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September 3rd, 2010
02:18 PM ET

How Christians spoil sex

Christian marriage.

Hot sex.

Let’s try that again:

Christian marriage; hot sex.

It doesn’t quite go together does it?

Passionate, toe-curling sex isn’t normally associated with Christianity or even spirituality in general.

At least that’s what Jonathan Acuff, a Belief Blog contributor and author of "Stuff Christians Like," argues in a recent blog. He says Christians need to do a better job of connecting God with a vibrant sex life.

That’s what we’ve been told. That God and sex don’t go together. And if you say something enough times, people start to believe it’s true…. You can’t have both in the same bottle. They’re oil and water. Cats and dogs. Spencer and Heidi. They just don’t go together.

Acuff, who is married, says Christians shouldn’t just teach abstinence. They should also teach that while sex before marriage is bad, “sex when you’re married is awesome.”

He says Christians damage sex in four ways:

They teach guilt, not abstinence.

They have very few ways to discuss it.

They write 10 books about lust for every one book about the gift of sex.

They've "made the crayon box pretty small" (they're afraid of being creative during sex).

Acuff says it's time Christian couples realize passionate sex is God's idea.

We’ve bought the lie that the world gets to have wild, crazy sex and Christians, holy folks like us, have to have black-and-white, two-dimensional sex. But what if that’s wrong? What if the God who overflows us with love and hope and mercy wants that part of our lives to be as big and as colorful as two married people could possibly imagine?

- CNN Writer

Filed under: Christianity • Culture & Science • United States

soundoff (2,079 Responses)
  1. P & F

    My husband & I are Apostolic Pentecostals, and we have an awesome S life!! Hebrews 13:4 has already been referenced above, but it is an excellent point in showing that God intended for S to be enjoyed. Why would He have made our bodies to respond to the intimate touch, if He did not intend for us to enjoy it? We're sorry for those who have been taught otherwise, but we see nothing wrong with creativity, excitement, and passion within marriage.

    September 3, 2010 at 3:38 pm |
  2. ChristianSexGod

    What an over-simplistic article!!! Just because you might be Christian and don't have hot $ex doesn't mean all Christians are that way.....usually, "reporters" such as yourself get fired for making statements like "everyone in jail is black" or "all Jews are slavedriving tightasses" or even "God hates gays, though they're tastefully dressed"....but somehow it's ok to make this broadbrush announcement? My wife and I have fantastic $ex. God wants us to. And she feels compelled to do what God wants.

    September 3, 2010 at 3:37 pm |
  3. glasshavfull

    I find this to be a fascinating and compelling post string! Given our Puritan heritage the subject of intimacy in America has always been and will always be a flash point. Without it we would have neither Playboy or the Religous Right.

    I think we should accept the wide divergence of views here as real and relevant for the writer and refrain from belittlement.

    Perhaps we can find common ground in the recognition that people expressing mutual affection is a grand thing and let each individual discern what that means for them. A peaceful weekend to all.....

    September 3, 2010 at 3:36 pm |
    • sheisbackisis

      Happy Labor Day! Peace to you as well.

      September 3, 2010 at 3:41 pm |
    • aerie

      You wrote: "I think we should accept the wide divergence of views here as real and relevant for the writer and refrain from belittlement."

      Nice, warm fuzzy way to feel but the stakes are way too high. I won't list the global horrors that result from the ignorance & lies that religion perpetuates regarding human sexuality. Hard to sugar those up. This foolishness & ancient mythology deserves nothing but belittlement & ridicule. In the 21st century we are censoring the word s . e. x. so as not to offend WHO? It's nothing less mental & emotional retardation!

      "Those who are easily offended should be offended more often."

      September 3, 2010 at 7:24 pm |
  4. Yves

    Mr. Jonathan Acuff is incorrect in his assessment. I've either pastored or co-pastored churches in CA, IL and Afghanistan. All the churches we were at or fellowshipped (hung out) with talked about sex. We talked from a biblical perspective of how good it is and how it's a blessing from God. It appear Mr. Acuff wants the church to condone pre-maritial sex. That's a bit silly on his part since it's one of the things we don't believe in.

    September 3, 2010 at 3:36 pm |
  5. David Johnson

    As a god lovin' fundie, I have some reservations:

    Jesus is always watching. I'm scared to try any kinky stuff. I might go the hell. Once we cut that hole in the sheet, I felt much better. I could feel Jesus' smiling down on me.

    I have this problem in the bathroom to. I make myself constipated, because I put off going. I can feel Jesus' eyes on me.

    Once I used the bathroom, but I forgot to wash my hands. I could feel Jesus' anger in my heart. Now, I can't stop washing my hands. I have Jesus induced OCD.

    September 3, 2010 at 3:36 pm |
  6. Andy

    I waited until I was married because of my Christian based morals, as did my wife (who is not fat or ugly, if you decide to go down that path) and to be quite honest, it gets pretty insane in the bedroom. I'm not sure what this guy is talking about.

    September 3, 2010 at 3:36 pm |
  7. Mike in NYC

    Wow ... with a response like that you surely show us how intellent YOU are.

    September 3, 2010 at 3:34 pm |
  8. Mark_in_ct203

    Well – personally I don't think they *should* have any fun. They're always flaunting the opinion that sex (and ONLY within marriage) is for propagating the race. There's nothing that says that's supposed to be fun. They're not supposed to use birth control, so with those two pieces of logic in place, sex is only for making babies and women are to be kept pregnant (and lets not forget that they should stay home with the children).

