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My Take: I don't know if Jesus was married (and I don't care)
September 21st, 2012
09:28 AM ET

My Take: I don't know if Jesus was married (and I don't care)

Editor's Note: Stephen Prothero, a Boston University religion scholar and author of "The American Bible: How Our Words Unite, Divide, and Define a Nation," is a regular CNN Belief Blog contributor.

By Stephen Prothero, Special to CNN

A few years ago I wrote a book about Jesus in the American imagination. What I learned along the way is that the American Jesus is a Gumby-like figure who can twist and turn in almost any direction.

Our Jesus has been black and white, gay and straight, a socialist and a capitalist, a pacifist and a warrior, a civil rights activist and a Ku Klux Klansman. Over the American centuries, he has stood not on some unchanging rock of ages but on the shifting sands of economic circumstances, political calculations and cultural trends.

Part Proteus, part Paul (who called himself "all things to all men"), he became during the Victorian period a sentimental Savior. During the Progressive era of Teddy Roosevelt’s Rough Riders, he flexed his muscles and carried a big stick. During the counterculture of the 1960s and 1970s, he grew his hair long and strummed his guitar for peace.

Now, in an era in which Americans are debating who can marry and have sex with whom, we are given a Jesus who has given his body and soul in marriage, at least if we are to believe the scrap of ancient papyrus soon coming, via Harvard Divinity School professor Karen King and the Smithsonian Channel, to a television set near you.

“Jesus said, ‘My wife,'” this Coptic papyrus reads, and since King announced her finding at a Coptic studies conference in Rome on Tuesday, the world is trying to imagine not only what manner of man (and god) this might be, but what sort of woman he might have taken into his marriage bed.

As for the question everyone is asking — was Jesus married? — the only correct answer is that we do not know.

There are all sorts of reasons to be skeptical about this find. First, according to King it is owned by an anonymous dealer who is willing to give the fragment to Harvard, but only if it buys other parts of his collection.

Second, we don’t yet know anything about where this fragment was supposedly found or by whom, and the world of ancient Jewish and Christian manuscripts is replete with fakes and fakers.

Third, even if the papyrus is genuine, it points only to one author quoting Jesus as referring to his wife. Perhaps that author was simply trying to push the early Christian tradition away from a preference for celibacy over marriage.

Or perhaps the reference is to some symbolic or spiritual “wife,” rather than one of the flesh-and-blood type. (In the New Testament Jesus already refers to himself as the bridegroom.)

In the end, what intrigues me about this tiny fragment (it measures roughly 1.5-by-3 inches) is the huge hype. The original Belief Blog piece on this story has over 4,000 comments and counting. And a Smithsonian documentary is in the works for September 30.

Jesus may be one of the best attested figures in the ancient world, but we still know hardly anything about him. And because he is the key figure in the largest religion in the world, we are keen to fill in the blanks.

The Jewish tradition has a name for this: midrash, which refers to a way of storytelling that fills in the gaps. This is what Americans have been doing for centuries with Jesus. Not sure where he was during his “lost years” from the end of his childhood to the beginning of his ministry? Send him off to India. Not sure how he looked? Draw a painting or carve a statue.

What is going on here, as I see it, is a reluctance to say, “I don’t know.”

The truth of the matter is that we don’t know what Jesus looked like. We don’t know where he was or what he was doing when he turned 18. And we don’t know if he was ever married or divorced.

What we do know is that we live in a country besotted with Jesus and in an age obsessed with marriage and sexuality and the body, which is why this tiny papyrus is making such big waves.

As for me, I don’t much care what Jesus thought about marriage, or whether he engaged in it. I think we as a society tend to collapse religion far too readily into bedroom questions, as if Jesus came into the world to tell us with whom we should be having sex, and how.

I’m more interested in what Jesus has to say about wealth and poverty, the rich and the poor. And there is plenty in the available record to read and heed, "if only we have ears to hear."

The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of Stephen Prothero.

