September 3rd, 2010
02:18 PM ET

How Christians spoil sex

Christian marriage.

Hot sex.

Let’s try that again:

Christian marriage; hot sex.

It doesn’t quite go together does it?

Passionate, toe-curling sex isn’t normally associated with Christianity or even spirituality in general.

At least that’s what Jonathan Acuff, a Belief Blog contributor and author of "Stuff Christians Like," argues in a recent blog. He says Christians need to do a better job of connecting God with a vibrant sex life.

That’s what we’ve been told. That God and sex don’t go together. And if you say something enough times, people start to believe it’s true…. You can’t have both in the same bottle. They’re oil and water. Cats and dogs. Spencer and Heidi. They just don’t go together.

Acuff, who is married, says Christians shouldn’t just teach abstinence. They should also teach that while sex before marriage is bad, “sex when you’re married is awesome.”

He says Christians damage sex in four ways:

They teach guilt, not abstinence.

They have very few ways to discuss it.

They write 10 books about lust for every one book about the gift of sex.

They've "made the crayon box pretty small" (they're afraid of being creative during sex).

Acuff says it's time Christian couples realize passionate sex is God's idea.

We’ve bought the lie that the world gets to have wild, crazy sex and Christians, holy folks like us, have to have black-and-white, two-dimensional sex. But what if that’s wrong? What if the God who overflows us with love and hope and mercy wants that part of our lives to be as big and as colorful as two married people could possibly imagine?

- CNN Writer

Filed under: Christianity • Culture & Science • United States

soundoff (2,079 Responses)
  1. Semper Fi

    I don't know what Bible the prudish Christians are reading but the Songs of Solomon has some sexy stuff in it. I'm glad the church I was raised up in didn't omit that book of the Bible! : )

    September 4, 2010 at 9:03 am |
  2. Common Sense

    We all have discerning minds. Just because someone tells you something or you read something, doesn't make it so. I was raised Christian and raised to question. Although I heard from my friends that their pastors equated sex outside of marriage as a sin, my parents never went there. They put enough trust in my brother and me to make our own decisions. It really is sad to generalize about what it means to be a "Christian." Cause there is a big difference in saying you are a Christian and practicing Christianity. I can say I am the tooth fairy that doesn't make it so.

    September 4, 2010 at 9:03 am |
  3. sheetiron

    LOL! The person who wrote this obviously doesnt know the first thing about Christianity or Biblical Doctrine on Sex. Way to make yourself look like an idiot in front of the whole internet.

    September 4, 2010 at 9:02 am |
  4. Tim

    At Proverbs 5, the intimacy of husband and wife is clearly identified, for it says for a husband to "drink water out of your own cistern (his wife), and tricklings out of the midst of your own well. Should your springs be scattered out of doors, your streams of water in the public squares themselves? Let them prove to be for you alone, and not for strangers with you. Let your water source prove to be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of your youth, a lovable hind and a charming mountain goat. Let her own breasts intoxicate you at all times. With her love may you be in an ecstasy constantly."(Prov 5:15-19)

    Hence, the intimacy between a husband and wife is something that they should be deeply enjoy. However, if genuine love is lacking, this intimacy may become distasteful, especially for the wife. The apostle Paul wrote: "Husbands, continue loving your wives, just as the Christ also loved the congregation and delivered up himself for it....In this way husbands ought to be loving their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself, for no man ever hated his own flesh; but he feeds and cherishes it, as the Christ also does the congregation."(Eph 5:25, 28, 29)

    September 4, 2010 at 8:59 am |
  5. rr

    This isn't a story this is B.S. My parents taught me to stay a virgin until I marry and also taught that it was sin if you did it before you marry. They taught me right from wrong. All this guy is trying to do is distory Christian belief and morals that God commands us to do. No matter how much people like him say sex is ok before you're married it isn't. I wish CNN would go back to reporting the news.

    September 4, 2010 at 8:58 am |
  6. Tony

    Christians don't teach sex is bad, they do teach that it's no ones business but there own. I don't go talking about what my wife and I do because that's between us. It's a private thing not something that should be shared with the masses like a lot of things in the media.

    September 4, 2010 at 8:56 am |
  7. TC

    Well, maybe it's just the author. My wife and I are both strong Christians and our sex life is hardly vanilla or restrained. In fact, it would probably be illegal in Utah and Iowa..lol. Can the stereotypes and the stupid articles, it's not the 1950's and our grand parents era.

    September 4, 2010 at 8:51 am |
  8. No way Joe

    This article is full of crapp.

    September 4, 2010 at 8:47 am |
  9. No way Joe

    This article is full of crap.

    September 4, 2010 at 8:46 am |
  10. Gumby

    Christianity, and most of the other cults euphemistically called "religions", try to strictly control their members' lives by telling them "This is what God wants". Even to the point of controlling their followers' sex drives. Creepy, creepy stuff.

