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September 3rd, 2010
02:18 PM ET

How Christians spoil sex

Christian marriage.

Hot sex.

Let’s try that again:

Christian marriage; hot sex.

It doesn’t quite go together does it?

Passionate, toe-curling sex isn’t normally associated with Christianity or even spirituality in general.

At least that’s what Jonathan Acuff, a Belief Blog contributor and author of "Stuff Christians Like," argues in a recent blog. He says Christians need to do a better job of connecting God with a vibrant sex life.

That’s what we’ve been told. That God and sex don’t go together. And if you say something enough times, people start to believe it’s true…. You can’t have both in the same bottle. They’re oil and water. Cats and dogs. Spencer and Heidi. They just don’t go together.

Acuff, who is married, says Christians shouldn’t just teach abstinence. They should also teach that while sex before marriage is bad, “sex when you’re married is awesome.”

He says Christians damage sex in four ways:

They teach guilt, not abstinence.

They have very few ways to discuss it.

They write 10 books about lust for every one book about the gift of sex.

They've "made the crayon box pretty small" (they're afraid of being creative during sex).

Acuff says it's time Christian couples realize passionate sex is God's idea.

We’ve bought the lie that the world gets to have wild, crazy sex and Christians, holy folks like us, have to have black-and-white, two-dimensional sex. But what if that’s wrong? What if the God who overflows us with love and hope and mercy wants that part of our lives to be as big and as colorful as two married people could possibly imagine?

- CNN Writer

Filed under: Christianity • Culture & Science • United States

soundoff (2,079 Responses)
  1. Mark

    CNN – what would you do if you couldn’t take shots at Christianity? Keep up the good work. I am sure with journalism like this you will beat Fox News very soon.
    Mark

    September 4, 2010 at 9:44 am |
  2. Rita

    This has been a interesting read...thanks so much to you all; just one note from me and the rest from our heavenly father: it is my sincere hope that people will come to understand that 'religion' is 'man-made'; it is not now nor has it EVER BEEN from God; it is not about being a 'christian'; it is about realizing the need of a Savior and trusting in the atoning death and resurrection of our Lord for the forgiveness and salvation for all mankind. May God truly bless each and every one on this day that He has made and have a very safe and blessed holiday weekend! . And now from HIS word:

    Hebrews 4:12
    12For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.

    Phillippians 3: 8-9
    8What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ 9and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith

    Phillippians 2:10
    that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
    in heaven and on earth and under the earth,

    Ezekiel 21:7
    7 And when they ask you, 'Why are you groaning?' you shall say, 'Because of the news that is coming. Every heart will melt and every hand go limp; every spirit will become faint and every knee become as weak as water.' It is coming! It will surely take place, declares the Sovereign LORD."

    Romans 14:11
    11It is written:
    " 'As surely as I live,' says the Lord,
    'every knee will bow before me;
    every tongue will confess to God.' "[a]

    1 Timothy 2:5
    5For there is one God and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus,

    John 3:16
    16"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son,[a] that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

    September 4, 2010 at 9:37 am |
  3. Abel

    My wife is as christian as they come, yet she would put any high end call girl to shame. she is so open minded and skilled in bed that she would make heathen women jealous.

    September 4, 2010 at 9:37 am |
    • Frank

      Tell her I said hello.

      -A proud Heathen man

      September 4, 2010 at 9:54 pm |
  4. JoJo Porkypine

    The thing about Christians is that most of the guys can't get a decent chubby and most of the girls can't get wet enough. Too much Bible reading results in impotence...it's a known fact.

    September 4, 2010 at 9:34 am |
  5. fajita

    don't worry; there is no god.

    September 4, 2010 at 9:29 am |
    • TX_MBell

      That's like the blind saying there is no such thing as light.

      September 4, 2010 at 12:30 pm |
    • CatholicMom

      And yet there are the blind who have eyes to see.....and do

      September 4, 2010 at 2:50 pm |
    • AnnBChrist

      I'll run right up and tell Him.

      September 4, 2010 at 3:07 pm |
  6. Really

    CNN is not posting an article like this about Islam because they know their offices would probably get bombed

    September 4, 2010 at 9:28 am |
  7. Jankman

    Yes, I guess islamic sex is better, since Shire Law would make it so much more interesting and exciting!

    September 4, 2010 at 9:28 am |
  8. Mark

    I'm a Christian and my wife and I have been married for 14 years....we have absolutely smokin', regular, no holds barred sex. We praise our Creator for giving us wonderful bodies and we make to most of them...only with each other and it's fantastic!

    September 4, 2010 at 9:26 am |
  9. davidofyuma

    Olt testament "Song of Songs" says it all. It should be required reading in junior hi school

    September 4, 2010 at 9:26 am |
  10. Julie K

    This is just vicious stereotyping. I grew up Chrisitan and I was taught that promiscuity is wrong, but that sex between man and wife is something to be enjoyed and that God should even be a part of that relationship. We have been taught this from the pulpit, in bible studies, and in premarital counseling.

    September 4, 2010 at 9:26 am |
  11. Sam

    Red Hot Monogamy by Bill & Pam Farrel. Read it.

