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September 3rd, 2010
02:18 PM ET

How Christians spoil sex

Christian marriage.

Hot sex.

Let’s try that again:

Christian marriage; hot sex.

It doesn’t quite go together does it?

Passionate, toe-curling sex isn’t normally associated with Christianity or even spirituality in general.

At least that’s what Jonathan Acuff, a Belief Blog contributor and author of "Stuff Christians Like," argues in a recent blog. He says Christians need to do a better job of connecting God with a vibrant sex life.

That’s what we’ve been told. That God and sex don’t go together. And if you say something enough times, people start to believe it’s true…. You can’t have both in the same bottle. They’re oil and water. Cats and dogs. Spencer and Heidi. They just don’t go together.

Acuff, who is married, says Christians shouldn’t just teach abstinence. They should also teach that while sex before marriage is bad, “sex when you’re married is awesome.”

He says Christians damage sex in four ways:

They teach guilt, not abstinence.

They have very few ways to discuss it.

They write 10 books about lust for every one book about the gift of sex.

They've "made the crayon box pretty small" (they're afraid of being creative during sex).

Acuff says it's time Christian couples realize passionate sex is God's idea.

We’ve bought the lie that the world gets to have wild, crazy sex and Christians, holy folks like us, have to have black-and-white, two-dimensional sex. But what if that’s wrong? What if the God who overflows us with love and hope and mercy wants that part of our lives to be as big and as colorful as two married people could possibly imagine?

- CNN Writer

Filed under: Christianity • Culture & Science • United States

soundoff (2,079 Responses)
  1. D

    What... Muslims make it more exciting? Consider the source... Johns' world obviously stretches only as far as his arm.

    September 3, 2010 at 11:12 pm |
  2. stlcasey

    It must be a slow news day. This "article" is only designed to elicit responses. Please ignore it.

    September 3, 2010 at 11:12 pm |
  3. For Givin'

    I dunno. My sex life is very religious. My wife keeps shouting for God, the heavens shake, and a great expanse is parted while thousands escape into the Promised Land.

    September 3, 2010 at 11:09 pm |
  4. rosieC

    I have the answer! Listen up! The reason is simple.
    "toe-curling" sex is at least a little bit **nasty** and or *naughty* if you prefer, and god is good and Christians are good and naughty, nasty and 'good' don't go together.... spanking your mate or covering her mouth while she screams would feel like falling away now wouldnt it... giving in to depravity, but its hot.... so please someone tell me whats hot and not slightly depraved. Its where the guilt comes in, because that behavior is at odds with christian pillars. The answer is to make it okay then, but no when else.... a slippery slope both personal and public.

    September 3, 2010 at 11:07 pm |
  5. Cletus

    It wouldn't be as sexy if it didn't have a touch of sin.

    September 3, 2010 at 11:06 pm |
  6. Eumir

    I don't identify as Christian however, like others who have commented, I feel CNN is continually taking cheap-shots at Christianity. It is tasteless, tawdry and infantile. Please get over yourselves!!

    September 3, 2010 at 11:03 pm |
  7. spencertraver

    I disagree.. It was actually the first two Christians (Adam and Eve) that had sex to populate the earth. They obviously had sex and it wouldn't be guilty if our morals weren't bad. You wouldn't feel guilty if you hadn't done anything you knew was wrong. Just saying

    September 3, 2010 at 11:00 pm |
  8. Jim

    What a worthless article. How original–blame Christianity for something with a bunch of vague assertions. Look, if you're not having toe-curling sex, you're probably just not good at it. To get good at something you need to practice more. You don't need a church or school or program to "teach" you anything. Just grab your spouse and hit it until you start shaking the walls! Come on, enough with the whining!!

    September 3, 2010 at 11:00 pm |
  9. Niwotmom

    For crying out loud, quite picking on the Duggars!!! This article is NOT about them!

    September 3, 2010 at 10:56 pm |
  10. Liam

    I'm not christian or Buddhist or anything, but agree, to a degree, with all of this. There's way too much guilt that's been embedded in the concept as it's explained. The fact that you can make it 'naughty' or 'kinky' or what have you is why we do it. Nobody looks at their mate and says, "Well, I suppose that we should procreate. Yes, I suppose that we should. I'll meet you upstairs in 15 minutes and then after we'll pray then watch the evening news we'll never leer at each other or speak about it after". It's in the grand genetic design that we like to. That we love to. That we yearn to and think about it quite often (and you know that we all do, even if you're too prude to admit it). If we weren't that emotionally passionate about it there would probably be a billion less people on the planet. But, as an evolved we've tried to evoke and enact a few guidelines regarding the whole thing... and some may sound 'religion based (which I am NOT), but display common sense. Case(s) in point; Often great passion leads to sex and, in the scope of things, that doesn't always involve two people who have considered that they stand the chance of creating a new person. Yeah, they could proceed with an abortion, that leaves horrible memories and emotional scars or they could bring a person into the world who will be, in some cases, 'unwanted'.

