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September 3rd, 2010
02:18 PM ET

How Christians spoil sex

Christian marriage.

Hot sex.

Let’s try that again:

Christian marriage; hot sex.

It doesn’t quite go together does it?

Passionate, toe-curling sex isn’t normally associated with Christianity or even spirituality in general.

At least that’s what Jonathan Acuff, a Belief Blog contributor and author of "Stuff Christians Like," argues in a recent blog. He says Christians need to do a better job of connecting God with a vibrant sex life.

That’s what we’ve been told. That God and sex don’t go together. And if you say something enough times, people start to believe it’s true…. You can’t have both in the same bottle. They’re oil and water. Cats and dogs. Spencer and Heidi. They just don’t go together.

Acuff, who is married, says Christians shouldn’t just teach abstinence. They should also teach that while sex before marriage is bad, “sex when you’re married is awesome.”

He says Christians damage sex in four ways:

They teach guilt, not abstinence.

They have very few ways to discuss it.

They write 10 books about lust for every one book about the gift of sex.

They've "made the crayon box pretty small" (they're afraid of being creative during sex).

Acuff says it's time Christian couples realize passionate sex is God's idea.

We’ve bought the lie that the world gets to have wild, crazy sex and Christians, holy folks like us, have to have black-and-white, two-dimensional sex. But what if that’s wrong? What if the God who overflows us with love and hope and mercy wants that part of our lives to be as big and as colorful as two married people could possibly imagine?

- CNN Writer

Filed under: Christianity • Culture & Science • United States

soundoff (2,079 Responses)
  1. lionsden

    I am a married christian ovr 50. My wife and I have been married over 25 years. I can assure all of you we have better sex together than any of the non christian people just living together. Sex was designed by God and should be respected.
    Most people dont include love with sex. Because of that it's just a nasty habit for most and thats why the divorce rate is so high .

    September 4, 2010 at 10:46 am |
  2. Bud

    An Athiest is a person that has never manned a Night Defensive Position (NDP) solo.

    September 4, 2010 at 10:46 am |
    • Phil

      -or been in the North Pacific on a fishing boat that hits and iceberg and rips a hole in the side just above the water line. As tough as fishermen are, you would be amazed how many Bibles were on that boat...!

      September 4, 2010 at 11:56 am |
  3. Don

    I think this article is not at all about Christians not having hot sex. This article is for non-Christians. It's a recruitment poster saying 'Hey you out there that won't become a Christian because you think we're prudes! We're wild and crazy just like you!'

    September 4, 2010 at 10:45 am |
  4. w1haney

    There is only one reason to have sex and that is to have babies. Anybody having sex for pleasure is committing an act of sin. It says so in the Bible. I don’t know where exactly but my preacher says it’s in there somewhere and I believe everything the man says because the word of God speaks thru him. And he says there is only one way to have sex and we all know what that is. The hottest fires in hell await those who have sex in ways that are not normal. Women should do their duty for their husband and let him get it over with quick whenever he wants a baby. Other than that it’s best not to think about it. My wife don’t even like sex and why any man would want to risk burning in hell for eternity for a few seconds of pleasure is beyond me.

    September 4, 2010 at 10:38 am |
  5. Islacita

    When my husband and I first got married, we read a book by a well known Christian couple that encouraged the wife to have orgasms by penetration alone and strongly discouraged oral intimacy. I still laugh recalling those days!

    September 4, 2010 at 10:37 am |
  6. Malkav

    I always envisioned Christian s-ex to be like their doctrine: unoriginal and boring.

    September 4, 2010 at 10:37 am |
  7. oneStarman - Walla Walla, WA

    IMHO Good Sex is very much a Religious Experience. I've had people laugh at me when I say this. But the TRANSCENDENCE that can occur – where the act is 'doing' YOU as you are 'doing' it – is something akin to what is described by Christian (and other) MYSTICS.

    September 4, 2010 at 10:37 am |
  8. BallerGrrl

    Like John Waters said, "I'm glad that I was raised Catholic because sex will always be dirty and fun."

    September 4, 2010 at 10:36 am |
  9. Islacita

    When my husband and I first got married, we read a book by a well known Christian couple that encouraged the wife to have orgasms by penetration alone and strongly discouraged oral sex. I still laugh recalling those days!

    September 4, 2010 at 10:36 am |
  10. Terry Gordon Smith

    They spoil it by breeding more christians

    September 4, 2010 at 10:35 am |
  11. Bud

    You missed the mark by pointing at Christians. You should have been pointing to the Catholics. I attended a Latin American Mass last week where the Padre told the masses that sex was only allowed to create offspring. And the idea of enjoying sex, even within the confines of marriage, was considered a sin. Now, that's not in my KJV anywhere. I wonder where they came up with that one.

