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My Take: What all those Jesus jokes tell us
The authors note that Jesus jokes have become popular just since the 1970s.
November 10th, 2012
10:00 PM ET

My Take: What all those Jesus jokes tell us

Editor’s note: Edward J. Blum is a historian of race and religion at San Diego State University. Paul Harvey is a history professor at the University of Colorado at Colorado Springs and runs the blog Religion in AmericanHistory. They co-authored “The Color of Christ: The Son of God and the Saga of Race in America.”

By Edward J. Blum and Paul Harvey, Special to CNN

Did you ever hear the one about Jesus being Mexican? Well, he was bilingual; he was constantly harassed by the government; and his first name was Jesus.

Or, perhaps Jesus was Irish? He loved a good story; he never kept a steady job; and his last request was for a drink.

Or maybe it’s possible that Jesus was Californian? He never cut his hair; he was always walking around barefoot; and he started a new religion.

You may not have heard these Jesus jokes, but you’ve heard others. They represent a comedic trend that has animated the United States since the 1970s. More and more comedy gimmicks hit on Jesus, his ethnicity and his relationship to politics. Laughing with (and at) the Lord is now fodder for major motion pictures, barroom comedy tours, graphic novels, t-shirts and bumper stickers.

How is it that a figure sacred to so many Americans has become the punch line of so many jokes? And why is it acceptable to poke fun at Jesus when other sacred figures are deemed off limits or there is hell to pay for mocking them?

The explanations are as numerous as the laughs.

Immigration shifts from the 1960s changed the ethnic and religious faces of the country so no tradition dominates today. The Christian right made such a moral spectacle of itself that it practically begged to be mocked. The emergence of “spiritual, but not religious” sensibilities left many Americans willing to denounce or laugh about traditional faith. The public rise of agnosticism, atheism, and secularism led to aggressive mockery as a form of persuasion.

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If we pause to consider why we’re laughing, we find that the comic bits delve into some of our thorniest and unresolved problems. The jokes reveal much more about us than they do Jesus. They speak to how our society has changed, how it hasn’t, and what we’re obsessed with.

The first public jokes about Jesus were heard in the 1970s. There had been religious jokes before this, but none about Jesus had become widely popular because organized Christianity held such authority. As the economic recession and problems of urban decay collided with civil rights exhaustion and new immigration, however, some Jesus jokes emerged.

Archie Bunker on “All in the Family” was the white racist and misogynist you loved to hate and hated to love. On one occasion, his son-in-law challenged Bunker’s rampant anti-Semitism with the claim, "Jesus was Jewish." Archie shot back immediately: "Only on his mother's side."

The “All in the Family” spin off “Good Times” featured a black family that lives in an inner-city housing project, probably Chicago's infamous Cabrini Green. On the show's second episode, the oldest son J. J. astounded everyone by painting Jesus as black. The younger son loves it, and says he learned all about Christ’s blackness from the local Nation of Islam.

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As the family debates whether this black Jesus should be hung on the wall in place of their white Jesus, they “miraculously” receive $140 from the Internal Revenue Service. Feeling blessed, the family placed the painting on its living room wall, and the elated J. J. shouted his tagline, "Dyno-mite!”

From the 1980s to the present, the number of prominent Jesus jokes has multiplied like loaves and fishes:

• In “Talladega Nights,” Ricky Bobby and his family debated which Jesus to pray to (“baby Jesus in golden fleece diapers,” “grown-up Jesus,” “ninja Jesus”). Their overall hope is that Jesus will help them continue their extravagant lifestyle.

• “South Park” featured Jesus as a weak-kneed host of a local talk show who boxes the devil.

• “Family Guy” had Jesus perform magic tricks that wowed his ancient audience.

• “The Colbert Report” placed a gun in Christ’s hand and had him defend conservatives against the liberal “War on Easter.”

• “Saturday Night Live” let Jesus chastise Tim Tebow for using the Lord’s name in vain and ended the bit by declaring that the Mormons have it right.

One unforgettable scene in the rather forgettable recent film “21 Jump Street” may explain why Jesus has become such a joke.

Before Jonah Hill’s character returns to high school as an undercover cop, he prays to a small, crucified “Korean Jesus.” Down on his knees, he says: “Hey Korean Jesus, I don’t know if you only cater to Korean Christians or if you even exist, no offense. I’m just really freaked out about going back to high school. It was just so f***ing hard the first time. … I just really don’t want to f*** this up. Sorry for swearing so much. The end? I don’t really know how to end the prayer.”

