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September 3rd, 2010
02:18 PM ET

How Christians spoil sex

Christian marriage.

Hot sex.

Let’s try that again:

Christian marriage; hot sex.

It doesn’t quite go together does it?

Passionate, toe-curling sex isn’t normally associated with Christianity or even spirituality in general.

At least that’s what Jonathan Acuff, a Belief Blog contributor and author of "Stuff Christians Like," argues in a recent blog. He says Christians need to do a better job of connecting God with a vibrant sex life.

That’s what we’ve been told. That God and sex don’t go together. And if you say something enough times, people start to believe it’s true…. You can’t have both in the same bottle. They’re oil and water. Cats and dogs. Spencer and Heidi. They just don’t go together.

Acuff, who is married, says Christians shouldn’t just teach abstinence. They should also teach that while sex before marriage is bad, “sex when you’re married is awesome.”

He says Christians damage sex in four ways:

They teach guilt, not abstinence.

They have very few ways to discuss it.

They write 10 books about lust for every one book about the gift of sex.

They've "made the crayon box pretty small" (they're afraid of being creative during sex).

Acuff says it's time Christian couples realize passionate sex is God's idea.

We’ve bought the lie that the world gets to have wild, crazy sex and Christians, holy folks like us, have to have black-and-white, two-dimensional sex. But what if that’s wrong? What if the God who overflows us with love and hope and mercy wants that part of our lives to be as big and as colorful as two married people could possibly imagine?

- CNN Writer

Filed under: Christianity • Culture & Science • United States

soundoff (2,079 Responses)
  1. Nanda Kumar

    The reason religion isn't pro sex is because it's impossible to think about serving God when the person is thinking about satisfying their selfish lusty desires. Jesus said, "Worship they Lord with all thy heart and all thy soul." You can't do both. It's too bad it makes people feel guilty for ignoring God. If a person wants to grossly satisfy their senses, O.K., but please don't dilute religious belief because it makes you feel bad for ignoring God'. Sex is for procreation. To do it otherwise is simply animal life. Be an animal if you like, but please leave religion out of it.

    September 4, 2010 at 7:01 am |
  2. elgeevz

    A first-century Jewish father had five traditional duties to his son: 1) concecrate him, 2) circumcise him, 3) teach him the law of the Torah, 4) train him for a profession, and 5) get him a wife. Jewish boys normally became engaged in their early teens and married before they were twenty. So why were no comments made about Jesus, a first-century Jewish rabbi, being unmarried?

    September 4, 2010 at 6:49 am |
  3. imachristian

    I totally disagree with the article. Our church teaches us that sex is a gift from God, to be enjoyed after marriage. Yes, it issomething sacred but to say that Christianity and sex do not go together is totally false. What the Church emphasizes is the fact that there is a right time for everything.

    September 4, 2010 at 6:39 am |
  4. Only A Patriot

    With all the real issues that this Nation is facing, leave it to some complete idiot to start up this topic to place another target on anyone or anything that stands for decency in our Nation.

    Some will view that Christians in general, have a faith and belief in the Lord and Savior, Jesus, who preached love. That being said, what goes on in a person's bedroom should stay there.

    September 4, 2010 at 6:38 am |
  5. Wujungbuen

    What should be noted in this article is the fact that Sex is allowed to its fulness, but only for married couples; and per couple, only between each other. The truth is, it stays thesame. lf we learn discipline, wisdom and love of God, we can achieve abstinence while yet to be married and ofcourse fidelity in married life.
    lt is also nice to note that furums like this are available for people to post constructive and helpful comments that could be of benefit to other fellow human beings in the morals and spirituality (as this case pertains.

    September 4, 2010 at 6:38 am |
  6. ttriple

    I am a Christian and I was never taught that sex was evil. Rather, that as with any pleasure in life, one should exercise moderation. Humans tend to go from one extreme to the other and this blog does not set any boundaries. Yes, God invented sex but many will take this blog to be a green light on innapropriate forms of sex. I can envision many husbands telling their wives, "honey, you know that fantasy I have that makes you uncomfortable"? Well, the Bible says that you should submit to me and I read a blog by a Christian author that said that hot sex is okay, and this makes me hot, so let's do it." Studying the Bible educates one on tempering personal desires with respect for God. In this day and age, with all of the evil in the world, I would think that Mr. Acuff could find a lot more important topics for Christians than encouragement in areas that many are not familiar with. No one is ever at risk of losing their salvation because he or she did not engage in "hot sex". On the other hand, opening up Pandora's Box for experimentation, not so much.

    September 4, 2010 at 6:37 am |
  7. ted

    Ok this is just dumb. Yes its true that religion kind of hinders the discussion on! but sex is not a public activity, its a private one. So while we lay great importance on sexual education, we should not dare to act like we know how other people feel during sex. Its a private thing, and so its stupid to act like non christians have better sex that christians. Sex is between two people (or more) ,and is different every night and for every couple. has nothing to do with religion!

