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September 3rd, 2010
02:18 PM ET
How Christians spoil sexChristian marriage. Hot sex. Let’s try that again: Christian marriage; hot sex. It doesn’t quite go together does it? Passionate, toe-curling sex isn’t normally associated with Christianity or even spirituality in general. At least that’s what Jonathan Acuff, a Belief Blog contributor and author of "Stuff Christians Like," argues in a recent blog. He says Christians need to do a better job of connecting God with a vibrant sex life.
Acuff, who is married, says Christians shouldn’t just teach abstinence. They should also teach that while sex before marriage is bad, “sex when you’re married is awesome.” He says Christians damage sex in four ways: They teach guilt, not abstinence. They have very few ways to discuss it. They write 10 books about lust for every one book about the gift of sex. They've "made the crayon box pretty small" (they're afraid of being creative during sex). Acuff says it's time Christian couples realize passionate sex is God's idea.
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To lump all Christians into one group and say they don’t have a great love live is like saying all Muslims are terrorists. Extremist exist in every group, I’m Christian and my crayon box is full. As a matter of fact I’m sure I have more and better loving than every agnostic leftist I know.
Describe it in detail please.
Wow...will people ever get tired of bashing us Christians...probably not. Well I was raised Catholic, I'm still Catholic. I've been married for 20 years have a wonderful intimate..yep...imtimate realtionship with my husband...not that its any body's business but yep I even waited... both of us... till we were married and you know what...the good Lord must have blessed us because sex is absolutely wonderful. I give myself completely to him and he returns it. I don't understand how people can be so harsh. Let us Christians just live in peace with God. In the end...HE has the final word.
While an agnostic (meaning I don't claim to know something I actually don't) I am NOT a leftist, and, I challenge your statement.
This agnostic has your Christian @ss beat.
I'm surprised you are even allowed to speak to agnostic leftists. Especially about s.e.x.
Do they KNOW you do that?
What a ridiculous thing to say, akman. It's about as illogical as, well, religion.
I wish this forum had a like button because the four responses above mine are full of win.
They should also teach that while sex before marriage is bad, “sex when you’re married is awesome.”
Last time I checked, awesomeness of sex had nothing to do with participant's marital status...
Yes, thank you.
I was raised in the Catholic church and they basically make it a sin to even think about s-e-x!!! I've been blessed with a strong Christian wife and she's very openminded in the bedroom, our last 15 years have been great and I'm looking forward to the next 15 when the kids will be out of the house......I've been blessed!!! Amen.
this is completely incorrect. Catholic teaching is that the marital act, when engaged in within the proper context of a committed marriage (which is ready to receive God's gift of children should He desire to bless you), is an INCREDIBLE thing;
in fact the love between a man and wife actually mirrors the Trinity–total self giving, total receiving, the love is so real that it creates another person!!
I apologize for the ill-formed Catholics who don't understand the Church's teachings. Her teachings bring life, and life to the fullest! God Bless!
@raisedCatholic
Yep same here.
@PaulD
Seeing how its only men teaching the faith there seems to be several varying opinions about what it means to be Catholic. It is not as straightforward, the same everywhere, as you think it is. The Catholic church I grew up in actually taught intolerance. That anyone who had different beliefs were just not good people. That they were not God's people. I stopped going because of it. The tolerant God I knew was not the same being that they were trying to teach me he was. I'm glad your experience was different, but I can tell you the path to God was not what my Catholic church was teaching.
From what these guys have written, maybe their experience was more of a case of bad formation in Catholicism rather than bad doctrine in and of itself.
Why does the Catholic Church even worry about sinning, in regards to $ex or anything else? Don't they just have to do a couple of hail Mary's and it's all good? Their faith and doctrine is not based on salvation through grace alone, it's based on works.
Kate (not of 8),
James 2:14-24....a man is justified by works and not by faith alone.
Your idea of faith alone is not in the Bible. Yours is a man-made idea which started in the 1500's.
CatholicMom,
You are taking that verse out of context to support your incorrect doctrine. That verse is saying that if you profess that you have faith, but you have no works (good fruit) to go with that faith, your faith is dead. Works by themselves do not save anyone. Going to church, penance, hail Marys, being nice to people, etc..., do not save you in and of themselves. Faith in Christ's birth, life, death, and resurrection is what saves you. And when you have true faith in that, your good works will follow.
James 2:21-25
"Was not Abraham our father justified by works? You see then that a man is justified by works, and not by faith only. Likewise, was not Rabab the harlot also justified by works? For as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead also."
Catholic Mom,
"didn't come along until the 1500s"...
I'm going to assume you are referring to the Protestant Reformation, when Martin Luther realized that the Catholic Church was not adhering to Scripture and challenged their doctrines on faith and works. Actually, Paul wrote in the entire New Testament about salvation by grace alone, through faith alone, in Christ alone, and Christ Himself preached that. Jesus continuously rebuked the Pharisees for being hypocrites and relying on their empty, religious rites and works to attain their salvation. And that was all approximately 2,000 years ago, not 500. Luther simply had the nerve to challenge the Catholic Church after reading the Scriptures himself and realizing what they said.