The hilarity of the moment only makes sense in our time. Hill's character is unchurched and agnostic, but wants spiritual power to guide him. We can laugh at how agnosticism and being “spiritual, but not religious,” leave him uncertain of what to say, how to say it, and even how to end.

We can also laugh at how ethnic factors color his approach. By wondering if Korean Jesus cares only about Korean problems, Hill pokes fun at the issue which was made a media spectacle in 2008, when the Rev. Jeremiah Wright could be heard preaching that “Jesus was a poor black man” as part of his support for Barack Obama. What good is a God who only cares for those who look like him?

The Jesus jokes not only reveal how tangled our religious, racial, economic and political positions have become, but also how many outlets there are for the jokes. In these tense times, when presidential hopefuls point fingers at one another and families unfriend one another over political and cultural differences, laughing may be one way to talk about the problems without killing one another.

The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of Edward J. Blum and Paul Harvey.

- CNN Belief Blog

Filed under: Christianity • Entertainment • Jesus • Opinion

soundoff (5,750 Responses)
  1. Blessed are the Cheesemakers

    For the record, Santa does not like people to use his name in vain. His name is nothing to play with, especially, by a bunch of people who has never known Jesus and doesn't know anything about him. Not only should you leave Santa and his elves out of your filthy jokes, but you should also be extremely careful what you say, don't let your filthy mouth send you to the South Pole. And you are deceived if you think you can freely crack a filthy joke about Santa and get away with it. You will not. You'll have to answer for that filthy joke on Solstice Day...

    Equally true....

    November 12, 2012 at 3:11 pm |
    • God's Oldest Dreamer

      Sarcasms abound B.C. and even the bittern people know when to roost in their trees of selfish grasciousness.

      November 12, 2012 at 3:19 pm |
    • Blessed are the Cheesemakers

      Mental disease abound G.O.D and even the schizophrenic people know when to roost in their trees of selfish grasciousness.

      November 12, 2012 at 3:34 pm |
    • God's Oldest Dreamer

      So, we can agree then? The roosts of many peoples trees does abound in their owned grasciousness?

      November 12, 2012 at 3:51 pm |
    • Blessed are the Cheesemakers

      No we don't agree.....but the mental patients agree with you.

      November 12, 2012 at 4:05 pm |
  2. Waassabee

    Bravo to CNN to once again picking a subject that will excite the sheeple ....

    November 12, 2012 at 3:10 pm |
    • wisdomVS

      Oh my, now you're going to have thousands praying for you!

      November 12, 2012 at 3:12 pm |
  3. The Eternal Satyr

    The greatest Jesus joke of all time has got to be the church itself. It's a sick joke, sure, but still the greatest. And one we could all do without.

    November 12, 2012 at 3:09 pm |
    • OpposingView

      You're the perfect example of why hell was created. Without people like you, hell would be empty...

      November 12, 2012 at 3:41 pm |
    • fintastic

      Just an FYI..... no such place as hell. It's just mythology. Relax.

      November 12, 2012 at 3:51 pm |
    • OpposingView

      Fintastic… Every time some fool says that, several thousand miles straight down under your feet a chorus of demons are laughing themselves silly at your extreme ignorance. So keep believing that if you want. But rest assured, when you die you will still go to that "mythical" hell. And you will still be cast into the mythical flames. And the mythical fire will still feel just as real. And that is all that matters...

      "Belief" is not a requirement to go to hell. When you die, you are still going there whether you believe in it or not. Belief is only a requirement to get to heaven….

      November 12, 2012 at 4:26 pm |
    • fintastic

      @OV.............. yes, look at the "Fool" who mistakes mythology for reality. Yes indeed!.

      November 12, 2012 at 4:57 pm |
    • OpposingView

      Fintastic… Even most teenagers have no problem separating "mythology from reality". Why do you?...

      November 12, 2012 at 6:30 pm |
    • sam stone

      "Even most teenagers have no problem separating "mythology from reality". Why do you?"

      Same could be asked of you OV

      November 13, 2012 at 1:41 pm |
  4. rocknr0ller on twitter

    Jesus is my favorite zombie.

    November 12, 2012 at 3:06 pm |
    • wisdomVS

      Okay, after all, he turned Lazarus into one before he became one himself. Now how cool is that!

      November 12, 2012 at 3:11 pm |
  5. OpposingView

    If people want to crack jokes, why don't they crack jokes about Lucifer? You can freely crack jokes about Lucifer all you want without consequence. Have you ever wondered why Lucifer is never the butt of your jokes? Answer: Because Lucifer never cracks jokes on himself....