- CNN Belief Blog contributor

Filed under: Belief • Christianity • Coptic • Jesus • Sexuality • United States

soundoff (2,026 Responses)
  1. ScottCA

    Hi all, If you have not read the article on CNN called "Decrying attack, protesters overtake Islamist group's HQ in Benghazi" please do so. This article warmed my heart and left me feeling better about humanity.

    September 21, 2012 at 11:21 pm |
    • Damocles

      Yep I read it and it made me feel slightly better about things.

      September 21, 2012 at 11:28 pm |
  2. Jimmy, the guy who cracks corn

    I don't care, either.

    September 21, 2012 at 11:17 pm |
  3. Ikenna N Nicolas

    The most important is that he brought the power of the resurrection, thats what makes us christians. Thats why our sins including all these blasphemy on this page can be forgiven.

    September 21, 2012 at 11:06 pm |
    • Bob

      Come on, Ikenna. You can't pull that bull here. That whole premise of Christianity that the death of the son of god would have been any kind of "sacrifice" and was required to deal with "sin" is utter nonsense. This is a supposed omnipotent being that we are discussing. Christians, think this through a bit: how come your 'omnipotent' creature couldn't do all that supposed saving without the loony son sacrifice bit? And for that matter, how was it a sacrifice at all, when an omnipotent being could just pop up a replacement son any time it wants with less than a snap of its fingers? Pretty feeble god it is that you've made for yourself there. Give that some thought and maybe it will help you leave your delusions behind. You will remain a laughingstock otherwise, and the more you dwell in your silly delusion and ancient myths, instead of keeping up with advances in medicine and technology, the more America slips downward relative to the rest of the world in science and other fields.

      Ask the questions. Break the chains. Join the movement. Be free of Christianity and other superstitions.
      http://whywontgodhealamputees.com/

      September 21, 2012 at 11:08 pm |
    • Tom, Tom, the Other One

      Jesus atoned for sins through his sacrifice. That is why you can be forgiven. AMDG

      September 21, 2012 at 11:09 pm |
    • Bob

      Again, the atonement this is a load of bull. Think it over. The whole premise of Christianity that the death of the son of god would have been any kind of "sacrifice" and was required to deal with "sin" is utter nonsense. This is a supposed omnipotent being that we are discussing. Christians, think this through a bit: how come your 'omnipotent' creature couldn't do all that supposed saving without the loony son sacrifice bit? And for that matter, how was it a sacrifice at all, when an omnipotent being could just pop up a replacement son any time it wants with less than a snap of its fingers? Pretty feeble god it is that you've made for yourself there. Give that some thought and maybe it will help you leave your delusions behind. You will remain a laughingstock otherwise, and the more you dwell in your silly delusion and ancient myths, instead of keeping up with advances in medicine and technology, the more America slips downward relative to the rest of the world in science and other fields.

      Ask the questions. Break the chains. Join the movement. Be free of Christianity and other superstitions.
      http://whywontgodhealamputees.com/

      September 21, 2012 at 11:11 pm |
    • HAVE MUD WILL TRAVEL

      Standard Christian doctrine:......'Hbr 9:22 And almost all things are by the law purged with blood; and without shedding of blood is no remission.'

      September 21, 2012 at 11:11 pm |
    • Bob

      That it is doctrine does not make it correct. This whole premise of Christianity that the death of the son of god would have been any kind of "sacrifice" and was required to deal with "sin" is utter nonsense. This is a supposed omnipotent being that we are discussing. Christians, think this through a bit: how come your 'omnipotent' creature couldn't do all that supposed saving without the loony son sacrifice bit? And for that matter, how was it a sacrifice at all, when an omnipotent being could just pop up a replacement son any time it wants with less than a snap of its fingers? Pretty feeble god it is that you've made for yourself there. Give that some thought and maybe it will help you leave your delusions behind. You will remain a laughingstock otherwise, and the more you dwell in your silly delusion and ancient myths, instead of keeping up with advances in medicine and technology, the more America slips downward relative to the rest of the world in science and other fields.

