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September 3rd, 2010
02:18 PM ET

How Christians spoil sex

Christian marriage.

Hot sex.

Let’s try that again:

Christian marriage; hot sex.

It doesn’t quite go together does it?

Passionate, toe-curling sex isn’t normally associated with Christianity or even spirituality in general.

At least that’s what Jonathan Acuff, a Belief Blog contributor and author of "Stuff Christians Like," argues in a recent blog. He says Christians need to do a better job of connecting God with a vibrant sex life.

That’s what we’ve been told. That God and sex don’t go together. And if you say something enough times, people start to believe it’s true…. You can’t have both in the same bottle. They’re oil and water. Cats and dogs. Spencer and Heidi. They just don’t go together.

Acuff, who is married, says Christians shouldn’t just teach abstinence. They should also teach that while sex before marriage is bad, “sex when you’re married is awesome.”

He says Christians damage sex in four ways:

They teach guilt, not abstinence.

They have very few ways to discuss it.

They write 10 books about lust for every one book about the gift of sex.

They've "made the crayon box pretty small" (they're afraid of being creative during sex).

Acuff says it's time Christian couples realize passionate sex is God's idea.

We’ve bought the lie that the world gets to have wild, crazy sex and Christians, holy folks like us, have to have black-and-white, two-dimensional sex. But what if that’s wrong? What if the God who overflows us with love and hope and mercy wants that part of our lives to be as big and as colorful as two married people could possibly imagine?

- CNN Writer

Filed under: Christianity • Culture & Science • United States

soundoff (2,079 Responses)
  1. Roscoelette

    This is a terrible article. Why pick on Christians? What about any other religion? And by the way, people can have wonderful sex lives and still don't need to talk about it. I get tired of sex being the focus of everything. It's great, it's magic, it's spendid. but it's also private. And I am a Christian.

    September 4, 2010 at 1:07 am |
  2. Dilludemac

    Read the creation myth. God approves of everything He made, including our flesh. We should love our flesh. Instead, thanks to the Greeks, primarily Plato, we are expected, at least according to conservative Christianity, to despise the flesh. Jesus was Jewish. If Christians actually studied context, they might realize responsible sex should be celebrated.

    September 4, 2010 at 1:06 am |
  3. Wesley Pittman

    I am a true fundamental born again, blood bought, Heaven bound Christian who loves Jesus Christ with all of my heart. When I got married 3 1/2 years ago, I didn't know the ends and outs of marriage. I read a book 2 weeks before I got married on the "Act of Marriage" by Tim Lahaye. It was a book that helped me and my wife alot. Although, the Lord allowed us to have 2 miscarriages, we have the greatest times together while knowing that God says that "the bed is undefiled" after you are married. I am so thankful that as God instituted marriage between a man and a woman that God can help us procreate and replenish the world for His glory.

    September 4, 2010 at 1:05 am |
  4. Freda

    My 33 year old brother just married a 30 year old virgin (for real). It wouldn't surprise me if they haven't yet consumated their relationship because they are so religious. Great article.

    September 4, 2010 at 1:04 am |
    • Kristen

      I'm a 30-year-old virgin, and I'm not hyper-religious, nor do I have any regrets. If their happy, is that really something to look down your nose at? Think about it.

      September 4, 2010 at 6:07 am |
    • Kristen

      *If they're happy

      September 4, 2010 at 6:07 am |
  5. David

    "They’re oil and water. Cats and dogs. Spencer and Heidi."

    lol

    September 4, 2010 at 12:50 am |
  6. Jeremiah I. Monreal

    I do understand that many parents failed to teach their children regarding SEX as a christian but I must say I learned that GOD indeed created sex and he created it to be GOOOOD. I dont agree that most Christians failed to teach that, but do believed some non christian would find anything to put us down.

    September 4, 2010 at 12:45 am |
  7. An Idea for the taking...

    My initial reaction to this article was hardly related to my personal stance on s x but instead focused on the implications of positive feedback, the forms of encouragement and praise that have the potential to promote human beings actions opposed to ostracizing them.
    Yes, religion or faith is a vehicle of positive feedback but so are, education, families, political systems, and social commonalities. I was more inclined to ask how leaders use of positive and negative feedback elicit such varied responses. The 672 current postings provide a small case study in the impacts of experiential versus artificial feedback.
    It can be observed that first-hand experience overrides the individuals prior ideals or personal vows, this I suppose is due to the limited predicting our brain can do. True, we think pistachio tuna ice-cream is revolting because as far as we can simulate the combination of flavors is beyond clashing. However, we do not truly know until we taste it. Aristotle writes "The same causes and the same means that produce any excellence or virtue can also destroy it...The same holds true of the virtues: in our transactions with other men it is by action that some become just and others unjust, and it is by acting in the face of danger and by developing the habit of feeling fear or confidence that some become brave men and the others cowards.... characters develop from corresponding activities".
    At this point I wonder how a leader may make their "correspondence" powerful enough to remain dominant regardless of the supporters experience? Or perhaps if the leader is powerless at the point when none of their followers feel a sense of community so their "correspondence" loses its luster with the individual rather than when the idea or virtue is truly out of date?
    Just food for thought if you are so inclined, otherwise carry on as though this "correspondence" never occurred I am curious to see where it will go. And for what it is worth Happy Labor day weekend!

    September 4, 2010 at 12:43 am |
  8. dude

    this is such a non-issue. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

    September 4, 2010 at 12:41 am |
    • An Idea for the taking...

