September 3rd, 2010
02:18 PM ET

How Christians spoil sex

Christian marriage.

Hot sex.

Let’s try that again:

Christian marriage; hot sex.

It doesn’t quite go together does it?

Passionate, toe-curling sex isn’t normally associated with Christianity or even spirituality in general.

At least that’s what Jonathan Acuff, a Belief Blog contributor and author of "Stuff Christians Like," argues in a recent blog. He says Christians need to do a better job of connecting God with a vibrant sex life.

That’s what we’ve been told. That God and sex don’t go together. And if you say something enough times, people start to believe it’s true…. You can’t have both in the same bottle. They’re oil and water. Cats and dogs. Spencer and Heidi. They just don’t go together.

Acuff, who is married, says Christians shouldn’t just teach abstinence. They should also teach that while sex before marriage is bad, “sex when you’re married is awesome.”

He says Christians damage sex in four ways:

They teach guilt, not abstinence.

They have very few ways to discuss it.

They write 10 books about lust for every one book about the gift of sex.

They've "made the crayon box pretty small" (they're afraid of being creative during sex).

Acuff says it's time Christian couples realize passionate sex is God's idea.

We’ve bought the lie that the world gets to have wild, crazy sex and Christians, holy folks like us, have to have black-and-white, two-dimensional sex. But what if that’s wrong? What if the God who overflows us with love and hope and mercy wants that part of our lives to be as big and as colorful as two married people could possibly imagine?

- CNN Writer

Filed under: Christianity • Culture & Science • United States

soundoff (2,079 Responses)
  1. Missy

    My sex talk from my southern baptist mom...."Sex is for a married man and woman, if you have sex before marriage you'll get pregnant and if you get pregnant before you are married you'll die" I was 7.....

    September 3, 2010 at 5:15 pm |
  2. David Hutchinson

    The problem usually are with women. They get married and they play games with sex using sex as a bargaining chip. Once your married and you made your choice you owe your husband sex when he wants it or you take some responsibility in forcing the husband out of the house to look elsewhere for sex. In that resprect they are just as responsible as the cheating spouse. God intended man to be monogamous and the proof is that 1 in 4 persons in the USA has Herpes. (HSV1 or 2) When an STD gets involved then you are burdened with the responsiblity of telling any prospective partners you have a contagious STD for the rest of your life. So be good and be monogamous until you get divorced because it's a wild world out there.

    September 3, 2010 at 5:15 pm |
  3. JonnyPhuckinCraig

    Wuzzzup my fellow faithful. I'm Catholic and I have sex and use birth control. I still go to Mass. But I use forms of birthcontrol and have premarital sex whenever possible lol. Am i a confused young Catholic? Actually, nvm, I can just go to confession and It'll be all good.

    September 3, 2010 at 5:14 pm |
  4. Missy

    My s-ex talk from my southern baptist mom...."S-ex is for a married man and woman, if you have s-ex before marriage you'll get pregnant and if you get pregnant before you are married you'll die" I was 7.....

    September 3, 2010 at 5:14 pm |
  5. Marvin

    He doesn't have a clue. This is probably one of the most misinformed pieces I've ever read. I've been a Christian for over 40 years, most of them married. I can't relate to anything he's saying. In fact being a Christian is the only way to have amazing sex. Probably what throws him off if we just do it, instead of talking about it.

    September 3, 2010 at 5:13 pm |
  6. Michelle

    Don't forget those "Christians" who say that sex without procreation is a sin. Oh, yes, they exist: people who think that sex for the sake of sex between a husband and wife can't possibly do them any good in terms of closeness, intimacy, etc etc.

    Backwards people. So backwards.

    September 3, 2010 at 5:12 pm |
  7. C.K.

    Christians wanna have their cake and eat it too. Their own bible tells them they need to procreate, but at the same time it's a sin if you actually have lustful feelings, and you must cleanse your soul and repent for such a dirty deed. Ha, ha, what a joke. As always, it's no surprise that religion again PROVES itself contradictory. Ha, ha, ha. Just look at Palin, she's got how many kids? She claims to be the biggest Christian lover their is, and yet, how many times has she sinned? Oh, let's see, how many kids does she have again? ROFL!

    September 3, 2010 at 5:11 pm |
    • willie

      Christians want to have their cake and eat it to?
      Here, I thought they only did it missionary style!

      September 3, 2010 at 5:18 pm |
    • biggins642

      You sir are wrong! Nice try twisting christian beliefs. I am married, I can have all the lustful thoughts in the world about my wife, but not towards any other women. YOU are a champion and know nothing about religion. Thanks for playing

      September 4, 2010 at 5:10 pm |
  8. Dave

    This is not a serious article is it?
    I mean nobody could think that Christians are any less creative in bed than anyone else? right? tell me I am right. Please!