    September 4, 2010 at 8:46 am |
  11. VanityIsFleeting

    Bottom line is that this is an assault on a religion. Just like ranting that someone is bigot because they don't comply with a liberal mantra. So now we have a liberal assault on an ideology that sees beyond the lust and shallow moral superiority of a self proclaimed elite. This is another article to play on the children of families that value respect and strong moral character. This article is not an article about sensuality, it is guile to appeal to the hormonal instincts of youth. We have heard the claim before that modesty is oppressive, but those that have put it aside have lost respect for themselves and others. Then find that they are left with nothing when their youth gives way to a used body with the onset of age.
    If no one else sees through this article then they or their children will have remorse in the natural consequences of such inconsiderate use of others and others use of them.

    September 4, 2010 at 8:45 am |
  12. Olaf Big

    I don't get what this discussion is all about. The article is not worth a penny, I think CNN, just as most other media outlets would print anything with the word "sex" in it just to attract readers, On the substance, if you let any doctrine, Christian, or otherwise, dictate how you should make love, you build your own prison.

    September 4, 2010 at 8:42 am |
  13. Michael

    Being a christian today will miss you up they have the wrong idea of what jesus really wanted.

    September 4, 2010 at 8:41 am |
    • jerry

      wow there aew so many people that have made comments on this topisc that are very close to blasmeming the holy spirit wow GOD WILL NOT BE MOCKED

      September 7, 2010 at 8:14 am |
    • jerry

      well micheal since your such a self proclaimed experrt what does JESUS have for us today

      September 7, 2010 at 8:16 am |
  14. Chrusher

    what a moron. My wife and I are strong Christians and have been married for 31 years. We sure don't have a problem with very passionate love making. what an idiot

    September 4, 2010 at 8:35 am |
    • Frank

      Good point!

      September 4, 2010 at 9:48 pm |
  15. James

    Christianity is not about sex...its about intimacy! When you are an "atheist" then you are just an accident, you are just an animal, so drink and be marry! No rules! In Christ you are made whole. When you get married to another person that is truley being sanctified then the Love that Jesus has for us begins to touch you in all areas of your life. Thus marriage is more than sex. It is about Christ as the center of your marriage bed. In other words it is coming together without the fear of being rejected! Intimacy! Christian Sex Marriage is amazing. Yall will never understand until you realize how much JEsus loves you!

    September 4, 2010 at 8:35 am |
  16. Hots4hubby

    I'm blessed, I was raised being taught that sex within the confines of marriage is a beautiful thing. Read Song of Solomon, he practically lusts over his one and only. I've been married 8 years, and I must say, my hubby is the hottest thing on two legs and a beast in the bed. He's been a youth pastor and now is the college and young adult pastor at our church. Christians can be sexual creatures, it's sad that most aren't because they have been taught that sex is so horrible. It's funny, even the pastor at our church will whistle at his wife of 29 yrs from the pulpit at times. YAY FOR SEX!

    September 4, 2010 at 8:32 am |
  17. Mari

    I don' t know what crazy Christianity you are talking about? I hate how people are just lump everyone together. I don't know about you but my hubby and I are True Follower and Worshippers of Christ and sex is an important part of our faith and marriage. In fact our pastor stresses the importance of inimacy, touch, and healthy sex to all of our married couples. I think if you visit your local Christian book store, you will find severak books on Christian marriage and sex... one good one is Red Hot Monogamy...But I just want to be clear when you make this statements about Christians you aren't talking about all.

    September 4, 2010 at 8:32 am |
  18. David Stout

    Christians as prudes. Give me a break. Ever heard of Song of Solomon? This book is irresponsible and misinformed. Told through a tiny perspective. Unless you've talked to a majority of Christians and gotten a true response, you can't speak with authority. Based on the number of sex scandals causing many people to call us hypocrites, how could you say we're prudes? Anyone heard of the Duggards with 19 kids. Yes, I agree they think sex is bad too. Maybe the Duggards should read the book. It would change their lives.

    September 4, 2010 at 8:27 am |
  19. Richie Yap

    Allow me to share the teachings of the Catholic Church on this topic:


    2362 "The acts in marriage by which the intimate and chaste union of the spouses takes place are noble and honorable; the truly human performance of these acts fosters the self-giving they signify and enriches the spouses in joy and gratitude." Sexuality is a source of joy and pleasure:

    The Creator himself . . . established that in the [generative] function, spouses should experience pleasure and enjoyment of body and spirit. Therefore, the spouses do nothing evil in seeking this pleasure and enjoyment. They accept what the Creator has intended for them. At the same time, spouses should know how to keep themselves within the limits of just moderation."

    September 4, 2010 at 8:22 am |
  20. jackb

    ..sure...priests have sex with each other..and the fact that they ARE gay is not the issue, the ISSUE is that they are not abstaining...and ABSTAINING was one of the conditions that they agreed to when they got the collar, biggest hypocrites on the planet!!

    September 4, 2010 at 8:20 am |
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The CNN Belief Blog covers the faith angles of the day's biggest stories, from breaking news to politics to entertainment, fostering a global conversation about the role of religion and belief in readers' lives. It's edited by CNN's Daniel Burke with contributions from Eric Marrapodi and CNN's worldwide news gathering team.