On another note, putting any faith in your own works to earn your salvation completely takes away from what Christ did for you. If you can be a good person and do right on your own, why did Christ have to come? The Bible is clear:
Romans 3:5-18
"But if our unrighteousness brings out God’s righteousness more clearly, what shall we say? That God is unjust in bringing his wrath on us? (I am using a human argument.) 6Certainly not! If that were so, how could God judge the world? 7Someone might argue, “If my falsehood enhances God’s truthfulness and so increases his glory, why am I still condemned as a sinner?” 8Why not say—as we are being slanderously reported as saying and as some claim that we say—“Let us do evil that good may result”? Their condemnation is deserved.
9What shall we conclude then? Are we any betterb? Not at all! We have already made the charge that Jews and Gentiles alike are all under sin. 10As it is written:
“There is no one righteous, not even one;
11there is no one who understands,
no one who seeks God.
12All have turned away,
they have together become worthless;
there is no one who does good,
not even one.”c
13“Their throats are open graves;
their tongues practice deceit.”d
“The poison of vipers is on their lips.”e
14“Their mouths are full of cursing and bitterness.”f
15“Their feet are swift to shed blood;
16ruin and misery mark their ways,
17and the way of peace they do not know.”g
18“There is no fear of God before their eyes."
I think that pretty much sums up human nature: we are utterly sinful, incapable of doing good on our own. Christ is eternally and completely perfect, attaining for us what we could not accomplish on our own; being conceived of the Holy Spirit, born of a virgin, living a completely sinless, perfect life, taking on your sin and giving you His righteousness, and conquering sin and death, rising on the third day, proving that death had no dominion over Him.
So our works come into play after we believe that Christ has fulfilled the whole law and all righteousness, and we are obedient because we are grateful for what He has done, not to earn more merit with God. We mortify our sin and live a life of repentance because Christ has overcome sin for us, that we may not be slaves to our flesh anymore.
Where the Bible says that works also are profitable, it means that with true, saving faith in Christ, you will have fruit that shows your belief. Someone cannot simply say that they are a Christian and that they believe, at the same time living a life of unrepentant sin and showing no desire to serve and glorify God.
Kate(not of 8),
So you are trying to say we should not do works but then your last paragraph says we should produce fruit…
You do know that the devil believes, but he refused to do the Father’s will. Once we are Baptized we now can do works that are meritorious in Heaven because it is not us doing the work but Christ working through us!
This is why Jesus Christ commanded that the Apostles go out and teach everything that He had handed on to them [Tradition] and to Baptize everyone.
Without Baptism, our works count as nothing.
I grew up Christian and I didn't get the message that pleasures of the flesh were wrong within marrage. I agree with Jim.
The two best things about being an atheist are:
1. I live each day without guilt about anything, especially my sex life.
2. I live like this is the last life I will ever have. If you are Christian, then you think your loving god will damn me to eternal suffering. Wow, that doesn't quite sound like a "loving god" now does it? But, if you are an atheist, then you realize that praying for what ,might be is a complete waste of time. Time is too precious to waste on such foolishness!
By the way, CNN, this story is NOT news.
good sex is not a christian or secular thing – it's only good in both camps when done in marriage in a loving and respectful relationship – that's the gift of good sex !
I believe sex is given by God, because people are usually calling out his name in the middle of it. 😉
I am in love with Jesus; I"m a Christ-follower and my wife and I have three children and lots of sex. We also know couples who have lots of sex. Some Christians do spoil it and that's sad. I agree with educating our children about the negative points of sex before marriage, but we should definitely talk about how great it is once you are married! Do it however you want and as often as you want...just do it God's way and get married!
I think those Bible-thumping Duggars on The Learning Channel (the family with 19 going on 19,000 kids) are pretty into sex, if only the doing of it without talking about it 🙂
Song of Solomon 1
1 Solomon's Song of Songs.
Beloved [a]
2 Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth—
for your love is more delightful than wine.
3 Pleasing is the fragrance of your perfumes;
your name is like perfume poured out.
No wonder the maidens love you!
4 Take me away with you—let us hurry!
Let the king bring me into his chambers.
Obviously the person that wrote this article knows NOTHING about God.
With all due respect, I don't think that the Song of Solomon is meaning the s exual Live, it's got a lot more deeper meanings than that about God's love to humanity . . .
If you read the book in context it is most certainly referring to the love of a man and his wife... s*e*xual love. Look at the imagery! The dialogue! It shows that s*e*x is a good and natural thing created by God for humanity.
With all due respect, it's about BOTH! 🙂 And elsewhere, we learn that the marriage between a man and a woman is symbolic of our (collective Church) relationship with God. Not in a physical biological way, but representative of intimacy, fidelity, and holiness.
And solomon had nothing to worry about because he had many many wives.
