September 3rd, 2010
02:18 PM ET

How Christians spoil sex

Christian marriage.

Hot sex.

Let’s try that again:

Christian marriage; hot sex.

It doesn’t quite go together does it?

Passionate, toe-curling sex isn’t normally associated with Christianity or even spirituality in general.

At least that’s what Jonathan Acuff, a Belief Blog contributor and author of "Stuff Christians Like," argues in a recent blog. He says Christians need to do a better job of connecting God with a vibrant sex life.

That’s what we’ve been told. That God and sex don’t go together. And if you say something enough times, people start to believe it’s true…. You can’t have both in the same bottle. They’re oil and water. Cats and dogs. Spencer and Heidi. They just don’t go together.

Acuff, who is married, says Christians shouldn’t just teach abstinence. They should also teach that while sex before marriage is bad, “sex when you’re married is awesome.”

He says Christians damage sex in four ways:

They teach guilt, not abstinence.

They have very few ways to discuss it.

They write 10 books about lust for every one book about the gift of sex.

They've "made the crayon box pretty small" (they're afraid of being creative during sex).

Acuff says it's time Christian couples realize passionate sex is God's idea.

We’ve bought the lie that the world gets to have wild, crazy sex and Christians, holy folks like us, have to have black-and-white, two-dimensional sex. But what if that’s wrong? What if the God who overflows us with love and hope and mercy wants that part of our lives to be as big and as colorful as two married people could possibly imagine?

- CNN Writer

Filed under: Christianity • Culture & Science • United States

soundoff (2,079 Responses)
  1. My

    Ridiculous! How do we suppose our Christian people have such nice large families?

    The man was trying to sell a headline for one.
    Secondly Christians don't believe in ponography or promiscuous sex which is a good thing, as it slows the spread of disease.
    Funny thing about those with promiscuous sex and disease, they want all the rest of us to pay for their 'cures'.

    September 3, 2010 at 10:11 pm |
  2. Andagain

    I think the problem is a residual effect from the Victorian era more than Christian ethics. We WASPS were raised that way!

    September 3, 2010 at 10:10 pm |
  3. abiaggne

    You do all realize that journalists nowadays get paid based on the number of "hits", ie, comments they get on their articles right?

    September 3, 2010 at 10:08 pm |
  4. DAN


    September 3, 2010 at 10:07 pm |
  5. Angela

    Just wondering, does CNN censor the word sex or is everyone just avoiding it for some inane reason?

    September 3, 2010 at 10:07 pm |
  6. Jeff

    I don't know who the author is referring to, but the Christians I know are enjoying passionate, incredible sex with their spouse even after decades of marriage. The Song of Solomon, 1Corinthians 13, Proverbs 5:19 and many other passages point to the joy and sacredness of sex within marriage. After 30+ years of marriage, our sexual relationship keeps getting better. A study by the University of Chicago found that married Christians have the most fulfilling sex life out of all the demographic groups they studied. While that's no surprise to us, perhaps J Acuff needs to do a better job of sampling and analysis, so he can find the real story about Christian sex in marriage.

    September 3, 2010 at 10:03 pm |
  7. jeb

    Sex hormones make people interested in sex, if they didn't we would die off. The typical approach for people who themselves had poor sex education is to pass this on to their own kids. Abstinence only eduction is nothing more than denying that sex is pleasurable and telling kids, "don't do it," which is highly irresponsible and sets kids up to fail instead of equipping them with tools to protect their own interests.

    September 3, 2010 at 10:02 pm |
  8. jay18

    Ok, well, another good reason to be thankful I'm not a Christian.

    September 3, 2010 at 10:02 pm |
  9. Matt

    Is it just me or does this site go out of it's way on a daily basis to take swipes at Christians? It's really getting sad.

    ...and besides, the article is just nonsense. The best sex you'll ever have is in a Christian marriage. Precisely BECAUSE there's no guilt associated with it.

    I'll tell you what guilt is... Guilt is fornicating with 3 or 4 different partners every month and knowing in your heart that you're living your life like gutter trash. I mean really, what really separates you from a zoo animal at that point? You can say that it's fine and normal and whatever but a part of you knows that it's not and that brings all sorts of issues.

    ...But the author would have us believe that WE'RE the ones with the issues. Get real.

    September 3, 2010 at 9:58 pm |
  10. PeaceandLove

    believe what you want but don't shove your holier-than-thou attitude down my throat.

    September 3, 2010 at 9:57 pm |
  11. Lewis

    The writer of this article is ridiculous.

