September 3rd, 2010
02:18 PM ET

How Christians spoil sex

Christian marriage.

Hot sex.

Let’s try that again:

Christian marriage; hot sex.

It doesn’t quite go together does it?

Passionate, toe-curling sex isn’t normally associated with Christianity or even spirituality in general.

At least that’s what Jonathan Acuff, a Belief Blog contributor and author of "Stuff Christians Like," argues in a recent blog. He says Christians need to do a better job of connecting God with a vibrant sex life.

That’s what we’ve been told. That God and sex don’t go together. And if you say something enough times, people start to believe it’s true…. You can’t have both in the same bottle. They’re oil and water. Cats and dogs. Spencer and Heidi. They just don’t go together.

Acuff, who is married, says Christians shouldn’t just teach abstinence. They should also teach that while sex before marriage is bad, “sex when you’re married is awesome.”

He says Christians damage sex in four ways:

They teach guilt, not abstinence.

They have very few ways to discuss it.

They write 10 books about lust for every one book about the gift of sex.

They've "made the crayon box pretty small" (they're afraid of being creative during sex).

Acuff says it's time Christian couples realize passionate sex is God's idea.

We’ve bought the lie that the world gets to have wild, crazy sex and Christians, holy folks like us, have to have black-and-white, two-dimensional sex. But what if that’s wrong? What if the God who overflows us with love and hope and mercy wants that part of our lives to be as big and as colorful as two married people could possibly imagine?

- CNN Writer

Filed under: Christianity • Culture & Science • United States

soundoff (2,079 Responses)
  1. Ironic

    Inconsistent...how can something be wrong between two people, but once they have a piece of paper from the courthouse, it becomes a beautiful thing? The right-ness and wrong-ness of it all is only up to those two people, no one else.

    September 3, 2010 at 4:35 pm |
    • Sarah M


      September 3, 2010 at 5:18 pm |
    • CatholicMom

      That may be if you don't listen to God's law written on your heart...

      September 4, 2010 at 11:39 am |
  2. ken baldwin

    just checking to see if I'm still censored~

    September 3, 2010 at 4:35 pm |
  3. Lindsay

    Love this!!!! CNN should hire this writer great post!!!

    September 3, 2010 at 4:34 pm |
  4. Really?

    CNN...Really? Is this article what you want on your site. When will you post the same title with Gays, Muslims,Blacks,Whites or whatever else in place of Christians? Is this what you want to promote?

    September 3, 2010 at 4:33 pm |
  5. atheist

    Sex is condemned and prohibited by all religions not only christianity. Sex requires other person and enlightenment is of one and only one being. For humanity to understand that need to become enlgithened takes ages and so many birhts according to eastern scriptures. Because sex is prohibited and condemned its become so much prevelent in human kind that they do not see life=sex. During the innocent time of childhood, children are curious and do touch and inquire about other sex. If child does not grow properly with sexual freedom of curiocity, grows in to pervert or homosexual. Adulthood/marriage is the time to enjoy sex energy fully. when sex energy is gone in later life of adulthood, western mond thinks death is near. Life should be lived fully and enjoyed all aspect of it and there is lot more than sex in world to enjoy but sex is so much is in mind of everyone because its a prohibited and condemened part of life and mind always pulls toward whats prohibited.

    September 3, 2010 at 4:33 pm |
  6. Tranae

    I just have two things to say. One...I'm a Christian....and two, my sex life is perfectly awesome. This guy is just misinformed and needs to read the bible. People didn't have troops of kids back then for nothing :/

    September 3, 2010 at 4:33 pm |
  7. ktlady

    Being Christian never stops my husband and I.

    September 3, 2010 at 4:32 pm |
    • The Real Truth

      It doesn't stop your husband and the babysitter, either.

      September 3, 2010 at 6:28 pm |
  8. jessica

    As a married Christian woman with a brain, this article is a bunch of CRAP.

    September 3, 2010 at 4:30 pm |
    • e

      lmao @ u

      September 3, 2010 at 4:41 pm |
  9. Ironic

    Not sure Christians will get over the whole "s-ex is dirty" thing. Man, they had no problems letting kids watch tons of gore and violence on TV or video games, but just let a nip-ple show and IT'S ON! My time abroad has taught me this is mostly an American Christian thing...

    September 3, 2010 at 4:30 pm |
  10. Christian's grow up

    God is not real! If he was don't you think there would have been 1 sign from him/her after all these millions of years!!! Oh wait I forgot christians beleive the earth is only thousands of years old... Regardless no signs, no proof, no evidence = No god... About this article and I am speaking to all the christians, if God created us and he created sex and intercourse, why would he make it feel soo good only to not want us to have it...? If you have ever had truly great wild hot sex it is amazing! Why would he "God" not want us to practice this? And why would "God" make it is soo pleasurable and desirable if its wrong... If it is not ment to be practiced why not make it feel aweful to do it...? I will tell you why, evolution wants people and animals to procreate that is why it feels good and why we all want to do it, the sex anyway not the procreating...

