By John Blake, CNN
(CNN) – Here's a presidential election prediction you can bet on.
Right after the winner is announced, somebody somewhere in America will fall on their knees and pray, "Thank you Jesus."
And somebody somewhere else will moan, "Help us Jesus."
But what Jesus will they be praying to: a red state Jesus or a blue state Jesus?
If elections are about choices, so is faith. And in Christianity, liberals and conservatives choose to see Jesus in different ways. Some liberals see Jesus as a champion of the poor who would support raising taxes on the wealthy, while some conservatives think Jesus would be more concerned with opposing abortion and same-sex marriage.
Good luck to anyone who tries reconciling their Jesus with the biblical accounts of his life. Even Jesus' earliest followers clashed over who he was and what he meant.
"Jesus didn't leave clear instructions," says Molly Worthern, a history professor at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill who specializes in religious history.
"He was a man who said many things that were quite cryptic. All Christians tend to pick or chose to emphasize some of his teachings over the other."
Perhaps most Christians follow not one Jesus, but many - including a bit of a red state Jesus and a bit of a blue state Jesus. We consulted several pastors and religion professors to come up with this voter's guide to Jesus. Answer these questions, click "Submit" and see where you fall on the red state-blue state Jesus scale:
Take the quiz here.
Jesus would be black and blue after I beat the shit of him for being so stupid.
Human my open challenge to you all, come and beat me at dead goat dragging race.
Ya, hindu, dead goat, good for nothing but to hind, rot to hinduism, degenerate. drag hinduism, illness to his grave, for peace, Islam among humanity.
take some med, you're hands are shaking.
Trolls never last long. Sooner or later they all give up or go insane.
It's so nice when they do go insane. XD
Your hands are hindu, shaking, not mine, hindu, chicken. No defense for hinduism, racism.
I think this is the troll with a new name
It doesn't matter how many times the troll changes its' name.
I'm waiting for the insanity to consume the person. XD
According to book of hindu Mithra sim, savior ism, Christianity, bible, hindu fabrication Jesus transfigured in to some one else on front of his disciples, at last supper Jesus looked at Judas and smiled and same was answered by Judas, Jesus kissed him on his cheek, Jesus turned in to Judas, and Judas turned in to Jesus, ONE ON CROSS WAS NOT JESUS BUT JUDAS, EVERY hindu, pagan follower of hindu Mithra ism, savior ism prays to as his Mithra, savior man god. Visit limitisthetruth.com to learn hinduism, denial of truth absolute GOD, by hindu bigamy Christians.
Another day of useless drivel.. nice.
Reject the ambiguous, embrace the flying spaghetti monster today!
What is actually the core doctrine of Jesus?
Gospel: God, the Father, delivered God, the Son, Jesus for our sins, and raised him from the dead for our justification.
This is the core message of Jesus, very short and simple.
Why is the Bible then such a long-winded book?
We with our degenareted reason always misunderstand the gospel, and heresies emerge. The Bible is nothing else than a refutation of many heresies. Many heresies cause a long book of refutation.
Absurdity of Christian Captain Crunch dog. NO DOGS!
Or the idea that Jesus came to redeem the world just happens to be the version that won the political battle, and it's supporters got to choose which books got included in the canon, and labeled, even persecuted, all other versions as "heretical"? Have you ever actually read any ancient Church history?
troll bot has new names
Jesus would be neither red nor blue
Now when Joshua was near Jericho, he looked up and saw a man standing in front of him with a drawn sword in his hand. Joshua went up to him and asked, “Are you for us or for our enemies?”
14 “Neither,” he replied, “but as commander of the army of the Lord I have now come.”
Those that think He would, simply dont understand the purpose of His coming.
Coming in your butt. Pray hard for his member.
That commander was supposedly an angel, and not Jesus, right?
@HarryJames "That commander was supposedly an angel, and not Jesus, right?"
@Chad "The indication that the ground was Holy points to Jesus, the only other place this occurs is Moses and the burning bush.
The commander of the Lord’s army replied, “Take off your sandals, for the place where you are standing is holy.” And Joshua did so. Joshua 5
"Take off your sandals, for the place where you are standing is holy ground." Exodus 3
"Ronald Regonzo" who degenerates to:
"Salvatore" degenerates to:
"Douglas" degenerates to:
"truth be told" degenerates to:
"Thinker23" degenerates to:
"Atheism is not healthy ..." degenerates to:
"another repentant sinner" degenerates to:
"Dodney Rangerfield" degenerates to:
"tina" degenerates to:
"captain america" degenerates to:
"Atheist Hunter" degenerates to:
"Anybody know how to read? " degenerates to:
"just sayin" degenerates to:
"ImLook'nUp" degenerates to:
"Kindness" degenerates to:
"Chad" degenerates to
"Bob" degenerates to
"nope" degenerates to:
"2357" degenerates to:
"WOW" degenerates to:
"fred" degenerates to:
"!" degenerates to:
This troll is not a christian.
