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September 3rd, 2010
02:18 PM ET

How Christians spoil sex

Christian marriage.

Hot sex.

Let’s try that again:

Christian marriage; hot sex.

It doesn’t quite go together does it?

Passionate, toe-curling sex isn’t normally associated with Christianity or even spirituality in general.

At least that’s what Jonathan Acuff, a Belief Blog contributor and author of "Stuff Christians Like," argues in a recent blog. He says Christians need to do a better job of connecting God with a vibrant sex life.

That’s what we’ve been told. That God and sex don’t go together. And if you say something enough times, people start to believe it’s true…. You can’t have both in the same bottle. They’re oil and water. Cats and dogs. Spencer and Heidi. They just don’t go together.

Acuff, who is married, says Christians shouldn’t just teach abstinence. They should also teach that while sex before marriage is bad, “sex when you’re married is awesome.”

He says Christians damage sex in four ways:

They teach guilt, not abstinence.

They have very few ways to discuss it.

They write 10 books about lust for every one book about the gift of sex.

They've "made the crayon box pretty small" (they're afraid of being creative during sex).

Acuff says it's time Christian couples realize passionate sex is God's idea.

We’ve bought the lie that the world gets to have wild, crazy sex and Christians, holy folks like us, have to have black-and-white, two-dimensional sex. But what if that’s wrong? What if the God who overflows us with love and hope and mercy wants that part of our lives to be as big and as colorful as two married people could possibly imagine?

- CNN Writer

Filed under: Christianity • Culture & Science • United States

soundoff (2,079 Responses)
  1. JR Jake

    Nothing like good wedded bliss, and when you are not thinking about anything other than your woman at home; you cannot wait to get home to her (or at her). If you are not filling your hearts and minds with clutter from elsewhere; that girl of your dreams is more than mighty fine. Christianity is an absolute hoot because it gives me ALL the tools I cannot get elsewhere for life in leading a pure and joyous life. Much can be said for any religion, I use Christianity because I am.

    There are VERY FEW constraints living in Christianity if I want to lead my life, my wife and my children in something that is highly positive to our family, and greatly benefits the community as well. The problem we have today is 'extremism' on many fronts. Left and Right, front and back, forward and reverse; we need to find good and healthy BALANCE. I am not married right now but I sure am looking forward to sharing what I have with someone who is as passionate as I in most things. That my friends is good stuff.

    September 4, 2010 at 4:15 pm |
  2. tariq

    "If you say something enough times, people start to believe it’s true" .. Wonder how many will connect that quote with the rest of the article? Hypocrisy, much?

    September 4, 2010 at 4:14 pm |
  3. think about it

    I do not know why this article targets Christianity, except maybe because a large portion of the U.S. identify with Christianity. If you examine the tenets of major religions like Judaism and Islam, they also contain strict rules regarding sexuality. It would not take much examining to conclude that Islam is even more rigid than Christianity in this area and discusses more serious penalties (e.g., stoning for adultery) than what Christianity does.

    September 4, 2010 at 4:14 pm |
  4. Jon

    At our church, the college pastor talks about this issue during one message each year. His view on the idea of sex in Christian relationships is: God created sex for a purpose, and the Church should talk about how to fulfill that purpose. Perhaps all churches should consider the idea of approaching this taboo subject with some biblical grounding, rather than having members and parishioners learn from their friends what sex is "really" about.

    September 4, 2010 at 4:10 pm |
  5. joe

    A true christian would point out how a true christian would know something better, and do things differently.

    September 4, 2010 at 4:03 pm |
  6. Maria

    All you people who say Christians don't or aren't allowed to enjoy sex have NO idea what you're talking about. Christianity encourages sex between married couples and dis courages random sex between un committed people. Try reading–whether you're Catholic or not– John Pauls "Theology of the Body". It's AWESOME!! Don't even make any uninformed comments about anything you think it might be about or stupid comments on clergy. Just read it. Best teaching book written in the 20th century.

    September 4, 2010 at 4:01 pm |
  7. tmac

    Sex has been around a lot longer than marriage or christianity. People should not confuse sex with mariage or religion. God created sex. Marriage based on religion is wrong because all religion is a lie.

    September 4, 2010 at 3:59 pm |
  8. Reality check

    well there is a god power, but it does not seems to have NOTHING to do with mass religion!

    not a thing. like Mcdonalds or dunkin donuts, every 10 blocks in each town has 1-3 church's all over AMERICA.
    u pay when they put out the cup, and people (so gay) make a living off this nonsence

    September 4, 2010 at 3:58 pm |
  9. Redbeard

    This is news? The author is so out of date on Christianity itself that he clearly doesn't understand what is actually taught. He's building his case on ancient teachings that have been debunked and abadoned for many years. As a pastor I teach and preach (and practice) that sex within a marriage can be hot, baby,hot!

