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September 3rd, 2010
02:18 PM ET

How Christians spoil sex

Christian marriage.

Hot sex.

Let’s try that again:

Christian marriage; hot sex.

It doesn’t quite go together does it?

Passionate, toe-curling sex isn’t normally associated with Christianity or even spirituality in general.

At least that’s what Jonathan Acuff, a Belief Blog contributor and author of "Stuff Christians Like," argues in a recent blog. He says Christians need to do a better job of connecting God with a vibrant sex life.

That’s what we’ve been told. That God and sex don’t go together. And if you say something enough times, people start to believe it’s true…. You can’t have both in the same bottle. They’re oil and water. Cats and dogs. Spencer and Heidi. They just don’t go together.

Acuff, who is married, says Christians shouldn’t just teach abstinence. They should also teach that while sex before marriage is bad, “sex when you’re married is awesome.”

He says Christians damage sex in four ways:

They teach guilt, not abstinence.

They have very few ways to discuss it.

They write 10 books about lust for every one book about the gift of sex.

They've "made the crayon box pretty small" (they're afraid of being creative during sex).

Acuff says it's time Christian couples realize passionate sex is God's idea.

We’ve bought the lie that the world gets to have wild, crazy sex and Christians, holy folks like us, have to have black-and-white, two-dimensional sex. But what if that’s wrong? What if the God who overflows us with love and hope and mercy wants that part of our lives to be as big and as colorful as two married people could possibly imagine?

- CNN Writer

Filed under: Christianity • Culture & Science • United States

soundoff (2,079 Responses)
  1. biggins642

    God or not, most of you do not understand the bible. S word is condemned if its fornication or adultery. Fornication being sex without being married, and adultery being sex with someone other than your wife. If your married and your having sex one million times a day with your wife, that is no sin. you cnn liberals are uneducated about religion. "oh but biggins we dont care about religion why would we waste our time learning about it" my reply, why do you waste your time bashing it.

    September 4, 2010 at 5:15 pm |
  2. CJ

    Religion does a complete mind job on people about their sexuality and especially to women. First of all, the most revered woman in the faith is a virgin, Mary. This despite the fact that the bible states in multiple places that Jesus had brothers (especially important was his brother James, who was active in the ministry) and sisters. My guess is Mary had sex to produce them, but that is never discussed. Nor is it brought up that the scribe who wrote Matthew mistranslated the prophecy of the old testament Isaiah which simply states the mother of the one to be called emmanuel will be born of a 'young woman', the hebrew word is 'almah'. It was mistranslated as parthenos, the greek for virgin. And there is a hebrew word for virgin, 'betulah', it simply wasn't used in the prophecy. And then of course Eve is responsible for the Fall.

    And in general, it is very difficult for religions that speak of the next life as the important to feel comfortable with sex. Sex is about this life and this world and sex is something we have in common with many species so it does not make us 'unique' or 'special' or the center of the universe. And remember Jesus said that 'he that does not hate his father and mother, and even his own life, cannot be my disciple.' (Paraphrasing Luke 14). This does not get read in churches that often I have found. It does not jibe with the church's claim to be about 'family values'. But it is not hard to understand in the view of Jesus, St.Paul, and the other apocalyptic preachers and sects of the day – this life is about to end. The Kingdom of God was going to come within the lifetime of his listeners and overthrow the forces of evil that have power, Mark Ch 9, v1. The Son of Man is on his way so there is no point getting attached to this life or your family. Everything you need to do in this life is get ready for the next. That tradition continues in the church which is why, despite that prophecy failing and the world continuing, sex is still and will always be uncomfortable.

    September 4, 2010 at 5:11 pm |
  3. Pugio

    This article just goes to show how close-minded some people really are, especially athiest (I hate to stereotype but they will be the first to say "your wrong" about something someone strongly believes in, a terrible character flaw not because they are athiest but because they can only see things from their view point (and i have met very open-minded athiests as well)). There is no reason for someone to believe this if they have been to numerous churches. I will be the first to admit that I have been to close-minded churches that have come accross more judgmental than preaching abstinence but the fact that this article has made it to the front page of CNN's website proves how truely ignorant people are.

