September 3rd, 2010
02:18 PM ET

How Christians spoil sex

Christian marriage.

Hot sex.

Let’s try that again:

Christian marriage; hot sex.

It doesn’t quite go together does it?

Passionate, toe-curling sex isn’t normally associated with Christianity or even spirituality in general.

At least that’s what Jonathan Acuff, a Belief Blog contributor and author of "Stuff Christians Like," argues in a recent blog. He says Christians need to do a better job of connecting God with a vibrant sex life.

That’s what we’ve been told. That God and sex don’t go together. And if you say something enough times, people start to believe it’s true…. You can’t have both in the same bottle. They’re oil and water. Cats and dogs. Spencer and Heidi. They just don’t go together.

Acuff, who is married, says Christians shouldn’t just teach abstinence. They should also teach that while sex before marriage is bad, “sex when you’re married is awesome.”

He says Christians damage sex in four ways:

They teach guilt, not abstinence.

They have very few ways to discuss it.

They write 10 books about lust for every one book about the gift of sex.

They've "made the crayon box pretty small" (they're afraid of being creative during sex).

Acuff says it's time Christian couples realize passionate sex is God's idea.

We’ve bought the lie that the world gets to have wild, crazy sex and Christians, holy folks like us, have to have black-and-white, two-dimensional sex. But what if that’s wrong? What if the God who overflows us with love and hope and mercy wants that part of our lives to be as big and as colorful as two married people could possibly imagine?

- CNN Writer

Filed under: Christianity • Culture & Science • United States

soundoff (2,079 Responses)
  1. whoopingcough

    Once again, this is all Bushes fault

    September 4, 2010 at 10:12 am |
    • Elizabeth


      September 4, 2010 at 9:55 pm |
  2. Danimal

    Ok, first of all – Jesus was all about love. Davinci code even suggest signs say he had kids with Mar M. But that is fiction, Every protestant boy knew the good Catholic girls put out, so those sororiety parties were always well attanded. Churches, I agree can be polluted by Hypocritical sinners, but I for one don't associate Jesus and his father with man's attempts to get a tax exempt way for some folks to make some money- Some churches can be good-it's all about the power of prayer, and when prayed I wanted in a cute babes pants, seems he helped me. Got 4 daughters now, so be careful what you pray for- he will oblige if it is part of his plan, get with it people- life and sex is so much better as a Christian= look how big Catholic families are- they aint watching TV in the bedroom, so momma must like what she's got 🙂

    September 4, 2010 at 10:07 am |
  3. Leon

    I sure appreciate someone who speaks up on this. Even paul tells us that its better to marry than to burn with passion. Meaning, when we are married, we ought to be able to let go and really enjoy ourselves.. God is also a part of our sexual lives and He loves it when married people can give of themselves to one another. this is truly a beautiful thing.

    September 4, 2010 at 10:04 am |
  4. Mel

    Christians are really awkward at any kind of sexual contact. Even kissing is foreign to them. It's quite entertaining, but almost cute at the same time. 🙂

    September 4, 2010 at 10:03 am |
  5. Carl

    They don't deserve to enjoy it until they stop sticking their noses into what anybody else wants to do. There is no sky fairy so there is no reason that consenting adults of any stripe shouldn't be free to do whatever they want behind closed doors. I'm glad they are in some cases denying themselves as they deny others.

    September 4, 2010 at 10:00 am |
  6. LACan

    I am so sick of the word "Christian" being so thrown around like a ragdoll. Christianity is a one-on-one relationship with Jesus Christ and God. No wonder in the end the "Christians" will be persecuted... all the media and blogs do lately is put blame on us for too many things, and now we are being blamed for spoiling sex? Give me a break. Maybe religion teaches that type of stuff but Christianity sure doesnt teach that.

    September 4, 2010 at 9:59 am |
  7. Elizabeth

    Journalistic drivel! Dysfunction/boring/cold sex has nothing to do with Christians. People of all stripes have hang-ups for all sorts of reasons, that spill over into many areas of their lives. For Christians a reason no doubt is incorrect understanding/misinterpretation of scripture. And if men loved their wives the way Scripture calls them to, everyone would have a hot time at it.

    September 4, 2010 at 9:59 am |
  8. The wild mushroom

    I love it when my wife is mad at the catholic church. Instead of aversion we have perversion!

