September 3rd, 2010
02:18 PM ET

How Christians spoil sex

Christian marriage.

Hot sex.

Let’s try that again:

Christian marriage; hot sex.

It doesn’t quite go together does it?

Passionate, toe-curling sex isn’t normally associated with Christianity or even spirituality in general.

At least that’s what Jonathan Acuff, a Belief Blog contributor and author of "Stuff Christians Like," argues in a recent blog. He says Christians need to do a better job of connecting God with a vibrant sex life.

That’s what we’ve been told. That God and sex don’t go together. And if you say something enough times, people start to believe it’s true…. You can’t have both in the same bottle. They’re oil and water. Cats and dogs. Spencer and Heidi. They just don’t go together.

Acuff, who is married, says Christians shouldn’t just teach abstinence. They should also teach that while sex before marriage is bad, “sex when you’re married is awesome.”

He says Christians damage sex in four ways:

They teach guilt, not abstinence.

They have very few ways to discuss it.

They write 10 books about lust for every one book about the gift of sex.

They've "made the crayon box pretty small" (they're afraid of being creative during sex).

Acuff says it's time Christian couples realize passionate sex is God's idea.

We’ve bought the lie that the world gets to have wild, crazy sex and Christians, holy folks like us, have to have black-and-white, two-dimensional sex. But what if that’s wrong? What if the God who overflows us with love and hope and mercy wants that part of our lives to be as big and as colorful as two married people could possibly imagine?

- CNN Writer

Filed under: Christianity • Culture & Science • United States

soundoff (2,079 Responses)
  1. TYLER D.

    we could do without christiantiy but probably not without sex.

    September 3, 2010 at 7:23 pm |
  2. Dave

    What hogwash. At 65+ our love life is still the greatest, and has been getting better for 46 married years! Praise the Lord!

    September 3, 2010 at 7:22 pm |
    • PeteH


      September 4, 2010 at 7:35 pm |
  3. KY Christian

    My church recently did a sermon series on the subject. Attached is a link that takes you to a sermon our preacher did on intimacy within marriage.

    September 3, 2010 at 7:19 pm |
    • PeteH

      Thanks for proselytizing and whoring your church on a public forum. That's why we're all here, to learn from you and your stupid pastor.

      September 4, 2010 at 7:34 pm |
  4. believer

    I don't think this guy knows what he's talking about. Christians aren't uptight........it's the Catholic bunch of Christians that are uptight & prudish, with countless hang ups.

    September 3, 2010 at 7:18 pm |
  5. DL

    What a dumb and inaccurate generalization. It's as dumb as saying my sister can't cook, therefore all women can't cook. Shame on CNN for putting up this kind of title. They would never dare put up similar title on race- or gender-related issues. Coward.

    September 3, 2010 at 7:18 pm |
  6. An atheist

    I'm glad that Christians have rubbish sex. It serves them right for having such small minds. This is nature in action and a small part of the inevitable process that will remove religiousness from the gene pool.

    September 3, 2010 at 7:18 pm |
  7. Chris

    Much as I detest Christianity, it's not Christianity that ruins sex. It's marriage that ruins sex.

    September 3, 2010 at 7:17 pm |
  8. Duk Sausage

    i dont see all the big fuss....No one is bashing Christians. just bringing to light what a lot of people are familiar with. All religions have some bass-ackwards .. This article is referring to Christians...If you don't like the article, then I challenge you to write a better one with all the pertinent info to make it relevant. Now get off your holier than thou asses and do something about the perception.

    September 3, 2010 at 7:17 pm |
  9. Zic Zac

    One need not be Christian to lead a moral and ethical life. Religions and their various skisms are simply cultural phenomenons.

    September 3, 2010 at 7:16 pm |
  10. Mr. Apples

    I believe it was the orgasm that ruined it for Christian sex! Hmmmm

    September 3, 2010 at 7:16 pm |
  11. perplexed

    how did hitler get into this? if i read the article correctly it about how some moral beliefs ruin s*x. and if i remember history correctly hitler had incurable syphilis, a disease that by some accounts is God's revenge for promiscuity. some christian he turned out to be.