    Enjoyment of it is not simply why we do it... it the enjoyment of the person that we're with that makes it an amazing thing. OK...OK.... my wife is my best friend and my ... errr! I hate saying it, but my 'soul mate' and I look at out 3 small children and conclude that I'm right in my theory. They are perfect, amazing, a learning experience for me every day and I couldn't live without them (most days. Then again I have threatened to sell them on e-bay on occasion... with a high reserve, mind you).

    September 3, 2010 at 10:56 pm |
  11. orangeboy

    What a stupid article. Of course Christianity is anti-se-x. Just read the Bible. The story of Sodom and Gomorrah is all about a town that is destroyed because they enjoyed se-x too much in the "wrong" way. The story of Onan teaches that mastu-rbation and se-x without intent to procreate are evil. Leviticus has a long list of the ways in which a man who ejac-ulated can make things "unclean" (not physically unclean, just spirtually unclean). Men-struating women are not allowed to approach the altar. Paul is very clear in his hatred of women, even saying that a man who def-iles himself with a woman won't get into heaven. This is clearly not a se-x-friendly book. Explains why
    fundamentalists have higher divorce rates than other groups.

    The author of this article seems to define Christianity according to what he would like, rather than what the Bible says. Why not just honestly repudiate the stupid book?

    September 3, 2010 at 10:55 pm |
  12. ocuinn

    Some of these people should read John Paul II's "Thology of the Body" and then they might rethink their article.

    September 3, 2010 at 10:54 pm |
  13. Aaron

    for me religion is personal. It is a feeling I get when I help someone and do right. It has nothing to do with what other people say is right or wrong. I don't believe anyone is closer to god than anyone else. Deep down everyone know what is right. If you choose to follow it than you follow god. If you choose to ignore it than you don't. Sex is no concern of god. It is a Human thing. If you use sex to hurt someone than you will pay for it in the end. If you use it for love than it will never hurt you no matter how wild and crazy you get. God is simple... Do no harm. Most importantly God is the judge of the quick and the dead, not you.

    September 3, 2010 at 10:53 pm |
  14. Linda Stoehr

    A few years ago the Family Research Council surveyed 1,100 people about their sexual satisfaction. In a Washington Post op-ed, FRC's William Mattox, Jr. took a look at the results. The poll "found that 72 percent of all married ‘traditionalists' (those who ‘strongly' believe out of wedlock sex is wrong) report high sexual satisfaction. This is," Mattox said, "roughly 31 percentage points higher than the level registered by unmarried ‘non-traditionalists' (those who have no or only some objection to sex outside of marriage) and 13 percentage points higher than that registered by married non-traditionalists."

    It gets better. Mattox noted that the survey "found that strictly monogamous women experienced orgasm during sex more than twice as often as promiscuous women." He quoted National Institutes of Health researcher David Larson, who says that couples who don't sleep together before marriage and who are faithful during marriage "are more satisfied with their current sex life and also with their marriages compared to those who were involved sexually before marriage." 1

    If you "play by God's rules, you're much more likely to have a lifelong marriage, which is a goal that almost everyone longs for."

    1 See "The Hottest Valentines: the Startling Secret of What Makes You a High-Voltage Lover," by William R. Mattox Jr., The Washington Post, Feb. 13, 1994.

    September 3, 2010 at 10:52 pm |
  15. perplexed

    i wondered how hitler got involved in all of this , but maybe it's a fitting example of the damage that can be caused by closed minded extremist views on either side of an issue which seems to be the whole point of the article in the first place.

    September 3, 2010 at 10:49 pm |
  16. Paul

    Do you realize that you are speaking without any real knowledge against God's anointed? Why is this on the home page? Sex between a husband and a wife is between them and not the business of any other man. Sex outside of marriage is called fornication and it's a sin.

    September 3, 2010 at 10:48 pm |
  17. chuck

    I dont know what religion this guy was brought up in, but I was taught by my Christian, and yes Catholic relegion, that sex in marriage was wholesome, beautiful, created by God for both enjoyment and procreation and that joy in sex was a positive thing to be encouraged and to be the source of pleasure.

    Another author willing to make a buck by distorting the truth and dumping on Christianity.

    September 3, 2010 at 10:47 pm |
  18. Russ

    I think the wisest man in the Bible might know something about this... 900 wives...hmmm.... Blessing or curse??

    September 3, 2010 at 10:47 pm |
    • michael

      A good wife is a blessing one that loves and helps A bad wife is a curse pick yours wisely.
      more then one good one is more a blessing more of a bad one is more the curse like wise one bad or hafe bad is more then enough!

      September 3, 2010 at 10:55 pm |
  19. michael

    We are watching you, you cannot play with your selfs -keep your hands clean don't be a hairy fury little animal don't be a perv! The rule is what would your mother think if she saw you doing the things you do! We can see you!

    September 3, 2010 at 10:47 pm |
  20. Robert

    I am a christian. I enjoy having christian sex with christian, hitler.

    praise be

    September 3, 2010 at 10:45 pm |
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The CNN Belief Blog covers the faith angles of the day's biggest stories, from breaking news to politics to entertainment, fostering a global conversation about the role of religion and belief in readers' lives. It's edited by CNN's Daniel Burke with contributions from Eric Marrapodi and CNN's worldwide news gathering team.