      Ask the questions. Break the chains. Join the movement. Be free of Christianity and other superstitions.
      http://whywontgodhealamputees.com/

      September 21, 2012 at 11:15 pm |
    • Tom, Tom, the Other One

      Ikenna, the Resurrection is important as well. By it you too are raised into life and have an eternal relationship with God.

      September 21, 2012 at 11:18 pm |
    • Tom, Tom, the Piper's Son

      Gee. MUDPUDDLE, that was just ever so enlightening.

      M

      September 21, 2012 at 11:18 pm |
    • Tom, Tom, the Other One

      I enjoy explaining other people's religion to them. It's a weakness.

      September 21, 2012 at 11:20 pm |
    • HAVE MUD WILL TRAVEL

      Wow, bobette, a lawless one criticizing the penalties of the law. Where have I heard that before? Maybe you can get a waiver from the Big O.

      September 21, 2012 at 11:22 pm |
    • hinduism source of hindufilthyracism.

      One has to be a hindu, ignorant to have faith in a hypothesis.

      September 21, 2012 at 11:24 pm |
    • Fluffy the Gerbil of Doom

      Your sins are not forgiven. You have no sins. God does not care. he does not sit somewhere, and keep lists of who has forgiven sins, and who doesn't. Come on. You are not that stupid.

      September 21, 2012 at 11:29 pm |
    • HAVE MUD WILL TRAVEL

      Waiver mania is all the rage these days. Days of Mania!

      September 21, 2012 at 11:30 pm |
    • Lameness Spotter

      Looks like some real holy, Commandment-keeping Christian has stolen @Tom, Tom, the Other One's name. Tsk, tsk...

      September 21, 2012 at 11:32 pm |
    • HAVE MUD WILL TRAVEL

      bob sayz, '.....the more America slips downward relative to the rest of the world in science and other fields.....' Try Nixon. Those commies can put on ye olde capitalist hat just like anybody else. I sold out? hahaha

      September 21, 2012 at 11:38 pm |
    • Chad

      If you are concerned about impersonation, just hit "report abuse" and encourage the forum moderator to look into the source IP of the posts.

      that's what I do when I suspect someone is impersonating me 🙂

      you cant fake your own source IP, but one thing that's impossible to do, is impersonate someone elses 🙂

      September 21, 2012 at 11:39 pm |
    • Chad

      s/b "you can fake...." not "can't"

      September 21, 2012 at 11:41 pm |
    • Lameness Spotter

      Chad: "that's what I do when I suspect someone is impersonating me" [report abuse]

      And what has been the outcome of that? Anything? I do not think that there are any live moderators on these blogs.

      September 21, 2012 at 11:47 pm |
    • asscnn9

      The href for Report abuse is javascript:void(0)

      September 22, 2012 at 12:00 am |
    • Lameness Spotter

      asscnn9,

      Yes, I see that on the Page Source. I'm not well-versed in programming, but can we take it that this means that "Report abuse" is not hooked up to anything?

      September 22, 2012 at 12:22 am |
    • llɐq ʎʞɔnq

      Hey dumb chad,
      And how'd that work out for ya ? We all know the countless times HeavenSent was impersonated means they do nothing.

      September 22, 2012 at 2:16 am |
  4. Peteyroo

    Was Jesus married? Let's see. Santa is married. The Tooth Fairy might be married. Tinker Bell is not married. Leprechauns do get married. Unicorns mate for life but do not marry. Does it really matter?

    September 21, 2012 at 11:05 pm |
    • Athy

      How about cats, dogs, mice, spiders, flies, butterflies, trouts, robins, lizards, clams, trees, roses, earthworms, etc.

      September 21, 2012 at 11:38 pm |
    • Damocles

      @athy

      None of those marriages are recognized by the church.

      September 21, 2012 at 11:42 pm |
    • Athy

      Do they have to be?

      September 21, 2012 at 11:52 pm |
  5. abiteinthechunk

    Reblogged this on abiteinthechunk and commented:
    jesus was not a saint because he was single! the logic is wrong! he was not a complete man to not have married!