    November 12, 2012 at 3:04 pm |
    • wisdomVS

      The type of drugs you are on are known as hallucegenics, then again you just might be insane. Ahhh, maybe you're a God too! Let's add this nut case to the 33 Gods of Hindu, the 300+ of ancient Greece, Allah, Jehovah, Buddah, etc.

      November 12, 2012 at 3:08 pm |
    • krussell

      Because if you're right – I'm going to hell.
      Lucifer jokes would count against me inatead of jusus jokes working in my favor!

      November 12, 2012 at 3:12 pm |
    • HeavenSent

      Did you here the one about how OpposingView's girlfriend was deep in OpposingView's fat thighs giving her all when OV belched and her girfriend thought it was an earthquake and called 911?

      Amen.

      November 12, 2012 at 3:18 pm |
    • HeavenSent

      Did you hear the one about how OpposingView's girlfriend was deep in OpposingView's fat thighs giving her all when OV belched and her girfriend thought it was an earthquake and called 911?

      Amen.

      November 12, 2012 at 3:19 pm |
    • christ_child1991

      @wisdomVS
      I must be on those too or maybe I am insane as well and you might as well add me to those lists and while you are at it I will add you to my list its called a prayer list

      November 14, 2012 at 3:55 pm |
  6. wisdomVS

    If God was real he could remove the sin debt by his spoken word. Much easier than creating the heavens and the Earth in such a manner, as you also believe. You freaks are going to crap you pants when aliens show up to claim us as their slaves. Well, maybe not, you've already made yourself slaves to an unseen diety. So, you aren't just pathetic and sad, but stupid too.

    November 12, 2012 at 3:04 pm |
    • The Eternal Satyr

      Humans were genetically engineered by aliens to be their slaves. When we outlived our usefulness, the aliens left us to our own devices. This is why we have such a hard time governing ourselves; we were never meant to.

      November 12, 2012 at 3:13 pm |
    • tom

      your words are so refreshing. thank you for having a brain.

      November 12, 2012 at 3:14 pm |
    • OpposingView

      Just because you're the world's biggest fool, you don't have to keep telling us about it. We really don't want to know...

      Psalm 14:1 – The fool hath said in his heart, There is no God.

      November 12, 2012 at 3:16 pm |
    • A Frayed Knot

      Opposing View,
      "Psalm 14:1 – The fool hath said in his heart, There is no God."

      A quite old and sometimes effective tactic – declaring that those who do not believe your story are 'fools'. Nobody wants to be considered 'dumb' for not seeing the Emperor's new clothes, or a 'bas.tard' for not seeing the Sultan's new turban, or a 'cuckold' for not being able to see the Miller's gold thumb.

      Even Joseph Smith used it when he gathered his 'witnesses' to his golden plates. He told them that only those with 'true faith' would be able to 'see' them.

      The ancient, primitive Hebrews who originated those Bible stories were quite adept at manipulative mind-games.

      --------------

      "Just look, Your Majesty, what colors! What a design!" They pointed to the empty looms, each supposing that the others could see the stuff.

      "What's this?" thought the Emperor. "I can't see anything. This is terrible!

      Am I a fool? Am I unfit to be the Emperor? What a thing to happen to me of all people! – Oh! It's very pretty," he said. "It has my highest approval." And he nodded approbation at the empty loom. Nothing could make him say that he couldn't see anything." – The Emperor's New Clothes

      ------------

      Of old time there was a great king. One day a man came before him and said, "My king, I shall weave a turban such that one born in wedlock will see it, while the ba.stard will see it not." The king marveled and ordered that that weaver should weave that turban; and the weaver received an allowance from the king and tarried a long while. One day he folded up this side and that side of a paper and brought it and laid it before the king and said, "Oh king, I have woven that turban." So the king opened the paper and saw that there was nothing; and all the viziers and nobles who stood there looked on the paper and saw nothing. Then the king said in his heart, "Do you see? I am then a ba.stard"; and he was sad. And he thought, "Now, the remedy is this, that I say it is a goodly turban and admire it, else will I be put to shame before the folk." And he said, "Blessed by God! Oh master, it is a goodly turban, I like it much." – The King’s New Turban

      ------------------–

      A merchant that thought to deride a miller sitting among company said to him, "Sir, I have heard that every honest miller that tells the truth has a golden thumb."

      The miller answered and said it was true.

