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September 3rd, 2010
02:18 PM ET

How Christians spoil sex

Christian marriage.

Hot sex.

Let’s try that again:

Christian marriage; hot sex.

It doesn’t quite go together does it?

Passionate, toe-curling sex isn’t normally associated with Christianity or even spirituality in general.

At least that’s what Jonathan Acuff, a Belief Blog contributor and author of "Stuff Christians Like," argues in a recent blog. He says Christians need to do a better job of connecting God with a vibrant sex life.

That’s what we’ve been told. That God and sex don’t go together. And if you say something enough times, people start to believe it’s true…. You can’t have both in the same bottle. They’re oil and water. Cats and dogs. Spencer and Heidi. They just don’t go together.

Acuff, who is married, says Christians shouldn’t just teach abstinence. They should also teach that while sex before marriage is bad, “sex when you’re married is awesome.”

He says Christians damage sex in four ways:

They teach guilt, not abstinence.

They have very few ways to discuss it.

They write 10 books about lust for every one book about the gift of sex.

They've "made the crayon box pretty small" (they're afraid of being creative during sex).

Acuff says it's time Christian couples realize passionate sex is God's idea.

We’ve bought the lie that the world gets to have wild, crazy sex and Christians, holy folks like us, have to have black-and-white, two-dimensional sex. But what if that’s wrong? What if the God who overflows us with love and hope and mercy wants that part of our lives to be as big and as colorful as two married people could possibly imagine?

- CNN Writer

Filed under: Christianity • Culture & Science • United States

soundoff (2,079 Responses)
  1. Edwin

    I guess I've just been really blessed to be part of a church and surrounded by Christians that were never afraid to preach about God's blessing of sex. Ever since I was in youth ministry through college ministry and even now...I've always been taught that sex is a good thing. In fact, more often than not our pastors talk about how much better sex is when people realize God's intentions for it.

    Take it from someone who married a Godly woman...one who waited until marriage to have sex. She saw our honeymoon as a time to bestow on me the greatest gift any man could possibly get. I don't, it just seems like there's so much wonder and pleasure in that. Most of my married Christians friends wouldn't be scared to admit that they're sex lives are amazing.

    My advice to the article writer...and the blogger: surround yourselves with Christians who are seeking a relationship with God...not religion. Or simply read the Song of Solomon!

    September 4, 2010 at 8:15 am |
  2. Yvonne

    it's not pre-marital if you never intend on getting married.

    September 4, 2010 at 8:14 am |
  3. Dave

    I'm Christian, and damn good. But then I'm a professional.

    This liberal is so full of it.

    September 4, 2010 at 8:14 am |
  4. Ax

    Dear Lord, Please save me from your followers. Amen.

    September 4, 2010 at 8:08 am |
  5. Travis

    So, Christians should present a more balanced view?

    I think a note should be made that its coming to the point where conservative christians are the only ones teaching MARRIAGE to even be a part of Sex, hardly the other way around. The rest of the world does a great job of teaching that sex is good, sex sells, sex is a part of life, without hardly mentioning whether its referring to before or after marriage, because, of course, it doesn't matter, does it?

    Get upset that Christians dis pre-marital sex. Another 25 years and you'll be upset that Christians teach Marriage!

    September 4, 2010 at 8:07 am |
  6. Lovestick

    Been a Christian my whole life and I have never viewed sex with my wife as dirty. I personally don't like using contraceptives so I just keep her pregnant so I don't have to worry about using contraceptives. Maybe I am just living in lala land but I have lots of Christian friends and I don't know anyone that view sex as dirty or a taboo.

    September 4, 2010 at 8:05 am |
  7. therealbluenote

    Good lord, you people are freaking crazy. Seriously, stop for a minute, and take a look at some of the insane you religious Righties have written on this page! It;s like you people need a rule for every single thing you ever do, as if you are incapable of making decisions for yourself, and asking permission from Daddy before you do anything that might be of consequence. What's really sad to me is that some of you actually have power in society, and someone like me (a rational, sane being who doesn't believe in a gigantic invisible man in the sky who knows what everyone is thinking and doing as they think and/or do it, and who created everything, including, some say, our thoughts and actions, making free will a moot point, and completely destroying the need for this article, except for the fact that we were chosen by God to read it, AmIRite?) is regarded as sad and pathetic for not believing such obvious fiction. Here's my big question: If your Bible is the Truth, and the Word is without flaw, then why does no Christian even try to live completely by it? Why is it so easy to say "Well, things were different then"? If the Word is perfect, and God is perfect, then he knew things would change, and would have given have word differently, unless his INTENTION was to have you not follow. Stupid. This whole thing is stupid, and I can destroy any semblance of logic in the Bible in under a minute. Thanks, and have a great day.