    September 3, 2010 at 4:29 pm |
  11. john1syd

    The Bible says that the marriage bed is undefiled. God wants a husband and wife to have the best S word possible. It is more than just for a good time but to bond and experiance the fullness of each other. It also allows the couple to learn to be open and trusting of each other. I look at the S word at the beggining of my marraige of 16 years to know. WOW what a difference. We have shared so much through it and even more so now that we know each other better. It is the ultimate expression shared between husband and wife. Oh and Toys are ok too. The marriage bed is undefiled.

    September 3, 2010 at 4:29 pm |
    • Sarah M

      That's ridiculous. You think your marriage bed is undefiled...but many marriage beds are defiled because people are cheating on each other or don't love each other. Just because you're married doesn't make your sexual relations holy, sorry to tell ya John

      September 3, 2010 at 5:18 pm |
  12. MandoZink

    The very idea having some all-powerful, worship-demanding, judgmental, magic and invisible entity invading my relationship with my wife is a depressing concept bordering on sickness. The complete joy of our physical and mental coupling provides no space for a being so vile and invasive. It's about as appropriate as a pile of dog turds on your child's birthday cake.

    September 3, 2010 at 4:27 pm |
  13. Mia

    This person is just not reading his Bible at all. If he would he would not say that. God created a man and a woman to cherish and enjoy sex together. Marriage created sex for husband and wife to enjoy together deeply and not to give away to someone else to experience it.

    September 3, 2010 at 4:27 pm |
  14. Alec

    This is not just silly, but stupid. Come on CNN. I want news!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    September 3, 2010 at 4:27 pm |
  15. RebeccaAK

    So I am 24, been married for a few years now.. My husband and I are believers and I can honestly say that when you're with someone you are committed to and care about deeply the s-ex continues to get better over time, and I don't just mean the "usual" issues... You learn each other and the relationship grows... Saw on Dr. Oz recently that married people have the most s-ex and I would add that it's the best s-ex too!

    September 3, 2010 at 4:26 pm |
    • Sarah M

      How do you know if it's good sex if you got married at 21 and weren't with anyone else before? I guarantee he'll be cheating on you soon honey, sorry to break your young little bubble.

      September 3, 2010 at 5:16 pm |
    • CatholicMom

      Did Dr. Oz also say that married folks live longer, too? I heard that it is true especially of men...

      September 4, 2010 at 11:35 am |
    • peace2all


      Yes, I believe that the good Dr. did say something of that ilk. Well, I hope that I live a good/long life....

      Peace to you....

      September 4, 2010 at 11:39 am |
    • CatholicMom


      Yes, that makes for many memories! I hope you have many good ones already!

      September 4, 2010 at 7:03 pm |
  16. Chris

    Christians actually damage s' x in a fifth way. That is by trying to dictate how non Christians enjoy it.

    September 3, 2010 at 4:26 pm |
  17. HELP

    Please visit SaveStan.ORG a man with 4 young babies is fighting for his life.

    September 3, 2010 at 4:25 pm |
  18. meek

    Well my pastor teaches that youu should not have sex before marriage. But that once you are married there are no bondaries in the bedroom between man and wife... so though this is true in some cases, but not all.

    September 3, 2010 at 4:25 pm |
  19. ted

    i say no to any God people who want too display any religion no matter whom it might be , church is fine as long as i can't tell what God they are worshipping . no signs , no statues , no cross , a building with no markings . religion = war

    September 3, 2010 at 4:24 pm |
    • CatholicMom

      Oh, but then, Ted, you would see all the cars parked around this big shed and you would wonder, ‘Are people in there worshipping God?’, and then every shed would become a ‘God Shed’ and you would see one down every road; some would have cows or horses meandering around them but you would know that it still could be a God Shed and some would be small sheds beside a garden and yet, you would still wonder about it. So you would not be able to get God out of your head no matter what!

      September 4, 2010 at 11:19 am |
  20. Daniel

    Christianity ruined my sex life. I'm constantly trying to be nice to the female, but of course – they want the bad guys.

    September 3, 2010 at 4:24 pm |
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The CNN Belief Blog covers the faith angles of the day's biggest stories, from breaking news to politics to entertainment, fostering a global conversation about the role of religion and belief in readers' lives. It's edited by CNN's Daniel Burke with contributions from Eric Marrapodi and CNN's worldwide news gathering team.