    September 4, 2010 at 6:35 am |
  8. Mario D

    Hello – Pope John Paul II – Theology of The Body. Read it, learn about it. The cliff notes version is this. Sex is made for marriage. Anything else spoils it. But, within marriage it has its brightest chance to do what it is designed for. That is not abstinence or a message of sex is not fun. Wouldn't be good to destroy the $200 putter driving roof nails, but it could be a blast! Fun and purpose are not the same thing, same for sex.

    September 4, 2010 at 6:31 am |
  9. dandaniels

    It's the traditional church that inhibits people with their view on sex. The Bible says that God was talking to some other beings and said "Let US make man after our own image"... and male and FEMALE He created them. If we were made in the image of God, then all those nerves that bring us so much pleasure are from God, as well, after His Image. Also I believe it is in the Book of Psalms that it says, "At His right hand are pleasures forever more." The first commandment was to be fruitful and multiply. The Song of Solomon is all about love-making in the end, and was pretty racy for its time, I suppose. It's only the institutionalized church that contradicts the hot love and sex that God created us to enjoy. Yes, Christianity so-called, and Churchianity has made us feel the guilt, but not God or Jesus. Come on... how many wives (or concubines) did Solomon, Moses, and Abraham have? And I'm sure they had an uninhibited time getting it on.

    September 4, 2010 at 6:19 am |
  10. LS

    Where is the article about how pretentious liberals spoil sex?

    September 4, 2010 at 6:11 am |
  11. Kam

    What a stupid article, journalism has truly turned into waste writing written for the masses that are too dumb for their own good. Unbelievable.

    September 4, 2010 at 6:07 am |
  12. dalis

    Are we sure Jonathan Acuff isn't generalizing because none of these criteria fit my Christian upbringing. Clearly he's never met Italians.

    September 4, 2010 at 6:02 am |
  13. erofadd

    Yeah....Thanks for being BOLD on this issue.

    September 4, 2010 at 5:46 am |
  14. Gene Armstrong

    God created Adam and Eve. Hedonism and their thoughts I think rely on only pleasure or to those ends forgive me if I am wrong. But God's people suffered alot I guess. When God gives it to them it is theirs? But anyway I hope you all make one way or another.

    September 4, 2010 at 5:39 am |
  15. Tim

    This article is a total lie and misrepresents the christian faith. Sex between a christain husband and wife is between them and up to them. Can include what ever they agree upon. As long as it is between them. Although there are few sects of christan faith that think sex as dirty and can not be enjoyed, that is not the majority of christian belief.

    September 4, 2010 at 5:20 am |
  16. V Saxena

    That picture makes me sad. F U @ CNN.

    September 4, 2010 at 5:16 am |
    • Frank

      How does it make you sad?

      September 4, 2010 at 5:25 am |
  17. Just a Guy

    Sex is the least thing that Christians specifically and religion in general screw up (all puns intended)

    And besides, if you're Christian and have great sex, you're still a Christian. You still believe in a made up God! You base your life on a book that is just a bunch of nonsense, made up by a bunch of starving nomads in the desert.. You're praying to get into a totally imaginary heaven, but when you die you just die, its lights out, game over. No pearly gates. No angels with harps. Just oblivion for the rest of time. They say drugs are for people who cannot handle reality. I say religion is for people who can't handle reality.

    September 4, 2010 at 5:16 am |
  18. Peter Van Brussel

    Christians are full of it anyway. Get a real God

    September 4, 2010 at 5:13 am |
    • Only A Patriot

      A real god is already there, he just must have passed by your place knowing you don't need him in your life as it seems you have already chosen to be a lost soul.

      September 4, 2010 at 6:56 am |
    • jerry

      @peter van brussel in all due respect sir the GOD we serve is the only true GOD"ror there is one name under heaven for by which man shall be saved,the MAN CHRIST JESUS its not budda,its not muhammad its not some greek god its not ala,its JESUS that at that name every knee shall bow and every toungue confess that JESUS CHRIST IS LORD.

      September 7, 2010 at 8:03 am |
  19. godless heathen

    More like:

    'How Christians Spoil Everything'

    September 4, 2010 at 5:01 am |
    • jerry

      ya i know christians ruin everything they ruin people from spending eternity in hell fire.but hey you wanna go there go dont let the christians stop you.like i said its gona be like noah and the flood everybody laughed and mocked him and than the rains came nobody was laughing than werae they just like the end of the age when the christians who spoil everything are gone and the people are left to meet their fate nobody will be laughing than

      September 5, 2010 at 8:36 am |
  20. jtzechs

    i don't know why he's (the writer) making this an issue. isn't this too personal? you should just do it and keep your mouth shut! you don't know every christians...some are experienced and some are not so we can't just generally accuse everybody of spoiling that. i partly agree but we should also look at the bigger picture. just like the worldly people...some are experienced and some are not...let's not create a non-sense issue here just to gather several readers...who knows? maybe christian couple make a lot more lovin' than the others...

    September 4, 2010 at 4:59 am |
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The CNN Belief Blog covers the faith angles of the day's biggest stories, from breaking news to politics to entertainment, fostering a global conversation about the role of religion and belief in readers' lives. It's edited by CNN's Daniel Burke with contributions from Eric Marrapodi and CNN's worldwide news gathering team.