    September 3, 2010 at 7:16 pm |
  12. cadrolls1

    Hey Moderators!

    I am DIRECTLY descended from 41 Captains, 14 Lieutenants, 8 English Kings, at least 8 English Queens, Every Scottish King who ever sat on that throne, as well as one Welsh King and most of the U.S. Presidents in some way, shape, or form.

    I don't need to be moderated.

    Show some respect!

    September 3, 2010 at 7:15 pm |
    • En passant

      @cadrolls 1

      You are DIRECTLY a total and complete dork.

      Go get stuffed you dumb slag. You don't deserve any respect for that bald and hairless assertion. Your post is fail.

      September 4, 2010 at 1:02 am |
  13. Vicki

    I attended a Christian college where a class was required on Marriage and Family. We spent over a month on sexuality and the professor, who was in his 60's, told us that what we did in the bedroom was between us, our spouse, and God. As long as nobody was getting hurt go for it!! He was so great! It was a refreshing change from the "sex is bad" I had heard for most of my life. I have always sighed when Christians talk about sex as if it is shameful, sometimes they even whisper! God created sex for us to enjoy each other, to be happy, and if we wish to have children.

    September 3, 2010 at 7:13 pm |
  14. Brett

    I am a Christian that has always been taught abstinence in my conservative church. Even though I have heard pastors speak of no sex before marriage I have heard plenty of pastors talk about great sex is with their wives after they have waited for each other. I don't feel this article represents the majority of Christians.

    September 3, 2010 at 7:13 pm |
  15. bob

    AS A conservative CHRISTIAN missionary, I have to say that the world in which we live trys to promote "S" as just another FUN thing to do , just recreation like going to the ammusment park or whatever for a rush. WEll, you know what, "S" is a rush! But God make it very clear in the Bible that it is a RESERVED for mariage between a man and wife. There is not enough space here to cite all the Biblical references to marrige, to Gods command to be faithful to your spouse etc. But if you want a good read on Gods design for the enjoyment that he has ordained for the "S' relation he between a husband and wife then try reading the Book of Song of Solomon! Some "pictures" seem a bit weird to us in our western culture, but in Solomon's time and culture they made perfect sense.

    Yes, in some parts of the church "s" has been taught as dirty etc. but that is simply becase those people have twisted what the Scripture says about the subject, in an effort to combat improper, sinful relationships. "S" should be great, awseome, wonderful, hot and yes it is even HOLY when practiced with in the confines of marraige as God ordained. My wife and I have a GREAT TIME together. Our relationship is founded on and firmely rooted in Christ and his Love for us. We find fullfilment, joy, and yes toe curling EXCITEMENT in our relationship. More that that, we have a close, understanding and caring love for one another. Can any of you who are in to casual "S" with anyone and everyone say that, or are you really emotionally and spritually empty inside resorting to "s" as a n attempt to fill the void in your heart and soul that can only be filled via Christ as your savior and in a loving caring marraige realtionship built upon HIM!

    Thanks for reading. JOHN 3:!6

    September 3, 2010 at 7:12 pm |
  16. Kate

    There's a flip side to the question: does s3x spoil Christians?

    Just wonderin'

    September 3, 2010 at 7:12 pm |
  17. Zic Zac

    Me? No hang ups about sex ever, now or in the past. But then again, I'm not a christian either.