Nope, it points to Michael, the archangel said to be in charge of the Heavenly Host, not Jesus, or even the Christ part of God. Just because somebody tells you to take off your sandals doesn't make them God.
"Do you believe in a red state Jesus or a blue state Jesus?"
I believe this question is moronic at best
prolapsed.net has the answers you seek.
It's not silly. If you look at the way people see Jesus in either Red or Blue states you'd think they were talking about two completely different people.
I think Frodo means there are better things to talk about then fairy tales and variations of them
Jesus never wanted to be a temporal ruler.
Always only a few people on earth will believe in Him that means they allow Jesus to be their personal king. The others which don't believe in Jesus he doesn't want to rule at the moment.
The problem is that if Jesus would take over temporal rule Judgement Day would be at hand. In our current world many, many crimes don't get punished. Actually every single sin is a crime. If the current states of the world would punish every single sin the public life would colapse. Hence, for a while God tolerates this state of an unperfect world with very many sinners, and he waits that every now and again some of them repent.
When Jesus takes over temporal rule Judgement Day is there.
So, Jesus could wait for another 5 million years, or more before ending his little experiment? Good to know!
Gone with the wind, hindu's, deniers of truth absolute, out to hind, fool every one in to following of hindu Lucifer, criminal atheist, denier of truth absolute, PROVE YOUR hINDUISM, DENIAL OF TRUTH ABSOLUTE GOD IN PUBLIC, OR VANISH FOR GOOD, HUMANITY TO LIVE IN PEACE, ISLAM. Visit limitisthetruth.com to learn hinduism, illegality of hindu's, criminals.
I wish I could fvck your butt with a broken broom handle.
Answer, best of hinduism, absurdity, foundation of hinduism, illegality.
Blue state Jesus sounds like a Christian, willing to actually help people, whereas Red state Jesus sounds like Romney himself, interested in self-promation and not really connecting with the common people.Blue state Jesus is probably closer to the historical reality, where Red state Jesus sounds more like a myth. I know which one I think, and hope, was authentic.
Rich, white Republicans don’t understand the middle class. When I was a kid, my sister and I had to walk 80 miles to school every morning and 80 miles back. Both uphill carrying stone tablets because we couldn’t afford paper. Then it was time for chores, like plowing the North 40.
We got up before we went to bed and had to sleep in a cardboard box in the middle of the street and hunt squirrels for our meals with a sling shot. We didn’t even have shoes!
It was really bad in the winter. The snow was 30 feet deep. I lost one toe to frost-bite every winter for ten years. I had to wear my older sister's hand-me-down dresses because my Mother's arthritis was so bad she could not sew any boys’ clothes. That is why I had to fight the class bully every day.
Sometimes when there were no squirrels, we had to eat rocks for dinner. That was very difficult with no teeth (from the fights with the bully).
The worst part was every night after walking 160 miles, plowing forty acres, chopping the fire wood and eating rocks that made my gums bleed. My parents would come out to the box where my sister and I slept in the middle of the road and jump up and down on top of us screaming "Die!" "Die" "Die" with a necklace made out of my dead toes swinging from my mother’s neck.
We were lucky to have it so good.
You sound like my Grandmother. Her stories about the "good old days" are just like that. :-)
What the freaking heck type of question is this?
By this point, Jesus is essentially a theological escort – he's whatever you want him to be.
Lube a wine bottle with Crisco the lower your blown out butt hole on the bottle until it pokes your belly out. The have Jesus kick your stomach in so your guts are like a bag of shattered glass, sh•t blood into a painting of ophrah blowing Jesus in a thong. God bless!
the question should be do you believe in color blind Mohammad or red, blue, or now pink Jesus?
I like you and enjoy your logic and reason. I would say to you that that very intelligence can be leveraged to penetrate the invisible wall that is holding you back from the Lord.
Yes God is in all things, but WE are the wind at His back. He holds us up and lights the way, but we must still paddle.
Pray and seek Him in that one place only you can know. You have but only one key. He holds the other in His mighty hand.
absurdity of a Hindu, ignorant.
hinduism, absurdity of a hindu, trouble maker.
Pew word is of old Persian language called Avesta, meaning, POWERFUL OR FATHER, drawn from word PAW, consisting of one middle finger and the Paw, hand, language of dumb Mullahs, crook tricksters, fake prophets ,fortune tellers of Mohammad pagan origin. visit fvckthetruth.com to learn more.
