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September 3rd, 2010
02:18 PM ET

How Christians spoil sex

Christian marriage.

Hot sex.

Let’s try that again:

Christian marriage; hot sex.

It doesn’t quite go together does it?

Passionate, toe-curling sex isn’t normally associated with Christianity or even spirituality in general.

At least that’s what Jonathan Acuff, a Belief Blog contributor and author of "Stuff Christians Like," argues in a recent blog. He says Christians need to do a better job of connecting God with a vibrant sex life.

That’s what we’ve been told. That God and sex don’t go together. And if you say something enough times, people start to believe it’s true…. You can’t have both in the same bottle. They’re oil and water. Cats and dogs. Spencer and Heidi. They just don’t go together.

Acuff, who is married, says Christians shouldn’t just teach abstinence. They should also teach that while sex before marriage is bad, “sex when you’re married is awesome.”

He says Christians damage sex in four ways:

They teach guilt, not abstinence.

They have very few ways to discuss it.

They write 10 books about lust for every one book about the gift of sex.

They've "made the crayon box pretty small" (they're afraid of being creative during sex).

Acuff says it's time Christian couples realize passionate sex is God's idea.

We’ve bought the lie that the world gets to have wild, crazy sex and Christians, holy folks like us, have to have black-and-white, two-dimensional sex. But what if that’s wrong? What if the God who overflows us with love and hope and mercy wants that part of our lives to be as big and as colorful as two married people could possibly imagine?

- CNN Writer

Filed under: Christianity • Culture & Science • United States

soundoff (2,079 Responses)
  1. Alina

    Christian couples do have great sex lives. Christians just choose not to expose their personal sex lives publicly because it is something special just between the couple. Therefore, if Christian couples choose NOT to expose their sex lives it doesn't mean it's not great. This is a really bad article and I am embarass CNN allowed this to be published. I guess CNN didn't have any good topics to run and they had to settle for this. Acuff, you should do more research and interviews with Christian couples before you write another article on this topic.

    September 4, 2010 at 12:20 am |
  2. Noble9

    So are Muslims really wild in the bedroom?

    September 4, 2010 at 12:12 am |
  3. Dorothea7

    And how many Christians did Acuff actually have sex with before he came to his conclusions? What a preacher says and what people do in private are two different things. For that matter, what a preacher says and what he himself does in private – until he gets caught, are often two different things.

    September 4, 2010 at 12:11 am |
  4. David McDaniel

    I come from a very "conservative", holiness, christian background, and I can say by experience, that it ruined and spoiled many many years of what could have been awesome sex between me and my wife! But, because of the way we were brain washed, we felt guilty for almost any and all sex! What a shame! Shame on preachers and religious teachers of any religion who try and legislate when and how anyone has sex! For pete's sake, sex is natural! It's divinely created and inspired! And the only rules Christ put on it was that it was to be between a man and his wife. I missed out on a lot of good sex and experimentation in the bed because of stupid, irresponsible ministers telling us it was wrong to have oral sex, or wrong to 'do it' in certain positions, or wrong to try 'anal' sex, or wrong to use any vibrators or sex toys, etc. Well, I'm a minister myself now, and I know the truth finally for my self! And the truth is, the only things that are off limits in the bedroom are the things that don't please and/or satisfy my mate. As long as we both want it and like it, that's all that matters! The rest of you stupid preachers and ministers keep your nose out of everyone's bedroom!

    September 4, 2010 at 12:07 am |
  5. Cybersport

    What about those of us who have reached middle age but have not been fortunate enough to find marriage partner. If marital relationship is supposed to be a gift from God, then God must have decided a lot of people are damaged goods; i.e. people who would have liked to have had a partner but never did,

    September 4, 2010 at 12:07 am |
    • FingKnowItAll

      Sorry, CatholicMom, I not only met my spouse at a church function, but it was the minister who did the matchmaking. Lying, cheating, lazy couch potato. I earned all the money AND did all the housework/cooking. Definitely NOT what I was looking for.