    September 21, 2012 at 10:45 pm |
  6. leotra

    Don t worry he didn t even existed you can keep abusing children

    September 21, 2012 at 10:20 pm |
  7. Muslim 10100110000000101

    Pardon me, have you seen my Mohammad??

    but Which Mohammad???

    oh the guy with short pant and big dick

    September 21, 2012 at 10:09 pm |
  8. I'm not a GOPer, nor do I play one on TV

    @Chad,

    I can't wait to hang around. I've got to run.

    I hope you will get back to me on this one. A binary answer will suffice.

    Is Jesus God?

    September 21, 2012 at 9:55 pm |
    • I'm not a GOPer, nor do I play one on TV

      Ooops – posted in the wrong spot. Reposted below.

      September 21, 2012 at 9:56 pm |
    • God is here NOW!

      God felt under pressure. God's "approval rating" in opinion polls was plummeting. People just didn't like God's character (which is described in the Old Testament).

      God to some angels: "Go find me a public relations guy!"

      Jesus was exactly what God needed. Wise. Gentle. And blind to God's negative aspects. God even occasionally gave Jesus the power to perform a few miracles.

      God's strategy worked–people mistakenly thought that Jesus was God.

      In public opinion polls, God's "approval rating" soared. (…yet God's character remained the same)

      September 21, 2012 at 10:11 pm |
    • Lord Golob from Kolob

      You shall have no gods who are not Kolobians. Our whipping boy Mittens Rmoney will see to that soon. Just get out the vote GOPhers and Kolob will have new slaves.

      Your planet's too far away for convenient plunder tho.

      September 21, 2012 at 10:41 pm |
    • Dolob

      Kolob rocks.You go Golob. Too bad earth is more of a day trip or I'd be long earth mining.

      September 21, 2012 at 11:13 pm |
  9. I don't know if Jesus even existed, and I don't care

    That goes for Allah and Zeus too.

    September 21, 2012 at 9:44 pm |
  10. itsallaloadofbollocks

    Who cares if Jesus was married. It pales into insignificance while the Catholic church does stuff like this (from 2009):
    The Archbishop of Olinda and Recife in Brazil, Jose Cardoso Sobrinho, announced the automatic excommunication of the mother and doctors of a nine-year-old girl who had an abortion after being r.aped and impregnated by her stepfather(who was not excommunicated).

    September 21, 2012 at 9:20 pm |
    • Yep! Yep! Yep!

      The Christian religion is the most vile turd ever shit out by the minds of hate-filled outcasts.
      Christians suck on this turd and tell us we will burn in hell if we don't suck on the turd too and say it's delicious.
      Hey Christians--FUCK OFF, ALREADY!!!!

      September 21, 2012 at 9:50 pm |
    • leotra

      And in Germany they will excomunicate everybody that don t pay church tax (installed by Hitler by the way, the most important catholic ever when it comes to money given to the church)

      September 21, 2012 at 10:16 pm |
  11. James

    I am a catholic and I really do not know if Jesus was married or not. It is convenient for Rome to let us believe that Jesus was celibate. I am sure that Jesus would not be upset if priests were to be allowed to get married. Some of the Apostles were surely married. It does not matter. What matters is the message that Jesus brought.

    September 21, 2012 at 9:08 pm |
    • I'm not a GOPer, nor do I play one on TV

      @James,

      clerical celibacy has nothing to do with Jesus. There are two reasons for clerical celibacy:

      1. Pastoral (from St. Francis) A member of the clergy who does not have a family can focus their whole life on the community without having to provide for a spouse and children.

      2. Pragmatic: Families want/need an inheritance. The church wanted to keep all its assets.

      The Catholic church can permit a married clergy if they want to. It really has nothing to do with Jesus being married or not.

      You overlook the theological implications of a married Jesus.

