September 3rd, 2010
02:18 PM ET

How Christians spoil sex

Christian marriage.

Hot sex.

Let’s try that again:

Christian marriage; hot sex.

It doesn’t quite go together does it?

Passionate, toe-curling sex isn’t normally associated with Christianity or even spirituality in general.

At least that’s what Jonathan Acuff, a Belief Blog contributor and author of "Stuff Christians Like," argues in a recent blog. He says Christians need to do a better job of connecting God with a vibrant sex life.

That’s what we’ve been told. That God and sex don’t go together. And if you say something enough times, people start to believe it’s true…. You can’t have both in the same bottle. They’re oil and water. Cats and dogs. Spencer and Heidi. They just don’t go together.

Acuff, who is married, says Christians shouldn’t just teach abstinence. They should also teach that while sex before marriage is bad, “sex when you’re married is awesome.”

He says Christians damage sex in four ways:

They teach guilt, not abstinence.

They have very few ways to discuss it.

They write 10 books about lust for every one book about the gift of sex.

They've "made the crayon box pretty small" (they're afraid of being creative during sex).

Acuff says it's time Christian couples realize passionate sex is God's idea.

We’ve bought the lie that the world gets to have wild, crazy sex and Christians, holy folks like us, have to have black-and-white, two-dimensional sex. But what if that’s wrong? What if the God who overflows us with love and hope and mercy wants that part of our lives to be as big and as colorful as two married people could possibly imagine?

- CNN Writer

Filed under: Christianity • Culture & Science • United States

soundoff (2,079 Responses)
  1. It's about Relationship not Religion

    I can say that I see both sides of this coin. The problem is that people generalize Christianity as a religion and not about a relationship with God. When you take all the Religious bull crap out of it all and focus on a RELATIONSHIP with God it changes everything. It is true that the Bible teaches that s-ex outside of marriage is not what it was intended for. However, when taught in the proper context, all the guilt associated with s-ex (inside marriage) should not exist. Guilt from s-ex outside of marriage should not exist either. Going further, the Bible also tells us not to judge, so when people make mistakes, be quick to forgive with the same Mercy and Grace that God shows to us. Let God be their judge, God is Mercy and Grace not hateful and He will forgive you when you don't get it quite right. We all make mistakes!
    It is not about all the rules, the do this and don't do that.... It is about Love God with all your heart, mind and soul and Love your neighbor as yourself. Once you start doing those 2 things none of the old rules that were made up to keep "Christians" in line are no longer valid.
    I agree that some Christians can be pushy and try to shove Religion down your throat. Unfortunately, they give those of us that have a Realtionship with God a very bad name. For those people, I am very sorry. Look at Christ and use his example. Yes, he taught others about God. He NEVER forced it upon any one.
    2 simple rules: Love God, Love Others!

    God's Peace.

    September 3, 2010 at 4:53 pm |
    • CatholicMom

      Jesus Christ came, not to abolish the Old Laws but to fulfill them. By loving your neighbor you will obey the 10 commandments as well.

      September 4, 2010 at 12:26 pm |
  2. Jasen

    Could you imagine if the article said "How Muslims Spoil Sex" or "How Jews Spoil Sex"? Hmmmm........Liberals are the first to point out the "bigots" and "racists" but fail to see there own. Liberalism is a mental disorder!

    September 3, 2010 at 4:52 pm |
  3. Mel B

    Well well well, glad they finally see it! Welcome to the big wide world my friends! Many of us have already been enjoying "it!"

    September 3, 2010 at 4:51 pm |
  4. GJ

    So we're told not to generalize and what does the author of the article do? He generalizes!!! Mighty impressive...NOT!

    September 3, 2010 at 4:51 pm |
  5. Blue

    Couples who have sex more often are more likely to stay together. Stop feeling guilty and do the damn thing!

    September 3, 2010 at 4:50 pm |
  6. DJ

    Christians spoil s–?
    Really? Then how is it that your stereotypical Irish-Catholic family has 8-10 kids? (and that's not a racist comment as I'm an Irish/German Catholic).
    Christians like s– just as much as anyone else. And here's a shocker, our folks also have affairs (GASP).
    Agree with one of the posters, this is just another anti-Christian article. Why can't we all just be overly-erotic Communists? Then America would perfect.

    September 3, 2010 at 4:50 pm |
  7. SteveL

    Why are there people in this forum who feel a need to type "s-ex" or "s ex" or "s-x" instead of just saying/typing the simple word "SEX"? As though "sex" is a dirty, filthy, taboo, uncalled-for, forbidden word? Who ever taught you this? Your religion? Your parents? Your own warped thinking? Who?????? And even if it was told to you, do you actually believe it???? Maybe when you were a child, but at this age and stage in life, you're still hung up on it? You haven't come to terms with it yet (at this age and stage of life already)?

