September 3rd, 2010
02:18 PM ET

How Christians spoil sex

Christian marriage.

Hot sex.

Let’s try that again:

Christian marriage; hot sex.

It doesn’t quite go together does it?

Passionate, toe-curling sex isn’t normally associated with Christianity or even spirituality in general.

At least that’s what Jonathan Acuff, a Belief Blog contributor and author of "Stuff Christians Like," argues in a recent blog. He says Christians need to do a better job of connecting God with a vibrant sex life.

That’s what we’ve been told. That God and sex don’t go together. And if you say something enough times, people start to believe it’s true…. You can’t have both in the same bottle. They’re oil and water. Cats and dogs. Spencer and Heidi. They just don’t go together.

Acuff, who is married, says Christians shouldn’t just teach abstinence. They should also teach that while sex before marriage is bad, “sex when you’re married is awesome.”

He says Christians damage sex in four ways:

They teach guilt, not abstinence.

They have very few ways to discuss it.

They write 10 books about lust for every one book about the gift of sex.

They've "made the crayon box pretty small" (they're afraid of being creative during sex).

Acuff says it's time Christian couples realize passionate sex is God's idea.

We’ve bought the lie that the world gets to have wild, crazy sex and Christians, holy folks like us, have to have black-and-white, two-dimensional sex. But what if that’s wrong? What if the God who overflows us with love and hope and mercy wants that part of our lives to be as big and as colorful as two married people could possibly imagine?

- CNN Writer

Filed under: Christianity • Culture & Science • United States

soundoff (2,079 Responses)
  1. Sone

    God wants Christians to have FABULOUS SEX – OR – MAKE FABULOUS LOVE after you abstain from sex and wait til marriage when your experience is only with that one person. How does an abstinant person know the difference except when they get married and consumate their marriage to each other? This article is looking at it completely wrong!!!

    Once you have experienced sex with multiple partners, watched porn, and allowed yourself to induldge in crazy sex acts, then you have lost your reference to the true meaning of what God wants us to have and what waiting is ALL about. The word things will make one think that it's not good enough unless you have it that way, but when you are pure and consecrated to Gods way, then the only reference you will have is with your helpmeet, spouse...AND THAT'S EXPLOSIVE!

    September 3, 2010 at 4:42 pm |
  2. RG26

    I am laughing reading these posts... You can't even spell out the word in here?? How does CNN want to start a real conversation about this and you can't even post the word... Like its a horrible word or something!

    September 3, 2010 at 4:42 pm |
    • CatholicMom

      I guess the word is now LOVE in marriage....outside of marriage it is URGE.

      September 4, 2010 at 12:17 pm |
  3. kev999

    Just re-title it "how christians ruin everything"

    September 3, 2010 at 4:42 pm |
  4. Soldier

    Who in the World comes up with this stuff????

    September 3, 2010 at 4:42 pm |
    • perry

      I don't know. I'm shamed to have spent this much time reading thiis dribble.

      September 3, 2010 at 9:58 pm |
  5. JoePelican

    That's why men are so quick I guess. Get on, get off, get out. Men don't know crap about love making. Just sex.

    September 3, 2010 at 4:42 pm |
  6. Tyler

    I would just like to point out that the author, John Acuff, is a solid, Bible-believing Christian who is writing satirically in order to encourage Christians to grow and change.

    Hope that sheds light.

    September 3, 2010 at 4:41 pm |
  7. beth

    christians spoil pretty much everything. not just sex.

    September 3, 2010 at 4:40 pm |
  8. FridayNight

    Hey, I'm a Christian – born and raised – and I have plenty of hot s-e-x with my spouse! I think this article over generalizes one particular group of people. Just because it took the author a long time to clue into it, doesn't mean the rest of us didn't "get it" right away after we said I Do!

    September 3, 2010 at 4:40 pm |
  9. aly

    its just so complicated im christian and a teenager and no its not as easy as it looks and no it should't be like that. theres a lot of girls of my age here pregnant and well that not always the case. its not a choice

    September 3, 2010 at 4:40 pm |
    • CatholicMom

      You are young and you do have a choice. Don't let the social wind sweep you away.