    September 3, 2010 at 5:09 pm |
  9. Rimas

    Looks like the writer of this article has not come accross Theology of the Body...the Catholic Church has this one right if you take some time to look into it. Props to JPII and Christopher West.

    September 3, 2010 at 5:09 pm |
  10. William - South FL

    I may not be a Christian (I'm Jewish) but can state from the many experiences I've had.. Christian women are just as hot (in bed) & kinky as the non Christians I've been with ... & this covers from one night stands to some very long, monogomous, relationships. I believe that (almost) ALL women of ALL religions & cultures have the potential to "get crazy" / experiment.... it's up to their lovers to create an atmosphere where they can feel safe & open enough to enjoy their inner fantasies, test their limits, etc. ... without being judged before, during or after.

    September 3, 2010 at 5:09 pm |
  11. Area Man

    My wife is always screaming, "Oh God", during sex. Does that count?

    September 3, 2010 at 5:08 pm |
  12. Jim

    Hitler wasn't a Christian. Man perverts God's intentions. This is a fallen world.

    September 3, 2010 at 5:08 pm |
    • TX_MBell

      When one can't find a religion that fits their lifestyle they alter the closest one or create their own.

      September 4, 2010 at 1:33 pm |
  13. Greg

    The moderators on this site are fascists, in my opinion. They take political correctness to a whole new level. go to the CBC website if you want to see what freedom of speech looks like.

    September 3, 2010 at 5:08 pm |
    • TX_MBell

      They crazy part is that the article uses words that are flagged for moderation in the comments. Go figure that.

      September 4, 2010 at 1:31 pm |
  14. Frank

    It's true. This whole bishops/preists cannot mary or have childern!!

    That's why Muslims and Jews are better off by allowing their preists to mary!

    September 3, 2010 at 5:07 pm |
    • TX_MBell

      That is their life style choice. They are not prisoners of the role. Check out "The Sound of Music"; it's about a Nun that decides to get married.

      September 4, 2010 at 1:29 pm |
  15. TX_MBell

    This article pushing a stereotype. Painting Christians with such a broad stereotypical brush is like saying a particular race is more or less capable than another. There are some Christian faiths that have big families because couples enjoy frolicking together and rejoice in having children in their caring and charitable home. Just because most Christians believe in fidelity does not mean that they perceive intimacy as evil or dirty. It is encouraged in most Christian faiths. Abstinence before marriage is encouraged because true relationships become 'one'. Intimate relationships before marriage cheapens the experience and detracts from its sacred purpose and power. Marriage is not intended as an limited assignment of two people to simply Shepard each other.

    September 3, 2010 at 5:07 pm |
  16. levine

    Ask Stephen Hawking's he will give you better answer than this dude.

    September 3, 2010 at 5:06 pm |
  17. Gary

    Holy Cow!!! TRUE!! You can go to church and learn about anything. God. Finances. Food. Making bread. Making clothes. Helping others. Cars. Photography. You can learn about ANYTHING....except sex. When was the last time you EVER heard anyone talk about sex over the pulpit?? I say AMEN BROTHER!!

    September 3, 2010 at 5:06 pm |
  18. KRS

    Ahh...Mr. John Blake...you ignorant moron...Christians have just as much fun in the bedroom as any other religion. it sounds like maybe YOU have some ed or other issues that prompted this article. Happy banging guy!

    September 3, 2010 at 5:05 pm |
    • zeugirdor nahtan

      didnt know bibles had holes lol

      September 3, 2010 at 5:43 pm |
  19. Robin

    Speak for yourself, Jonathan! I have been a staunch Christian, although not a fundamentalists, for my entire life-and my sex life has been fabulous. Appropriate, and still fabulous. The one thing my mother tried to convey to her children is that sex is right and beautiful in the right setting. That leaves interpretation entirely up to married participants. If two agree, how can it be less than wonderful? Outside of the right setting, sexuality can be cheap and sickening. Maybe those who want sex as unbridled hedonism are ruining it for the Christians. . .

    September 3, 2010 at 5:05 pm |
  20. Bee

    Does this guy know the sex practices of every single Christian in this country???

    What an idiot. He's just as judgmental as some of the zealots he blasts in his article.

    September 3, 2010 at 5:03 pm |
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The CNN Belief Blog covers the faith angles of the day's biggest stories, from breaking news to politics to entertainment, fostering a global conversation about the role of religion and belief in readers' lives. It's edited by CNN's Daniel Burke with contributions from Eric Marrapodi and CNN's worldwide news gathering team.