Eleni.. John Blake wrote this article. I agree with your position. How will God the master designer create sex and not allow us enjoy it. The only thing that perverts our society is having sex outside of marriage. More than often lust and not love drives this engine. I have been married 10 years, I'm a Christian and I know what hot sex with ONLY my wife is.
Well being a christian and a son of a minister.... I have an amazing $ex life. Understand the design of god's plan for $ex along with passion for your loved one goes along way. understand, believe and then act. I was never told $ex was bad or horrible just not appropriate for use until marriage. Although I can see in life where it is displayed as sinful.
hmm how new and interesting...broad sweeping generalizations about the religious by the hypocrites who are supposed to be "open minded" and progressive.
I completely and totally agree. What a double standard.
Gee, not surprised to see such a biased article on the Communist News Network. Not surprised to see such ignorant comments here either.
And yet, here you are reading it. In the 1950s, during the McCarthy era, reading "communist" materials would be enough to denounce you as a commie sypathizer.
Biased in favor of Christians or against them? Perhaps you feel it is pro s-x, or maybe anti s-x, I honestly cannot tell. I suspect, more likely this is your attempt to twist it into a political issue, which it is not.
Speaking of yourself????? 🙂
we christians should abstain
Knock yourself out Joe .... personally I plan on making more Christians ... thank you very much!!!!
It's obvious you are still a virgin.
Hear, hear! No more Christian S-x, eventually no more Christians. A much nicer place to exist, in my opinion.
You Christians shoud stain..... your sheets with lovin
@ Brian Christian's arn't created by s-ex , but by the Word of God...
Joseph, I think you need to expound a little on the content of your phrase!!!!!
Ever hear of the Shakers in NH? No s.e.x., they are all dead now, but you can visit their village........
abstain from what? This statement makes no sense.
Jesus was a virgin. Jesus was without sin. Ergo sex is a sin, even if you are married. This is what Christians are taught.
I have known this for years. Anyone who knows the bible knows "s" is to be enjoyed to its fullest extent.
Genisis is the first book of the bible and where you will find the blessings of God and the s word between a man and woman.
Totally agree. Any Bible believing Christian knows that God created sex for enjoyment within the context of marriage. No restrictions for husbands and wives!! Any other interpretation is not biblical and should be ignored. And it's not just for procreation either! It's an expression of love, beautiful within the sanctity of marriage. Go forth and enjoy!
This article wasn't even worth reading and is totally bunk. Must be a slow day if this made it to the CNN home page.
So said the man whose woman is looking elsewhere.
If you anyone here wants to know about married sex as a christian try opening the bible.
The breeding ground of deception created when abstinence and guilt are taught is paramount. The article hits the nail on the head. Plus, it's not just women that don't like s**. I've heard complaints of so many women stuck in marriages with men who don't like it. Really, if you're a man and all you can do is about 15 minutes. It's obvious that man's focus is just to 'get off' and not to enjoy s**. This makes the woman not want it, or worse go someplace else. I can only imagine the actual number of women cheating outside their marriages. But, deception is greatest with those believed to be so righteous. That would be Christians and ...women.
@Razor
Interesting post of yours.... Especially using your ...."This article (hits the *nail* on the head) analogy... Interesting useage for a christian article..
Peace...
Not sure who you are married to but 15 – 20 minutes is really all it takes...Hours of S just means you don't know what you are doing...
We do quite well in just 10 minutes, thankyouverymuch. And we're both happy. Very happy. For me, several times.
Quality over quanitity.
Several hours doesn't mean that a guy is doing it wrong. It means that the guy is gifted.
And 4 hours means you should be visiting a hospital!
@Jon
My jaw is on the floor.
HEH Sorry, it means he's lying!
I just wanted to point out that this does not apply to all Christians. It applies to a segment of the Christian population that is extremely vocal and whose shock value alone makes for headlines. Many people are Christian (even Evangelical!) that do not ascribe to these "Conservative Christian" beliefs. So lets be fair. Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater. The writer here is simply perpetuating false perception of a group of people that is not necessarily homogenous. Blanket statements such as these about "Christians" or "Muslims" only drives the wedge deeper. If you want to go after someone for their beliefs, fine. Just use the correct term before you publish it for all to see.
I really like the Topic and I think that yes we should teach our kids that lovin is wrong before marriage but also teach them that they will enjoy a lot after marriage if they did not do that before marriage, and that also they wont enjoy before marriage because it brings of all these complications and hard times of breaking and so force.
Now Sarai, Abram’s wife, had borne him no children. She had a female Egyptian servant whose name was Hagar. 2And Sarai said to Abram, “Behold now, the Lord has prevented me from bearing children. Go in to my servant; it may be that I shall obtain children by her.” And Abram listened to the voice of Sarai. 3So, after Abram had lived ten years in the land of Canaan, Sarai, Abram’s wife, took Hagar the Egyptian, her servant, and gave her to Abram her husband as a wife.
The Book of Genesis 16:1 – 3
Kinky? I think so...