      Jesus is without sin – he cannot be a fornicator.
      If Jesus marries, then this marriage is permanant for eternity.
      If Jesus is one with Yahweh and the spirit in the trinity, then is Yahweh also married to Jesus' wife – who is a human and cannot be ressurected until the end of days.
      What is the status of this putative mortal "wife of the monotheistic God"?

      These may sound like inconsequential details to you, but they demonstrate you do not fully accept the faith you claim.

      September 21, 2012 at 9:21 pm |
    • Chad

      @GOPer "You overlook the theological implications of a married Jesus. Jesus is without sin – he cannot be a fornicator."
      @Chad "if a person is married, it isnt fornication"

      @GOPer "If Jesus marries, then this marriage is permanant for eternity."
      @Chad ":-)
      no, Saducees tried that same trick 2000 years ago.

      That same day the Sadducees, who say there is no resurrection, came to him with a question. 24 “Teacher,” they said, “Moses told us that if a man dies without having children, his brother must marry the widow and raise up offspring for him. 25 Now there were seven brothers among us. The first one married and died, and since he had no children, he left his wife to his brother. 26 The same thing happened to the second and third brother, right on down to the seventh. 27 Finally, the woman died. 28 Now then, at the resurrection, whose wife will she be of the seven, since all of them were married to her?”

      29 Jesus replied, “You are in error because you do not know the Scriptures or the power of God. 30 At the resurrection people will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven. 31 But about the resurrection of the dead—have you not read what God said to you, 32 ‘I am the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob’[b]? He is not the God of the dead but of the living.” 33 When the crowds heard this, they were astonished at his teaching. Matthew 22

      =======
      @GOPer "If Jesus is one with Yahweh and the spirit in the trinity, then is Yahweh also married to Jesus' wife – who is a human and cannot be ressurected until the end of days."
      @Chad "Wrong on both counts:
      1. Jesus and God are two different distinct persons (for lack of a better word)
      2. Jesus was human and was resurrected, (same with Lazarus). There are resurrections prior to the general resurrection.

      September 21, 2012 at 9:39 pm |
    • I'm not a GOPer, nor do I play one on TV

      @Chad,

      So, is Jesus God?

      September 21, 2012 at 9:42 pm |
    • Jill

      Chad, don't obfuscate the primary prenuptials with rasberries. Often, the pertinent cat presents fabled necessities in the parking chamfer. Realize your net precedent. Triangulate! Save the best for the alligators. Ever the bastille notches the orchestra but Wendy is not green and horses will capitulate. Filter out the log from the turnstile and cry prevalently.

      So there brown stare. Feed your inner walnut and resolve. Subject your lemon to the ingenious door in the presence of snow and animals. Aisle 7 is for the monetary cheese whiz. Faced with the kitchen, you may wish to prolong the sailboat in the cliff. Otherwise, rabbits may descend on your left nostril. Think about how you can stripe the sea.

      Regale the storm to those who (6) would thump the parrot with the armband. Corner the market on vestiges of the apparent closure but seek not the evidential circumstance. Therein you can find indignant mountains of pigs and apples. Descend eloquently as you debate the ceiling of your warning fulcrum. Vacate the corncob profusely and and don’t dote on the pancreas.

      Next up, control your wood. Have at the cat with your watch on the fore. Aft! Smarties (12)! Rome wasn’t kevetched in an autumn nightie. (42) See yourself for the turntable on the escalator. Really peruse the garage spider definitely again again with brown. Now we have an apparent congestion, so be it here. Just a moment is not a pod of beef for the ink well nor can it be (4) said that Karen was there in the millpond.

      Garbage out just like the candle in the kitty so. Go, go, go until the vacuum meets the upward vacation. Sell the yellow. Then trim the bus before the ten cheese please Louise. Segregate from the koan and stew the ship vigorously.

      And remember, never pass up an opportunity to watch an elephant paint Mozart.