      September 4, 2010 at 8:32 pm |
    • CatholicMom

      FingKnowItAll,

      It is too late to tell you that you STILL have to be vigilant and watch for red flags no matter who introduces you to a potential wife, even if it is your minister. My suggestion was to meet people at Church not trust others to choose for you. An into is nice but that is all it is.
      I introduced my brother to his wife and a friend to her husband and they are still going strong…nearing 40 years for my brother and 50 for my friend but I never felt that they should marry unless they ‘chose each other’ themselves.

      I am sorry your choice [or your minister’s choice] made you unhappy…..

      September 5, 2010 at 10:56 am |
    • Kate

      @CatholicMom

      I introduced my brother to his wife and a friend to her husband and they are still going strong

      I had to read that a few times to get it right, the first few times it came out wayyyyy wrong!

      Just sayin'

      September 5, 2010 at 11:07 am |
    • Kate

      @CatholicMom

      No offence, but even the CNN comments sections are more interesting, vibrant, alive, and educational than some stuffy priest droning on and on and on and on ... well, if you skip Reality's posts.

      onoes, does this mean Reality is really a priest??

      Just shudderin'

      September 5, 2010 at 11:56 am |
  6. Layla

    I have to wonder if there is some mental deficiency amongst the posters here.

    No where does it suggest that Christians are evil or bad. This has nothing to do with politics either.
    This is simply a blog by a christian raising the question of why sex between a married christian couple is not perceived as something beautiful and hot passionate. That god wouldn't want you to enjoy this aspect of life, of this sacrament, and of your bodies. He speaks of changing the narrative to a more positive one.

    I am an atheist and I don't plan on getting married, yet I respect other faiths and I agree whole-heartedly with this blog posts. I have christian friends who are very passionate committed couple, yet the stereotype is still there. And also some christian friends who have trouble embracing this part of themselves wholly and without guilt because they were taught sex was a negative thing most of their religious education.

    I think a healthy sex life leads to more well-rounded, sound-of-mind psyches and individuals, and it is unfair to scar people's psyches in relation to these things by parading them as evil. Also, that the stereotypes and broad brushes are applied wantonly and prejudicially because this is also a problem that needs to desperately addressed, for the religious people who do lead healthy sex life.
    It's an important discussion to have.

    September 4, 2010 at 12:07 am |
  7. Sandy

    Seems like you should do a little more reading. Go to CBD, Christian Book Distributors, and listen to a few more broadcasts on Focus on the Family. There are many many books on the beauty of sexual relationship in a committed marriage. Many a broadcast focuses on that subject specifically. Listen to a few.

    September 4, 2010 at 12:06 am |
  8. Christiananddoinit

    This article hs done what the author wanted it to do...got people talking about the issue...I was raised in a Christian home.. and am still trying daily to commit my life to and for him. and was openly educated that S*e*x is not a bad thing but adultery is...When I met and married my wife S*E*X was a HUGE topic in our premarital counseling and in conjunction with my own studying of God's word...It is not meant just for building families but is intended to be a pleasurable/recreational/intimate passionate part of marriage..I have only been married for six years but look forward to the 50 or 60 yr mark(with the same women) and plan on being as freaky/wild/passionate in the bedroom, frontroom, kitchen wherever for as long I can. God gave us this gift lets use it, you wouldnt keep a new harley in the garage if u had a license....Plan and simple S^E^X is from the Creator, IT IS talked in SONG OF SOLOMON,,if u read that book and study it the author(s) had a freaky side!!! Now lets stop talkin bout it and get with our SPOUSES and like nike says..JUST DO IT!!!!!

    September 4, 2010 at 12:06 am |
  9. joy

    wow, fascinating discussion...i'ts really quite simple for me. when Christ entered my heart, when i gave myself fully to Him, not only did i experience an intensity in my love and physical intimacy with my husband, but i experienced a peace and calm that is beyond words, unbelievable strength that i never had before, rest from my restlessness, freedom from the worries and "things" that don't really matter in life, and freedom to fully love others, but i'm also filled with joy i can't contain. because He makes me whole, i can experience intimacy with my spouse in its fullness. it's really great...i can't recommend it enough! there is nothing better than uninhibited sex with the one you have committed your life to. God's love has enabled me to experience this.

    September 4, 2010 at 12:01 am |
  10. Larry

    Missionary position is the only true position. All other positions make God mad. It's somewhere in Revelations, I think.

