September 3rd, 2010
02:18 PM ET

How Christians spoil sex

Christian marriage.

Hot sex.

Let’s try that again:

Christian marriage; hot sex.

It doesn’t quite go together does it?

Passionate, toe-curling sex isn’t normally associated with Christianity or even spirituality in general.

At least that’s what Jonathan Acuff, a Belief Blog contributor and author of "Stuff Christians Like," argues in a recent blog. He says Christians need to do a better job of connecting God with a vibrant sex life.

That’s what we’ve been told. That God and sex don’t go together. And if you say something enough times, people start to believe it’s true…. You can’t have both in the same bottle. They’re oil and water. Cats and dogs. Spencer and Heidi. They just don’t go together.

Acuff, who is married, says Christians shouldn’t just teach abstinence. They should also teach that while sex before marriage is bad, “sex when you’re married is awesome.”

He says Christians damage sex in four ways:

They teach guilt, not abstinence.

They have very few ways to discuss it.

They write 10 books about lust for every one book about the gift of sex.

They've "made the crayon box pretty small" (they're afraid of being creative during sex).

Acuff says it's time Christian couples realize passionate sex is God's idea.

We’ve bought the lie that the world gets to have wild, crazy sex and Christians, holy folks like us, have to have black-and-white, two-dimensional sex. But what if that’s wrong? What if the God who overflows us with love and hope and mercy wants that part of our lives to be as big and as colorful as two married people could possibly imagine?

- CNN Writer

Filed under: Christianity • Culture & Science • United States

soundoff (2,079 Responses)
  1. Hell is real

    The title should have been:" How they spoil everything in the world".

    September 3, 2010 at 8:55 pm |
  2. Kara

    I've gone to many Christian churches for several years and sex between married people is ALWAYS preached as awesome – toe-curling. Have no idea where the author gets his info – but it couldn't be farther from the truth. I wish I could just write about anything and have a major news network print it lol!

    September 3, 2010 at 8:55 pm |
  3. Vinifera

    Are you kidding me? These are generalizations with no supporting data. What 10:1 ratio of books is he talking about? As part of a marriage mentoring program, I know that the data and literature tell a different story. "5 Love Languages", "Love and Respect","Intended for Pleasure", "The Christian Woman's Guide to Sexuality", "What Wives Wish their Husbands Knew about Sex", "Sex and Christians".. just type the word "CHRISTIAN" and "SEX" in Amazon search window and see if you get the repressive sort of literature this article suggests...go ahead.
    OK–now you list the x10counter examples!

    September 3, 2010 at 8:51 pm |
  4. mohamedkhan

    My comments is stated when having sex is as if the last day of your life. That me to perform is very important and also expression bring satisfactions.

    September 3, 2010 at 8:50 pm |
  5. Hot time

    Most of you don't even know what you are talking about. You judge Christians without even knowing what Christianity is all about. I am a Christian and have great loving making with my wife. I am not going into details because what we do is personal and also it would be censored. I also enjoy other things in life like hunting and playing sports. A true Christian has joy in his life because he has salvation thorugh Christ. There are Christian seminars regarding marriage. One is called the Song of Solomon. This entire book of the bible speaks of courtship and marriage, along with the joys of love making between a husband and wife. If you really understood it, you would know that is the only way to go.

    September 3, 2010 at 8:50 pm |
  6. fish192

    Reminds me of the time when I was single and going home from a hike with a young male (20's) who just got married, a single dude who is spiritual (Christian), a divorced women and me, the single chick. We talked about sex, religion, marriage, and science. We "heavily discussed" for 3 hours on the way home and none of us could agree on a single thing. Best conversation I ever had in my whole life!

    September 3, 2010 at 8:48 pm |
  7. Paul

    I don't know what Christians their polling, or what Christian materials they've been reading, but I can tell you that as a Christian I LOVE hot sex. I have 9 children! But the difference between me and my non-Christian neighbors is that I'll keep that hot sex between me and my wife. Anyone that thinks the Bible condemns a vibrant sex life hasn't read it. Tell ya what, go read the small Old Testament book of "Song of Solomon," and then readjust your ideas about Christians and sex. This article is a waste and does not represent even the majority of the Christian populace.

    September 3, 2010 at 8:47 pm |
  8. StevieBoy

    I just don't know what to think about this subject... let me consult my Bible to find out what I'm supposed to do.

    September 3, 2010 at 8:47 pm |
  9. george

    Ignorant article with broad generalizations. The christian perspective is "sex is bad before marriage" and "sex is a blessing from God after marriage."

    September 3, 2010 at 8:46 pm |
  10. SteveX

    Christians don't have hot sex? What a joke! I started praying about that part of my(our) life with my wife when we very first started dating and let me tell you IT IS THE BEST EVER ! ! ! I'm 43 years old and we have that intimate, incredible, mind-blowing, intimacy every day. When you wait for God to bring you the right person it will BLOW YOUR MIND ! ! !

    September 3, 2010 at 8:43 pm |
  11. kwolf443

    Atheist and Nonbeliever's do it without guilt.

    September 3, 2010 at 8:43 pm |
    • Paul

      And, too often, without brains. 😉

      September 3, 2010 at 8:48 pm |
    • Buck

      You bet, it's much better.

      September 3, 2010 at 8:49 pm |
  12. Buck

    Not a Christian but when a chick talks about church, the thought of 69 is over!!!!

    September 3, 2010 at 8:43 pm |
  13. DSH in NH

    Don't WE all have more important issues to focus on !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    JUST BE KIND TO EACH OTHER love between a couple is never going to change. man and woman , woman and woman , man and man. We may not agree but that is the way life is.

    September 3, 2010 at 8:43 pm |
  14. db

    I'm not sure what Christians they are referring to. But my church does exactly what this article says it doesn't. It promotes/encourages sex after marriage. Everyone knows that it's key to a long and healthy relationship. This stigma needs to vanish.

    September 3, 2010 at 8:40 pm |
  15. Sydney Australia

    How do Muslims spoil $ex?

    September 3, 2010 at 8:39 pm |
  16. Pete

    I am a married Christian and I have six kids and no complaints. I agree with the author that we should celebrate sex in marriage and encourage young people to pursue marriage and the gift of sex. Remember, sex was God's idea. Check out Song of Solomon. Humanity has just twisted it and messed it all up.

    Abstinence before marriage is not some sort of cruel rule or penalty. It is God's kind protection against negative consequences. And if you think there aren't any, you aren't paying attention.

    September 3, 2010 at 8:38 pm |
  17. Sydney Australia

    I want to know how Muslims spoil sex?

    September 3, 2010 at 8:36 pm |
  18. Tom

    It always amuses me when non-Christian wriite article likes this garabage. Typical CNN crap.

    September 3, 2010 at 8:36 pm |
  19. Danny

    Time to call Dr Ruth for the christians! heheheh got to tell the christians to watch more porn they might learn something!! good article i like it. Christians are totaly closed to when it comes to sex and masterbation!

    September 3, 2010 at 8:35 pm |
  20. marcelle

    Not sure if someone else already commented about this or not, but the book Song of Solomon in the Bible is a celebration of love and sex. If you attend a truely biblically based church, they teach that sex is from good and should be experienced as recreation and freely after marriage.

    September 3, 2010 at 8:34 pm |
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The CNN Belief Blog covers the faith angles of the day's biggest stories, from breaking news to politics to entertainment, fostering a global conversation about the role of religion and belief in readers' lives. It's edited by CNN's Daniel Burke with contributions from Eric Marrapodi and CNN's worldwide news gathering team.