      Then the merchant said, "I pray, let me see your thumb." And when the miller showed his thumb, the merchant said, "I cannot perceive that your thumb is gold. It is the same as other men's thumbs."

      The miller answered, and said, "Sir, the truth is that my thumb is gold, but you have no power to see it, for it has the property that he who is a cuckold shall never have power to see it. - The Miller with the Golden Thumb

      November 12, 2012 at 3:20 pm |
    • HeavenSent

      HS 2:34: Only fools put any stock in the bible and its psilly psalms.

      Amen.

      November 12, 2012 at 3:20 pm |
    • OpposingView

      A Frayed Knot… And the same goes for you. Just because you're as brainless and as foolish as your friend "wisdomVS", why do you have to keep telling us about it? We really don't want to know. Why is it that very time someone says "stupid" you stand up…

      November 12, 2012 at 3:31 pm |
    • fintastic

      @OV............ At the same time, there is not one single shred of evidence that your god exists. Who is the stupid one? Me thinks it's the one that believes in fairy tales and mythology.

      November 12, 2012 at 3:59 pm |
    • OpposingView

      Fintastic… Please show me one shred of evidence that God does NOT exist. And I'll show you evidence he does. Either put up or shut up…

      November 12, 2012 at 4:30 pm |
    • fintastic

      @OV............ yes, exactly, put up or shut up as you say....... you are making the fantastic claim, you must provide the evidence.

      Can you prove to me the tooth fairy doesn't exist?. You can't prove a negative. ........... OV.. .your ignorance is showing.

      November 12, 2012 at 5:01 pm |
    • OpposingView

      Fintastic… Just as I figured. You don't have a clue. And without proof, you have no argument…

      November 12, 2012 at 6:34 pm |
  7. Reasonably

    Jesus was a socialist and collectivist. And we was a teacher. The joke, really, is on the GOP.

    November 12, 2012 at 3:00 pm |
  8. OpposingView

    For the record, Jesus does not like people to use his name in vain. His name is nothing to play with, especially, by a bunch of ungodly and unholy people who has never known Jesus and doesn't know anything about him. Not only should you leave Jesus and his name out of your filthy jokes, but you should also be extremely careful what you say, don't let your filthy mouth send you to the lake. And you are deceived if you think you can freely crack a filthy joke about Jesus and get away with it. You will not. You'll have to answer for that filthy joke on Judgment Day...

    Matthew 12:26 – But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment.

    November 12, 2012 at 2:55 pm |
    • Chuck

      Get a life you fairy worshiping fool.

      November 12, 2012 at 2:58 pm |
    • Reasonably

      Dec 21st is coming soon! Get your Xmas shopping done early...

      November 12, 2012 at 3:01 pm |
    • ME II

      I thought it was the name "God" that wasn't to be used in vain. Is "Jesus" in there too? Because, joking around with my friend Jesus could take on a whole new meaning.

      November 12, 2012 at 3:01 pm |
    • Blessed are the Cheesemakers

      Blessed are the Cheesemakers

      For the record, Santa does not like people to use his name in vain. His name is nothing to play with, especially, by a bunch of people who has never known Jesus and doesn't know anything about him. Not only should you leave Santa and his elves out of your filthy jokes, but you should also be extremely careful what you say, don't let your filthy mouth send you to the South Pole. And you are deceived if you think you can freely crack a filthy joke about Santa and get away with it. You will not. You'll have to answer for that filthy joke on Solstice Day...

      Equally true.......

      November 12, 2012 at 3:12 pm |
    • OpposingView

      Blessed of the Devil… Even most teenagers have learned to separate fantasy from reality and fully understand that Santa is fantasy, whereas heaven and hell are real. But some adults never do…

      November 12, 2012 at 3:25 pm |
    • View

      7 billion people. Say average of 50 years each. Every word they've ever said. Multiple languages. That's some search engine your imaginary friend has. When you stand there being judged, what's the appeal process? How long does it take to locate and review the evidence? Then which interpretation of which religious book is used as the "law"?

      November 12, 2012 at 4:05 pm |
    • fintastic

      @OV................ prove that heaven and hell are real.... you are making the claim, you show the proof.

      ........we're waiting.

      November 12, 2012 at 4:08 pm |
    • OpposingView

      Fintastic... First, you show us the proof that heaven and hell are NOT real. And I'll show you evidence they are. Either put up or shut up...

