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September 3rd, 2010
02:18 PM ET

How Christians spoil sex

Christian marriage.

Hot sex.

Let’s try that again:

Christian marriage; hot sex.

It doesn’t quite go together does it?

Passionate, toe-curling sex isn’t normally associated with Christianity or even spirituality in general.

At least that’s what Jonathan Acuff, a Belief Blog contributor and author of "Stuff Christians Like," argues in a recent blog. He says Christians need to do a better job of connecting God with a vibrant sex life.

That’s what we’ve been told. That God and sex don’t go together. And if you say something enough times, people start to believe it’s true…. You can’t have both in the same bottle. They’re oil and water. Cats and dogs. Spencer and Heidi. They just don’t go together.

Acuff, who is married, says Christians shouldn’t just teach abstinence. They should also teach that while sex before marriage is bad, “sex when you’re married is awesome.”

He says Christians damage sex in four ways:

They teach guilt, not abstinence.

They have very few ways to discuss it.

They write 10 books about lust for every one book about the gift of sex.

They've "made the crayon box pretty small" (they're afraid of being creative during sex).

Acuff says it's time Christian couples realize passionate sex is God's idea.

We’ve bought the lie that the world gets to have wild, crazy sex and Christians, holy folks like us, have to have black-and-white, two-dimensional sex. But what if that’s wrong? What if the God who overflows us with love and hope and mercy wants that part of our lives to be as big and as colorful as two married people could possibly imagine?

- CNN Writer

Filed under: Christianity • Culture & Science • United States

soundoff (2,079 Responses)
  1. Bubba schmo

    I wonder how many Christian homes he peeped thorugh the windows of to get his data??
    How could he possibly know what kind of sex life every Christian has?
    Total waste of internet real estate.

    September 3, 2010 at 7:49 pm |
  2. Fuyuko

    I think it is better to have sexual experience before marriage to make sure you are compatible. I don't agree with abstinence but in the era of stds being promiscuous is not good either. Everything in balance.

    September 3, 2010 at 7:47 pm |
  3. Brian

    If God is Love [God = Love, Love = God, in algebraic terms], isn't the big idea surrounding all of this is that you're supposed to wait until you actually love someone? Or when you realize you want to love someone, stop after you decide to change and then wait until you actually love someone? I really don't understand why this is such a hard concept. If people don't want to love, then why are they concerned with God? If people want an active casual sex life, then they must not be that concerned with love. I see it as an either or. What are they teaching in churches? Does anyone make any sort of sense out of this whatsoever?

    September 3, 2010 at 7:44 pm |
  4. nolabear

    Oh, I don't know...I fondly recall John Waters once saying "I thank God every day that I was raised Catholic because sex is REALLY dirty."

    September 3, 2010 at 7:44 pm |
  5. Christian

    I understand where topics like this arise – I myself was once atheist/agnostic. But for just a moment, take a step outside of fading desires for worldly pleasures and open your heart to the things that bring you lasting happiness. True Christians teach that love and fulfillment come from self sacrifice and service towards others. A true Christian believes this. Now I'm certain you could quote thousands of examples as to how Christians are hypocrites – I could also; this isn't important. A person isn't a Christian because they say they are a Christian – Christ himself corrects this level of thinking:
    John 13:34-35 - "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another."
    Christ died without an ounce of hate for those who killed him. He prayed for them as he suffered – this is the love men and women of all faiths are called to.

    Self sacrifice, service towards others, compassion and understanding - these are the living definition of love! Sex is a beautiful part of your relationship with your spouse, but love goes beyond this to our children, friends, and we're even called to love our enemies.

    September 3, 2010 at 7:42 pm |
  6. TotalNonSense

    Religion, in all it;s form is bad for you PERIOD. if your such a idiot as to fellow the teaching of a fictional character, then you don't deserve good sex PERIOD.

    it is time for humanity to grow up and BAN RELIGION and have the most extrem punishment (read painfull) for any one who dare speak of, pratice or encourage religion in any way outside your own home. (churches are monument to mankind more enduring lie and must DESTROYED).

    September 3, 2010 at 7:41 pm |
  7. Christopher

    Explain why married Irish Catholics would have about 10 kids, seems like the sex is ago. Seculars need more of a life, John Blake you could have used this time to sword fight more with your boyfriend, but I guess the passion there is gone. lol

    September 3, 2010 at 7:39 pm |
  8. perplexed

    i guess the moderator(s) don't like my questions. nothing keeps a closed mind closed like censorship.

    September 3, 2010 at 7:37 pm |
  9. perplexed

    this thing has really gotten off topic. and how did hitler get involved. apparently morality didn't ruin s*x for him, records show that he had syphilis, a disease thought by some to be the revenge of God for fornication and lust. some christian he turned out to be.

    September 3, 2010 at 7:34 pm |
    • Kate

      @perplexed

      Godwin's Law

      Just sayin'

      September 3, 2010 at 7:41 pm |
  10. Dave

    What hogwash! 65+ in a 46 year Christian marriage and it's still getting better every time. Believe and receive the blessing!

