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September 3rd, 2010
02:18 PM ET

How Christians spoil sex

Christian marriage.

Hot sex.

Let’s try that again:

Christian marriage; hot sex.

It doesn’t quite go together does it?

Passionate, toe-curling sex isn’t normally associated with Christianity or even spirituality in general.

At least that’s what Jonathan Acuff, a Belief Blog contributor and author of "Stuff Christians Like," argues in a recent blog. He says Christians need to do a better job of connecting God with a vibrant sex life.

That’s what we’ve been told. That God and sex don’t go together. And if you say something enough times, people start to believe it’s true…. You can’t have both in the same bottle. They’re oil and water. Cats and dogs. Spencer and Heidi. They just don’t go together.

Acuff, who is married, says Christians shouldn’t just teach abstinence. They should also teach that while sex before marriage is bad, “sex when you’re married is awesome.”

He says Christians damage sex in four ways:

They teach guilt, not abstinence.

They have very few ways to discuss it.

They write 10 books about lust for every one book about the gift of sex.

They've "made the crayon box pretty small" (they're afraid of being creative during sex).

Acuff says it's time Christian couples realize passionate sex is God's idea.

We’ve bought the lie that the world gets to have wild, crazy sex and Christians, holy folks like us, have to have black-and-white, two-dimensional sex. But what if that’s wrong? What if the God who overflows us with love and hope and mercy wants that part of our lives to be as big and as colorful as two married people could possibly imagine?

- CNN Writer

Filed under: Christianity • Culture & Science • United States

soundoff (2,079 Responses)
  1. Joplin 60

    Boy is that ever a stupid assumption. My wife and I are both born again believers in Jesus Christ and I'll bet we have had ten times more fun with sex than any ten other people.

    September 3, 2010 at 8:12 pm |
  2. jos

    CNN writer: those who ruin sechz are human traffickers, the porn business, rapists, incestuous creeps, pedophiles, etc... oh, and writers like you.

    September 3, 2010 at 8:10 pm |
  3. Kelli

    @Mike

    Mormons are not a "cult" and yes, they "ARE" CHRISTIAN. "Mormon" is a nickname for "The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints." Enough said. And, as a Christian Mormon, my religion has no problem with birth control in any form, other than abortion. I have 3 kids and am 32, and not planning on having any more. My husband and I have advanced college degrees and a healthy s ex life, and I currently have a 10 year IUD as my birth control form of choice. We are very active in our church/religion, so I do and can speak for Mormon beliefs with confidence. Why don't you stop spouting off about things you are obviously very uneducated about.

    September 3, 2010 at 8:09 pm |
    • En passant

      Mormons ARE members of a cult.

      Almost every definition of the word can be easily and accurately applied to the Mormon "faith".
      Don't believe me? Go Google the word "cult" and spend some time viewing different types of religious beliefs that fall under this category.
      A cult.
      You are a member of a cult. How does it feel? Is it like being in a big plastic bubble? Do they let you do things in there?
      Seek de-programming if you value your life. Don't waste it in some cult. Or is it too late? Firm believer? Refuse to listen?
      Good luck trying to make reality fit inside your bubble of madness. Bye.

      September 4, 2010 at 12:56 am |
  4. longtimer

    Been married for 30 years and we've had lots of fun along the way, and still do (when we can work up the energy!) The Bible is a sensual, earthy book, written for sensual, earthy people. Cuddle up with your spouse and take turns reading a good translation of Song of Solomon and see if the room doesn't suddenly get several degrees warmer. It's not the Bible or God or Christianity that has the problem; it's generations of repressed, ego-driven, chauvinistic control freaks who have twisted the Word for their own purposes and given something wonderful a bad name. The message of the Bible isn't "don't do it;" it's "spend your life enjoying this wonderful gift responsibly with the person you've chosen to commit your life to." There's a whole lot of room for creativity under that blanket!

    September 3, 2010 at 8:09 pm |
  5. Kelli

    @Mike

    Mormons are not a "cult" and yes, they "ARE" CHRISTIAN. "Mormon" is a nickname for "The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints." Enough said. And, as a Christian Mormon, my religion has no problem with birth control in any form, other than abortion. I have 3 kids and am 32, and not planning on having any more. My husband and I have advanced college degrees and a healthy sex life, and I currently have a 10 year IUD. Why don't you stop spouting off about things you are obviously very uneducated about.

    September 3, 2010 at 8:06 pm |
  6. kazz

    you could write a book about this

    September 3, 2010 at 8:05 pm |
  7. SD

    What an ignorant article.