      November 12, 2012 at 4:32 pm |
    • OpposingView

      View… Rest assured, you won't be so smug on Judgment Day when you name gets called. FYI, the eternal God has more than enough angels to handle whatever tasks he needs taken care of. For example, even at this moment, the angels are recording every single word you say, and they are recording even your thoughts. And I'll all get played back on Judgment Day…

      Better have your excuses ready because you're going to need them...

      November 12, 2012 at 4:39 pm |
    • fintastic

      OV..... again, you are the one making the claim, you must provide the evidence.

      Wow.... you really don't get it...... ......

      November 12, 2012 at 5:05 pm |
    • OpposingView

      Fintastic...Still waiting on your evidence that heaven and hell are not real. Where is it? Just as I thought? You don't have a clue. And your own personal opinion don't mean a thing...

      November 12, 2012 at 6:38 pm |
    • C'mon

      OpposingView,

      "OV..... again, you are the one making the claim, you must provide the evidence."

      Read fintastic's post again.... and again... and again... and again, until you finally get it, ok? Sheesh!

      YOU make the claim it exists - YOU must provide the evidence.

      November 12, 2012 at 6:45 pm |
    • fintastic

      @com'on ............... he's got his hands over his ears going "lah lah lah lah lah lah..... I don't hear you..... lah lah lah lah"

      November 13, 2012 at 9:40 am |
    • christ_child1991

      Reasonably

      Dec 21st is coming soon! Get your Xmas shopping done early...

      Matthew 24:36"But of that day and hour knoweth no man, no, not the angels of heaven, but my Father only."
      concerning the end of the world. what people are expecting to happen has to happen over a period of 7 years not one day

      November 14, 2012 at 4:03 pm |
  9. Bindiboi

    Why didn't Jesus eat M&M's? Because they kept falling through the holes in his hands.

    November 12, 2012 at 2:46 pm |
    • God's Oldest Dreamer

      Buy that man some 'plug' nickels to plug up his holier than thou M&Ms

      November 12, 2012 at 2:52 pm |
  10. ediguy2

    You guys better be careful about the Jesus jokes. Ohh wait sorry. We have freedoms and enjoy them in this country. Nothing like a good Jesus joke, as long as it's clean.

    November 12, 2012 at 2:46 pm |
    • OpposingView

      Be not deceived. No joke about Jesus is clean. They are all evil. And can send you to the lake...

      Matthew 12:26 – But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment.

      November 12, 2012 at 2:58 pm |
    • HeavenSent

      Christian god is the least clean one out there, always threatening to punish you and draw blood and worse. And he is said to have invented se.x. I mean how much more dirty can you get.

      Amen

      November 12, 2012 at 3:23 pm |
    • OpposingView

      Heaven Sent... The bible speaks of people like you. That you love to speak evil of things you understand not. It says you are not even human. But are natural brute beasts made to be taken and destroyed, and shall utterly perish in your own corruption....

      Jude 1:10 – But these speak evil of those things which they know not: but what they know naturally, as brute beasts, in those things they corrupt themselves.

      2 Peter 2:12 – But these, as natural brute beasts, made to be taken and destroyed, speak evil of the things that they understand not; and shall utterly perish in their own corruption;

      Hell was made for people like you...

      November 12, 2012 at 3:38 pm |
    • w43

      OV, that'd be your mean ole punishing, torturing unfair ass hole of a god of yours again then. No thank you. Keep your sicko sky fairy to yourself.

      November 12, 2012 at 4:06 pm |
    • OpposingView

      w43… There you go again. Every time someone says "stupid", someone like you stands up. Is your name "stupid"? Must be….

      November 12, 2012 at 4:44 pm |
  11. tino

    the problem is, that you think your smarter and wiser than GOD !! All of you "of this world" will realize when it's to late that GOD is the creator, love and peace but those of you who what, think bill maher or anyone of the others that mock are so funny and cute? sad people,sad times, we (christians) will pray for you.

    November 12, 2012 at 2:39 pm |
    • Lou

      As long as we're comparing ourselves to gods you seem to think that you're smarter than Zeus.

      November 12, 2012 at 2:47 pm |
    • Blessed are the Cheesemakers

      We don't think we are smarter and wiser than god (ok we do, but only in the sense that we are smarter and wiser than Santa Claus). We think your version of god is silly.

      November 12, 2012 at 2:49 pm |
    • God's Oldest Dreamer

      Chaoticism tends your leveraged naturalism tino,,, :-)

      November 12, 2012 at 2:50 pm |
    • sam stone

      "blah, blah,blah......god is going to get you"

      spend a lot of time on your knees, do you?