    September 4, 2010 at 5:10 pm |
  4. Nate

    I'm a Christian and I have GREAT and joyful sex with my wife all the time. This opinion a complete fabrication.

    September 4, 2010 at 5:08 pm |
  5. bennson Romero

    More nonsense from religious idiots. Welcome to the 1950s!!!!!!

    September 4, 2010 at 5:07 pm |
  6. CatholicWoman

    I just got married this summer and my husband and I waited until marriage to have sex. It was the best decision I have ever made! I will be proud to be able to tell my kids that they really can wait for that one person who will love them unconditionally and have a great life together. Incidentally, we have been having lots of fun since getting married... and boredom and guilt have not been involved, haha.

    September 4, 2010 at 5:04 pm |
  7. RCPJ

    God invented sex so, then, married Christians should have the best sex in the world!

    September 4, 2010 at 5:03 pm |
  8. Kasrin

    Christians are NOT all of the same mind. Many of us object strenuously to being lumped in with the conservative folks who have taken for themselves the name "Christians." Many of us have entirely different ideas and call ourselves Christians.

    September 4, 2010 at 5:00 pm |
  9. Lisa

    Oh please! We love God, but we aren't Dead. This is a joke!

    September 4, 2010 at 4:58 pm |
  10. mike

    Makes perfect sense considering we "christians" are the biggest hypocrits on the planet!

    September 4, 2010 at 4:55 pm |
  11. ChrisC

    All I can say is, if my wife hasn't yelled "Oh GOD" at least30 times, then what's the point?? We've had our kids and don't want more. I've had a vasectomy... there's our birth control. I'm also Catholic. Now I also have my beliefs and I guess I'm a BAAAAD Catholic for doing so. But you know what? I DO NOT CARE. We wanted 2 kids and that's exactly what we have. DONE.. END OF STORY.. SNIP SNIP FOR ME.. Now it's time for the s-ex to ALWAYS be fun! Worrying about birth control isn't fun! And it's the most fun with the one you desire the most.

    As I said before, I am Catholic, I've been through all sacraments.. except death obviously.. but I'm not willing to make myself financially destitute just because the Catholic faith frowns on birth control and non procreative intercourse. Sorry.. I'm HUMAN. What's important to us is that we have what we wanted and can now love our kids and give them the attention they deserve.. as well as the financial security.

    Amen

    September 4, 2010 at 4:52 pm |
  12. nosaint

    Religiion is what ruins sex... the Bible is very graphic. Check this

    from The Song of Solomon. If you read that entire book (which I recommend to any married couple!), you'll find graphic poetic descriptions of very intimate lovemaking. There are some passages that clearly point to them eating and drinking from each other's bodies. Here are a few passages:

    Song of Solomon 2:3 "As the apple tree among the trees of the wood, so is my beloved among the sons. I sat down under his shadow with great delight, and his fruit was sweet to my taste."

    Song of Solomon 8:2 "...I would cause thee to drink of spiced wine of the juice of my pomegranate."

    Song of Solomon 4:12-16 "A garden inclosed is my sister, my spouse; a spring shut up, a fountain sealed. Thy plants are an orchard of pomegranates, with pleasant fruits; camphire, with spikenard, Spikenard and saffron; calamus and cinnamon, with all trees of frankincense; myrrh and aloes, with all the chief spices: A fountain of gardens, a well of living waters, and streams from Lebanon. Awake, O north wind; and come, thou south; blow upon my garden, that the spices thereof may flow out. Let my beloved come into his garden, and eat his pleasant fruits."

