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September 3rd, 2010
02:18 PM ET

How Christians spoil sex

Christian marriage.

Hot sex.

Let’s try that again:

Christian marriage; hot sex.

It doesn’t quite go together does it?

Passionate, toe-curling sex isn’t normally associated with Christianity or even spirituality in general.

At least that’s what Jonathan Acuff, a Belief Blog contributor and author of "Stuff Christians Like," argues in a recent blog. He says Christians need to do a better job of connecting God with a vibrant sex life.

That’s what we’ve been told. That God and sex don’t go together. And if you say something enough times, people start to believe it’s true…. You can’t have both in the same bottle. They’re oil and water. Cats and dogs. Spencer and Heidi. They just don’t go together.

Acuff, who is married, says Christians shouldn’t just teach abstinence. They should also teach that while sex before marriage is bad, “sex when you’re married is awesome.”

He says Christians damage sex in four ways:

They teach guilt, not abstinence.

They have very few ways to discuss it.

They write 10 books about lust for every one book about the gift of sex.

They've "made the crayon box pretty small" (they're afraid of being creative during sex).

Acuff says it's time Christian couples realize passionate sex is God's idea.

We’ve bought the lie that the world gets to have wild, crazy sex and Christians, holy folks like us, have to have black-and-white, two-dimensional sex. But what if that’s wrong? What if the God who overflows us with love and hope and mercy wants that part of our lives to be as big and as colorful as two married people could possibly imagine?

- CNN Writer

Filed under: Christianity • Culture & Science • United States

soundoff (2,079 Responses)
  1. Jay

    As as Christian and one who has enjoyed great sex for over 40 years it appears to me that the author has little knowledge of either subject. I love the concept of the Internet but it does allow anyone regardless of their actual level of experience or expertise to spout off as if they were some type of authority. Bob, you might try looking into what real Christians think about sex. I think you would be surprised.

    September 5, 2010 at 8:09 am |
  2. Peggy

    You should have done your research better. God represents true divine union and when you bring the energies of god into your marriage and sex it takes your relationship to a whole new level. No words I would write down could you use to describe it.

    September 5, 2010 at 7:59 am |
  3. junior

    A true christian would not find this something to discuss with everyone,what happens behind closed doors stays there.

    September 5, 2010 at 7:49 am |
  4. liza

    CNN, this is the most prejudiced, most disgusting, most insulting article you have ever printed, and you leave it on for nearly a week now although there aren't many people commenting on it. Have you been in a Christian's bedroom so you know what goes on in there? A Christian married couple is not required to have boring or limited sex, in fact, the bile encourages lovemaking and orders us not to neglect our spouses sexually. And It states absolutely nothing about 'position', or 'duration', so a married couple can enjoy sex however they please.

    Would you ever write an article about how homosexuals spoil sex? Why not? Now that's spoiling sex. But you would never dream of insulting them like that. In fact I believe your aim here is to take the focus off disturbing homosexual sex. Unlike them, we Christians prefer to keep our sex lives private, so who the devil do you think you are to insult us like this?

    Now do a story on how disturbing sodomy is and how homosexuals spoil sex.

    September 5, 2010 at 7:46 am |
  5. Sara

    Hi everyone, esp the writer,

    ~~~~~^0^~~~~~~~that is TOTALLY NOT TRUE!!!! God created sex and He wants us to enjoy it, but only within the context of holy covenantal relationship that is MARRIAGE. The MORE HOT sex you have with your partner, the DEEPER and the BETTER your marital relationship. HOWEVER, The more sex you have outside the marriage, the more chaos it creates when it comes to your intimate walk with your spouse. GET IT? Readers, GOD LOVES YOU. As God exists to love us and give life to us through His Son Jesus, know that Satan exists too to TWIST the beauty of Truth in the Bible. God and hot sex? Yes! not in whatever ways with anyone, but in the beauty of true Love in the holy martial context ^__^ God bless you!

    September 5, 2010 at 7:46 am |
  6. Laughing

    CNN and this article's author (and apparrently many posters) are chock full of crazy sauce. I am certain that I have read some of the most moronic comments ever written to the interwebs.
    People of all faiths and people of no faith have both good and bad sex. To over-generalize this in the effort of attacking Chrisianity yet again is supremely stupid.

    September 5, 2010 at 7:28 am |
  7. ListenUp

    Christians should not enjoy sex. Their leader, Jesus, was born to two dads, God and Joseph, and a surrogate named Mary. According to the bible, sex was not a part of this.