      November 12, 2012 at 2:55 pm |
    • wisdomVS

      Okay, let me say this for the 1000+ time. There are over 33,000 religions in the world. many of them Christian and each with a different twist on things. Then you add Muslims and their many versions, Buddha, and the 33 Gods of the Hindu. Each and everyone of them are sure their God is the true God. Each have ancients manuscripts to support their faith. So, why do Christians (especially Catholics and fundamentalist Baptist) get so dogmatic that their God and messiah is the right one, only one, etc. All of your religious quacks are going to crap your pants when the Aliens that helped the Egyptians build the great Pyramids return to claim us as their slaves. Oh well, I guess it won't be much different than being slaves to an unseen God. "Selah" or whatever it is you zealots want to hear.

      November 12, 2012 at 2:58 pm |
    • Reasonably

      Pray away – just stay the Eff out of our politics.

      November 12, 2012 at 3:01 pm |
    • Rynomite

      Lou, stop being so silly. Everyone knkows athena is the wiseist godQ

      November 12, 2012 at 3:03 pm |
    • dman

      Who"s God shall we use?

      November 12, 2012 at 3:16 pm |
    • Lou

      Rynomite
      Athena was the smartest god in the room, but she was also the goddess of warfare and crafts which means that she's the ideal goddess for the modern business woman.

      November 12, 2012 at 11:39 pm |
  12. Recovering Catholic

    Well, there are thousands of comments on this; I have looked through a lot, but have not yet seen any of my favorite Jesus jokes from my childhood as a Catholic altar boy (told to me by my father and grandfather). So here are a few of them:

    1) "Jesus, if you drop that cross one more time, you are out of the parade!"

    2) Jesus walks into a hotel, throws some nails on the counter and says, "Can you put me up for the night?"

    3) A little boy is sitting on the curb crying. A nun stops and asks "Why are you crying little boy?" "I want to meet Jesus Christ". The nun says "I am Jesus Christ." The little boy says "prove it.' The nun walks away. The little boy starts crying again. A priest stops and asks "Why are you crying little boy?" "I want to meet Jesus Christ." The priest says "I am Jesus Christ." The little boy says "prove it.' The priest walks away. The little boy starts crying again. A drunk stops and asks "Why are you crying little boy?" "I want to meet Jesus Christ." The drunk says "I am Jesus Christ." The little boy says "prove it.' The drunk says "come with me." They walk down the street and into a bar. When the bartender sees the drunk he says "Jesus Christ, are you back again??"

    November 12, 2012 at 2:38 pm |
  13. Mark Bacon

    What all these Jesus jokes really tell us is that satan hates the Lord and will do anything to convince you that he doesn't exist. If you read through the comments here you will realize that a lot of the devil's kids like to join in

    God loves you. He is not angry with you. He wants you to come to Him. Jesus, who is God the Son, died for you so you could come to Him and be with Him forever. If you want to reject that the choice is yours. If you do reject Him it will be the worst decision you ever make. You will regret it, literally, forever.

    November 12, 2012 at 2:37 pm |
    • GetReal

      " If you want to reject that the choice is yours. If you do reject Him it will be the worst decision you ever make. You will regret it, literally, forever."

      This is why your god is NOT a loving god but a evil monster and why men wrote in the fear clause to get weak minded people like you to buy into their cult.

      November 12, 2012 at 2:39 pm |
    • JC

      Hmm...you're god sounds an awful lot like my chemically imbalanced X wife.

      November 12, 2012 at 2:49 pm |
    • Madtown

      Jesus, who is God the Son, died for you so you could come to Him and be with Him forever
      --------
      What if I've just never heard of Jesus? I can't reject something I don't know exists, can I? Is rejecting something I've never heard of a mistake I'd regret, literally, forever?

      November 12, 2012 at 2:49 pm |
    • A Frayed Knot

      Mark Bacon,
      "You will regret it, literally, forever."

      Any verified evidence for this?

      November 12, 2012 at 2:52 pm |
    • Blessed are the Cheesemakers

      Mark,

      There is no reason to think your god is real. And if he is real he is the all-powerful creator of the universe and so if I don't believe it is his problem, not mine.

      November 12, 2012 at 2:53 pm |
    • Cal

      Or, we could be right and you're just wasting your time. Honestly, if we don't believe in God then we don't believe in the Devil either, so what do you hope to accomplish with this line? When we die, yourself included, we could all be up the creek when we meet up with some other god, or get reincarnated into something nasty because we didn't manage our karma properly. Religion has speculated on hundreds of different afterlives, why is your belief any more likely?

