themselves for thinking such "perverted" thoughts.

    And people wonder why is it ppl who are poor or not in ridiculous positions of power are so much happier than the ppl who live alone on their one seated thrones. Because we may not have all the materials in the world but man we sure know how to make life worth living! 😀

    September 3, 2010 at 7:01 pm |
  7. john jeffers sr

    after reading this blog i can se where there,s going to be more [std,s] and [aids] GOD DOES NOTMAKE YOU DO ANY THING ,BUT HE GIVES YOU A CHOICE

    September 3, 2010 at 7:00 pm |
  8. BJC

    I am a born-again Christian.

    All I had to do is read the article's title – what made him think to write about that??????? I'll tell you. It's because Christians don't go out of their way to share with the world the passionate sex they've been having. Non-Christians on the other hand are passionate about communicateing to the world the passionate sex they've been having. Let me give you a big hint: Some of the most healthy marriage relationship who have passionate sex will be the ones you will never have a clue that's taking place!!

    September 3, 2010 at 6:58 pm |
  9. TX_MBell

    This article is wrought with vitriol. Its premise is no less discriminatory than claiming that women can't drive a race car or Amish deprive their children of an education that would rival that of public schools.
    Too bad a higher standard of civility isn't emphasized.

    September 3, 2010 at 6:58 pm |
  10. Mom of 4

    What a stupid title to this article. Christians don't "ruin" s*x! If the church they are going to teaches the entirety of scripture, then Christians are having the best s*x around. Someone mentioned the book of Song of Solomon in an earlier post. Of course it is a metaphor regarding Christ and his love for the church, His Bride. But it is also a celebration of the s*xual relationship between a husband and a wife.

    We've been married for 31 years and it's just gets better all the time. We have always been very affectionate in front of our children, and they know that marital relations is the best way to go. We've counseled numerous families in our 25+ years of ministry, and I can guarantee you that the marriages that last are the ones where the man and woman were virgins when they were married. The ones with previous s*xual relations bring baggage into a marriage. When you don't have anyone to compare with, learning how to make love together is a wonderful and fulfilling experience.

    God knew what He was doing when He said s*x is a gift for a husband and wife.

    September 3, 2010 at 6:57 pm |
  11. Winston5

    To quote the great Rev. Lovejoy: "I dunno, have you ever sat down and actually read the thing? I mean, technically, we're not even supposed to go to the bathroom."

    September 3, 2010 at 6:57 pm |
  12. chad niell

    God is the one who created sex. It was His gift to us. And God gave us the ability to enjoy sex not only so that we could reproduce, but it is also a way for husbands and wives to bond and experience intimacy. God wants us to experience fulfilling, joyful sexual relations with the people we are married to.

    Proverbs 5:15, 18-19 reads "Drink waters out of thine own cistern, and running waters out of thine own well...Let thy fountain be blessed and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love."

    If God didn't want us to enjoy sexual relations, He would not have made sex pleasurable. God obviously wants us to enjoy sex. And his Word makes it equally obvious that He only gives sexual relations His blessing when it occurs between a husband and a wife. And, again, the reason for this is because God wants what is best for us.

    What a lot of people don't realize is that sex is not just something that is to be done casually for temporary pleasure. When you are intimate with someone in a sexual way, you are actually becoming one with that person on a deep spiritual level that goes far beyond just temporary thrills.

    Genesis 2:24-25 shows us this when referring to the first husband and wife, Adam and Eve. It reads, "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed."

    September 3, 2010 at 6:56 pm |
  13. Sue

    wow.. first and last time i visit this website.

    September 3, 2010 at 6:55 pm |
  14. Flush1

    AIDS cures f*gs.

    September 3, 2010 at 6:55 pm |
    • cadrolls1

      Aids cures bigots too. More bigots have died from Aids in this world than Gays. In fact, Africa, a highly bigoted Nation in respect to homosexuality, has the HIGHEST Aids rate of ANY country.

      I guess you aren't too well known for intelligence in your comunity.

      September 3, 2010 at 7:07 pm |
  15. generalizationsarebad

    Yet another article that appeals to peoples prejudice to prove a point. conservatism to the point of ignorance and fear is the problem. There's no need to be puritanical about s-x. Being Christian is about understanding and thus believing what Jesus said about his Father and his kingdom and acting accordingly. In this pleasure mad world, people let physical gratification become their god leaving little place for what it actually means to be a Christian. This article makes a moot point if any.

    September 3, 2010 at 6:54 pm |
  16. Laura J

    Isn't the lack of positive discussion of Zex more about historic male control of women more than anything else? If women are forbidden to enjoy it, then they may be told that they should "just submit", right. Or they can be forced to engage whenever since their enjoyment cant exist. Keeping enjoyment the exclusive providence of men is a power grab – women who enjoy will expect satisfaction and not accept being told whom they will marry etc. This, however, has nothing to do with Christianity exclusively, you can look to almost any religion.

    September 3, 2010 at 6:53 pm |
  17. Justme

    You will find out, that non christian wife have better sex. From your friends though, which have been plowing her every day instead you!!

    September 3, 2010 at 6:50 pm |
  18. Lucifer

    well its beyond me to know how christians can have ANY FUN in bed if YOU KNOW WHO is always watching you from up there!

    Its like having a 3D picture of him in the bedroom - what stress to perform !!!!

    September 3, 2010 at 6:50 pm |
    • Lynn

      he watches everyone really, believer or not believer. i really don't see how my hot and nasty sex conflicts with my love for God when he wants me to have it. ...genuinely confused...

      September 4, 2010 at 12:21 am |
  19. beezus

    just use coitus.

    September 3, 2010 at 6:47 pm |
  20. mark

    As me being a Catholic, this guy knows nothing about Christian Sex

    September 3, 2010 at 6:47 pm |
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The CNN Belief Blog covers the faith angles of the day's biggest stories, from breaking news to politics to entertainment, fostering a global conversation about the role of religion and belief in readers' lives. It's edited by CNN's Daniel Burke with contributions from Eric Marrapodi and CNN's worldwide news gathering team.