    September 4, 2010 at 3:55 pm |
  10. Reality check

    the church is mind control for people who have no compass of their owns lifes. " if u don't have all the answers and mystery to life, we do" the mantra they chant to the loyal sheep. this is what happens when u let the blind, lead the blind.

    at least a medium, poet ect would give u some real answers to life, not these MORONS.

    September 4, 2010 at 3:54 pm |
  11. Origen

    There is plenty of sex and hot-hot-hot eroticism in the Bible, including clear references to oral sex. Read the Song of Solomon and see for yourselves.

    September 4, 2010 at 3:52 pm |
  12. One of the fallen

    I'm a Christian and I love sex and do not feel guilty in the least. God made us this way and wanted us to enjoy sex so that we will procreate. I do feel guitly about my past though. I thought why not nave sex with who ever. Whats the harm? I now realize the harm is created by having multiple partners and spreading diseases that destory lives both adult and children. You read about the millions affected with Aids or other STD's and the millions of orphaned and sick children and realize that my actions do have consequences. Do I want to be a part of something that has devastated and destoryed millions of lives for my own selfish pleasure or do I want to promote a one man one women lifestyle that would saves millions from a horrible retched life?

    September 4, 2010 at 3:52 pm |
  13. Jessica Chitkuer

    AHAHAH, they mentioned spencer and heidi, gawd i love CNN (:

    && Free Will? Absurd. There is NO CHOICE when you take young people and raise them specifically to choose a religion and cult over their mind and freedom. "Give me the child his first seven years, and I'll give you the man." This isn't rocket science. Its the same reason the vast majority of children in the US vote the same political party as their parents.

    September 4, 2010 at 3:47 pm |
  14. wasabiwahabi

    NAK, that's what's called "parenting."

    September 4, 2010 at 3:46 pm |
  15. not in my church

    I don't know about other christians churches, but my pastor preaches absitenance w/a flip side that you better make your marriage and sex life fresh and active and exciting. dont be so "holy'r than thou" that you can't come right from a church service to home w/ your wife and immediantly make love. He says you better be able to switch gears or you need to work on that. of course this isn't said in front of little ones or younger kids. so i disagree with this article

    September 4, 2010 at 3:44 pm |
  16. Brad

    I'm an atheist and my sex life is fairly boring and traditional! Maybe I should find God?

    September 4, 2010 at 3:42 pm |
  17. Andreas

    How about Hasidic Jews? How liberal are they on sex education? Is it only trendy to be be anti-Christian these days??

    September 4, 2010 at 3:39 pm |
  18. Matthias

    The article misses the mark entirely. Sure, Christians are the penultimate hypocrites when it comes sex, conception, and all things that are nobody elses business but the individual. What it should have concentrated on was the insidious nature of American Christians trying to infiltrate and control all levels of peoples lives in this country. In terms of the free world, its only in America that a religious group is allowed to throw their weight around to this degree in service of stupid hocus-pocus mindset. Ironically this is also extremely prevalent in the militant arab nations too. Chistianity will be the undoing of the American experiment as the puny brained jesus freaks are increasingly called on their bullshit by free-thinking americans. A holy war will come to America, but it will have nothing to do with isalm. Remember, the christians are also the ones who rabidly guard the 2nd amendment. They know that one day the rest of the country (and the rest of the free world) will not stand for their fundamentalist clap-trap as we enter the age of high technology and universal freedoms. So it will be "praise jesus and pass the ammo". Scary times ahead.

    September 4, 2010 at 3:37 pm |
  19. edmundburkeson

    It's nice to see that Acuff and CNN are overcoming their ignorance about what Christians believe about sex. but when they claim credit for pointing them in the right direction its a little over the top.

    September 4, 2010 at 3:33 pm |
  20. Stan

    Yes, they also spoil Std, Aids, Unwanted Pregnancy,Single Parents, Teen Pregnancy, and Abortion

    September 4, 2010 at 3:32 pm |
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The CNN Belief Blog covers the faith angles of the day's biggest stories, from breaking news to politics to entertainment, fostering a global conversation about the role of religion and belief in readers' lives. It's edited by CNN's Daniel Burke with contributions from Eric Marrapodi and CNN's worldwide news gathering team.