      November 12, 2012 at 2:56 pm |
    • sam stone

      wow.....the devil's children. very impressive, indeed.

      November 12, 2012 at 3:02 pm |
    • Nancy

      I hear you, Mark. You are correct. But wisdom is foolishness to those who are victims of the enemy. Remember the Scripture about throwing pearls before pigs; they will destroy them and turn and attack you. The comment boards aren't the best venue for intelligent intercourse.

      November 12, 2012 at 3:18 pm |
    • sam stone

      Gee......condescending statement there, nancy......get back on your knees like a good little......well, get back on your knees

      November 12, 2012 at 3:35 pm |
    • Madtown

      Nancy
      I hear you, Mark. You are correct.
      -----
      Nancy, since Mark can't/won't answer the question and you think he's correct, can/will you? What if someone simply has never heard of Jesus? How could they reject him? Mark believes all who do not accept Jesus will regret it, forever. But, there are many who will never even hear the name Jesus, because God placed them in an area of this world where christianity doesn't exist. What's their fate?

      November 12, 2012 at 3:35 pm |
    • God's Coldest Creamer

      Nancy is a venue for any intercourse she can get, which ain't much. The odd horny dog does show up though.

      November 12, 2012 at 3:36 pm |
    • Mark Bacon

      Madtown – I don't have a clear answer for you. But, I do know this. God is just and fair. No one will ever be able to claim that God did not give them a chance to come to Him. Having said that, I can not articulate to you how He will do that for those who have never heard the name of Jesus.

      November 12, 2012 at 4:10 pm |
    • Madtown

      I can not articulate to you how He will do that for those who have never heard the name of Jesus.
      ------
      My answer is: there is no "correct" religion. Each culture has their own thoughts about God, and religions have always initially developed culturally. If a particular person believes in God, appreciates the natural world that man didn't create, has an idea of the spirituality of this life, then that person is showing that he/she has an idea of God. This to me is sufficient, and it can't really go any farther than that. Religions are a creation of the human mind, meant to try and explain things that we are not meant to explain. You are certainly welcome to believe what you want. The truth of the matter is, no human being on this earth today needs to "know" Jesus, as you say. If God required that, God would've made it possible for everyone to have access to christianity. Everyone. All the primitive tribes throught the world, and there are many. If not all those people have access to a particular religion, then that way cannot possibly be the "only" way endorsed by God. It's just that simple.

      November 12, 2012 at 4:23 pm |
  14. Stu in Iowa

    One day Jesus and Moses are playing golf and when they get to the 17th tee they find a nice 180 yard par 3 with a pond between the tee and the green. Moses puts his ball 3 feet from the hole with a five iron. Jesus says "Arnold Palmer would hit a nine iron. If he can do it I can.". So, Jesus takes out his nine iron and puts it in the water. Moses, knowing God would be angry if he didn't give Jesus a chance for redemption parts the waters and Jesus goes and retrieves his ball, thanking Moses in the process. Jesus then picks the nine iron back up and says 'If Arnold Palmer can do it I can do it, I'm Jesus'. This time Jesus hits the green but the heavenly backspin put on the ball causes it to spin back into the water. Moses thinks to himself, one more time and then the holy father can't be angry with me so he parts the waters again and Jesus goes and gets his ball. The third time is a charm and of course Jesus puts his ball within inches of the cup. In the mean time a foursome has driven up, waiting for Jesus and Moses to finish teeing off. When Jesus proceeds to walk across the water to the green one of the foursome declares 'Who does that guy think he is, Jesus?'. To which Moses responds "That is actually Jesus, but he thinks he's Arnold Palmer".

    November 12, 2012 at 2:37 pm |
  15. God's Oldest Dreamer

    Is God to be made a mockery by those who tend to instill anti-leveraged pragmatisms? Are we to believe in the godless who care little about the piecemeal subjectives' ordinates?

    Jesus, was the very first of many immeasurable 'elemental beings' and was in the Beginning an elemental king of all the elemental Gods. Jesus, in His cunning, did thru Chaos' manueverings, established the gravimetrical waves for the elementals to gather in broods thusly was formed the beginnings of celestial nebulas.

    As time did force the nebulas to progressively surround the gravimetric oscillations where from did come about galactic formations of the elementals' soundness. As systems of photonic elementals, the infinitesimal finite elemental Gods did shower the solarized systems with their embodied beings. And in the Now, we are but made from the photonic elementals' stillnesses, the stardusts of the Ages.