    September 3, 2010 at 7:12 pm |
  18. chad niell

    God is the one who created sex. It was His gift to us. And God gave us the ability to enjoy sex not only so that we could reproduce, but it is also a way for husbands and wives to bond and experience intimacy. God wants us to experience fulfilling, joyful sexual relations with the people we are married to.
    Proverbs 5:15, 18-19 reads "Drink waters out of thine own cistern, and running waters out of thine own well...Let thy fountain be blessed and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love."
    If God didn't want us to enjoy sexual relations, He would not have made sex pleasurable. God obviously wants us to enjoy sex. And his Word makes it equally obvious that He only gives sexual relations His blessing when it occurs between a husband and a wife. And, again, the reason for this is because God wants what is best for us.
    What a lot of people don't realize is that sex is not just something that is to be done casually for temporary pleasure. When you are intimate with someone in a sexual way, you are actually becoming one with that person on a deep spiritual level that goes far beyond just temporary thrills.
    Genesis 2:24-25 shows us this when referring to the first husband and wife, Adam and Eve. It reads, "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed."
    When you are intimate with your husband or wife, there is no shame. When you fornicate or masturbate, there is shame, regret, and loss of self-respect.
    When we engage in sex, we "become one" with that other person. Who in their right mind would willingly want to become one with a prostitute or someone who has had multiple sex partners? Maybe nowadays "sleeping around" is no big deal. But in the Bible people who took part in such behavior were referred to as harlots or whores or whoremasters (These terms refer to men and women). And the definition of a harlot or a whoremaster is "one who practices habitual, customary, unlawful indulgence of lust, fornication, or adultery."
    1 Corinthians 6:15-16 reads, "Know ye not that your bodies are the members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ, and make them the members of a harlot? God forbid. What! Know ye not that he which is joined to a harlot is one body? For two, saith he, shall be one flesh."
    So, again, every time you casually have sexual relations with someone who you are not married to, a little bit of your soul dies in a way. You have given to a stranger something that is valuable and precious. You have allowed this person to steal your wealth, to take away your honor.
    And when we are disobedient to God in this area, we even run the risk of harming our relationship with our Heavenly Father. God still loves us and will forgive us, but we might feel too ashamed to go to God in prayer.
    When we engage in sexual relations with people we are not married to, we bring hell and pain into our lives in many different forms: Sexually transmitted diseases, unwanted pregnancies that lead to abortions, sexual dysfunctions, shame. You may even rob yourself of the ability to have a fulfilling sexual relationship in the future when you do get married. Proverb 6:27 asks the question: "Can a man take fire to his bosom and his clothes not be burned?"
    God knows what is best for us. He has given us standards to follow because He wants to save us from ourselves and from the pain we can bring to our lives.

    September 3, 2010 at 7:10 pm |
  19. ArmyWife

    You have to remember this is the same guy who once said he would like to fly over Mississippi and take a crap out of his airplane door on it. He's kinda of "special."

    September 3, 2010 at 7:09 pm |
    • ArmyWife

      FFS I replied to the wrong thread! LOL! I had just read the Jerry Lewis article and meant to reply to that. Apparently, I need a nap or something.

      September 3, 2010 at 7:11 pm |
    • Kate


      Ready Jerry Lewis articles would tend to indicate needing something stronger than a nap 😛

      Just sayin'

      September 3, 2010 at 7:13 pm |
    • believer

      Did he really say that? OMG what the hell kind of thing is that to say! I love Mississippi!

      September 3, 2010 at 7:23 pm |
  20. Happy Face

    Clearly, this writer was sent out to do a first-semester assignment to "elicit a response from the reader". I am a Christian, born, baptised, and raised in the Christian faith. I've raised my children in the Christian faith because I truly believe it's best to treat others as you'd want to be treated, in all aspects of life, at all times. I must tell you that I'm 57 years old, male, and I've had sex/made love to more than 1000 women, many of them Christian (no, I've never paid for sex). Women are wonderful. While it's a great picture at the top of this article, the person/people who wrote it have no idea about the subject or the people they're writing about.

    September 3, 2010 at 7:08 pm |
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The CNN Belief Blog covers the faith angles of the day's biggest stories, from breaking news to politics to entertainment, fostering a global conversation about the role of religion and belief in readers' lives. It's edited by CNN's Daniel Burke with contributions from Eric Marrapodi and CNN's worldwide news gathering team.