    September 4, 2010 at 9:25 am |
  12. Cass

    Growing up,I heard all of these things from my parents,but on the contrary ,I also heard my parents making love. So I have idea what this dude is talking about. For example , if Christians spoil sex ,Where did all these little Christians come from?

    September 4, 2010 at 9:24 am |
  13. Help

    Hey guys, will you visit SaveStan.ORG a man with 4 young babies is fighting for his life……… Thanks

    September 4, 2010 at 9:24 am |
  14. Amanda

    I'm Christian and I agree with this article completely. I know that my church makes a big deal about making sure people know why we don't have sex before marriage. They never make a point to talk about sex while your married. I would love to hear it too. God created sex therefore why shouldn't our pastors teach about it in church? He created it to be something amazing, not something to be covered up. This also causes me to say that I loved reading an article online that talked about views of Christianity and not just about another celebrity or crisis. Great job CNN!

    September 4, 2010 at 9:23 am |
  15. Dave

    Listen, God said man will leave his parents, join his wife and "become one flesh". It doesnt matter how u do it, sex was created by God for His Glory... My wife and I are Christians, I am going to become a pastor soon... To not heat things up in the bedroom is a sin in my opinion... Sex is supposed to be fun, passionate, and yes, HOT!!! Abstinence is good to teach our children that sex is worth waiting until marriage... But if there are any Christians who dare try to ruin sex, you are ruining the gift that God gave humanity to express love, and the bible says in I John 4:8 "Whoever does not love does not know God, for God is LOVE."

    September 4, 2010 at 9:21 am |
  16. Mark_in_ct203

    Well – personally I don't think they *should* have any fun. They're always flaunting the opinion that s_x (and ONLY within marriage) is for propagating the race. There's nothing that says that's supposed to be fun. They're not supposed to use birth control, so with those two pieces of logic in place, s_x is only for making babies and women are to be kept pregnant (and lets not forget that they should stay home with the children).

    September 4, 2010 at 9:19 am |
    • born baptist

      good God! Where did you come up with this non-sense about christians. Get a life boy, stop playing with your electronics and yourself. You might go blind

      September 4, 2010 at 10:24 pm |
  17. Colleen

    Who in the world teaches their child not to, but doesn't talk about, but this is what you get if you wait. This is not 50 years ago when no one talked about sex. Christians DON'T ruin sex, people who don't read their Bibles ruin sex. I'm sorry have you not read Song of Solomon? I can't beleieve this article, another slam against Christians. Christians ruin sex, give me a break! What about movies distort sex, lie about the consequences of premarital sex, nope you won't hear anything like that, just that we ruin sex, and by the way, here are the 4 ways they do it.

    September 4, 2010 at 9:12 am |
  18. Brad

    My wife and I are very conservative Christians Biblically and theologically. We have come to that both from an academic pursuit and a more devotional personal pursuit. She is way more conservative sexually than I am. For over 30 years we have had an awesome experience of sexual intimacy. But the last 2 years have seen a dramatic increase in the joy and fun and pleasure we have had sexually. And we give God thanks for this wonderful gift in our marriage. We have done a fair bit of reading and study about intimacy in marriage. Funny, I have never read or heard one word about sex being bad in any way. We have never been taught a negative mindset toward sex. So I'm not sure if this mindset is as wide spread as is thought. We love each other. We love sex. We love to love sex. We love to read and discuss and plan and pursue and experience all that God has for us. We do go way farther than some would be comfortable with. We take the viewpoint that as long as God's Word does not explicitly forbid (for our good) an experience between husband and wife, then pretty much anything goes, as long as both agree.

    One question to ponder. It is a given for Biblically literate folk that God does everything He does to display His magnificent glory. He wants us to do everything we do to delight in and display His glory.

    So, what was He putting on display when He made sex so much fun and feel so good between husband and wife? How do we "make love" to the glory of God? "Whether then you eat or drink, or whatever you do (sex), do it all to the glory of God."

    September 4, 2010 at 9:04 am |
  19. Sharon V

    I am a Christian and married and I have heard MANY pastors talk about marital relations as necessary for a healthy and happy marriage as well as it being a gift from God as He invented marriage. I for one teach my children appropriately and openly about the subject. And many of the Christian families I know also teach this.I don't know who the author is talking about. If clergy is teaching this, I don't understand why. No where in the Bible does it say marital sex is bad, quite the opposite. Paul states that the "marriage bed can't be defiled." See Hebrews 13:4

    September 4, 2010 at 9:03 am |
  20. D Smiles

    The writer of this article needs to read Song of Song (Solomon): God's SEX Education. Go ahead, read it!

    A movement from courtship to consummation. For instance, the man proclaims: "As the lily among thorns, so is my love among the daughters." The woman answers: "As the apple tree among the trees of the wood, so is my beloved among the sons. I sat down under his shadow with great delight, and his fruit was sweet to my taste." Ochh! Christians don't know what?? Hello?

    September 4, 2010 at 9:03 am |
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The CNN Belief Blog covers the faith angles of the day's biggest stories, from breaking news to politics to entertainment, fostering a global conversation about the role of religion and belief in readers' lives. It's edited by CNN's Daniel Burke with contributions from Eric Marrapodi and CNN's worldwide news gathering team.