    September 5, 2010 at 7:10 am |
  8. keith

    Is there such a thing as "Christian Marriage?" My wife and I were together for 8 years, and in that time she came and left 5 to 8 times a year. She had an almost computer-like knowledge of scriptures, and could speak the word like an old time tent preacher. Once, after being home a short, she prayed for a couple whose marriage was in trouble. Soon after, she left once again.
    I realize that this is an ingrained pattern among her female family members. I've also read the books and heard the kind words that say that God can do his greatest works when our heart is broken, but after swimming in pain for so long, things get a bit much to swallow. She left and returned twice within two months after I had brain surgery. I've never really had much of a chance to recover in a proper way from this traumatic event.
    My guiding light in all of this, is that part of Ephesians 5 that says that a Man shall give hiimself to the marriage in the same way that Christ gave himself to the church. This is why i would take her back. It's all part of the promise I made about "sickness and health".
    And so, once again I ask, "Is there really such a thing as "Christian Marriage?"

    September 5, 2010 at 7:00 am |
  9. Joe Atheist

    Every so-called "Cristian" woman I have ever been with has been dirty. I mean they seem to enjoy sex more than any other girls I know! Religion FAIL!

    September 5, 2010 at 6:51 am |
  10. keith

    Is there really such a thing as "Christian Marriage?" My wife and I were together for 8 years. In that time we were together, she came and left at least 5 to 8 times a year. After a while she would want to come back, and I trying to live the spirit and letter of that part of Ephesians 5 that says that a Man shall give himself to the marriage in the same way that Christ gave himself to the Church would take her back only to see her leave once again. She once left and came back twice, two months after I had brain surgery.She's gone once again.
    I realize that this is a family amongst the female members of her family, that certain things run in the families, but I find little solace in these sad facts. She has a computer-like knowledge of the scriptures, and she can speak the word like an old-time tent preacher. Once, after being home, she prayed for a couple whose marriage was in trouble. Soon after this, she was gone once again.
    I am a believer. Sometimes, it does get hard listening to folks pray for her return. I
    It was once said that marriage is like a plant with fragile roots. Everytime she would leave, the plant would be torn out by its roots, There I'd be, trying to re-plant it. Eventually, after so many times the plant died. So here I am, stuck, trying to make sense out of a chaotic situation. She's still gone, and I in all good conscience can't take her back, knowing that she'll leave,
    So once again, i ask, with a sense of bitterness and disillusionment, it there really such a thing as "Christian Marriage?"

    September 5, 2010 at 6:45 am |
  11. amy

    sex shouldn't be viewed as dirty, or frowned upon, we are biologically wired to have sex, and all ancient civilizations believed sex was a spiritual experience and i believe thats how it SHOULD be viewed

    September 5, 2010 at 5:46 am |
  12. Whatever

    I'm just tired of hearing from a christian the whole shabang, of who do i answer to and what ever. seriously, noone knows who or what they answer too, noone, it's a useless argument and impossible to answer.

    September 5, 2010 at 4:45 am |
  13. Jezzie

    I've always said He wouldn't have given us the ability to have the big 'O' if He hadn't intended for us to enjoy it!

    September 5, 2010 at 4:41 am |
  14. Joel

    Hey John,This is total nonsense.....the Bible tells abt sex as a wonderful gift of God-not as a consequence of the Fall.....priests and bishops out dere who practice abstinence do so maybe because of their corrupted understanding abt this message from the Bible or maybe because they just wanna concentrate on God more(I'm not so sure abt dat)...the Bible does not insist on abstinence-instead it tells us to keep away frm sexual immorality,fornication,adultery.etc.....and to love our partner like our own body.....and also to live a healthy and holy life....holiness does not imply sex abstinence(obviously)..

    September 5, 2010 at 4:30 am |
  15. Beyond-The-Political-Spectrum.blogspot

    Despite the anti-climatic point of the piece, I've actually always thought that is was the secular world which takes the fun out of sex. Because we're sold a bill-of-goods as to what constitutes "good sex" (i.e., "anything goes) people who are sexually conservative must be forced to live by the mores and beliefs of the masses in order to be considered "good sex partners."

    September 5, 2010 at 3:48 am |
  16. onix

    The bible was written by man for man..in general jesus was black , we all were black n the beginning of time. Our skin changed to fit the weather in our surrounding. The bible is a great book. Its full of stories that were written by men, its not even complete! GOD is God u can believe in him or not! $ex is natural...either except it or don't! Just keep ur opions to urself . Remember the bible says not to judge ur fellow man!

