September 3rd, 2010
02:18 PM ET

How Christians spoil sex

Christian marriage.

Hot sex.

Let’s try that again:

Christian marriage; hot sex.

It doesn’t quite go together does it?

Passionate, toe-curling sex isn’t normally associated with Christianity or even spirituality in general.

At least that’s what Jonathan Acuff, a Belief Blog contributor and author of "Stuff Christians Like," argues in a recent blog. He says Christians need to do a better job of connecting God with a vibrant sex life.

That’s what we’ve been told. That God and sex don’t go together. And if you say something enough times, people start to believe it’s true…. You can’t have both in the same bottle. They’re oil and water. Cats and dogs. Spencer and Heidi. They just don’t go together.

Acuff, who is married, says Christians shouldn’t just teach abstinence. They should also teach that while sex before marriage is bad, “sex when you’re married is awesome.”

He says Christians damage sex in four ways:

They teach guilt, not abstinence.

They have very few ways to discuss it.

They write 10 books about lust for every one book about the gift of sex.

They've "made the crayon box pretty small" (they're afraid of being creative during sex).

Acuff says it's time Christian couples realize passionate sex is God's idea.

We’ve bought the lie that the world gets to have wild, crazy sex and Christians, holy folks like us, have to have black-and-white, two-dimensional sex. But what if that’s wrong? What if the God who overflows us with love and hope and mercy wants that part of our lives to be as big and as colorful as two married people could possibly imagine?

- CNN Writer

Filed under: Christianity • Culture & Science • United States

soundoff (2,079 Responses)
  1. SDixon

    The title of this article, "How Christians spoil sex", is misleading.

    September 4, 2010 at 1:46 am |
  2. mmi16

    The History of Sex

    Without sex there is no history.

    September 4, 2010 at 1:46 am |
  3. Kyalana

    Even though what they say might be true, I am Christian and I have dirty passionate sex. I was tought by my mom that you need to have a good sex life. There is nothing wrong with having crazy sex with the one you are married to. I do it 🙂 It's healthy!

    September 4, 2010 at 1:43 am |
  4. Vivian M.


    September 4, 2010 at 1:42 am |
  5. Mandy180

    Hmm. I don't agree with this article. True love is the best. And only God could tie together love like we have. Maybe some other men wrote this article, because they are ticked off that they can't get another piece of meat. You know, guys who like chasing after strange flesh should leave Christian women alone. We don't want you and you don't want us. I feel sorry for the ladies out there, who are going to get suckered in by these snakes. Christian men are the BEST.

    September 4, 2010 at 1:40 am |
    • areligious

      Trust me, the women you speak of feel even more sorry for you. You will never understand what a fulfilling physical relationship feels like because you are obsessed with piety. There is a reason so many "devout Christians" get divorced. Your lives are unfulfilling, and sex is basically a mechanical act meant to initiate conception. Sure you all talk about passion and love, but the cold reality is that you unfortunate souls are leading mundane, and guilt ridden lives. How sad. Really, how sad. Wake up! Religion is a lie!

      September 4, 2010 at 4:31 am |
  6. jerry

    you know just like noah and the arch people moched him and ridiculed him,than suddenly the rains came they wrent laughing them were they,just like when the end of the age comes and people are left behind to meat there fait they wont be laughing than will they

    September 4, 2010 at 1:40 am |
  7. Vivian M.

    This article is totally bogus because some of the best sex around can be gotten from repressed Christians. I have known guys who specifically targeted church groups for that very reason. These folks are not getting good sex so they think nobody is.

    September 4, 2010 at 1:39 am |
  8. His and Hers

    My wife and I call it Praise and Worship! And it's hot.

    September 4, 2010 at 1:38 am |
    • areligious

      Dude, that is the most un-hot thing I have ever heard! How do you shoe-horn the idea of God together with sex? They don't mix. This is yet another bizarre Christian argument. Goodie two shoes behavior is in no way hot. Ned Flanders is not hot.

      September 4, 2010 at 4:35 am |
  9. dave

    Gay sex is awesome. God Loves us all.

    September 4, 2010 at 1:38 am |
  10. jerry

    i totally agree with the comments directed towards cnn they will show your comment as long as it doesnt offend anything.they have hosts like rick sanchez who claim to be a christian but he is realy a catholic cussing and swearing on nmational tv.,and yet they ban everyone who stands for the truth amazing.GOOD JOB CNN

    September 4, 2010 at 1:37 am |
    • CatholicMom

      Rick Sanjez is Catholic but he has to pretend he is other to keep his job. Must be stressful. He is so handsome but looks awfully tired some days.

      September 4, 2010 at 2:27 pm |
  11. Free

    If I thought God was hovering in my bedroom watching my every move, I think I'd be less apt to less loose in bed too! Between God and Santa, how can a person get any privacy?

    September 4, 2010 at 1:37 am |
  12. mfaphoto

    Most Christians today start having "fun" before marriage. Half of all first borns are "early" babies.

    September 4, 2010 at 1:35 am |
    • Kyalana

      You need to check yourself because it's mostly EVERONE having sex from different religions before marriage NOT a certain "religion".