      September 4, 2010 at 11:46 am |
  10. Frogist

    OK... calmer now... se-x before marriage is not bad. There, I said it. As a matter of fact it is good. From personal experience, I know a couple who met in college and abstained till married. They experimented but never uhh went all the way (I hate the filter for making me talk in riddles). After they got married, the deed was too painful. Over the course of therapy and a number of months, the wife figured out she was transgendered. They got divorced. If they had tried before they got married they might have worked out that they were not going to get married. This might be an extreme case, but the point is that leaving se-xual compatibility to the wedding night is unrealistic. People don't have good se-x just because the equipment fits together (which let's face it, sometimes it doesn't). They have good s-ex because they enjoy the same things in bed. That doesn't even take into account fetishes. Some people can't reach their peak without certain fetishes. But how would you know what you like if you are not allowed to touch yourself or anybody else until you're stuck with them for eternity? What you're left with is a se-xless marriage or divorce? It's a no-win situation.

    September 3, 2010 at 4:39 pm |
    • john1syd

      Sorry but s-exual habits are not genetic. They are learned and refined over time. Try again. S-ex before marriage is bibilcialy wrong. It is out of the design of God and what was intended. Look at what happens to societies that throw away God's designs. The fall and hard. Look at Rome, Greece, Nordes, Khan, etc. All of them gave into the casual sex and all the perversions that can come with it are ok and it led to their destruction. Look at the USA. We are on our way and heading down fast. Mark my words we will fall if allowed to continue down this path.

      September 3, 2010 at 6:52 pm |
  11. Saint Ringo

    toe curling....LOL

    September 3, 2010 at 4:39 pm |
  12. EJ

    Christian spouse: hot sex do go together.

    Just because Christians don't try to have hot sex before marriage or with other people other than their spouse doesn't mean they don't have hot sex at all.

    September 3, 2010 at 4:39 pm |
  13. FingKnowItAll

    The reason it's called "missionary" is because when Christian missionaries arrived in Hawaii, they told the natives any other position was indecent. I was married to someone who believed the same thing. A steady diet of one thing is boring, but attempts to change it up were rejected because God was watching and would disapprove of anything more exciting. Eventually the love life died of boredom, as did the marriage. I'm now courting someone who is a Christian but believes God wants us to enjoy ourselves in as many ways as possible, no holds barred. Read Song of Songs in your Bible if you believe God thinks it's dirty and not to be enjoyed.

    September 3, 2010 at 4:39 pm |
  14. Sammy Z

    "Republicans believe that sex is bad because with them, it always is." – Bill Maher.

    September 3, 2010 at 4:38 pm |
  15. Stewie

    Ok, I'm studying to be a pastor right now so I kinda know some stuff.
    A) Christianity does NOT teach abstience, I dare anyone to look through the bible for it. Christianity teaches sexual purity, which can somewhat be explained as saving yourself entirely for marriage.
    B) GOD LOVES SEX WITHIN MARRIAGE!!!! He is telling everyonce, that once married to get busy!!! (Which I plan to once I get married.) He says in Genesis to populate the earth, but it doesn't just have to be for procreation. God rejoices in all aspects of marriage, including sex and when is just for pleasure.

    Now has the Christian community really screwed up on explaining this, YEP big time! So have Christians spoiled sex? Yea, I would say we have in a sense, but I don't think that was ever God's intent. I believe God loves sex however, within marriage.

    September 3, 2010 at 4:38 pm |
  16. Akay

    Apparently God has outlawed the fun stuff anyway, so I'm guess there's a built-in limit to the Passion of the Christian. Hard to be romantic when your mascot is some guy that got murdered by being nailed to a board.

    September 3, 2010 at 4:38 pm |
  17. Alert Citizen

    When will we stop doing things because God wants us to do something.....this very mentality has created the religious monsters..........Just do good because your own conscience tells you to not because Jesus, Allah, Buddha or Krishna tells you to!

    September 3, 2010 at 4:38 pm |
  18. Nathan

    This is a great article, and there have been several studies that show that Christians tend to have a better, more enjoyable, sex life. I agree, Christians need to do a better job of showing that sex after marriage is what makes waiting for it so worth it.

    September 3, 2010 at 4:36 pm |
  19. Patricia

    What about Muslims who circumcise their girls. Now that really spoils it. But CNN is to afraid to talk about them.

    September 3, 2010 at 4:35 pm |
  20. Sxy Xian

    I am a Christian and I have hot and wild sex 5 nights a week...with my wife of course!

    September 3, 2010 at 4:35 pm |
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The CNN Belief Blog covers the faith angles of the day's biggest stories, from breaking news to politics to entertainment, fostering a global conversation about the role of religion and belief in readers' lives. It's edited by CNN's Daniel Burke with contributions from Eric Marrapodi and CNN's worldwide news gathering team.