September 3rd, 2010
02:18 PM ET

How Christians spoil sex

Christian marriage.

Hot sex.

Let’s try that again:

Christian marriage; hot sex.

It doesn’t quite go together does it?

Passionate, toe-curling sex isn’t normally associated with Christianity or even spirituality in general.

At least that’s what Jonathan Acuff, a Belief Blog contributor and author of "Stuff Christians Like," argues in a recent blog. He says Christians need to do a better job of connecting God with a vibrant sex life.

That’s what we’ve been told. That God and sex don’t go together. And if you say something enough times, people start to believe it’s true…. You can’t have both in the same bottle. They’re oil and water. Cats and dogs. Spencer and Heidi. They just don’t go together.

Acuff, who is married, says Christians shouldn’t just teach abstinence. They should also teach that while sex before marriage is bad, “sex when you’re married is awesome.”

He says Christians damage sex in four ways:

They teach guilt, not abstinence.

They have very few ways to discuss it.

They write 10 books about lust for every one book about the gift of sex.

They've "made the crayon box pretty small" (they're afraid of being creative during sex).

Acuff says it's time Christian couples realize passionate sex is God's idea.

We’ve bought the lie that the world gets to have wild, crazy sex and Christians, holy folks like us, have to have black-and-white, two-dimensional sex. But what if that’s wrong? What if the God who overflows us with love and hope and mercy wants that part of our lives to be as big and as colorful as two married people could possibly imagine?

- CNN Writer

Filed under: Christianity • Culture & Science • United States

soundoff (2,079 Responses)
  1. Scott

    If there's no s ex until marriage, then how do you *know* if you're s exual ly compatible with your partner before you marry them? A beautiful marriage could just be a huge mistake. My ex was just plain BAD in bad ... laid there with her eyes closed as if it was some chore. She was great in every other respect but I just couldn't stand the thought of an entire lifetime of sleeping with a bowl of jello.

    September 3, 2010 at 4:24 pm |
  2. Frogist

    Holy Mother of Pearl! Did they just say s-e-x?! And then he said Spencer and Heidi?! Eeeew!
    Oh where to start... CNN is trying to k-ill me... First Stephen Hawking... now s-ex?!
    How can you have great se-x when the only se-x you are allowed to have is after you're married, but you can't even discuss it in a classroom without someone flippin out at the school? Forget classroom, do you find any christians sitting little Timmy down and explaining what an org-asm is?! Or better yet, how to give his future wife one? And then there's the whole safe se-x thing... oh my head's gonna explode with all the stuff that's wrong with the topic of christians and great se-x...
    I think I need to take a breather and start over...

    September 3, 2010 at 4:24 pm |
    • peace2all


      LOL....!!! Here you are causin' trouble... I have been leaving the one-liners on this one, but there are so many people posting on this that it is moving fast.

      Hope that you are well...? Kate made mention that you were laying in wait to get Reality somewhere....?:-)


      September 3, 2010 at 4:29 pm |
  3. Sam

    We live in a hyper-sexualized culture. Corporations sell sex because sex sells. One can obviously not deny natural urges. But progressives downplay the social and psychological effects of sexual media saturation because they pander to the gay agenda vote, who openly advocate against a moral sexual code. If enough people are convinced they can have sex with anyone anywhere, our society will cease to exist as the instinct to create and nurture families through natural biological procreation is replaced with complete submission to selfish whims for instant gratification.

    September 3, 2010 at 4:23 pm |
  4. Luis Daniel

    By the time I graduated from my Catholic high-school I was convinced I would burn in hell for being "a fornicator". I spent 4 or 5 years as an agnostic and then while traveling through Africa I discovered Ifa, a religion that teaches you that sex is just another manifestation of Ashe (spiritual power). Now I have accepted the positive role sexuality plays in my life and I embrace it without guilt. Paradoxically, now I don't go around sleeping with every girl I can... because I have realized sexuality is sacred.

    September 3, 2010 at 4:22 pm |
  5. Lindsay

    I am SO SICK of Christians, Christian faith, and Christian (truly, as in-Christ following) lifestyle getting blasted by the media. You know what, Christians DON'T spoil sex, the image and perception the media proports to the rest of the connected world spoils it. Jerks.

    September 3, 2010 at 4:22 pm |
  6. simpee

    I have a question for all interested. Are Near Death Experiences, are they real, or are they brain having hallucinations?

