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September 3rd, 2010
02:18 PM ET

How Christians spoil sex

Christian marriage.

Hot sex.

Let’s try that again:

Christian marriage; hot sex.

It doesn’t quite go together does it?

Passionate, toe-curling sex isn’t normally associated with Christianity or even spirituality in general.

At least that’s what Jonathan Acuff, a Belief Blog contributor and author of "Stuff Christians Like," argues in a recent blog. He says Christians need to do a better job of connecting God with a vibrant sex life.

That’s what we’ve been told. That God and sex don’t go together. And if you say something enough times, people start to believe it’s true…. You can’t have both in the same bottle. They’re oil and water. Cats and dogs. Spencer and Heidi. They just don’t go together.

Acuff, who is married, says Christians shouldn’t just teach abstinence. They should also teach that while sex before marriage is bad, “sex when you’re married is awesome.”

He says Christians damage sex in four ways:

They teach guilt, not abstinence.

They have very few ways to discuss it.

They write 10 books about lust for every one book about the gift of sex.

They've "made the crayon box pretty small" (they're afraid of being creative during sex).

Acuff says it's time Christian couples realize passionate sex is God's idea.

We’ve bought the lie that the world gets to have wild, crazy sex and Christians, holy folks like us, have to have black-and-white, two-dimensional sex. But what if that’s wrong? What if the God who overflows us with love and hope and mercy wants that part of our lives to be as big and as colorful as two married people could possibly imagine?

- CNN Writer

Filed under: Christianity • Culture & Science • United States

soundoff (2,079 Responses)
  1. Eric

    C'mon! X-tians made S-EX dirty for the rest of us. That's great!

    September 3, 2010 at 3:24 pm |
    • peace2all

      @Eric

      Now THAT was funny...LOL...!!!!! 🙂

      Peace

      September 3, 2010 at 3:27 pm |
  2. chris

    where's the article about how fundamentalist Muslims spoil sex or Orthodox Jews? What's that, can't print it? Of course not. That's exactly why you go for Christians. More garbage journalism from CNN.

    September 3, 2010 at 3:24 pm |
  3. mcmc

    II Tim 6:17 encourages us to trust in the living God "who giveth us richly all things to enjoy." In John 10:10 Jesus Christ says he is come that we might have "life and have it more abundantly." The Greek word for life = zoe...means life in every category. What's the problem?

    September 3, 2010 at 3:24 pm |
  4. Kate

    I am a Christian, a commited believer and I have a very hot sex life with my husband. I think it's not that Christain and HOT sex don't go together I think it is just that people belive that you can't have hot sex in marriage. My husband and I are very close and have sex 4-7 times a week. We have been together for 3 years and it's far better now than at the start. We are comfortable with each other and enjoy exploring how to pleasure each other. After all Sex was suppose to be a gift from God for married couples and we use it as such and boy oh boy does my husband know how to use it!!

    September 3, 2010 at 3:24 pm |
  5. CAL CARPENTER

    Benjamin, you are the reason for out of wedlock babies or single parent households...If premarital sex is what determines the love for you potential wife then you are in a relationship only for what you get out of it not your partner..Love is more than sex...Your female partner is not your testing machine to see if she is adequate for your sex drives.....With your thinking if you get married you will be ripe for future separation because at some point your wife will not meet your expectations.

    September 3, 2010 at 3:23 pm |
  6. John

    "Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things: One is that God loves you and you're going to burn in hell. The other is that s-e-x is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love." –Butch Hancock

    September 3, 2010 at 3:23 pm |
  7. my voice

    i say god gave u a tool so use it, it was created for a reason .. if not using that tool would get you more closer to god then he wouldn't have given it at the first place ... so do it .. get over it ... and think of something else with a cleaner mind

    September 3, 2010 at 3:23 pm |
    • CatholicMom

      Sounds like you are not married.......

      September 4, 2010 at 10:48 am |
  8. Brian in Toronto

    My very religious latin neighbours have no problems whatsoever yelling out religious phrases at all hours. They have no problems expressing their love for each other and for the Church. I supposed it is all what you are used to. I've had other neighbours that I suspect haven't even stripped down for their doctor let alone their spouse, what a horribly lonely existence.

    September 3, 2010 at 3:22 pm |
  9. Cookie

    As a married Christian woman, I feel that this article is extremely biased and just downright untrue. Growing up in my household, love and intimacy were 2 very important relationship components taught and displayed by my parents to us. No they did not condone my having sex outside of marriage, but YES they encourage me to please my husband and to have fun creating a sex life that is fulfilling to both myself and my husband. In premarital counseling it was a subject taught and discussed between us and my pastor, as it is in many other Christian denominations and households. This article may refer to some Christian denominations, but overall, sex is definitely not something that is taught to be bland and boring, rather Christians focus on the RIGHT way, God's way, to engage in sexual relations with your spouse.

    September 3, 2010 at 3:22 pm |
  10. Big Ben

    Religious folks ruining something fun. This is news? To me Christian ministers and devout followers always seem like a really strict nagging parent. Another analogy would be when you're out at a bar with your buddies and you meet a group of girls and everything is set up for them to go back to somebody's house and that one friend that can't score a guy comes with the "We shouldn't do this, we hardly know these guys" line and everything that is good in the night is gone in the blink of an eye.

    September 3, 2010 at 3:21 pm |
    • booboobear

      Bummer.....you did'nt get laid!!!!!!!!! as if that one ugly girl has control over all her friends minds. Maybe it is a good idea not to go home with a bunch of guys you barely know in these days. HMMMMMMM I can think of a few........Aids, spyhillis, Gonnerea and a bunch of other nasty stuff I cant spell, pregnancy with a guy that will probably never stick around. This has nothing to do with christianity and everything to do with COMMON SENSE 🙂 Think about it, you dont know them gals either you wanna to put your wee wee in.

