September 3rd, 2010
02:18 PM ET

How Christians spoil sex

Christian marriage.

Hot sex.

Let’s try that again:

Christian marriage; hot sex.

It doesn’t quite go together does it?

Passionate, toe-curling sex isn’t normally associated with Christianity or even spirituality in general.

At least that’s what Jonathan Acuff, a Belief Blog contributor and author of "Stuff Christians Like," argues in a recent blog. He says Christians need to do a better job of connecting God with a vibrant sex life.

That’s what we’ve been told. That God and sex don’t go together. And if you say something enough times, people start to believe it’s true…. You can’t have both in the same bottle. They’re oil and water. Cats and dogs. Spencer and Heidi. They just don’t go together.

Acuff, who is married, says Christians shouldn’t just teach abstinence. They should also teach that while sex before marriage is bad, “sex when you’re married is awesome.”

He says Christians damage sex in four ways:

They teach guilt, not abstinence.

They have very few ways to discuss it.

They write 10 books about lust for every one book about the gift of sex.

They've "made the crayon box pretty small" (they're afraid of being creative during sex).

Acuff says it's time Christian couples realize passionate sex is God's idea.

We’ve bought the lie that the world gets to have wild, crazy sex and Christians, holy folks like us, have to have black-and-white, two-dimensional sex. But what if that’s wrong? What if the God who overflows us with love and hope and mercy wants that part of our lives to be as big and as colorful as two married people could possibly imagine?

- CNN Writer

Filed under: Christianity • Culture & Science • United States

soundoff (2,079 Responses)
  1. perry


    September 3, 2010 at 9:42 pm |
  2. Klatiola

    This is ridiculous. Talk about generalization. I realize that generalization is part of the point, but not ALL Christians are taught or raised to think that sex is "dirty." My church and parents did an excellent job in emphasizing that sex is supposed to be enjoyed but that it is better for it to be enjoyed between two committed and married people. I'm not from a "liberal" Christian denomination either. The Bible never says anything about sex being bad. It simply emphasizes that it should be between man and wife. People have simply distorted the Word.

    September 3, 2010 at 9:41 pm |
  3. jollylama

    When will the unbiased CNN, post an article titled: 'How Muslims spoil sex by treating women like garbage'.

    September 3, 2010 at 9:41 pm |
  4. sam

    The aticle and discussion lack facts, misleading, but has a good point. Sexuality is not only important as the author point, but I reached the conclusion that it is vital for either life and eternal life or labor and eternal death. Promiscuity is never a good or beneficial thing, but actually damaging to everyone inolved and society as well. However, sexuality is extremely important in our lives only when properly used as it is designed and just like a nuclear power, is extremely damaging when inappropriately used. See "Sacred Genetic Code Theory"

    September 3, 2010 at 9:39 pm |
  5. panicmonster


    September 3, 2010 at 9:39 pm |
  6. Bubba Gump

    The sooner people drop religion, the sooner we can move forward as a species. It's a sickness.

    September 3, 2010 at 9:39 pm |
    • abiaggne

      And the sooner you realize that Jesus himself was against religion the sooner you realize what it really means to be a Christian.

      September 3, 2010 at 9:57 pm |
    • rich

      Abiaggne owned you. Sorry. It's true. Jesus was against religion. The vatican is another matter. but. the vatican is not the king of all christians.

      September 3, 2010 at 10:32 pm |
    • Bubba Gump

      The sooner you realize that the Jesus story is a reused story from earlier fables the sooner you will open your eyes.

      September 3, 2010 at 11:07 pm |
    • Oso

      @Bubba Gump

      The sooner we all quit being so gullible about stuff, the sooner we can start getting rid of sociopathic religious influences that do nothing but harm for the sake of tradition.

      September 4, 2010 at 12:28 am |
  7. philips

    the author doesn't consider that there is probably a strong connection between teaching the formula that sex is always wrong before marriage and sex-guilt complexes and repression. I know a number of young adults who believe that sex is wrong before marriage and also have body-shame issues. They have ingrained in their mind this idea that sex is something yucky, and that doesn't go away the second you get married, they'll have to have sex with the lights off.....

    No church with a fundamentalist sexual dogma will ever admit this, if they did, they would have to look themselves in the mirror, and come to confront their bad psychology.

    September 3, 2010 at 9:36 pm |
  8. yw842mro

    Let's replace the word "Christians" in the headline with "Jews" and see how long this post will stay on CNN website. You want to bet?

    September 3, 2010 at 9:36 pm |
  9. Doc

    As usual, the media is stereotyping! I'm sorry for all of you who grew up Christian thinking sex is evil. But that's not the experience of all of us that grew up in Christian homes & communities. It was made very clear to us in my family and my community that sex should simply be reserved for the commitment that comes with marriage vows and the security therein.