    I have news for you (whatever religion you are, if any): If SEX is unholy or dirty, then God is the greatest pornographer of all, for we did not create ourselves nor any of our capabilities or biological drives. I am **NOT** trying to be shocking or coarse here but to just make an intellectual point by using such language: The idea or concept of erect penises, throbbing clitorises, moist vaginas, explosive orgasms, the lust/ desire/craving for physical/sexual pleasure and more . . .. all these ideas came from the mind of God! It was HIS idea, not ours! We didn't create ourselves nor how we are constructed nor how we function. He put this 24/7 sex engine inside ALL of us which is ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS turned on & NEVER EVER turned off (both when we're awake and when we're asleep). If it is shameful and sinful, then why did He implant us with this drive? He could have just made our sexual functions active for us if and when we are trying to procreate (and only with someone to whom we are lawfully married) and that is all; but instead, He decided to keep it turned on ALL THE TIME and in ALL OF US (except perhaps for those with sexual dysfunction or those who are wholly asexual). So how can it be something to be ashamed or embarrassed about or condemning of? If you insult sex, you are, in effect, insulting God - by telling Him, in essence, that He has a filthy mind and that He create something which is depraved. So God exhorts you not to sin (sexually, that is) and then, at the same time, implants you with these powerful insatiable drives which are always turned on and never turned off? If this story line is to be believed, it appears that the God you speak of is trying to lead you into sin, while telling you to not sin. What sense does this make? And if you say "How dare you say this. Satan is behind this, not God.", I ask you: "Who created Satan?" So let me get the story line straight in my head: An all-knowing, all-powerful, all-wise and holy (morally pure and perfect) God creates a God-like malevolent entity with God -like supreme powers who roams the universe with his untold legions of foot soldiers/agents (i.e., demons) wrecking havoc and trying to compel us mortals to sin? And God lets Satan get away with this? He has no control over Satan? Satan, who was created by God [a Satan didn't create himself] is more powerful than God? Is this the story line you want us to swallow?

    I don't like talking like this to anyone (especially other adults like myself), as I'm sure that it sounds rather demeaning (and I am not, by nature, a demeaning or mean person) and can't believe that I am even compelled to do so (that I even feel it necessary to do so). I know that it sounds like I'm talking down to you. But why do those among you who have such a disparaging, tainted view of human sexuality make it necessary (that is, you who feel a need to view SEX as a taboo, forbidden fruit that will lead us into disconnection from and disownership by God)? Please enlighten me/us. Your logic utterly evades me.

    September 3, 2010 at 4:48 pm |
  8. Lola

    I went to a Christian counselor after my father died and all the guy wanted to talk about was sex. He told me that all things were ok in the marital bed, including butt sex. Um. Ok. Can we talk about my dad now? He made me uncomfortable.

    September 3, 2010 at 4:48 pm |
  9. John

    Is this for real? The way Muslim women are treated might beg the question on sex in a Muslim home. Ahhh but that would be too dicy... Much safer to bash Christians Ehhhh?

    September 3, 2010 at 4:48 pm |
  10. levine

    I am sure writer finally read KamaSutra book and applying it to, I will say, to her lover or lovers.

    Welcome to Hinduism.

    September 3, 2010 at 4:48 pm |
  11. Jay G

    Thinking that there's a God that has anything to do with sex is what is ruining sex.

    September 3, 2010 at 4:47 pm |
  12. chuck

    google Tommy Nelson and Song of Solomon

    September 3, 2010 at 4:47 pm |
  13. Pastor Fred Rochester

    Now wait a minute! The world spoils sex because of sexual immorality. Sex is a gift from God to married couples according to Hebrew 13:4. Guilt of sin comes when sin is committed. So before you accuse Christians of spoiling sex, just remember, 19 million new cases of STDs. 56,000 new cases of HIV/AIDS.

    Perversion spoils sex, not Christians.

    September 3, 2010 at 4:47 pm |
  14. Steve Stevens

    Didn't Mary have sex in order to give birth to Jesus?

    September 3, 2010 at 4:47 pm |
  15. ASH

    Okay, let me try this again. I am a Christian, married for nearly 26 years and I think my spouse and I have a VERY vibrant se-x life. We appreciate this gift from God and enjoy unwrapping it quite often!

    September 3, 2010 at 4:45 pm |
  16. 500lb12yrold

    I thought it was a no brainer. 1Corinthians 7:3-5 wifes body belongs to husband, husbands body belongs to wife dont deny each other(in a nutshell). To me thats a green light for a knock down drag out sexcapade with your spouse. Fortunatley my wife agrees.

    September 3, 2010 at 4:45 pm |
  17. Mr.Blues

    I like Atheist sex much better

    September 3, 2010 at 4:44 pm |
  18. Kimbiqua

    Man this article is me to a tee. I could never reconcile being a good, chaste Christian with being a sexual lover in bed. It's always felt wrong, base, something dirty. I don't even like sexual attention being paid to me by men or my husband. It totally messed me up. And I'm sorry, holding off being a sexy beast until marriage? I'd like to see that preached from a pulpit. I'm not happy this happened to me.

    September 3, 2010 at 4:44 pm |
  19. Tom, Long Beach, California

    what a crock of s.........this is racist but with regards to religious freedoms

    September 3, 2010 at 4:43 pm |
  20. ASH

    I don't know what this guy is talking about. Being a Christian and married for nearly 26 years I think my spouse and I have a very vibrant sex life. We are completely aware of the gift of sex and enjoy unwrapping that gift quiet often!

    September 3, 2010 at 4:43 pm |
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The CNN Belief Blog covers the faith angles of the day's biggest stories, from breaking news to politics to entertainment, fostering a global conversation about the role of religion and belief in readers' lives. It's edited by CNN's Daniel Burke with contributions from Eric Marrapodi and CNN's worldwide news gathering team.