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The Belief Blog's guide to kitschy Christmas gifts
December 21st, 2012
04:11 PM ET

The Belief Blog's guide to kitschy Christmas gifts

By The CNN Belief Blog Editors

(CNN) - As shoppers scour malls and web portals looking for the perfect last-minute Christmas gift, we humbly present a few ideas of faithy kitsch.

The tradition of giving gifts at Christmas can be traced back to the birth of Jesus, who Christians say is the son of God, believed to have taken on full humanity to save the world from sin.

The Christmas narrative found in the Gospel of Matthew tells the story of three wise men from the East, who followed a star to visit Mary, Joseph and the baby Jesus. When they found them, the men worshiped Jesus and presented gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh.

In lieu of such hard-to-find items, here are some wonderfully kitschy Christmas gifts:

BibleOpoly

The perfect gift for the budding tycoon who wants to start "In the Beginning." It's like Monopoly, but for church. Instead of going to jail, you go to meditate.

Praise! Aerobics

We've long held that this training video set to Christian praise music should be reissued on Blu-Ray. In the meantime, dust off that VHS player and find a vintage copy of this gem. Also available on DVD is PraiseMoves, which bills itself as the "Christian alternative to yoga."

Kneeling Santa

It's a creative take on the biblical story of Jesus' birth. While there's no direct mention of Santa in the Bible, this kneeling Santa shows what's possible in the name of artistic license.

Jesus is my Coach – Soccer

If someone in your life loves soccer and Jesus, you should probably get this for them.

Bacon Candy Canes

Candy canes have been interpreted as "Js" for Jesus or as shepherd's staffs representing the "Good Shepherd," as Jesus is sometimes known. Now they can be all those things and bacon flavored, too.

Jesus Toasters

It's the lone entrant on both the Belief Blog Hanukkah and Christmas kitsch lists, though the Hanukkah version brands toast with a star of David.

Jesus Adhesive Bandages

The New Testament is chock full of healing miracles. Here's your chance to at least do the healing part.

Happy Birthday Jesus coloring book

A good reminder for children that Christmas isn't your birthday, unless you were born on December 25.

1980s Christmas Sweater

Here's a gift for the aspiring hipster in your life. Sincerely and ironically wrap an old favorite and re-gift away.

- CNN Belief Blog

Filed under: Belief • Christianity • Christmas • Faith Now • Holidays

soundoff (83 Responses)
  1. jessica walters

    The gifts shown above are really inspirational for Christmas eve. Me and my family celebrate this festival with Christopher Alan Designs Christmas Gift Baskets especially designed for Christmas. This gift shop gives you wonderful options for all the festivals you celebrate from birthday gifts to thanks giving gift baskets, from corporate gifts to valentine’s gifts. These gifts made my festivals worth celebrating and i enjoy every bit of it

    September 17, 2013 at 7:50 pm |
  2. Joey

    God isn't angry. He's just embarassed.

    January 2, 2013 at 9:25 am |
  3. Correctlycenter

    Happy Birthday to my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ! We love you Lord...

    December 25, 2012 at 3:44 pm |
  4. Online Cake Delivery

    Thanks for sharing your idea with us...it's really a knowledgeable blog and i recommend this to my other friend also.
    Online Cake Delivery

    December 24, 2012 at 12:21 am |
  5. GodFreeNow

    Worst Christmas, EVER!

    December 23, 2012 at 3:37 pm |
  6. Bootyfunk

    WOW! a whole collection of games no kid on earth would want! just imagine the look of disappointment on kids' faces when they open these cr@p gifts. "but mom, i asked for an x-box". LOL!

    December 23, 2012 at 2:08 pm |
  7. Ann

    I'm surprised that the monopoly game doesn't send you to h e l l instead of meditation.

    December 23, 2012 at 8:28 am |
  8. test417blog

    Speaking of Christmas want to read the most epic Christmas Story to date? TMZ, Santa Cheating, Spongebob Christmas Special and Alan Thicke. Here is Part One http://www.thebuzzkillblog.com/2012/12/the-naughty-list-part-1.html and here is part two http://www.thebuzzkillblog.com/2012/12/the-naughty-list-part-2.html

    December 23, 2012 at 2:13 am |
  9. Reality

    Happy Holidays from Saturn and her rings:

    http://apod.nasa.gov/apod/ap121222.html (for full screen, simply click on the picture)

    December 22, 2012 at 11:36 pm |
  10. Map for Holidays

    Where Earth's life lives: Famous map gets an update .
    The evolution of US.
    No _____ needed.

    December 22, 2012 at 1:43 pm |
    • Docking Bro

      You need q Jesus dil.do for you butthole. One that vibrates really hard. Shake your sh.it loose ya na I mean!

      December 22, 2012 at 8:13 pm |
  11. Saraswati

    I wish I'd known about the bacon candy canes a week ago!

    December 22, 2012 at 10:56 am |
  12. Brampt

    "Monopoly for church, instead of going to jail you go to meditate"...LOL!!!! Hilarious!!

    December 21, 2012 at 10:10 pm |
    • frank

      To be more realistic, they should have made the jail the confessional. (Unless, of course, you get sent there and hold a priest ID card, then you would just advance to another neighborhood.)

      December 22, 2012 at 10:53 am |
    • Boring police

      Busted! For being a boring babble game

      January 2, 2013 at 11:01 pm |
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About this blog

The CNN Belief Blog covers the faith angles of the day's biggest stories, from breaking news to politics to entertainment, fostering a global conversation about the role of religion and belief in readers' lives. It's edited by CNN's Daniel Burke and Eric Marrapodi with daily contributions from CNN's worldwide newsgathering team.