    September 3, 2010 at 9:35 pm |
  10. Thia

    Amen to Bob. I'm not Christian, but this is the dumbest article I've read. Lately, it seems that all "journalists" take potshots at the Christians. CNN, please find a new hobby!

    September 3, 2010 at 9:30 pm |
  11. Brad

    Since when did this become news? I don't remember this being important enough to be mentioned on a major news network. What is your next article the arthur, John Blake, will REPORT on: "I hate paying taxes?" Is this really newsworthy? I do agree with the argrument, but the website is a NEWS website not an EDITORIAL website. Once again I do agree with his argrument but this is not the place to editorialize about it. Plus, where is the argument about muslim view to sex. The woman must be covered up, but to be fair, why isn't the man covered up too? Heck if a unmarried couple has sex in a muslim nation, the woman is sentanced to death while the man gets his hand slapped. Don't worry, the article about christians hate sex is much better to attack. Read John Blake's other articles, notice a pattern? Looks as though he hates christianiaty. Sorry John, become a reporter not a blogger. Afterall, that is why you went to college for

    September 3, 2010 at 9:29 pm |
  12. MakeLove

    Most RELIGIONS demonize sex for their own self serving interest. They try to make people believe that sex is bad. By doing so, they initiate guilt. Ideally, (for them) most people would practice abstinence. Since abstinence is not practical, the next best thing they try to impose on believers is self-rationing. RELIGIONS should instead teach believers that GOD created sex; SEX is NOT bad. unfortunately they won't touch the subject. It is taboo. Christians should ask themselves: was Mary a virgin?
    Dear Believer, don't be offended by the question; Sex is Good. It is not a sin. Praise the Lord!

    September 3, 2010 at 9:28 pm |
  13. lazer007

    i went to a church that belives there the only ones that are going to heven everyone ells is a siner and going to hell SO i got up and wheeled my wheelchire out the door and will never go back to them again..thay all so teach there woman to never get marryed and to just live for god..you wold not belive how maney people thay have messed up so bad...and thay make fun of me becuse i want a wife...yes i know it will be hard for me to find one being handycaped ..but i'm not giving up...were did it say in the bible not to get marryed??? then why did god say i will make him a help mate and so on...who is telling charch and teaching them a lie!!!!!

    September 3, 2010 at 9:28 pm |
    • CatholicMom

      Go to Church functions, especially their dinners; the women who like to cook will be doing the cooking and besides having friendly people around you, helping you find a place at the table, you will have wonderful food and the best opportunity to meet a possible wife. Don't give up!

      September 4, 2010 at 1:52 pm |
  14. Me

    Poorly written. Not all christians are the same. Very biast with no actual thought put into it. In short this writer sounds like a idiot. Thanks for posting this allmost racist artical cnn. Any trained monkey can get thier words published.

    September 3, 2010 at 9:27 pm |
  15. riverrunner

    Christians spoil everything.

    September 3, 2010 at 9:26 pm |
    • Lynn

      *spoil* oops sorry. Trolled your comment and spoiled the epicness.

      September 4, 2010 at 12:22 am |
  16. Granpa

    Has anyone seen my glasses?

    September 3, 2010 at 9:25 pm |
  17. Name*lion

    Some people out there are just stupid. GOD created our pleasure sensors and even sex. Now, we all (hopefully) know the right way to use them and the wrong way. And if your morals won't teach u that lesson than failing health and or a jail time will.

    September 3, 2010 at 9:25 pm |
  18. HuskerStuckInGA

    What?! Ok, so, just because I am christian, I don't enjoy hot sex? What kind of logic is that? My wife and I have a very happy sexual relationship. The author of this article makes a bad assumption about christians. The bible says, "The marriage bed is undefiled!" We definitely are 'allowed' to have hot sex.

    September 3, 2010 at 9:24 pm |
  19. Granpa

    I remember it like it was yesterday....

    September 3, 2010 at 9:24 pm |
  20. John M.

    This article is completely bias and from one view only. As a Catholic; which BTW is a form of Christianity; I have been taught from day one that sex as long as in wedlock, consensual, and between a man and woman is wonderful indeed. The author of this article is seeking nothing more than reaction in my opinion.

    September 3, 2010 at 9:22 pm |
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The CNN Belief Blog covers the faith angles of the day's biggest stories, from breaking news to politics to entertainment, fostering a global conversation about the role of religion and belief in readers' lives. It's edited by CNN's Daniel Burke with contributions from Eric Marrapodi and CNN's worldwide news gathering team.