    September 4, 2010 at 9:58 am |
  9. Joseph

    I am tired of these Christian bashing "Journalists". I find it funny that people that don't have the fortitude to believe in anything find it easy to bash the people who actually have faith in something. It is not O.K.. to bash someone for their race or sexuall orientation but apparently it is O.K. to condemn an entire population based on their beliefs. C'mon CNN! For liberlas such as yourself this should be unexceptable. A "Blogger" such as this has no clue what it is like inside a Christian home. The sex is great! And I didn't have to be taught this by my parents! Some things you figure out on your own. So, why don't you try holding yourself to a higher standard when it comes to your morals and accountability and stop bashing those who already do. No one wants to admit that there is a possibility there is a higher power that holds us accountable for our actions. instead they spend their time living as if no one is accountable for anything and bashing those people who believe. I would rather live right and be wrong than vise versa. Good luck!

    September 4, 2010 at 9:58 am |
  10. Christie

    I remember reading an article on sexual pleasure taken by a secular (non Christian polling like Gallup) The most sexually fulfilled people, were "The Amish".

    September 4, 2010 at 9:57 am |
  11. N dawg

    And that's why the LDS church is awesome. =D

    September 4, 2010 at 9:54 am |
  12. Christie

    what a nut

    September 4, 2010 at 9:54 am |
  13. John Lane

    I think this is nonsense. Didn't a study just a few years ago, in Time Magazine, discover that Christians have more sex and better sex than single people who engage in sex? And that makes sense – their union is blessed by God in their church weddings.

    September 4, 2010 at 9:50 am |
  14. davidofyuma

    well who really cares

    September 4, 2010 at 9:50 am |
  15. Patti (PJ)

    I wonder if this person realizes "how ignorant they sound. God invented sex between a man and a woman! We as the human race are the ones that allow Satan to put thoughts like "Christians spoil sex" in our minds. If sex is spoiled, it is because we allow spirits of doubt into our minds. It doesn't matter whether we are Christians, buddhist or any other religion. The Bible says we as Christians will be persecuted, and this is one way to do it. To spread malicious thoughts about something that God created and make it sound dirty or putting the blame on God's people for ruining it. God doesn't make anything dirty. Satan is the god of this world, and he is having a blast planting thoughts in our minds because we don't keep our minds filled with the love and word of God. Just because we are Christian doesn't mean we cannot enjoy the intimacy of love making. The only thing dirty about sex is what WE as a human race makes it. It sounds like he might have watched "Carrie a few too many times". Sex can be a beautiful act between a man and a woman, or it can be a dirty vile act (rape, incest). It depends on a person's frame of mind, and whether they follow the guidelines of the Bible. (no sodomy, and certain other acts, which I won't bring up) he needs to read his Bible. Even with this being said, each person is accountable for his own actions, and we are not the judges, It makes me wonder if he (the author of that article) has a guilty conscience. I have always heard that if someone goes around accusing others of doing things, usually they are guilty of the same. (Don't know how true that is, but something had to put it in his mind).

    God Bless!

    September 4, 2010 at 9:49 am |
  16. Chris

    My mother always did a great job of explaining what an amazing gift sex is, but that it's for after marriage. And let's just say they haven't stopped getting it on. (they're 50)

    September 4, 2010 at 9:49 am |
  17. Trish

    I am so sick and tired of Christians being blamed for everything since sliced bread – now sex??? Give me a break!!! There are extremes in any culture or religion, but that does NOT mean everyone is in the same boat! For pete's sake, this man doesn't even have the common sense God gave a pickle!! I am a Christian – Pentecostal Christian even – raised in God's LOVE my whole life. My husband and I – though it should be no one's business but ours – has anything BUT a boring bedroom!!! And – just to note, we've been married over 22 years!

    September 4, 2010 at 9:49 am |
  18. AmandaB

    If there was more focus on having better, creative, fulfilling sex lives, there would be far less need for porn.

    September 4, 2010 at 9:48 am |
  19. debbie

    My poor mother was raised a strong Southern Baptist. The only thing she ever told me about sex was that it was "something you have to do for your husband." She was never able to enjoy sex, and I had to fight tooth and nail not to let that disgust of sex get passed on to me.

    September 4, 2010 at 9:47 am |
  20. N dawg

    And that's why the LDS church is awesome. =)

    September 4, 2010 at 9:45 am |
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The CNN Belief Blog covers the faith angles of the day's biggest stories, from breaking news to politics to entertainment, fostering a global conversation about the role of religion and belief in readers' lives. It's edited by CNN's Daniel Burke with contributions from Eric Marrapodi and CNN's worldwide news gathering team.