    September 3, 2010 at 4:22 pm |
  7. Dave

    Who is this idiot John Blake and how did he get a job at CNN? What a bunch of malarkey!

    September 3, 2010 at 4:20 pm |
  8. Gordon

    The reasons that Christians,for centuries, have tried to discourage sex between men and women, is that the Christian leadership, was well as many of its members, are homosexual. They have done everything in their power to make men and women feel guilty about having sex with each other, while the leadership was having homosexual relations behind closed doors.

    September 3, 2010 at 4:20 pm |
  9. hotmama

    i think atheists make the best lovers..nothing is out of bounds.. my husband and i are both atheist and toe curling, mind blowing would be an understatement 😀

    September 3, 2010 at 4:20 pm |
    • b0bc@t

      you go hot mama, burn up the sheets and show us heathens and heretics how it's done! Atheists and Pagans Rock!
      but do you always call out your hubby's name, or when you are getting crazed and wild,

      don't you ever just scream "Oh God! Oh my God!

      Betcha do!

      September 3, 2010 at 6:59 pm |
  10. Vandi

    I think people don't like to be told that they are doing something wrong anymore. That's why people hate to read or listen to words like " Adultry" or "fornication" cause it makes them feel the guilt and people do not want to feel guilt anymore about anything they do. Also since most people are having sex outside marriage, or they are themseves are products of non married couples, they do not want to feel any guilt. Basically, people want to make their own rules that fits their life style.

    September 3, 2010 at 4:20 pm |
  11. shilpy

    surely, bible talked about kama sutra.

    September 3, 2010 at 4:19 pm |
  12. SB

    I'd like to see this article written with Muslim and Islam substituted for Christian and Christianity and watch the PC crowd go wild, though it is clearly the more (and most) sexually repressive and backwards religion on the earth!

    September 3, 2010 at 4:19 pm |
  13. Make Peace

    Anyone can teach whatever they want..Not all can remember, from intuition, what they are supposed to do. Those are the Truth of God Consciousness..99% of America is controlled by the Mainstream as they fall for the brainwash!

    September 3, 2010 at 4:19 pm |
  14. secondhalf

    The author should read about the sexual frustration of Freud (the secularist) who was a contemporary of C.S. Lewis, who unabashedly wrote of the joy of sex. I would argue the other way around. Sex is a gift from God, but is far more enjoyable if experienced the way God intended. Sounds like we have an author who is maybe having a couple of issues himself; I'll pray for him.

    September 3, 2010 at 4:18 pm |
  15. shilpy

    the author seems ignorant about kama sutra in the scriptures.

    September 3, 2010 at 4:18 pm |
  16. Mr_padre

    well its like this everybody likes reading stuff that gets under thier skin and under the covers...
    if you believe in the holy spirit and what the bible says your personal life with god and your spouse.
    is your own business and shouldn't be published on the web...
    but thats just MY Opinion... GOD BLESS and be safe

    September 3, 2010 at 4:17 pm |
  17. spontaneouscreation

    funniest experience with a priest – i'm in catechumen class with my fiancee. the priest is discussing marital relations (no idea why he figured he was an expert) and he turns directly to me and declares that a couple he knows, when they're both satisfied, sing the ave maria! really? i don't know, but there is a pretty good way to kill the desire.

    September 3, 2010 at 4:17 pm |
  18. jen

    I don't like the photo, use people of color once in awhile.

    September 3, 2010 at 4:16 pm |
  19. E-man

    This is a waste of material. Someone actually took the time to say NOTHING!!!!!

    September 3, 2010 at 4:16 pm |
  20. Sarah M

    Based on my own encounters with churchgoing Christians who waited for marriage, I think this article is totally wrong. I've actually been shocked with how freely they talk about (and sometimes brag about) their sex lives, almost thinking that since theirs is a holy matrimony that sex is totally fine, while before marriage it's super Dirty. I've blushed more than a few times around these friends...have you ever watched 19 Kids and Counting? Michelle and JimBob are always talking or alluding to how hot they are for eachother. Again, it's fine because god approves; but if they were just some couple talking about their sex lives, it would be taboo. Totally ridiculous.

    September 3, 2010 at 4:16 pm |
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The CNN Belief Blog covers the faith angles of the day's biggest stories, from breaking news to politics to entertainment, fostering a global conversation about the role of religion and belief in readers' lives. It's edited by CNN's Daniel Burke with contributions from Eric Marrapodi and CNN's worldwide news gathering team.