    September 3, 2010 at 9:56 pm |
  12. Big D

    Baaahhhahaaa! REALLY! Let's See Sex=Life And since life is so abundant on our planet it is apparent that sexuality plays a very important role for man kind. We have 7 billion people on the planet so how much sex does that equal? You don't put a number on something that is your god given right to do... So enjoy and have the best sex ever... Please so your wives will stop bothering me for it.. LOL... Oh and throw in a sex toy here and there for real magic...hahahaha

    September 3, 2010 at 9:55 pm |
  13. abiaggne

    Song of Solomon 1
    1 Solomon's Song of Songs.
    Beloved [a]
    2 Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth—
    for your love is more delightful than wine.
    3 Pleasing is the fragrance of your perfumes;
    your name is like perfume poured out.
    No wonder the maidens love you!
    4 Take me away with you—let us hurry!
    Let the king bring me into his chambers.

    Yeah, us silly Christians. We know nothing about hot sex.

    September 3, 2010 at 9:53 pm |
  14. Pistol Pete

    Wow, I didn't grow up that way. My parents were both committee believers and would lock their bedroom door and giggle every Saturday (probably more that I didn't know about). I never heard that sex was dirty. Been married for better'n 20 years and you can guess the rest. . .

    September 3, 2010 at 9:48 pm |
  15. finleyfilmmaker

    Well I am a christian and I was not brought up to think sex was bad but to just wait till your married. I am a 23 years old christian man and I am still a virgin and I will stay that way till I marry. I think sex is an amazing thing god created for a "Man and his Wife"! I have allot of christian friends who feel the same way as me and allot of them waited till they got married or are waiting till they get married.

    September 3, 2010 at 9:48 pm |
  16. abiaggne

    Christians are bad people, Christians are poor lovers, Christians hate, blah blah blah. Really? We get it, people don't like Christians. Oh, and why don't you actually read the Song of Solomon and see what Christians feel about passionate, hot romantic and naughty sex. Yes journalist, do your homework. What a concept!

    September 3, 2010 at 9:48 pm |
  17. Todd

    Our sexuality is a gift from God. As such, when it is used in the context that he has ordained it for, which is marriage, it is a very beautiful thing.

    September 3, 2010 at 9:47 pm |
  18. Shange

    Christians and any offshoot counterpart, any religion for that matter...should just go away. No, really.

    September 3, 2010 at 9:46 pm |
    • abiaggne

      No really, you should be ashamed to judge. No, really. No...really, you should actually open yourself to the fact that those who you want to do away with are the ones caring for the poor, working in your hospitals, drilling clean water wells, making sure the forgotten are given a second chance. No...really. Do your homework. Sorry you had a bad run in with a Christian, but we're not all like that. Btu to say such a thing is...well, no, really...utterly ignorant.

      September 3, 2010 at 9:55 pm |
  19. Doc

    Unreal. A story about s-ex and we can't type s-ex or our message gets sent to moderation. So, here we go again...

    As usual, the medial is STEREOTYPING. I'm sorry for all of you who grew up Christian thinking s-ex is the all-encompassing evil. But that's not the experience of all Christians. It was made quite clear in my family & church community that s-ex was simply to be save for the commitment that comes with marriage vows. For good reason – s-ex creates an emotional bond, especially for women – that can make it difficult to make good choices with respect to who to promise your life to and make babies with. If we'd (especially women) use our brains more often and our gonads & feelings of the moment less to decide such things, the divorce rate, abortion rate, and day orphanage rate would be much lower in this society.

    September 3, 2010 at 9:43 pm |
    • Serviam

      Thanks, Doc, for explaining why the "S" word isn't being spelled out! I was beginning to worry that even the people who claim to be uninhibited Christians were incapable of the writing the word in full without guilt. Glad to know it's because of censorship.

      I have to agree with all who've said this so-called "article" is a waste of time. It's a shame that CNN, who used to call themselves "the world's news leader", allows just about anybody to post their personal opinion under the guise of real news. Blogging has its place, but I don't think that place is where people expect to find actual reporting.

      September 4, 2010 at 12:08 am |
  20. 13Center13

    I'm an Atheist now. I remember however, our priest telling us that it was a sin to have sex, unless it was meant to create a child out of it. LAME.

    September 3, 2010 at 9:42 pm |
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The CNN Belief Blog covers the faith angles of the day's biggest stories, from breaking news to politics to entertainment, fostering a global conversation about the role of religion and belief in readers' lives. It's edited by CNN's Daniel Burke with contributions from Eric Marrapodi and CNN's worldwide news gathering team.