September 3rd, 2010
02:18 PM ET

How Christians spoil sex

Christian marriage.

Hot sex.

Let’s try that again:

Christian marriage; hot sex.

It doesn’t quite go together does it?

Passionate, toe-curling sex isn’t normally associated with Christianity or even spirituality in general.

At least that’s what Jonathan Acuff, a Belief Blog contributor and author of "Stuff Christians Like," argues in a recent blog. He says Christians need to do a better job of connecting God with a vibrant sex life.

That’s what we’ve been told. That God and sex don’t go together. And if you say something enough times, people start to believe it’s true…. You can’t have both in the same bottle. They’re oil and water. Cats and dogs. Spencer and Heidi. They just don’t go together.

Acuff, who is married, says Christians shouldn’t just teach abstinence. They should also teach that while sex before marriage is bad, “sex when you’re married is awesome.”

He says Christians damage sex in four ways:

They teach guilt, not abstinence.

They have very few ways to discuss it.

They write 10 books about lust for every one book about the gift of sex.

They've "made the crayon box pretty small" (they're afraid of being creative during sex).

Acuff says it's time Christian couples realize passionate sex is God's idea.

We’ve bought the lie that the world gets to have wild, crazy sex and Christians, holy folks like us, have to have black-and-white, two-dimensional sex. But what if that’s wrong? What if the God who overflows us with love and hope and mercy wants that part of our lives to be as big and as colorful as two married people could possibly imagine?

- CNN Writer

Filed under: Christianity • Culture & Science • United States

soundoff (2,079 Responses)
  1. Liz

    I agree with the writer 100%. Neither I nor my husband had sex before we were married and it is beautiful now. We got to learn and grow together. It is definitely worth it to wait. Neither of us ever had to worry about sexually transmitted diseases.

    September 3, 2010 at 9:18 pm |
  2. wot90s

    Well, guess this solves the age old question... God or Evolution. God created Adam an Eve, and you can bet there was some toe curling going on in the Garden .....
    How many times have you hears some one say "Oh God, Oh my God..."
    I rest my case!!!!!!!

    September 3, 2010 at 9:18 pm |
  3. Lynn

    And now for a PSA

    I love how through the whole article he uses "They" as if Christians are some sort of alien society. Way to select your audience lol.

    Personally, I'm a Christian and i think a lot of people will agree with me when I say that when i get married my crayon box is going to put an art class to shame. I just want to explore every crayon with the one person Christ has blessed me with. Not spill my crayons on someone random.

    I would suggest being more specific when referring to Christians. More research would probably provide more credibility your way instead of citing an obscure quote and writing an article based off hunches. Not every church/christian community drills guilt. Just last week my pastor lit a candle, the lights dimmed as Turn Off The Lights by Teddy Pendergrass played and we proceeded to talk about the joys of sex after marriage.

    I lol'ed at your article. It's comparative to saying Muslims blow up buildings.. gj

    -the management

    September 3, 2010 at 9:17 pm |
  4. JAYnLA

    This topic is discussed frankly in the movie FORGIVING THE FRANKLINS. I suggest anyone in this thread should rent it.

    September 3, 2010 at 9:15 pm |
  5. Zig

    The comments are better than the article....wait I think that's CNN's plan all along!

    September 3, 2010 at 9:10 pm |
  6. steve

    Sex. We're supposed to love it and hate it at the same time. No conflict there.

    September 3, 2010 at 9:09 pm |
  7. TJ

    I'm a believer and I've broken my finger and my pinky toe having sex with my wife...nuf SAID!!! 😀

    September 3, 2010 at 9:09 pm |
  8. Marc

    Interesting that the author expressed opinions, but had no statistical or factual evidence to support his beliefs that Christians miss out on sex. I recall quite vividly a survey on sex by Time magazine about 20 years ago, in which they came to the conclusion that married Christian couples were among the most sexually active (though least promiscuous) and the most satisfied, with objective data to back up their findings. Sex is great – in a marriage. Outside of marriage, it is physically pleasant, but so is eating some yummy food. What makes sex wonderful is intimacy, the guiltless abandon of one's self with the intent of pleasing one's partner. Sure, technique helps, but the best technique in the world won't replace intimacy. Great bodies are attractive, but they age. Intimacy, when supported by commitment, is a wonderful aphrodisiac. Committed Christian couples have great sex according to Time. Anecdotally as a Christian, I know Time was right.