    September 4, 2010 at 4:40 pm |
  13. Eddie

    Let me play devils advocate and say that there really isn't any airtight logic either way for it. On the one hand, if you believe that a benevolent god created you and all of your life systems, then it would follow that you are meant to enjoy the things that you like in life. But if you follow the bible, which you might be inclined to do, since you wouldn't even know about the idea of the Abrahamic god without it, then you would also think that things like rape were ok (judges 21:10-24, numbers 31:7-18, zachariah 14:1-2, just to name a few).

    I think people need to realize a lot of what they read in the bible is allegory or some cultural norm for that time period and just live your life the way you want.

    September 4, 2010 at 4:38 pm |
  14. Kris

    If you think that passionate, toe-curling sex is associated with Christianity then you're not doing it right.

    September 4, 2010 at 4:36 pm |
  15. Matt Otskey

    "And if you say something enough times, people start to believe it’s true…."

    That quote kinda reminds me of the beginnings of religion. Tell people they will go to hell if they don't go to church enough times, and they will start to believe it. Religion is a scam.

    September 4, 2010 at 4:32 pm |
  16. Dale

    All this opinion without one reference to the Bible (God's holy word).

    John Blake and God must be really tight - NOT

    Why should I care about John Blake's opinion?

    If you want to be informed though you should know that there are many verses addressing sexual immorality....

    For your pleasure please read

    Proverbs 5:17-23

    Mathew 5:27-30

    Romans 1:26-27

    Ephesian 5:3-5

    Hebrews 13 4

    Revelation 21:8

    Hope this helps

    Dale

    September 4, 2010 at 4:26 pm |
  17. Stephanie

    This is the dumbest opinion ever allowed in a news article. I'm a Christian, and the author is lumping a multitude of millions of believers into one generalized, close-minded group. Nice. No wonder people think Christians are idiots. God created sex, Song of Solomon is erotic prose in the Bible, and God gave us sexual pleasure to be fully enjoyed. I do not feel "guilty" doing it doggy-style, in front of the mirror, or a myriad of other ways. God LOVES sex! Amen and Hallelujah!

    September 4, 2010 at 4:26 pm |
  18. Rich

    I guess to go Old Testament – God made it, and it was good. Sex is integral to life, and it is made pleasurable. God also wants a life of single partnership, but I happen to like my sex intense and fun; and I love my two kids. This author is a sad example of personal prejudice and ignorance.

    September 4, 2010 at 4:24 pm |
  19. TheJewishVeiw

    In Judiasm, sex is sacred, it's the closest human activity to Godliness. It's the absolute most creative a human can be – creating a new person (even when using BC or post menopausal or during pregnancy – – still CREATE an energy).
    As with a lot of themes in Judaism, the highest and holiest has the potential to fall the lowest, so it's no surprise that sex is the root of a lot of crime, selfishness, and corruption.
    The Torah doesn't make allowances for sex out of human weakness, rather it commands a man – yes, an actual bibical commandment – to satisfy his wife. (The talmud gives what we would now call 'sex tips' even, start by using soft words etc)
    Kinsey discovered that religious Jews have more and better sex as they get older than any other demographic.

    Godliness can be pretty sexy;)

    September 4, 2010 at 4:20 pm |
  20. catholicGirl

    will people please stop talking like they know the catholic religion when they dont?

    Im a junior who goes to a catholic high school and as sophomores we read Theology of the Body and a bunch of stuff by JP2 about how great sex is, just that you have to abstain until marriage. not once were we taught pleasure is wrong and s*ex is only for procreating,

    however, in accordance with catholic doctrine, we were taught that the only birth control acceptable is natural family planning. but i repeat, we were taught that sex is great, just wait to do it until you are married.

    September 4, 2010 at 4:19 pm |
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The CNN Belief Blog covers the faith angles of the day's biggest stories, from breaking news to politics to entertainment, fostering a global conversation about the role of religion and belief in readers' lives. It's edited by CNN's Daniel Burke with contributions from Eric Marrapodi and CNN's worldwide news gathering team.