      September 21, 2012 at 9:42 pm |
    • hinduism source of hindufilthyracism.

      enoch's were used to be oly men of hindu Mithra ism, in following of hindu Zoroaster, chasing boys as a holy trsdition and Chtholic church followes hindu tradition of hindu's pagans, nothing else, people of the LOUT. for more visit limitisthetruth.com/blog.html

      September 21, 2012 at 9:48 pm |
    • I'm not a GOPer, nor do I play one on TV

      @Chad,

      Matthew 2:30 is an effective rebuttal by the way. I'll have to reformulate that part of the argument.

      September 21, 2012 at 9:50 pm |
    • I'm not a GOPer, nor do I play one on TV

      Oops – Matt 22:30

      September 21, 2012 at 9:51 pm |
    • Tom, Tom, the Other One

      "At the resurrection people will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven."

      Which is informative only to a point. What are angels like in this regard?

      September 21, 2012 at 9:54 pm |
    • I'm not a GOPer, nor do I play one on TV

      @Chad, (reposted from above)

      I can't wait to hang around. I've got to run.

      I hope you will get back to me on this one. A binary answer will suffice.

      Is Jesus God?

      September 21, 2012 at 9:56 pm |
    • hinduism source of hindufilthyracism.

      Mohammad was married to Aisha, a direct descendant of filthy pagan GAWD, Jesus, denier of truth absolute, 180*for more family tree of Jesus, visit my blog http://www. jesuswasmarried.com/blog.html and click on Jesus'sWife to open file.

      September 21, 2012 at 9:56 pm |
    • Chad

      @GOPer "So, is Jesus God?"

      @Chad "you'll have to clarify "is"

      by way of illustration, I am a son, and also a father. I am both, I have two ti tles, in one situation, one, in another, the other.
      Does this same situation describe how Jesus and God are "one"?

      if so, who is Jesus talking to here?
      'My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?'” Mark 15

      and, who was God talking to here?:
      This is My beloved Son, in whom I am well-pleased. Luke 9

      September 21, 2012 at 9:57 pm |
    • Tom, Tom, the Other One

      Chad becomes strangely evasive when asked about his understanding of the Trinity.

      September 21, 2012 at 10:08 pm |
    • Damocles

      @@Chad

      The situation does not matter, you either are, or are not, a father and you are always someone's son.

      September 21, 2012 at 10:19 pm |
    • fred

      Chad, with presence. Anr to the future, yes?

      September 21, 2012 at 10:25 pm |
    • James

      Fred, what the hail were you just trying to say?

      September 21, 2012 at 10:35 pm |
    • Chad

      @Damocles "The situation does not matter, you either are, or are not, a father and you are always someone's son."
      @Chad "that's my point, I am both a father and a son.

      The question is, does that describe God? Is "God" the name of the father and "Jesus" the name of the son?
      Although I have heard that analogy used, I dont think it is accurate.

      @Tom, you need better bait, and you need to stop impersonating me 🙂

      September 21, 2012 at 10:41 pm |
    • Tom, Tom, the Other One

      That was an observation, Chad. Not bait or impersonation(?). This time the question was asked by someone else. You're no less evasive when someone else asks it.

      September 21, 2012 at 10:45 pm |
    • Damocles

      @@chad

      I have no idea, I've heard deities described all sorts of different ways. I would imagine that an all everything deity would be father, son, brother, mother, sister, 2nd cousin twice removed and the creepy uncle no one talks about.

      September 21, 2012 at 11:21 pm |
    • Tom, Tom, the Other One

      Chad has retreated for now.

      And I have a question perhaps only he can answer:
      Is the Holy Spirit male?

      September 21, 2012 at 11:27 pm |
    • Chad

      @Damocles "I have no idea..."
      @Chad "I cant claim to know a great deal more than you.
      The relationship between God and Jesus is obviously different than anything that we can relate to.
      I do know that Jesus and God are two different persons, and that they are also "one" as well (that doesnt mean there isnt two of them, it just means that they share something that we as humans cant really understand).

      TTTOO: Go fish 🙂

      September 21, 2012 at 11:32 pm |
    • Damocles

      @@chad

      The concept isn't all that difficult.