      September 4, 2010 at 1:48 am |
  13. Miken3

    @catholicmom.....Um there was this little thing called the inquisition which was sancitified by the catholic church...oh yea and there was also that little thing about for political and power reasons about putting together "Christians" to decide what is and is not included in the bible. I say to you this.....it's only been oh...about 400 or so years since the Pilgrims landed at plymouth rock...but they kept rather decent records....can you go back today and piece together word for word what was meant by everything that was said, written, or illusioned? I think not. Fath my friend is the blind trust in the unknown. This garbage about GOD didn't want me to have xyz so i don't have it is pure BS. He hears all but the answer you get will not always make sense...sure, I say that answer isn't always related to the question, but something concerning another are one maybe has forgotten. Here in Tennessee (i'm a transplant..having sailed around the world 6x and experienced about all of the religions) there is a pawn shop, a church, and a used car lot on just about every street corner. I see them all exactly the same. Wanting to put their hand in your pocket, and tell you whatever they need to to get it there.

    September 4, 2010 at 1:31 am |
    • CatholicMom

      Miken3, you just hang on to your god, money; even though you don't sound very happy.....you could be if your heart wasn't like stone.....I am sorry, maybe it is just how you feel today.....

      September 4, 2010 at 2:24 pm |
  14. jerry

    and thats why a lot of catholics are going to hell because they wont chamge there doctrine

    September 4, 2010 at 1:29 am |
    • CatholicMom

      Truth doesn't change with social winds that blow.

      September 4, 2010 at 2:19 pm |
  15. O'D

    and i do not see how this is news, anyway, everybody already knows christians spoil sex, it is a religion i don't think that they are going to be advocating it...

    September 4, 2010 at 1:25 am |
  16. Robert DiStefano

    This is totally not true! Actually Christians enjoy or should enjoy sex even more since there is no guilt involved. Two people, who are committed to each other in a loving relationship are set free to have exciting love. Read the Song of Solomon to get a picture of how wonderful sexual love can be.

    September 4, 2010 at 1:24 am |
  17. O'D

    ok, come on CNN, are we not jumping on the 'stephan hawking vs. christians' a little bit here

    September 4, 2010 at 1:24 am |
  18. whisperingsage

    I'm a Christian now, but I was raised by an astrologer who dabbled in the occult, who never married, but was a man hater. I know now she just never understood men and had poor family role modeling in all areas (alcoholism). She had us two girls out of wedlock, we never met our Dad, and she tried to teach us never to ever think about men being regular human beings. They were all awful as far as she was concerned. We disappointed her by both of us marrying. I think she likes my current husband because he has an opera voice and she loves him singing to her, and when we see her, he does. But I don't think she had that kind of guy to choose from in her youth or even later.
    She tried real hard to keep us afraid of sex but she was unsuccessful.
    As a Christian, I learned (from my husband) that the Bible says the marriage bed is undefiled (meaning you can do about anything except animals or extra partners), and that the command from God to be fruitful and multiply came BEFORE the Fall. Also in the NT, reference to fasting and other marriage separations make clear that sex is to bind the emotions and hearts of the married couple, outside of procreation.

    September 4, 2010 at 1:24 am |
  19. Mormonone

    Interesting. I have been a Christian my entire life, a Mormon Christian, even. Aside from that, and addressing this article in particular, I do think there is generally a disconnect in teaching abstinence before marriage and then the transition into a healthy sex life with your spouse after marriage. My parents were open and honest about sex and I was taught that sex was a good and wonderful thing but that it should be saved for marriage. I remember hearing similar things from my leaders at church. It was not an issue when I got married to let go of the "no no no's" and say "yes, yes...YES!" but I know that it is an issue for many. I think that in the Mormon culture that may come more from parents who don't talk about sex or have open discussions with their kids, more than what our leaders teach.

    Happily married in and out of the bedroom to my first and only for 13 years...and I know my husband feels the same.

    September 4, 2010 at 1:23 am |
  20. thomas

    Sex is good. Religion has nothing to do with it. Do it until you can't do it any more. Church people are so lost. When men created organized religion, they nearly destroyed the human spirit. I'm glad I received clarity before it was too late. If I had to follow some religious dogma to know right from wrong. OM?, People out there really let the words of some scam artist determine if they have sex? Are all religious people drinking the Kool-Aid when its served? It doesn't take a religion to know not to cheat on you spouse. It takes a conscience. I know lots of religious people don't know what that means, you don't do it because it hurts the other person. Who needs 6 commandments (the first four are self serving dribble), to tell them that? Oh, Religious people. I'm not opposed to belief, I believe in something, but I'm totally opposed to organizing religion. If GOD can't convince me itself, (44 years nothing I've ever heard coming out of the mouths of people has convinced me) then it doesn't deserve my attention or anyone else's. Time for people to be good just because its the right thing to do. Something I've noticed most religious people, can't do even with GOD"s help.

    September 4, 2010 at 1:07 am |
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The CNN Belief Blog covers the faith angles of the day's biggest stories, from breaking news to politics to entertainment, fostering a global conversation about the role of religion and belief in readers' lives. It's edited by CNN's Daniel Burke with contributions from Eric Marrapodi and CNN's worldwide news gathering team.