    September 3, 2010 at 3:33 pm |
  9. Christian Sinner

    I used to agree that you needed to "test drive"...then something amazing happened. I met the man I married and believe me, we didn't need to test. The chemistry was incredible without going all the way. if you believe that you need to test, you haven't met the right person. & I love being intimate with my husband! not only physically, but emotionally and mentally. we are totally no rules school 🙂

    September 3, 2010 at 3:33 pm |
    • aerie

      you wrote: "if you believe that you need to test, you haven't met the right person"

      Very bad advice. I'm happy for you but these odds are in the billions. Congrats on winning the marriage/sex lottery!

      Emotionalism can be extremely powerful to humans, xtians are trapped in it. Emotionally mature & responsible people know that good decisions are made by setting our 'feelings' aside & apply our reason & rationality. Which is why xtian marriages fail at the same >50% rate that they all do.

      September 3, 2010 at 6:57 pm |
  10. 64roses

    Religion has changed and become more accepting of marital hot s-ex. You just have to undo everything that was told to you as a child.

    September 3, 2010 at 3:32 pm |
  11. Mike

    Maybe my wife and I are not the Christian norm, but our sex life is pretty hot, we've always seen it as an act of worship. We started our marriage as virgins, read Tim Lahaye's, "The Act of Marriage" just before the wedding and 30 years later read Dr. Kevin Lemen's "Sheet Music" i.e. making great music between the sheets. We've "done it" all the places you would expect and several you'd be surprised at. Though I must confess we had not thought of using crayons like Mr. Acuff mentioned, but were gonna look into getting some. 😉

    September 3, 2010 at 3:32 pm |
  12. Saint

    S .... Where is such an opinion coming from? How many polls of Christian women have you taken? I was raised in a Christian home. Absolutely knowone told me my body was ugly and that sex was bad! I don't remember my mom complaining about her relationship with my dad. Are you a Christian? If that's been your experience, you should change your influences.

    September 3, 2010 at 3:32 pm |
  13. Veronica

    Wrong, depends what "religion" a Christian is following. A fake Christian ie like my ex husband who deceived me, and many others including himself, fake sexuality also.
    A true Christian's love is pure, sure, but when married is love unconditional, and enjoyment can be had if one loves the other as one loves oneself.... putting the other persons needs first....would culminate in perfect sex for BOTH....
    Shame this gentleman has not found perfect Christian sexual love....he would then write the truth.
    "

    September 3, 2010 at 3:32 pm |
  14. Sarcasmo

    Google "onion lutheran minister". It's one of my favorite articles of theirs.

    September 3, 2010 at 3:32 pm |
  15. Rick A Post

    What ignorance!!!.... The 'conjugal union' is a blessing for man was made to the image of GOD and HE is a divine exchange of love in the Trinity. This means our marriage, and the conjugal union inside marriage, is to mirror that eternal exchange of love between the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Many Christians have no clue what is 'conjugal love', therefore, they assume that the Church says it is bad to enjoy what GOD himself blessed: .."and the two shall be one flesh" (Genesis).

    What is twisted, because of mans Fall from grace, is that the conjugal union has been made into a pornographic act in which the couple uses one another and whereby the female, more than the man, is the victim of exploitation and defillment.
    Please, google "Theology of The Body"... to get a clue before you speak such ignorance and find out that The Catholic Church, for one, says that the s. union is 'sacramental' when done within marriage. Outside of marriage is fornication.

    September 3, 2010 at 3:32 pm |
  16. Albert Meza

    No, I just don't take myself that seriously. I think that's the point of the article in the first place, don't you think? As for my mother, YES, She is dammed proud of me regardless.

    September 3, 2010 at 3:31 pm |
  17. I believe in Christ

    There are too many opinions on what is true which really isn't – thus is being an opinion. People need to seperate the Christian faith(s) from the Christians who try to live by it's teachings. The teachings says nothing about what goes on in the bedroom except that it should be with a spouse – plain and simple. Anything more or less (unless with given authority) (which would be from God) is personal belief or preference. That personal belief doesn't define Christianity. We are imperfect. There is no perfect Christian. What happens in the bedroom SHOULD be a personal thing. This article is pointing fingers at something it (the author) has misunderstood and/or misrepresents.

    September 3, 2010 at 3:31 pm |
  18. john john

    There is a diffeerence between passionate and loving se x and freaky, kinky se x.

    Love does NOT=deviant

    September 3, 2010 at 3:31 pm |
  19. Conguero

    Dumbest article I've ever read. Christians and great sex are the perfect match! God created sex! He designed the man and woman for each other. The marraige bed is undefiled. Wed christians are to enjoy each other, the Bible teaches this. My wife and I are christians and have been happily married for 27 years and the sex is great. We've never had to look elsewhere. Sex is not only physical, it's spiritual. I dare say christians sex is "hottest" of all. Where is this guy getting his info from?

    September 3, 2010 at 3:31 pm |
  20. Russ

    My wife is a true Christian and e too, we've been together thirty-two years. We have had the greatest sex life on the entire planet!!!

    September 3, 2010 at 3:30 pm |
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The CNN Belief Blog covers the faith angles of the day's biggest stories, from breaking news to politics to entertainment, fostering a global conversation about the role of religion and belief in readers' lives. It's edited by CNN's Daniel Burke with contributions from Eric Marrapodi and CNN's worldwide news gathering team.