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May 19th, 2010
09:10 AM ET
My Take: On fear, faith and being gay
By Jennifer Knapp, Special to CNN As a young girl, I learned to read music. The scattered black dots on the page, successfully decrypted and performed, began to make more vivid the world around me. I began to discover the private, personal and strange journeys that playing music had to offer. I listened, I sang, I played, and I began to write songs of my own. For me, music has become the tool through which the meditations of my soul find deeper peace and understanding. As a young adult, I began to pursue a purposed life of faith centered on the teachings of Jesus. Many would say that I "became" a Christian. Curious, passionate and confounded, I entered my local evangelical Protestant church with a new appreciation for my spiritual self and participated with full fervor. There too, I experienced music as a gift that could draw out the deeper cries of not just my heart, but the hearts of others as well. More and more, my spiritual pursuit began to be reflected by the songs I was writing. I laid down the questions of my faith I was too embarrassed to share aloud, or worse, uninvited to speak of openly. The songs I wrote directly pertaining to my faith were warmly greeted and celebrated in my church. Soon I found myself with more invitations to play my little songs. Starting in local churches and humble country sanctuaries, onto summer camps, college campuses and conferences of faith; I didn’t know it, but I was becoming a “Christian artist.” Almost exclusively, I was playing in and around churches - Methodist, Baptist, Lutheran, Pentecostal, Episcopalian, Catholic - and some churches that had no recognizable denominational affiliation other than a cross over their door. Where I began thinking that all Christians were alike, I quickly discovered that they were not. They all spoke of Jesus the same, but their practices and traditions, their “do’s and don’ts,” could be vastly different. As confounding as this was to me, I learned to respect the houses where I was asked to play, learned to listen a bit more closely, and even more, learned to appreciate the diverse styles and methods with which many people process their spiritual journey. As the invited but alien artist, it often fell upon me to find our commonality, to sing of what we could mutually share and celebrate. Through trial and error, offense and blessing, I learned that not even a Christian could be solely judged by his cover. Blundering assumptions about how I thought one church might believe, or even how one single congregant among them might believe, only left me an agent of offense. I began to recognize the intense personal nature of each individual’s specific spiritual journey. I began to see the powerful protection a community of faith could be for the fragile and broken. I also have seen the tragic emotional and spiritual devastation brought upon those who sought only compassion and were greeted with condemnation in times of utmost vulnerability. All this I have seen, when I just wanted to play music. I just wanted to explore my faith. I simply wanted to meet others, converse, encourage and learn about how to be ... well, a meaningful person. I have definitely found myself in the midst of an adventure I would have never imagined or called for. This was the world I found myself in when I realized I was gay. After years of subtle comments, wary glances and leading encouragement to get married and have babies, I was fully aware that I had a foot in the door of some houses that were about to be slammed. At the same time, I had experienced years of rich and fulfilling dialogue with many people of faith who taught me the soft landings of compassion. Still, it was hard not to respond to the fear. I questioned whether my faith had betrayed me, or I if had a betrayed my faith. I wondered if music was a ruse and could unite no one. Like wistful balloons loosed to the wind, I was about to release both faith and music, but I could not release what I had learned. Where music had led me to very strange lands, full of people with differing faith practices, cultural expectations, gender roles and more ... it had taught me to listen. Through the torrent of life’s confusion and seeming incongruities, there is a spirit, a song, that if we strain hard enough, we can hear. What we can hear, when we listen, is how we are much the same. From time to time, a song catches our ear and we follow it outside of our usual haunts. We stumble out of our chosen sanctuaries and toward the source of sound that seems to reveal our heart’s longing. It is only when we get there that we can see the diversity of the many who were called by the same tune. Will we be encouraged to see we are not alone? Shamed that we do not want to share it with others differing from ourselves? Or will we simply listen? The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of Jennifer Knapp. soundoff (1,303 Responses)« Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 Next »
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The CNN Belief Blog covers the faith angles of the day's biggest stories, from breaking news to politics to entertainment, fostering a global conversation about the role of religion and belief in readers' lives. It's edited by CNN's Daniel Burke with contributions from Eric Marrapodi and CNN's worldwide news gathering team.  |
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Editor's note: Christian music artist Jennifer Knapp returned to the music scene with a new album this month after walking away from a successful career seven years ago. She also revealed that she has been in a same-sex relationship for the past eight years. 
“This was the world I found myself in when I realized I was gay.”
She has just confessed that she was not born this way; she had it in her mind to do whether she thought of it herself or Satan put it there.
She has apparently wrestled with this and her willingness to acknowledge her position publicly has sprouted most likely from participating in the act. I can accept her honesty.
However, I have to look at how God would judge me against her. I’m heterosexual; Consciously, I don’t participate or practice things I know to be in direct violation to God’s design.