      September 21, 2012 at 11:38 pm |
    • Tom, Tom, the Other One

      Regarding the "oneness" of God and Jesus:

      Believers are called upon to have the same relationship with one another and Jesus claims to have it with believers. It's a shame it can't be understood by humans.

      September 21, 2012 at 11:44 pm |
    • Damocles

      @TripleT, double O

      Wait, what? Believers need to have a relationship that they can't even understand?

      September 21, 2012 at 11:48 pm |
    • Tom, Tom, the Other One

      Yes indeed. But you'll sign on anyway, right?

      September 21, 2012 at 11:50 pm |
  12. Sicky

    Muslims………your religion is ruined now. The entire world is seeing that there are millions involved in violent acts within your religion. Now your religion is spreading violence and hate and telling members to attack. YOU ARE A CULT NOW.

    September 21, 2012 at 9:05 pm |
    • hinduism source of hindufilthyracism.

      ruined in hinduism, absurdity of hindu's, criminals, Islam is on the move, hinduism, violence breeds hinduism, violence, and Muslims right fully feeding hindu's criminals their medicine of hinduism, terrorism. Time to pay back hindu's, criminals.

      September 21, 2012 at 9:55 pm |
    • hinduism source of hindufilthyracism.

      Islam is healthy for other living things, but not for humans, denier of religion of Thin Allah, consti pation of America and Israel, truth absolute and foundation of every consti pation on earth, heaven, and beyond where no man has gone before.

      September 21, 2012 at 9:57 pm |
    • hinduism source of hindufilthyracism.

      hinduism absurdity of a hindu, ID moron..

      September 21, 2012 at 10:03 pm |
  13. bobble

    Jesus liked chicks and that's OK.

    September 21, 2012 at 9:05 pm |
    • Attack of the 50 Foot Magical Underwear

      Sing along now:

      Jesus liked chicks – that's ok
      Better than him being gay.
      T-its and a-ss he thought were great
      And he loved to for-ni-cate!

      Oh, Jesus liked chicks
      Yes, Jesus liked chicks
      Oh, Jesus liked chicks
      The parchment told me so!

      September 21, 2012 at 9:15 pm |
  14. Bootyfunk

    does he mean was Jesus g.ay married? he definitely wasn't married to a woman. Jesus had washboard abs, long hair and hung out with 12 dudes... G.AY. i think Jesus was probably a happy bottom.

    September 21, 2012 at 8:51 pm |
    • Tom, Tom, the Other One

      No, with Jesus it was a foot thing. No gender preference there: "Then Mary took about a pint of pure nard, an expensive perfume; she poured it on Jesus’ feet and wiped his feet with her hair." This fairly harmless interlude led to a rather sad scene with Peter. Jesus was kind of a bully:

      He came to Simon Peter, who said to him, “Lord, are you going to wash my feet?”

      Jesus replied, “You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.”

      “No,” said Peter, “you shall never wash my feet.”

      Jesus answered, “Unless I wash you, you have no part with me.”

      September 21, 2012 at 9:05 pm |
    • End Religion

      There's also this quote about Jesus waxing his pubes in front of a fire. I think the whole passage is symbolic evidence of heaping gayness:

      Micah 1:4 ESV "And the mountains will melt under him, and the valleys will split open, like wax before the fire, like waters poured down a steep place."

      September 21, 2012 at 9:09 pm |
    • End Religion

      Here's the quote where jesus admits he wants to ride you like Brokeback Mountain:
      Matthew 11:28-30 "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."

      This is the quote about Jesus being into lifting weights, or "bearing burden"
      Galatians 6:2 "Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ."
      There's some research into "Galations" having formerly been "Gay Relations" but was changed for obvious reasons.

      September 21, 2012 at 9:18 pm |
  15. White Water Willy

    These parchments I think are telling us that there was a Jesus and he was most likely married.

    September 21, 2012 at 8:51 pm |
    • End Religion

      With that summation of random guessing I'm glad you're not in charge of furthering the world's knowledge base.