    September 3, 2010 at 7:34 pm |
    • CatholicMom

      oh, Dave,

      We didn't know you were 65+ years of age....I guess it doesn't hold true for you,....sorry about that.....

      September 4, 2010 at 1:18 pm |
  11. Miguel Q

    Have you read the book of The Bible called "Song of Songs"? the entire book is about hot sex. You should've read it before posting such an ignorant article.

    September 3, 2010 at 7:32 pm |
  12. merecat

    Like DUH, Who Created Sex in the first place.. fill the earth had to be accomplished somehow.. And God did make it toe curling that's why it feels good, he made it that way. And even if you aren't procreating he made it a wonderful way to show love to your husband/wife. Nothing wrong with that.. People will say the stupidest things to make Christians boring or stupid.

    September 3, 2010 at 7:31 pm |
  13. GrChrSx

    This is a very poorly written article. Anyone heard of a straw man? The Scriptures have plenty of good to say about the married sex life, just read the Song of Solomon. Btw, my wife and I have nine kids with our tenth on the way, and have had great sex since our first day of marriage. I have no idea what this loon is talking about.

    September 3, 2010 at 7:31 pm |
  14. Texture

    There is no such thing a hot, toe-curling sex.

    September 3, 2010 at 7:31 pm |
  15. PuReWebDev

    This is one of those situations where the author writes something provocative to provoke a response, higher readership etc. How "insert religious or racial group here" spoil sex.

    September 3, 2010 at 7:29 pm |
  16. Hunter

    Good Lord folks, I have been a Christian for the last 30 years and married fro nearly 23 of them. The sex is still over the top. Granted, there is a LOT of really bad behavior out there from "Christians" concerning sex. It was God who invented sex, When God wanted to separate his chosen people from the rest of the population he went right straight for the wiener. I can't imagine how Abraham sold that one to the men folk of his day. You want hot racy sex, read the Song Of Solomon sometime, and take time to actually think about the words you are reading.

    September 3, 2010 at 7:29 pm |
  17. DS

    Good marriages are seldom glued, stapled, or welded together. The best one are stitched carefully, deliberately, one stitch at a time. Once marriages have had enough skillful stitches, they are not likely to unravel.

    Despite all of its bad publicity, marriage is a still an unbeatable combination. Though living together without a commitment is prevalent today, couples keep going back to marriage because they know it is one of earth's greatest pleasures and one of God's best gifts-emotional, mental, spiritual as welll as physical.

    When God created sex,
    He came up with
    A great idea!

    God doesn't get
    Nearly enough credit
    For this terrific
    Program.

    Some have mishandled
    God's idea.
    Others have abused it.
    Too many have become
    Disillusioned about sex.
    And have given it up.

    Far too many are simply
    Misinformed,
    Unable to let go and
    Learn,
    They believe it to be
    Evil, weak, silly,
    Debasing or empty.

    God knew better.
    He made sex meaningful,
    Rewarding, enjoyable
    And fundamentally fun!!!!!!!

    September 3, 2010 at 7:29 pm |
  18. DefendingMorality

    The author brings up an excellent point that relates to the challenge today for Christians (or anyone with a decent sense of morality) to protect the sanctity of the s–ual relationship as something more than just another form of entertainment. Perhaps it was just easier to not talk about it or treat it as something taboo. That has been the general approach to s– even though many folks on these posts seem to have found better ways to discuss it openly in the right context. The sad thing is that we have built a culture based on entertainment that portrays s– as entertainment, and that if it doesn't conform to the way it is portrayed in movies, that you cannot have a fulfilling relationship with someone else. In my opinion, s– is an important part of the marriage relationship, but not the focal point. It helps to strenthen the committment in marriage, but the committment should not be based on it. And if you're not willing to make the committment of marriage, you shouldn't be trifling with such an important and powerful gift whose purpose is to create life and nurture the relationships that make life worth living.

    September 3, 2010 at 7:28 pm |
  19. JustPlainJoe

    2000 years of inquisitions for having sexual thoughts, witch-hunts for normal sexuality, puritans, catholic restrictions, celibate yet inappropriate priests...and 1 casual cnn article suggesting that christianity and sexuality are related. Sigh. Normal people have normal sexuality. It so happens some of these people are Christians.

    September 3, 2010 at 7:28 pm |
  20. Duk Sausage

    Just remembered Why I don't comment on boards....Cause I have a life....Peace

    September 3, 2010 at 7:23 pm |
    • Mike

      Apparently not, since you left a comment...

      September 3, 2010 at 7:29 pm |
    • Kate

      @Mike

      You had to go ruin the mood by introducing logic, didn't you ...

      Just grinnin'

      September 3, 2010 at 7:36 pm |
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The CNN Belief Blog covers the faith angles of the day's biggest stories, from breaking news to politics to entertainment, fostering a global conversation about the role of religion and belief in readers' lives. It's edited by CNN's Daniel Burke with contributions from Eric Marrapodi and CNN's worldwide news gathering team.