      Thank you for your feedback and if you don't mind me asking: Why do you find this blaze?

      September 4, 2010 at 12:51 am |
  9. ferdz

    This article is written by someone who lived in the Dark Ages. To present-day Christian couples, sex is beautiful!

    September 4, 2010 at 12:40 am |
  10. An Idea for the taking...

    My initial reaction to this article was hardly related to my personal stance on s x but instead focused on the implications of positive feedback, the forms of encouragement and praise that have the potential to promote human beings actions opposed to ostracizing them.
    Yes, religion or faith is a vehicle of positive feedback but so are, education, families, political systems, and social commonalities. I was more inclined to ask how leaders use of positive and negative feedback elicit such varied responses. The 672 current postings provide a small case study in the impacts of experiential versus artificial feedback.
    It can be observed that first-hand experience overrides the individuals prior ideals or personal vows, this I suppose is due to the limited predicting our brain can do. True, we think pistachio tuna ice-cream is revolting because as far as we can simulate the combination of flavors is beyond clashing. However, we do not truly know until we taste it. Aristotle writes "The same causes and the same means that produce any excellence or virtue can also destroy it...The same holds true of the virtues: in our transactions with other men it is by action that some become just and others unjust, and it is by acting in the face of danger and by developing the habit of feeling fear or confidence that some become brave men and the others cowards.... characters develop from corresponding activities".
    At this point I wonder how a leader may make their "correspondence" powerful enough to remain dominant regardless of the supporters experience? Or perhaps if the leader is powerless at the point when none of their followers feel a sense of community so their "correspondence" loses its luster with the individual rather than when the idea or virtue is truly out of date?
    Just food for thought if you are so inclined, otherwise carry on as though this "correspondence" never occurred I am curious to see where it will go. And for what it is worth Happy Labor day weekend.

    September 4, 2010 at 12:36 am |
  11. Anthony

    I'm sorry but this has to be the worst article from CNN that i've ever read. How can you say that Christians can now have "Hot sex" or that we are agaisnt it? What does it say in the bible not to enjoy sex or make it the way you want it? As for people that are saying "Christians raise their children to hate the thought of sex and to wait till marriage," not only is it for their children to hopefully make their parents religion their religion but also keep them from ending up with a kid at the age of 14. It's for their own good and having sex may be a great thing, but it can bring out some nasty consequences. I dont know about the rest of you but being married you're suppose to have a passoniate relationship not just someone who looks good, and passoniate sex or hot sex is just something people try to catergorize, and i'm pretty sure, unless your job is sex, most of your times are passoniate whether you admit it or not.

    September 4, 2010 at 12:34 am |
  12. funfun

    well you know what I say, bring on the sodomy. Not just for Sodom anymore!!!

    September 4, 2010 at 12:34 am |
  13. Jer Uh Me

    And again, just another reason why Christianity is a complete waste of one's life.

    September 4, 2010 at 12:33 am |
  14. L. Taylor

    AMEN... FingKnowItAll! Isn't it great... having a heavenly Father that we can communicate with one-on-one?!

    September 4, 2010 at 12:32 am |
  15. L. Taylor

    I was Catholic... had 9 babies and 2 miscarriages, in 10 years; eventually, my OB said that I must ovulate more than once a month; he and his wife had the same situation. When the 'baby machine' broke down – 3 priests said birth control would send me to hell; they didn't care that it would mean the fetus' life...and maybe my own. That's when we became 'born again' Christians... then, we began to use our God-given brains. We were very blessed, with all our children; but there was never enough one-on-one time for any of our children. We've been married for 54 years; we have had only one 'partner' all of our lives – met when I was 15 and future husband was 17. Would we do things differently, given another chance? I don't know, because it was our situation that, eventually brought us to a real 'relationship' with God.

    September 4, 2010 at 12:30 am |
  16. wasabiwahabi

    Will CNN do an article on Muslim sex,, similar to the one CNN is currently running on Christian sex?

    September 4, 2010 at 12:30 am |
  17. DillyBarr

    This article is complete nonsense, perhaps more indicative of Christianity in the 50's and 60's, but certainly not today! I am proud to be a Christian who has been encouraged by pastors, parents, and Christian friends to have a healthy, spicy sex life with my wife. And in response to an earlier poster: it is certainly possible to teach abstinence while also being open and teaching about healthy, passionate sex.

    September 4, 2010 at 12:28 am |
  18. hmwallace

    This article is foolish. Marriages with bad sex lives are in every walk of life, not just Christians. The divorce rate outside of the church is the same as the one in the church. I know many Christian couples that have an amazing marriage and sex life. This article attemps to use a wide brush.

    For the one who sai it shoul be called Christians ruin everything, that is silly. Yes, some Christians do cause a lot of heartache, but they are the minority. There are many who spend their lives helping others. In fact, most charities were founded by Christians. Stop feeding off only what media feeds youl.

    September 4, 2010 at 12:27 am |
  19. Lynn

    you'll see... you'll all see... -.-

    September 4, 2010 at 12:26 am |
  20. wydok

    That's an awfully big paintbrush he has.

    September 4, 2010 at 12:24 am |
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The CNN Belief Blog covers the faith angles of the day's biggest stories, from breaking news to politics to entertainment, fostering a global conversation about the role of religion and belief in readers' lives. It's edited by CNN's Daniel Burke with contributions from Eric Marrapodi and CNN's worldwide news gathering team.