    September 3, 2010 at 8:02 pm |
  8. DAvid Coursey

    Heck, there is LOTS of sex in the Bible and churches ignore it. When is the last time you heard a sermon from the Song of Solomon? That SOlomon guy was one perverted monkey. Heck. Lot screwed HIS DAUGHTERS and it was supposedly the daughetrs seducced him? lol RIGHT. Think a man wrote that. Oh, and multiple wives galore. Not sure how the idea of monogamy came from the Bible. Its multiple paretners everywhere there.

    September 3, 2010 at 8:02 pm |
  9. Steve6167

    Religion messing up good sex? Tell me something I do not already know.

    September 3, 2010 at 8:00 pm |
  10. Whitney

    I find this whole topic so very interesting... As a 21 year old Christian woman who is still a virgin, I obviously support waiting until marriage. But it has nothing to do with the fact that I am scared, scarred, nervous, or because it is "against my religion". The reason I have waited and the reason I believe God desires for us to wait is because intimacy is so much sweeter when it is enjoyed with the person you are meant to spend the rest of your life with. I know very few people who were promiscuous before settling down that don't regret it, and I aim to live my life with as few regrets as possible. What better way to show someone you love them than waiting your entire life to give them a gift that can only be given once? You loved them before you even knew them, and decided to wait and resist temptation because you knew one day they would come along.

    That being said, everyone makes mistakes, and having s e x before you are ready is no different from telling a lie. Thankfully for everyone, God is a God of love and forgiveness. "This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus." [Romans 3:22-23]

    I am so sorry to read all of these comments about Christians and Muslims and whatever other religious groups. We all have differences, and there are horrible (and incredible) people in every religion. I pray that one day-no matter what religion or denomination-we all embrace the idea of love and respect for one another. We are all different, and these stereotypes are really getting us nowhere good.

    September 3, 2010 at 7:59 pm |
    • whatacrock

      "The reason I have waited and the reason I believe God desires for us to wait is because intimacy is so much sweeter when it is enjoyed with the person you are meant to spend the rest of your life with."

      And you know this how? You just said you're a virgin.

      September 4, 2010 at 4:12 pm |
    • Whitney

      Whatacrock, very good point. I probably should've made that more clear in my original comment. I believe it is true because I believe God designed it that way and I also believe that He has our best interest at heart, even when it seems that He doesn't. Also, I have spoken with many people older and wiser than I am, and 99.9% of the time that is the advice shared by all of them.

      September 5, 2010 at 12:46 am |
  11. jos

    For those who believe accepting evolution and being Christian are mutually exclusive, please go to: http://biologos.org/

    September 3, 2010 at 7:59 pm |
  12. Laroy Haddock

    Wow; That is a stupid assumption. My wife and I are born again believers and I'll bet we have had more fun with sex than any ten other people put togather. True, being with another person that is not your husband and wife brings a lot of excitement for a short time but it will not last very long.( Hebrews 11:25)

    September 3, 2010 at 7:58 pm |
  13. pacoder

    And we care what Christians think why?

    September 3, 2010 at 7:58 pm |
  14. Bob-O

    Sex is only to be made in the dark and only to procreate. Better yet, real true christians would have sex through a sheet like the jews do. That way only the necessary parts have to touch and only to procreate. Anything else is a dirty disgusting sin.

    September 3, 2010 at 7:57 pm |
  15. nanana

    Why not try labeling the article "How Muslims spoil sex" and see what sort of worldwide reaction you would garner...No? I thought not

    September 3, 2010 at 7:55 pm |
  16. J

    I love how everyone's discussing this as if most Christians actually waited until marriage and then kept it in the marriage. A hundred people will probably be yelling at me for this one, but the fact is that most people who identify themselves as any form of Christian or Catholic, even so-called devout ones, follow only the rules they like. Very, very few actually wait until marriage. So why even write this? So that everyone can claim they were pure their whole lives? For the 2% who actually follow this?

    September 3, 2010 at 7:53 pm |
  17. Brittany

    I find this seriously stupid. I agree with Mickfo. This was a waste of time and electricity to write this.

    September 3, 2010 at 7:52 pm |
  18. VeeZee

    Can Christians have threesomes?

    September 3, 2010 at 7:51 pm |
  19. hahaha

    hey ... what if GOD isnt real? idiots...

    September 3, 2010 at 7:51 pm |
    • JR

      The we all live, we all die and we are no more.
      BUT
      What if he is?

      September 3, 2010 at 9:30 pm |
  20. Bob

    My penis is in the shape of a cross, and yet no one worships me (?)

    September 3, 2010 at 7:49 pm |
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The CNN Belief Blog covers the faith angles of the day's biggest stories, from breaking news to politics to entertainment, fostering a global conversation about the role of religion and belief in readers' lives. It's edited by CNN's Daniel Burke with contributions from Eric Marrapodi and CNN's worldwide news gathering team.