    September 4, 2010 at 12:00 am |
  11. Suz

    Song of Solomon. I'm a Christian and there is a LOT of material about good sex for married couples. It's too easy to speak about a group you know nothing about. I wonder how the article would have been received if it was titled "How Muslims/Jews/Atheists/Hispanics[or your ethnic group of choice] Ruin Sex." Very bigoted and uninformed.

    September 3, 2010 at 11:58 pm |
  12. John Westbrook

    Well CNN, You have officially entered my book of "CNN post pure crap on CNN.com"

    September 3, 2010 at 11:56 pm |
  13. mike

    A CNN article giving Christianity a hard time about something. Who'd have guessed?

    September 3, 2010 at 11:51 pm |
  14. Troll

    TROLL'N, TROLL'N, TROLL'N, . . . KEEP THEM DOGGIES TROLL'N . . . KEEP THEM DOGGIES TROLL'N . . . RAWHIDE!!!

    Wow . . . If this was a real blog, I would have posted a link to a Rick Astley song. But, no one would get the joke here.

    The author is obviously going to be very proud of the responses. They generated lots of traffic for the adds on the page.

    September 3, 2010 at 11:51 pm |
    • The Whip

      Whhht-TSHHH!

      RAW-HIDE!

      September 4, 2010 at 12:06 am |
  15. Bob

    This is a joke, right? Well at least they aren't strapping bombs to themselves and blowing up bystanders.

    September 3, 2010 at 11:51 pm |
    • BlackJack Davy

      No, they're strapping Bibles to their chests and trying to legislate their morality into places where it doesn't belong.
      Worse than a bomb – they are destroying our freedoms, our children, and our society. Bombs just kill people.

      September 4, 2010 at 12:11 am |
    • born baptist

      BlackJack, please think about what your saying. Nearly all new legislation is moving AWAY from the Christian principles of the founding documents and laws of this country. You are living in a great country because your ancestors had FAITH in God whatever their religion. Godless cultures have always, always failed. Get a little educated, it's important!

      September 4, 2010 at 4:32 pm |
  16. eeyore

    gee...glad im not a christian!

    September 3, 2010 at 11:49 pm |
  17. A Horny Christian

    What is this guy talking about?! I have been a Christian all my life. I have been married for 10 years and MANY times we can't even make it to the bedroom!

    "Passionate, toe-curling sex isn’t normally associated with Christianity or even spirituality in general." Says who?

    The Bible is loaded with intimate stories! The problem with today's society is everyone sleeps with everyone, no care for the real passion in their relationship but just for fun. I think it's the non-Christians that don't understand what HOT, PASSIONATE sex is.

    A Horny Christian,
    Chris

    September 3, 2010 at 11:48 pm |
  18. jp

    Wow! This is newsworthy? Dare I say it......what about other religions? From what I hear, Middle Eastern religions are wild and crazy! Where else can someone get their eyes cleansed with acid for looking at someone? Talk about a mood killer! lol This is just a waste of a story.

    September 3, 2010 at 11:48 pm |
  19. zippo

    The dumbest “article” ever written and the goofy title was just to entice people to actually waste the time to read it; nothing but Christian bashing again. It does not take much effort to find out that those with the worst sex lives are promiscuous people (single or not) that are forever trying to find happiness in all the wrong places. Many Christians actually do have a good sex lives contrary to this author’s view. Sure there are legalistic individuals that are exceptions…and have you noticed that Christians these days are always fair game for attack. Ever large segments of other religions that severely oppress women and are legalistic to the extreme never seem to get attacked and ridiculed as Christians.

    September 3, 2010 at 11:46 pm |
  20. Reggie

    Read the Bible – there is some great sex in there. The Song of Solomon (also known as Song of Songs) is ALL ABOUT sex. Hot, passionate sex, including cunnilingus. Seriously, it's in there!

    September 3, 2010 at 11:43 pm |
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The CNN Belief Blog covers the faith angles of the day's biggest stories, from breaking news to politics to entertainment, fostering a global conversation about the role of religion and belief in readers' lives. It's edited by CNN's Daniel Burke with contributions from Eric Marrapodi and CNN's worldwide news gathering team.