      September 4, 2010 at 11:01 am |
  11. Aboutjab

    I think that religion spoils every thing.

    September 3, 2010 at 3:21 pm |
    • Big Ben

      Definitely everything fun at least.

      September 3, 2010 at 3:22 pm |
    • abiaggne

      Tell you what. Start reading the Bible and you'll quickly see that Jesus was against religion. Then, go from there. You have a lot to discover.

      September 3, 2010 at 10:07 pm |
  12. LMD

    Did they really need a study to report this?! Ask any "Good" Catholic and they would have confirmed this without the in depth study and money. If you were not procreating then you should not have been having"relations",other than that after your hubby went to confession,went out and got drunk,he could come home and "force" his wife to "submit" and it was seen as okay..as long as he confessed the following week...

    September 3, 2010 at 3:21 pm |
    • Robert

      LMD, you're a moron.

      September 3, 2010 at 4:04 pm |
  13. phoenixriser

    acuff your an idiot .christians cannot star or make porn or get into s and m like the heathen do. thats being a beast fornication . there are two groups genuine humans in the image of God and the hybrid humanoids that pollute thissphere thinking there is no judgment down the road

    September 3, 2010 at 3:21 pm |
  14. Tyler Durden the Narrator

    Well what do you expect. If you're brought up in a religion that teaches women are inferior to men, describes marriage as an ownership (men are actually only supposed to put a ring on a woman and not wear a ring themselves, the bible says so, because marriage is a symbol of ownership of a woman to a man. Also, the bible promotes polygamy), and then instills guilt about s3x by saying women who are not virgins before they marry should be stoned to death. It encourages suppressing emotions and teaches that a life of celibacy is an honor.

    The entire religion is founded on stopping people from having s3x. of course the silly people who follow it are going to be messed up a lot of the time. I have several christian friends who didn't have sex until they were married (so not until they were around 21-24) and they had a ton of issues, boring sex lives, embarrassment over their own bodies.

    religion is outdated superstition.

    September 3, 2010 at 3:20 pm |
  15. Mike in NYC

    Very nice. You're quite the comedian. I'll bet your mother is proud of you.

    September 3, 2010 at 3:20 pm |
    • Mike in NYC

      Okay???? So the moderator takes away the freak's comment about touching little kids but leaves MY comment slamming him? That makes total sense to me! lmao

      September 3, 2010 at 3:33 pm |
      • peace2all

        @Mike in NYC

        Hey bud..... Just let it go.... Sometimes it just doesn't make any sense. We try not to respond so much to the blog 'trolls'... Maybe that will help.

        Peace....

        September 3, 2010 at 3:36 pm |
        • Mike in NYC

          Its all good ....

          September 3, 2010 at 3:37 pm |
      • SS

        Amazingly arrogant by the editor. What a wuss.

        September 3, 2010 at 3:40 pm |
  16. Scottraties

    CNN dredges the bottom of the barrel once again!

    September 3, 2010 at 3:20 pm |
  17. Mike in NYC

    Silly article. I grew up (and remain) Catholic and all I heard was that s-x is wrong OUSTIDE marriage. Once you were married s-x was just fine and dandy. As a matter of fact the Catholic church LIKES married people having s-x because they're not allowed to use birth control = MORE Catholics!!!!

    I've been married for almost 20 yrs now and my wife and I have no problem heating things up ... AND keeping them interesting whether we're in the bedroom, living room, den, kitchen, backyard .... or wherever we may be.

    September 3, 2010 at 3:19 pm |
    • peace2all

      @Mike in NYC

      I posted above to your post.... The postings are moving so fast, hard to keep up....

      Anyway, see my hello to you and response above....

      Peace.....

      September 3, 2010 at 3:24 pm |
  18. Read your Bible

    It is silly to assert that being a Christian and living according to Bible principles automatically means a lifeless sex life. Proverbs 5: 18, 19 says: "Rejoice in the wife of your youth ...let her own breasts intoxicate you. With her love may you be in ecstasy constantly." Paul counseled married couples to 'render to each other their due.' at 1 Cor. 7:3. Surely this is not meant to be taken as routine drudgery. Since our bodies are obviously designed to experience sensual pleasure, having belief in God and living according to the Bible does not mean you cannot have "fun" in your marital sex life. Whether or not a married couple has an exciting sex life has to do with their mutual desires, respect, love and communication.

    September 3, 2010 at 3:19 pm |
  19. bijouandbuck

    I agree this is a tricky subject. I have told my teenage girls that s-ex is wonderful when experienced in a responsible way with a person you are passionate about. But making the jump to this point of view from "bad touching is bad" when they were little took some 'splainin.

    September 3, 2010 at 3:18 pm |
  20. citizenUSA

    It has already been said, and for Roman Catholics, 4newcation is for procreation only. It's a sin to "drop" your "seed" in any other way. I would be going straight to hell without passing GO if I still believed in all that malarkey.

    September 3, 2010 at 3:18 pm |
    • PHIL

      Most Christions don't believe that , my dad certainly didn't

      September 4, 2010 at 9:03 pm |
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The CNN Belief Blog covers the faith angles of the day's biggest stories, from breaking news to politics to entertainment, fostering a global conversation about the role of religion and belief in readers' lives. It's edited by CNN's Daniel Burke with contributions from Eric Marrapodi and CNN's worldwide news gathering team.