Do I have bad lustful thoughts? Yes, at times I do and it scares me to think what I could become should I follow them, but If I am honest with myself and God I have to bring the matter to Him continuously until it is worked out in me to the point that I know my love and devotion to Him exceeds my desires to do wrong in His sight.
This of course can only be done by the Holy Spirit which is given to us freely which regenerates in me a new person (as I overcome by surrendering my will to the light) that honors Christ.
Finally, in the Bible example, where Jesus is being judge over the world and separates the sheep from the goats he does not condemn any one based upon the type of sin they committed because he paid the price on the cross when he died for the whole world.
He only judged a person based on what that person did or did not do for him in faith and since no one can please God without faith we should all be concerned that our faith is real enough to propel us into a love relationship that purely honors Jesus Christ.
Seoul, Korea (CNN) - Lee In-ok will never forget Friday, March 26. It was late that night that the 48-year-old heard news that the South Korean warship the Cheonan was sinking in the frigid waters of the Yellow Sea off North Korea.
"I called the naval camp, then I drove to the camp and my wife started crying," said Lee whose 22-year-old son was a crew member aboard the corvette. "At 7:00 a.m., they said 58 men had survived, but 46 were lost at sea. I was devastated, but hoped that my son would be saved."
It was not to be. Petty Officer Second Class Lee Yong-san was one of the 46 sailors who would never return from the Cheonan's last patrol.
As South Korea digests Thursday's official report accusing North Korea of attacking the vessel, the families of the 46 sailors who went down with her are left rebuilding their lives.
North Korea slams report that it torpedoed South Korean ship
Five bereaved family members met with a reporter in central Seoul early this week. They seemed emotionally drained but directed no apparent anger at North Korea.
“This was the world I found myself in when I realized I was gay.” She has just confessed that she was not born this way; she had it in her mind to do whether she thought of it herself or Satan put it there.
“This was the world I found myself in when I realized I was gay.” She has just confessed that she was not born this way; she had it in her mind to do whether she thought of it herself or Satan put it there.
At the moment of your birth, did you know if you were to be left-handed, right-handed or ambidextrous?
Realizing your're gay is the same type of thing. Being gay is not instilled by Satan. God made me/us in His image and likeness!
May God grant you special blessings and unopen your heart and soul.
CCN is filtering decent comments that they do not want posted. It doesn't slant their way.
This of course can only be done by the Holy Spirit which is given to freely which regenerates in me a new person (as I overcome by surrendering my will to the light) that honors Christ. Finally, in the Bible example, where Jesus is being judge over the world and separates the sheep from the goats he does not condemn any one based upon the type of sin they committed because he paid the price on the cross when he died for the whole world. He only judged a person based on what that person did or did not do for him in faith and since no one can please God without faith we should all be concerned that our faith is real enough to propel us into a love relationship that purely honors Jesus Christ.
Jesus was present with His Father during Sodom and Gomorrah. How does that grab you? God's law is relevant, not done away with like "Christians" believe.
The point is she presents herself as a Christian artist. Gay and Christian are not compatible.
says who? I don't see "unless you're gay" attached to any of the ten commandants
And judging someone else is right, Bill? Way to go, my friend. You make me sick.
I know a gay chaplain who would beg to differ.
True
All is vanity!
Fundamentalists love their favorite proof texts from the Bible. The only problem is all of the other Biblical text that hits them the wrong way – then they have to find some alternative "historical" explanation -or- fancy analysis from their own contrived theology or analysis of Hebrew or Greek. Been there done that myself! It's major self-deception and a giant epistemic trap.
Many of the fundamentalists who have posted here also seemed to be more centered on Paul more than Christ. Been there done that too! It's called Dispensationalism clap trap.
"Let my worship be within the heart that rejoices, for behold, all acts of love and pleasure are my rituals. Therefore, let there be beauty and strength, power and compassion, honor and humility, mirth and reverence within you."
- Charge of the Goddess
You quote your scripture, I'll quote mine.
It's funny people say being gay is a sin. Yet, Jesus says NOTHING on the topic. However, he does state in the new testament that if you divorce and remarry you are committing adultery (Mark, Chapter 10, verse 11). So, why isn't there a ban on hetero divorce? Also, religion shouldn't be part of the discussion on same-sex marriage. I don't want the government forcing any church to marry anyone. But I also don't want churches telling OUR government who can get married under the law. If heteros are atheists they can still be legally married. Keep religion in religious institutions. I'm certainly not going to treat Christian marriage with any special significance or respect any more. Sorry, but if you can be anti-gay I can be anti-Christian.
Well said, Jennifer. Now, if only it was well read. Which, judging by many of these comments, it wasn't.
The question is not "are you a sinner," because the answer is clearly yes. The real question is "do you live as a repentant sinner?" I noticed that in the interview and in this article Jennifer does not call herself a Christian. She does claim to be a person of faith centered on Jesus' teachings and a former "Christian artist." However many people that are gay do call themselves Christians. My problem with gay people that identify themselves with Jesus is not so much that they struggle with the sin of homosexuality, but that they embrace the sin as normal and acceptable by God. True Christ followers live a life of repentance as, by the grace of God, they seek to turn away from the brokenness of their sins (even the "subtle" ones) and toward the holiness of God.
