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September 3rd, 2010
02:18 PM ET

How Christians spoil sex

Christian marriage.

Hot sex.

Let’s try that again:

Christian marriage; hot sex.

It doesn’t quite go together does it?

Passionate, toe-curling sex isn’t normally associated with Christianity or even spirituality in general.

At least that’s what Jonathan Acuff, a Belief Blog contributor and author of "Stuff Christians Like," argues in a recent blog. He says Christians need to do a better job of connecting God with a vibrant sex life.

That’s what we’ve been told. That God and sex don’t go together. And if you say something enough times, people start to believe it’s true…. You can’t have both in the same bottle. They’re oil and water. Cats and dogs. Spencer and Heidi. They just don’t go together.

Acuff, who is married, says Christians shouldn’t just teach abstinence. They should also teach that while sex before marriage is bad, “sex when you’re married is awesome.”

He says Christians damage sex in four ways:

They teach guilt, not abstinence.

They have very few ways to discuss it.

They write 10 books about lust for every one book about the gift of sex.

They've "made the crayon box pretty small" (they're afraid of being creative during sex).

Acuff says it's time Christian couples realize passionate sex is God's idea.

We’ve bought the lie that the world gets to have wild, crazy sex and Christians, holy folks like us, have to have black-and-white, two-dimensional sex. But what if that’s wrong? What if the God who overflows us with love and hope and mercy wants that part of our lives to be as big and as colorful as two married people could possibly imagine?

- CNN Writer

Filed under: Christianity • Culture & Science • United States

soundoff (2,079 Responses)
  1. Ike Randolfson

    Strange how CNN write about how ISLAM is not that bad and all this past week and now writing nagative stuff about the christians. This could probably only be the beginning of a long series of pro-islam and anti-christian propaganda.
    Who do they think they are kidding?
    From a humble freethinking and athiest.

    September 4, 2010 at 4:59 am |
    • Tim

      The left also think that christians do not believe in fighting for freedom. We are just more tolerant than they are and slow to anger.

      September 4, 2010 at 5:26 am |
  2. Scott

    Why is this "news"? Is CNN so banal as to think somebody's blog needs commentary? This sort of journalism is akin to reporting on the fact that I have a pair of shoes that needs polishing, but not that bad.

    September 4, 2010 at 4:59 am |
  3. mfb0

    xstians spoil everything...

    September 4, 2010 at 4:52 am |
  4. Joe

    I am sorry but we do live in a very liberal world. i DO WHAT I WANT NOT I DO WHAT IS MORALLY GOOD. we think we know more than the church and even more than God. However the truth is that we know nothing. Lets just abide by the church and its teachings because if we believe, the church teach us Only the word of God. If we do not believe, lets not influence others with our false gods and teachings. Let us all praise and thank God.

    September 4, 2010 at 4:35 am |
    • Frank (Proud son of Pan)

      Yes, all other Gods are 'false' besides Yahweh...Even though Yahweh is merely a synthesis of much older Middle Eastern Deities.

      And the church has no business telling people what to do with their own bodies. Especially people who aren't a part of their cult!

      September 4, 2010 at 5:17 am |
  5. Frank (Proud son of Pan)

    No other faiths but the Abrahamic ones have done more to instill guilt and fear in humanity over our natural drives. This is apparent in Catholicism. The Vatican teaches that you'll burn in hell for eternity for touching yourself! Screw that! I'm sticking with Paganism. It's a lot more liberating to worship a randy God like Pan. 😉

    And s@x isn't just for marriage or for just a man and a woman. You make up your own mind about when it's the right time and who's the right person. Go live life!

    September 4, 2010 at 4:34 am |
    • Only A Patriot

      Sounds to me you have some Goats that are smiling in your bedroom. How nice. Right...

      September 4, 2010 at 6:42 am |
    • Frank

      *independent

      September 4, 2010 at 9:43 pm |
  6. MM

    Interesting read but a bit over the top. I certainly think Christians and HOT Sex goes together very well indeed. My wife and I are highly serious about our Christian faith and are in full time ministry. After almost 20 years of marriage with two teens, we can say that our intimacy is better than ever. Not sure about 'toe curling' but it's beyond what we dreamed about as singles and get better each yet. There's a deep sense of romance and longing for each other on not only the physical realm, but also spiritual, emotional, social and mental. So, no, we don't think Christianity and beautiful physical intimacy are separate.

    September 4, 2010 at 4:27 am |
  7. Tz2u

    @peace2all
    You extremists are all alike. 😛

    @Kate
    Hi. I've been trying to tease you but my brain is defragging, I guess. All I have is peas and carrots for you. 😛

    September 4, 2010 at 4:26 am |
    • peace2all

      @Tz2u

      I know buddy...... you have been trying to mellow out my 'extremist' views, but it will do you no good. I have drank the kool-aid and you just can't reason with me or change my mind.

      Peas and Carrots 2u.....Tz 🙂

      September 4, 2010 at 4:33 am |
  8. areligious

    I am so happy now that I have cast aside religion in my life forever. The author is right. Sex and Christianity don't mix. Christianity thrives on guilt. Why on Earth do we need to feel guilty about something so fundamentally natural? I really feel sorry for the religious sheep in America who will never know what freaky sex is like. How sad that so many would deprive themselves in the name of piety. How robotic it must be, between two pious individuals. Definitely NOT a turn on.