    September 3, 2010 at 9:09 pm |
  9. Megan

    I don't get this article. I am Christian. I believe in waiting until you are married to be intimate, but once you are married- have at it! Intimacy is a beautiful thing. I believe it is ordained by God to bring husband and wife closer together as well as for procreation. I didn't know other Christians had such boring you-know-what lives...This article was kind of offensive. Just because I am Christian and have morals means my intimate relationship with my husband sucks? Article must have been written by some depraved liberal

    September 3, 2010 at 9:08 pm |
    • Ashley

      Agree with you 100%! I am a Christian & I was taught from a young age that sex is beautiful: for marriage. And we you finally get married then there is no limits to your intimate, private lives. We cherish it more because we wait for it!! Well said Megan!

      September 4, 2010 at 3:27 am |
  10. Jeffandellie

    The author must have gotten his research from historical works on the puritans or something, because, as a regular church going Bible believing Christian, I can say from experience that I have no clue what he's talking about. I CAN tell you though that REAL research has identified the fact that married people enjoy both better and more intimacy – and that marriage remains popular among the Christians. Quit using stereotypes to base your garbage on and do some real research. Christians are, from my experience, living the best of the best – i.e. great physical and emotional relationships, and sillies like these have their heads too deep in the stereotype-sand to know it or get it.

    September 3, 2010 at 9:07 pm |
  11. CEL1

    it's only the fundamentalists that mess it up for everybody. That's the job God gave them.

    September 3, 2010 at 9:04 pm |
  12. SHUNK

    With all the begating going on in the Old Testament, I'd think Christians would be a very loose crowd

    September 3, 2010 at 9:00 pm |
  13. tk

    Just another stupid article b/c the writer has to fill the news. Are journalists so stupid??

    September 3, 2010 at 9:00 pm |
  14. lemm

    I can vouch for a few Christians, that they are pretty good in bed. btw including my wife of 7 years, bless her heart, who is an amazing person.

    September 3, 2010 at 9:00 pm |
  15. RJ

    Who writes this stuff, and all of a sudden, THIS becomes Gospel???? This is generalized nonsense – hopefully intelligent people won't sit and just nod their heads in agreement. Real Christian teachings do teach that sex IS a gift from God – it is a gift, that when used in the context of marriage, a couple will receive the most fruitful results. No one said Christians should not or do not enjoy sexual relations to the fullest. The deal here is that it has a designated purpose – but still can be all encompassing, emotionally, physically AND spiritually. Unfortunately our "modern" society affirms it's pleasures as a self serving pleasure activity, and misses the whole point. I'm surprised CNN would "report" on nonsense like this.

    September 3, 2010 at 8:58 pm |
  16. Ed

    The lost taliking about the saved. What nonsense. Do an article on Muslim women who go wild in their homes?
    Christians are supossed to wait until they marry, because God said so.

    September 3, 2010 at 8:57 pm |
  17. Hell is real

    X-ians are causing mischief in the world and also in sex.

    September 3, 2010 at 8:57 pm |
  18. Margaret

    Who are Spencer and Heidi?

    September 3, 2010 at 8:57 pm |
    • Granpa

      Margaret, is that you?

      September 4, 2010 at 12:32 am |
  19. Alex

    During high school I found that *almost* everyone who went to church didn't accept what "the Good Book" has to offer. I only found a handful of people who would never have intercourse before marriage. Those people, I find, are also the same people who went through high school without relationships because they believed that interaction was not appropriate.

    The article is correct in stating that "They teach guilt, not abstinence" but incorrect in stating that "they're afraid of being creative during sex" among other things.

    After all, if you have sex with someone before you get married you will go to Hell.

    September 3, 2010 at 8:57 pm |
  20. Sheila

    God created all things living and inanimate. God created intimacy between 2 persons, male and female to procreate children that are "Holy to the Lord", and to enhance the love and bond in a marriage. God blesses such an intimacy when that intimacy honors God and the wife and husband treat each other with mutual respect and love.

    When "sexual relations" occur with others it defiles the pureness and holiness in a marriage between a husband and a wife who are biologically male and female. Sexual relations outside of the way God created it to be is perverse and unholy.
    It interferes with the pureness and trust and bond of a husband-wife relationship later on.

    Same gender "sex" is unholy and perverse in God's eyes. Perversion of misusing body parts is not proper or holy either, and shows disrespect and a lack of true love for the other person.

    The blogger obviously wants to attack God for his own perverse gain and to ruin the lives of others that can be more beautiful and enhanced if they live according to God's direction for a Holy relationship.

    Sex between 2 persons who are not bonded by God and Love, is just a physical ritual. It lacks the deeper fulfillment and the merging of the souls as one, that exists in a marriage where there is true love, honor, and respect.

    September 3, 2010 at 8:56 pm |
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The CNN Belief Blog covers the faith angles of the day's biggest stories, from breaking news to politics to entertainment, fostering a global conversation about the role of religion and belief in readers' lives. It's edited by CNN's Daniel Burke with contributions from Eric Marrapodi and CNN's worldwide news gathering team.