    My "Physicist" knows very well the quantum physicalities of natured atomic stimulations. I call this "Physicist" God. He has strewn His Sea of Nothingness with 'photogenitisms' or the stillness of the photons creating all manner of the first materials needed to become thru timeliness all the elementals' members of our declared Periodic Table of Materialized Photogenitis.

    November 12, 2012 at 2:35 pm |
    • 00ster

      Dosage needs adjustment. Please see your doctor.

      November 12, 2012 at 2:45 pm |
    • God's Oldest Dreamer

      00ster,

      My meds are doing just fine TYVM. My needs are for people to see the drudgery of soildifications of errant bipeds feeling their ways thru life instead of their daunted sightlessness in sound reasons. Too damn many flightless klutzes and dumb futzes and not enough intellectually orientated vocabulary specialists.

      November 12, 2012 at 3:02 pm |
    • 00ster

      @ God's Oldest Dreamer;

      I hope it's just a language barrier thing going on here. I cannot make heads or tails of your reply to my snarky comment. I urge you again to see your doctor. 'Solidify' this; Everyone 'feels' their way through life as we have no prior experience. There are no 'sound reasons' for anything that happens on this earth dealing with humanity. We humans tend to see little beyond our own 'tribe' or peer group. Flightless they may be but within this group there is unconditional love. Please forget your bronze age magic book and come join us in the age of reason.

      November 12, 2012 at 3:43 pm |
  16. ChazRaz

    Are you sure it's ok to poke fun at Jesus? Are you sure there won't be hell to pay? "Do not be deceived, God is not mocked." Galatians 6:7. I'm afraid that in the end – the joke is going to be on the mockers. And there will be no laughing. "... For we shall all stand before the judgement seat of Christ. For it is written – As I live says the Lord, every knee shall bow to Me, and every tongue shall confess to God." Romans 14:10 – 11

    November 12, 2012 at 2:34 pm |
    • Blessed are the Cheesemakers

      Any god that would act in such a fashion is an asshat and would not deserve worship.

      November 12, 2012 at 2:56 pm |
    • OTOH

      "As I live says the Lord, every knee shall bow to Me, and every tongue shall confess to God."

      This sounds like something that your "Satan" character would say...

      November 12, 2012 at 2:58 pm |
    • Lou

      So, you are hopelessly afraid of some alien being with a history of genocide and torture? Sounds like how the North Koreans "Love" their leaders.

      November 12, 2012 at 2:59 pm |
    • zarzahc

      He can't be offended. If he existed he's been dead nearly 2000 years.

      November 12, 2012 at 3:00 pm |
    • AncientAliens

      i look forward to laughing at you when you're dead, expecting to spend an eternity in paradise with your "creator" but it turns out you're just... dead
      you can continue to life your life in fear of this "creator"... i'm going to live mine without the influence of this supreme being and have fun doing so

      November 12, 2012 at 3:03 pm |
    • sam stone

      chaz: your god is a vindictive, petty pr!ck. is that clear enough for you?

      November 12, 2012 at 3:24 pm |
  17. 00ster

    Smile; Cthullhu loves you. Between two slices of bread, with ketchup.

    November 12, 2012 at 2:34 pm |
    • .

      mmmm... humans... aaaggghhh

      November 12, 2012 at 2:52 pm |
    • Lou

      Maybe God snacks on souls too. I think I saw a Star Trek about that once.

      November 12, 2012 at 3:02 pm |
  18. realbuckyball

    The thing about all the Jebeus jokes....is Jebus is a joke. Duh.

    November 12, 2012 at 2:31 pm |
  19. Michael S

    My own favorite Jesus joke is that there are so many fools who seemingly cannot read – Fat, White or Black, in slick suits and wearing gold, driving big shiny cars – and they all claim to work for Him.

    November 12, 2012 at 2:27 pm |
  20. sarge from Utah

    Jesus Christ was a Bengali:

    1. He lived with his parents into his 30's.
    2. His mother thought he was God.
    3. He always thought his mother was a virgin.

    November 12, 2012 at 2:26 pm |
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About this blog

The CNN Belief Blog covers the faith angles of the day's biggest stories, from breaking news to politics to entertainment, fostering a global conversation about the role of religion and belief in readers' lives. It's edited by CNN's Daniel Burke with contributions from Eric Marrapodi and CNN's worldwide news gathering team.