    September 4, 2010 at 7:57 am |
    • CatholicMom

      It appears that many Christians are not living by the Bible, as you say, but they still call themselves Christians. It must be confusing to a non-Christian. So many make up their own Truth and that changes with the blowing winds.

      September 4, 2010 at 2:44 pm |
  8. Lauren

    They must be talking about Protestants... Catholics have great sex!! (Just kidding!! Don't attack me.) 🙂

    September 4, 2010 at 7:55 am |
  9. joartc

    This dude does not know anything. I do not who is your pastor or priests but he really, really, need to go back to schooll. As new millennium Catholic I can tell you that's idea is not correct.

    September 4, 2010 at 7:55 am |
  10. Yvonne

    The only good thing about Catholic is that sex will always be dirty. 😉

    September 4, 2010 at 7:54 am |
  11. Anna

    This is a brief article about a healthy sex life, and I am amazed at how many people who are commenting are unable to type the word sex. They have to hide it, scramble it, abbreviate it (how do you abbreviate a three letter word? they are managing to do just that) or otherwise fumble it. And what's with dropping the letter "g" at the end of so many words? I understand that's the way folks speak, but since when do we write that way, too?

    September 4, 2010 at 7:50 am |
  12. chefdugan

    That's not news. Christians spoil everything they touch.

    September 4, 2010 at 7:50 am |
  13. Tim

    Baloney! I think Christians have better sex than anyone else. We just don't talk about it all the time, nor do we need to. A monogomous, trusting, private relationship is the best place for great sex.

    September 4, 2010 at 7:49 am |
  14. Mirlene

    I guess I was never that "stained" on the views of sex IN a marriage. My mom and dad let me know it was a beautiful thing and the churches I went to celebrated marriage and good sex so ummm... I can't relate to this article... thankfully. 🙂

    September 4, 2010 at 7:44 am |
  15. em

    I totally agree withe author...

    September 4, 2010 at 7:41 am |
  16. tk

    Don't you mean to title it" How the world ruined sex by sleeping around with so many others" ??

    September 4, 2010 at 7:41 am |
  17. Angela

    This article reeks of Christian bashing and bigotry. I am a Christian. If this author really wanted to know what he's talking about he would read the Bible. When God joins husband to wife, they are "one flesh". Sex between husband and wife is good, it's an act of affirming the gift of marriage that God has given you. It's meant to be enjoyed. Nothing is forbidden between husband and wife. Christianity and the Bible are not about forbidding or condeming marital sex, it's extramarital sex that's the problem.

    September 4, 2010 at 7:41 am |
  18. markola71

    sex that is clinical doesnt work for me nor do bumper sticker cliches like ' al you have to do is desire your partner" honey i desire when would be a good time for you and I to have lovin? making sex clinical is a drag.
    im awful i know but sex for me has to have an element of decadence and not be scripted and no i dont wanna hear a minister or church 'friends' (those who shake your hand and give ya the 'we love ya brothers/were not like other churches here we r real BS) talkin about lovin or sex.
    church and sex dont go together well at all ... and therein is an issue ..

    September 4, 2010 at 7:37 am |
  19. Joe

    To understand what Christians, especially Catholics, really believe about sex, you should read Pope John Paul II`s book called Theology of the Body. Absolutely fascinating.

    September 4, 2010 at 7:30 am |
  20. tones4life

    I was always told by pastors, teachers, evangelist, etc, that God created the idea of sex and He wants us to have a really great sex life but to remain abstinent until marriage. Where are you getting your info from? Any resources you could point me to would be great 🙂

    September 4, 2010 at 7:11 am |
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The CNN Belief Blog covers the faith angles of the day's biggest stories, from breaking news to politics to entertainment, fostering a global conversation about the role of religion and belief in readers' lives. It's edited by CNN's Daniel Burke with contributions from Eric Marrapodi and CNN's worldwide news gathering team.