    September 5, 2010 at 3:41 am |
    • jerry

      GOD will not be mocked

      September 5, 2010 at 8:49 am |
  17. Tommy

    Wow, this article and the Belief Blog that it quotes are extremely misinformed.

    Christians love sex. Christians recognize how AWESOME sex is. Christians put it on a pedestal while everyone else places it in the dirt of everyday life. Catholics do have great sex... Hell, look at how many kids Irish Catholics have... How can you say they don't have great sex? At the same time, you say the Catholic church teaches guilt, not abstinence. Wrong.

    They teach when you can do something, and when you shouldn't. Sex is so awesome, the Catholic church says you really should wait till marriage because sex will help keep your marriage together, and have it in the correct context, with one person, not a dozen persons.

    Prude Christians are the same as Prude Atheists... They think sex could be "dirty" for whatever reason (insecurity?). Why does he focus on just Christians? However, the bottom line is, Christians say a married couple MUST have sex, otherwise it isn't a marriage. How can Belief Blog leave out all of this, and instead just go off a hunch?

    September 5, 2010 at 3:32 am |
  18. KB

    yeah, try and have it both ways. How creative and how full of crap. Good luck with that pal.

    September 5, 2010 at 3:28 am |
  19. Rivkah

    Not true of all Christian belief systems. I have been part of a small Christian organization with only a few million members worldwide for almost thirty years. In no way do we connect sex within marriage with sin. I choose to do everything with good friends and family, that I do with my husband, except have sex. Thus, sex is special, private, exclusive to us, and we are very close emotionally, physically and mentally. Sex is a journey of exploration between two committed, married people and that journey need never end, nor need new discoveries. The Bible teaches that sex in marriage is a clean, wonderful gift from God. It is not solely for the purpose of procreation, even though many misinterpret the Bible as stating that it is. We have many married couples as friends who have chosen to forego parenthood, but certainly not forego sex. The media and society have, unfortunately, dirtied sex and many people these days think nothing of having sex with multiple partners. This does not make a person more interesting, worldly wise, nor does it make them more 'talented; sexually. The most satisfying sexual relationships exist between couples who have been together for some time, and who are also friends, not just lovers. Years and years of studies bear out this truth.

    September 5, 2010 at 3:22 am |
  20. Heather

    I would ask you to read the song oF Solomon, in that book it clearly uses romantic allegory to talk about a passionate relationship between a lover and the beloved. (man and woman)

    1 The song of songs, which is Solomon’s.
    THE Shulamite[a]
    2 Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth—
    For your[b] love is better than wine.
    3 Because of the fragrance of your good ointments,
    Your name is ointment poured forth;. . .

    4 Draw me away! . . .
    12 While the king is at his table,
    My spikenard sends forth its fragrance.
    13 A bundle of myrrh is my beloved to me,
    That lies all night between my breasts.
    14 My beloved is to me a cluster of henna blooms
    In the vineyards of En Gedi.
    THE Beloved
    15 Behold, you are fair, my love!
    Behold, you are fair!
    You have dove’s eyes.
    THE Shulamite
    16 Behold, you are handsome, my beloved!
    Yes, pleasant!
    Also our bed is green.
    17 The beams of our houses are cedar,
    And our rafters of fir. . .
    3 Your lips are like a strand of scarlet,
    And your mouth is lovely.
    Your temples behind your veil
    . . 13 Your plants are an orchard of pomegranates
    With pleasant fruits,
    Fragrant henna with spikenard,
    14 Spikenard and saffron,
    Calamus and cinnamon,
    With all trees of frankincense,
    Myrrh and aloes,
    With all the chief spices—
    15 A fountain of gardens,
    A well of living waters,
    And streams from Lebanon.
    THE Shulamite
    16 Awake, O north wind,
    And come, O south!
    Blow upon my garden,
    That its spices may flow out.
    Let my beloved come to his garden
    And eat its pleasant fruits.

    so If anyone questions whether or not Christians are allowed to enjoy hot passionate sex, The Bible , in the Song of Solomon makes it quite clear! If you want to read more how to Turn your spouse on, read the rest and enjoy!! I have been a Christian for over ten years, Married at 35, have mad love to one man, My husband and because we waited to the right one, there are no past regrets, no baggage and freedom to enjoy one another Bodies with out know that they were ever touch by another person. Now that is erotic!!

    September 5, 2010 at 3:16 am |
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The CNN Belief Blog covers the faith angles of the day's biggest stories, from breaking news to politics to entertainment, fostering a global conversation about the role of religion and belief in readers' lives. It's edited by CNN's Daniel Burke with contributions from Eric Marrapodi and CNN's worldwide news gathering team.