Is it by some fluke of nature that our world is suddenly evolving into a homosexual world, because the last thing I'd want to do is bring the subject of God and religion into this issue. I see a pattern, but I don't know all the facts.
There have been many questions posed and many answers attempted on this board. To those who are condemning Jennifer Knapp I would say that we are all guilty of some sexual sin. To those who who disbelieve the bible but attempt to argue against her committing sin I would suggest that you not presume to tell those who do believe it about their religion. To the completely non-religious I would suggest that you confine yourselves to topics which you understand and believe in, rather than arguing about things which you are not concerned with. After all, if christians can't live with sinners, and if non-christians refuse to live with christians, there is no liberty to practice whatever you believe.
One note to Jennifer Knapp though: I would suggest that she regard christianity as a relationship with Jesus, not personal spiritual journey.
It seems to me that if you are gay why would you want to belong to any church that thinks gay is a sin? The wonderful thing about christianity is that there are all sorts of churches out there with many differing beliefs. It also seems silly to me to criticize people who say that being gay is a sin- as long as they don't try and keep you out of jobs or non-worship activities. If the word of God were so easy to interpret we wouldn't have so many religions. I honestly don't know what God thinks about gay people. I only know what I think he thinks.
But God has shown me that I should not call any man impure or unclean (ACTS 10:28)
Please don't take one verse in the Bible, take it out of context to make it say what you want. It really only makes you look ignorant.
We all choose to act on our feelings, whatever those feelings are. Our inclincations are not the point.
The question and argument is "should Christians have sex outside of a married, heterosexual relationship?". And the balance to those that would choose "no" is that Jesus would say he who is without sin cast the first stone. I would warrant that many on this board angrily ranting against this have little to boast of in that regard.
Let's let God be the judge and get on with the Kingdom work that we are all uniquely called to.
God does not forget the sinner, he forgets the sin – repent and be forgiven – live each day as a reflection of God. Nothing against individuals, we are all sinners and all need to repent and accept God's gift of eternal life, but the gay lifestyle is a choice and a sinful choice. There is NOT ONE piece of medical evidence to support being "born that way' but all the support points to the family structure – lack of a father or lack of a relationship with a father – leads to wrong lifestyle choices. Realize you are complete in Christ – leave your sinful life style behind – God love you as a person, but he despises your sin.
It's not a sin when the person's identity was formed before they were born. Just like your identity as a heterosexual was formed before you were born. It has been shown that being a homosexual is not a choice or a mental disorder.
When someone who is a homosexual identifies themselves as that, loves God and is saved through Christ and has their partnership ordained by a minister in marriage. They are not living in sin. Really read the scriptures before passing your shallow judgments. It says they did not have God in their hearts nor showed their love for God.
God is about love. Jesus died for our sins. Stop trying to put God and Jesus in a box. You need to take the scriptures that are in the bible regarding homosexuality and put it into context of what was happen in history at that time. And, please don’t try to tell me that is wrong too since we all know polygamy and slavery are two great examples of putting Biblical scriptures into context.
Can anyone that hates Christianity, or "organized religion" answer me this? I've heard so many times that religion is the cause of more violence and death than anything else in the world. If so, why is it that the secular governments of the world have produced the most killings? Nazi Germany, a government that despised religion, killed around 6 million Jews. Soviet Russia which was again, atheist, killed over 1 million people in Gulags alone under Stalin. Last but certainly not least, Communist China under Mao Zedong literally starved up to 70 million of its people to death. By the way, China isn't very religion friendly. So let's see, that's a total of 77 million deaths with just three secular governments. Anyone want to offer evidence that religion is still worse than secularism?
Brian,
That's an interesting question, but I don't think it's a fair comparison or in any way undermines the argument that religion has killed more people historically than secular governments. First, wouldn't you have to have an accurate census of the worldwide population during each religious war and then take the average of deaths during these religious wars vs deaths in your 20th century examples? I may be wrong, but the earth has had more people in the 20th century than in another other time, so more people would naturally mean more deaths.s. And these secular governments did not slaughter their people in the name of religion but for other reasons and specific hatreds.
Beyond that, I think that any war or even an inner governmental conflict (like Stalin or Mao) would still come down to control of the masses for the specific purpose of the government. Just because the 20th century saw the language of populace control shift from religion to political ideals, doesn't mean that leaders and government haven't been hoodwinking and bullying their people into subservience, war and death for eons.
Where the battle cry of "do it for god!" once worked, it's now "Do it for your country or your philosophy or just because I have more guns than you do!"
Just my opinion.
In your three examples, you bring about a point of one "government" (secular or not) imposing its will ruthlessly upon the masses.