      September 21, 2012 at 9:04 pm |
    • Athy

      And?

      September 21, 2012 at 11:41 pm |
  16. Sicky

    God created humans, yet there are few misguided arrogant atheists still in 21st century unfortunately...

    September 21, 2012 at 8:50 pm |
    • Bootyfunk

      yeah, we use stuff you don't have any use for, like logic and reason.

      September 21, 2012 at 8:52 pm |
    • MDAT

      Not possible.We have human ancestors fossils.

      September 21, 2012 at 8:59 pm |
    • End Religion

      If god had created man in his image then none of us would have tonsils because he was constantly deepthroating satan.

      September 21, 2012 at 9:02 pm |
  17. hinduism source of hindufilthyracism.

    Why yes!

    September 21, 2012 at 8:49 pm |
    • hinduism source of hindufilthyracism.

      fellas! listen up! if you praise Allah you get 72X (_!_), if you curse Allah, you get 72X 8===>, choice is yours.

      September 21, 2012 at 8:53 pm |
  18. OoO

    [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lgx1_JVxfZE&w=640&h=390]

    ^^

    September 21, 2012 at 8:47 pm |
    • hinduism source of hindufilthyracism.

      Allah U Akbur, Allah U Akbur, Allah U Akbur. Long live my Brother. You are looking beautiful. I am a proud Pakistani Sunni Muslim.

      September 21, 2012 at 8:56 pm |
    • Whatever

      Ok. I watched the whole thing. I guess now I've only got seven days to live. Is Mohammed going to keep calling me on the phone late at night?

      September 21, 2012 at 9:03 pm |
    • old ben

      I'm afraid it's true, Mr. Mayor. This is Muhhammad – the son of Charles Manson and Santa Claus.

      September 21, 2012 at 9:18 pm |
    • ThickSkinnedMuslim

      Dude i am a Muslim and the only thing offensive about this is the horrible acting;this is not a work of scholarly merit worthy of debate nor is it witty satire or even slapstick.In the middle of one of the most important elections at such a crucial time,i don't have time to worry about this crap!

      September 21, 2012 at 9:39 pm |
    • Muslim 10100110000000101

      what kind of a crap is this? I see muslems killing more muslems, nothing new.

      September 21, 2012 at 10:06 pm |
  19. Hindu American

    Sometimes it makes me wish that Christians were intolerant like the Muslims killing those who insult their religion, that way nonbelievers would have realized and appreciated more!

    September 21, 2012 at 8:46 pm |
    • atheist european

      Christians used to be like that too, check a history book sometime. The crusades, the inquisition. Plenty of people were killed for not worshipping Jesus.

      Your comment is like saying that if someone shouts at you and calls you an idiot you should be grateful because they did not beat you.

      September 21, 2012 at 9:41 pm |
  20. hinduism source of hindufilthyracism.

    Pardon me, have you seen my Mohammad??

    September 21, 2012 at 8:45 pm |
    • Some Mohammad Enthusiastic

      But Mohammad Who?

      September 21, 2012 at 8:48 pm |
    • hinduism source of hindufilthyracism.

      Oh the Mohammad with short pant and big dick.

      September 21, 2012 at 8:49 pm |
    • End Religion

      Where's that confounded bridge?

      September 21, 2012 at 9:00 pm |
    • hinduism source of hindufilthyracism Part Deux

      I'm Mohammed!

      No, I'm Mohammed!!!

      No, I'm Mohammed, and so is my wife!

      September 21, 2012 at 9:00 pm |
    • hinduism source of hindufilthyracism.

      hinduism, absurdity of a hindu, ID thief from hindered gutter of hinduism, illegality india.

      September 21, 2012 at 9:58 pm |
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About this blog

The CNN Belief Blog covers the faith angles of the day's biggest stories, from breaking news to politics to entertainment, fostering a global conversation about the role of religion and belief in readers' lives. It's edited by CNN's Daniel Burke with contributions from Eric Marrapodi and CNN's worldwide news gathering team.