    September 4, 2010 at 10:31 am |
  12. effit

    some of the best F's i ever had was back in parochial schools...i can't exactly grasp the article. those girls taught me how to be "dirty."

    September 4, 2010 at 10:28 am |
  13. Walker

    Christians pretty much spoil everything they come in contact with...as do all the rest of the religions. Money is not the root of all evil...religion is.

    September 4, 2010 at 10:27 am |
  14. georgeisawesome

    This article is kind of bull. I am tired of seeing all Christians over generalized and lumped together into one stereotypical group. I have always been taught to refrain from having sex until I met the right person. I was never preached at that having premarital sex would "anger god." Just because you don't believe don't make generalizations demeaning a religion. Open your mind and learn, don't shut off your brain and hate.

    September 4, 2010 at 10:24 am |
  15. Clearick

    It's not just Christianity, but all religions or philosophies which dictate a proper form a conduct or being as opposed to what others (outside the group do). We come into the world not knowing it, it's purpose or it's potential dangers. We listen to people who tell us how the world is, rather than explaining it or showing it to us in a way that enables us to think for ourselves. When an authoritarian figure, like a religious leader tells you something, you are expected to believe it and follow their edicts. This is about control as much as it is understanding, and limits both creativity and personal learning.

    Fortunately for those of us in America, who are free to practice religion as we see fit, gives us the opportunity to look outside our own religion, and to consider other possibilities. The freedom of choice and freedom of how to live without the dogmatic laws of this religion or that, is both a blessing and a curse. A blessing in that you can make your own choices, and a curse in that some of those choices can have negative consequences. But look at the results! Societies which removed religion from positions of political authority develop and make progress much more rapidly. The Scottish enlightenment, brought about a revolution- reason instead of dogma, Science and mathematics to make sense of the world.

    Not all religions are so restrictive, and it seems that it's not the religion itself, but the people in the religion and how they present it that matters. At one time, Islam was the more advanced society, with a better understanding of mathematics, and a better-ordered society. Today, however, Islam seems to have adopted the worst aspects of Christian orthodoxy and we can see how the people suffer under their repression.

    The worst aspect of religion is that the people within think they are closer to God and therefore above those who are not! It is extremely arrogant and presumptuous to impose your views on another, or offer your religion for them to adopt, as though you don't have the ability to make up your own mind (also a gift from the creator if you chose to believe in a prime mover)

    No one would say that adultery is right

    This is why many people who claim to believe in God have left the Church or whichever religion they belong to. Those who studied history and the dark ages understand that the Church was a power structure with political as well as spiritual power. It's regulation had a severely negative effect on European development, just as can be viewed with Islam today and the current apparent efforts in some places to squash dissent and demand obedience to their laws.

    All it comes down to is this: Either you learn to think for yourself or you end up following someone else for whatever reason. It appears to me that God needs no intercessor, and that whatever choices you make in life will have consequences just as action has consequences in the laws of physics. Right and wrong, good and bad are subjective. However, humans are intrinsic social animals and depend on each other. So rules of conduct necessarily consider others and their interests as well as our own.

    Most of us find it highly offensive and very ignorant that Iranian authority proscribes the punishment of stoning for adulterers. The mullahs act with absolute authority based on their reading of a book written centuries ago. The reason we are offended is that their authority is based on dogma, and not rational thought. You can't argue with God, and in places like Iran you can't argue with the mullahs.

    And, they want us to believe like them! Thanks for the offer but no thanks. I believe we can all follow our own way, and as long as we practice the golden rule, things will work out just fine.

    September 4, 2010 at 10:23 am |
  16. Malkav

    I always envisioned Christian sex to be like their doctrine: unoriginal and boring.

    September 4, 2010 at 10:22 am |
  17. edfedup

    Sister Wendy, brilliant art historian and critic, who was a Catholic nun may have said it best when asked why she's so fond of many paintings that show nudity and eroticism (albeit 16th, 17th, 18th, and 19th century versions of those words.) "God doesn't make mistakes, and if he gave us beauty and sex, then they are wonderful and should be enjoyed."

    September 4, 2010 at 10:19 am |
  18. Mike K

    Aww, this poor sexless man. Not sure where he's gotten his info, but he couldn't be more off the mark. I think the issue is equating Catholicism with Christianity. They are NOT the same thing. I say that as a non-denominational Christian with a pornographic married love life.

    September 4, 2010 at 10:15 am |
  19. satsun

    sorry, christians have ruined everything. sexuality is just the tip of the iceburg.

    September 4, 2010 at 10:14 am |
  20. whoopingcough

    Is is still Bushes fault

    September 4, 2010 at 10:13 am |
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The CNN Belief Blog covers the faith angles of the day's biggest stories, from breaking news to politics to entertainment, fostering a global conversation about the role of religion and belief in readers' lives. It's edited by CNN's Daniel Burke with contributions from Eric Marrapodi and CNN's worldwide news gathering team.