    September 4, 2010 at 4:18 am |
  9. Kira

    Shame on you CNN – while your reporting in this article I found interesting and wouldn't fully disagree with, you are so imbalanced against Christianity; just fitting in with popular social opinions of the day. For several weeks now you have had a section on the front page focused on Islam, with not one of them (I just checked as I have over the past few weeks) negative (don't take my word for it – look at it right now yourself!). Sure, it is Ramadan, and so more attention is deserving and I think great. However, I challenge you to do the same with Christianity – Easter, Christmas, anytime. I am an avid news reader and you have never come close in my opinion... fearful of being branded in a category like Fox? Giving into upper-ups who slant you this way and can't say no? Imbalanced and liberal to the point that you can't step over the line to 'balance'? How about seeking an equivalent ratio of positive/negative with other religious views – betcha ya can't do it!

    September 4, 2010 at 4:15 am |
    • areligious

      And shame on you for expecting CNN to parrot your Christian worldview via journalism. If you want that, then go watch Fox News or the 700 club. Just because a story reflects poorly about Christianity does not mean there is systematic, institutional bias away from your favorite religion. It means they are objective, and empirical. It means the hypocrisy of Christianity can't be objectively ignored.

      September 4, 2010 at 4:24 am |
  10. Steve

    I guess the Christians also caused hurricane Earl. What a bunch of garbage. Was this an article someone found from 1917? How about an article entitled, "How promiscuous relationships ruin lives." or "How multiple partners promote STDs." No that wouldn't work because it is much easier to make an unsubstantiated, gratuitous attack against those of the Christian faith.

    September 4, 2010 at 4:13 am |
  11. peace2all

    @cadrolls1

    Oh.... I get it now.... It means to be accurate. I must have missed that. Please see my postings above addressing the issue...

    Peace....

    September 4, 2010 at 4:04 am |
  12. Chelsea

    I've gone to Catholic schools sicne I was 6 weeks old in day care at my church. Elementary school, high school, and college. They all, well maybe not elementary school, taught me about abstinence. But more importantly (and I agree with the author on this) I learned about the gift of sex. And it's because of that that I'm saving sex for marriage and truly can't wait to be united with my husband and the purest and simplest ways God gave us.

    September 4, 2010 at 4:03 am |
  13. Ken L Ingus

    Who cares if Christians are prudes in the bedroom as they are outside of it? They're often hypocrites about most things anyway. As soon one decides something is enjoyable they'll just say "Jesus wants me to do it." The fact is that there is absolutely no evidence that ANY religion is based on anything other than old beliefs from people who didn't even know the Earth wasn't flat.

    This article is neither good nor bad. It's not a jab at Christians, either. Get over yourself. Christians have plenty to be criticized for. This isn't it. The article is just a writer's telling of some Christian blogger who says they should lighten up and enjoy sex. I found it to be a waste of my time though.

    The headline was a bit misleading. I clicked on it because I wanted to read how Christians were spoiling sex in general. Clearly, it's their own sex they are spoiling. Again, who cares? That's their made up demons to overcome... or not.

    September 4, 2010 at 3:58 am |
  14. master d

    So is it a bad sex thing when I do kinky sex with my other half ?? Ive had bible thumpers say its perverted what we do in our own home with the one I love we here in the US are way too puritan in our beleifs Oh BTW how this got out was a local preacher saw us at a S&M play party He never has been able to explain why HE was there !!!!

    September 4, 2010 at 3:57 am |
  15. dewgun

    christians have the best guilty sex. that i can vouch for ;D

    September 4, 2010 at 3:52 am |
  16. William were

    Sex is good when you do it at the right time.but it is also bad cause it had consequence like early pregancy,HIV/AIDS,STI and also prostitution.what christian try to is to avoid early sex especially in teenagers like us but we still do it in secret.so the best thing their should tell is to use acondom.

    September 4, 2010 at 3:45 am |
  17. Wambattu

    Who is driving the 25 Billion dollar a year industry? Only Christians. They are not only spoiling the sex but spoiling the universe.

    September 4, 2010 at 3:45 am |
  18. Daniel

    I'm a Christian. You are correct that God wants us to enjoy sex to the full extent within marriage. However, don't try to put all Christians into one box. The Bible makes no mention that oral sex or what have you is a sin. Neither does it condemn masturbation. I have no problem with birth control as long as it doesn't terminate a fertilized egg (embryo). So condoms are just fine. There are many Christian Churches including evangelical churches that preach about having a healthy sex life within marriage. Mine being one of them. The Catholics however are prudish and teach that masturbation is a sin; of which there is no evidence of in the Bible. The one verse in the bible that they base this on is taken entirely out of context. The bible talks a lot about staying sexually pure and to stay away from sexual immorality (premarital sex, extramarital sex, gay sex, pornography). Jesus also talks more about hell than of heaven.

    September 4, 2010 at 3:43 am |
  19. Oodoodanoo

    Hallelujah! It's time to break out the marital aids with verses inscribed up and down them. Really LOVE the word of God.

    September 4, 2010 at 3:42 am |
  20. monique

    Ummm okay....I am Christian = non denominational and grew up Catholic. I think this article was exaggeration and may have been based on some deep south baptist thinking? I know that it is very important to have a healthy sex life in marriage nor do I feel ashamed to discuss sex or even think about it. It is important to know everything about the human body including reproductivity and sexual relations. I definitely think teens should wait, that's not just a religious pov but also for the reasons teens are not emotionally, mentally, or financially equipped for the spur of the moment impulse result, meaning a baby.
    I am so sick of CNN being so anti-Christianity. They would NEVER report on Judaism and their beliefs or even Islam, those are in vogue, yet, Christianity is not deserving of respect, even if you're not a following, it's getting old CNN.

    September 4, 2010 at 3:40 am |
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The CNN Belief Blog covers the faith angles of the day's biggest stories, from breaking news to politics to entertainment, fostering a global conversation about the role of religion and belief in readers' lives. It's edited by CNN's Daniel Burke with contributions from Eric Marrapodi and CNN's worldwide news gathering team.