In 1994, Bain invested $27 million as part of a deal with other firms to acquire Dade International, a medical-diagnostics-equipment firm, from its parent company, Baxter International. Bain ultimately made nearly 10 times its money, getting back $230 million. But Dade wound up laying off more than 1,600 people and filed for bankruptcy protection in 2002, amid crushing debt and rising interest rates. The company, with Bain in charge, had borrowed heavily to do acquisitions, accumulating $1.6 billion in debt by 2000. The company cut benefits for some workers at the acquired firms and laid off others. When it merged with Behring Diagnostics, a German company, Dade shut down three U.S. plants. At the same time, Dade paid out $421 million to Bain Capital’s investors and investing partners.
For 15 years, Romney had been in the business of creative destruction and wealth creation. But what about his claims of job creation? Though Bain Capital surely helped expand some companies that had created jobs, the layoffs and closures at other firms would lead Romney’s political opponents to say that he had amassed a fortune in part by putting people out of work. The lucrative deals that made Romney wealthy could exact a cost. Maximizing financial return to investors could mean slashing jobs, closing plants, and moving production overseas. It could also mean clashing with union workers, serving on the board of a company that ran afoul of federal laws, and loading up already struggling companies with debt.
Marc Wolpow, a former Bain partner who worked with Romney on many deals, said the discussion at buyout companies typically does not focus on whether jobs will be created. “It’s the opposite—what jobs we can cut,” Wolpow said. “Because you had to document how you were going to create value. Eliminating redundancy, or the elimination of people, is a very valid way."
Bain closed GST Steel plant in 2001 laying off 750 workers.
"In Greed We Trust"
Controlling share owner Bain Capital closes BRP plant (Southern Illinois) so the 340 jobs there could be outsourced to Mexico.
Your post is just too long.
Vote Romney/Ryan 2012!
Pray, and as you do God will gently hold you in His arms and feel the passion of your soul. He would heal you and love you. He would offer you the greatest gift he can offer. He would be risen for you and penetrate you with His passion.
These gifts are not given lightly however. If you want a happy ending, you must pay first.
He wants to penetrate your butt hole with his throbbing meat pole so he can shove his evil seed in your stomach. then he wants you too forcibly fart his own man milk out of your turd cutter on his face. Then you will know gods love. Fvck your mouth with a broken bottle. Hail Satan.
I've been waiting since Christ told me that he would come back and save us before "this" generation passed away, and at 2000 years old I don't have much longer to live so be ready, as soon as I pass away Christ will return, just like he said...
When I get a massage the lady tells me the same thing about having to pay first.
Pete, with His healing hands and sweet breath, he will spread wide your gaping hole and visit upon it the goodness that is knowing Him. Peace and prayers for you son.
"he will spread wide your gaping hole and visit upon it the goodness that is knowing Him."
Be ready to get r a p e d?
So, God/Jesus created people with free will, gave them a choice, and gets upset enough to torture you for eternity if you choose Option B? Tell me, how is this any different than the mob giving you the "choice" of either paying protection to them, or having your kneecaps broken?
My, you do have a foul mind. The fullnes of our Lord cannot be contained by His tunic. Peace and Amen.
We do not have free will. We are all playing small parts in God's great dream. It is His playground and we get to play in it with Him. There are no choices, for God Is all things and knows all things.
"My, you do have a foul mind."
Well you're the one drawing all the dirty pictures Doc...
So, we're no better than chess pieces then? God's playthings. Not much meaning in such an existence.
Jesus must have been a catholic. Just look at the right hand answer on the second to last question. "Jesus the rapist"
Well, he did day "suffer the little children".
I will not argue that many who claim to be Christians are not. Satan has an army.
We also have an army, and when mold penetrates our walls and we take ill, we long for care and healing. That care, that healing is the Lord.
With His healing hands and sweet breath, he will spread wide your gaping hole and visit upon it the goodness that is knowing him.
I'm a member of satans army
Jesus was a butt pirate who fisted slaves butt holes until their entrails could be pulled out their doo doo chutes with a pitch fork. Then Jesus would shove his head in the vacant butt hole cavity. Hail Satan.
I'm still steaming over that quiz. For each question there is a right answer and a profoundly wrong answer. Yet the little blurb before each question is slanted towards the profoundly wrong answer.
Jesus was a big brown eye butt foster who could get elbow deep in his apostles. True story.
I will not answer your obscenity and blasphemy in kind. You have many, many problems and my opinion is the least of them.
Your a child molester.
Molesting their spirits and twisting them into angry hateful evangelicals.
Evangelical: Your god is a petty, vindictive pr!ck. That is why you like him so much. Get back on your knees like a good little slaveb!tch
You're steaming over the quiz? lol
The entire thing is BULL SHlT and you know it. It's like discussing which dog turd smells less like Paris Hiltons ass...
You mean that it's biased for the Red state Jesus? I knew it!
The CNN Belief Blog covers the faith angles of the day's biggest stories, from breaking news to politics to entertainment, fostering a global conversation about the role of religion and belief in readers' lives. It's edited by CNN's Daniel Burke with contributions from Eric Marrapodi and CNN's worldwide news gathering team.