September 3rd, 2010
02:18 PM ET

How Christians spoil sex

Christian marriage.

Hot sex.

Let’s try that again:

Christian marriage; hot sex.

It doesn’t quite go together does it?

Passionate, toe-curling sex isn’t normally associated with Christianity or even spirituality in general.

At least that’s what Jonathan Acuff, a Belief Blog contributor and author of "Stuff Christians Like," argues in a recent blog. He says Christians need to do a better job of connecting God with a vibrant sex life.

That’s what we’ve been told. That God and sex don’t go together. And if you say something enough times, people start to believe it’s true…. You can’t have both in the same bottle. They’re oil and water. Cats and dogs. Spencer and Heidi. They just don’t go together.

Acuff, who is married, says Christians shouldn’t just teach abstinence. They should also teach that while sex before marriage is bad, “sex when you’re married is awesome.”

He says Christians damage sex in four ways:

They teach guilt, not abstinence.

They have very few ways to discuss it.

They write 10 books about lust for every one book about the gift of sex.

They've "made the crayon box pretty small" (they're afraid of being creative during sex).

Acuff says it's time Christian couples realize passionate sex is God's idea.

We’ve bought the lie that the world gets to have wild, crazy sex and Christians, holy folks like us, have to have black-and-white, two-dimensional sex. But what if that’s wrong? What if the God who overflows us with love and hope and mercy wants that part of our lives to be as big and as colorful as two married people could possibly imagine?

- CNN Writer

Filed under: Christianity • Culture & Science • United States

soundoff (2,079 Responses)
  1. Gary

    That's what I'm talking about!!!!!!! It's good to be married!!! 🙂

    September 4, 2010 at 11:26 am |
    • Frank


      Good point. SHARE THE LOVE.

      September 4, 2010 at 10:03 pm |
  2. perfectdarkling

    I'm not really sure what rock you've been hiding under, but the landscape of sex in Christianity has changed greatly over the last 5 years. This article would have made sense back then, but all of your gripes about Christianity and sex (which were incredibly legitimate years ago) are beginning to be erased in the Christian world at large.

    September 4, 2010 at 11:26 am |
  3. Trevor

    I wonder if the author of that blog realizes how insulting it is to refer to himself and his ilk as "holy folks" and everybody else as not. One of the great curses of Christianity today is that people see it as "us versus them". When Christians break down these barriers between their religion and all the others (as well as non-religions), they will finally begin to see God in everything and everyone, not just people who think they are holier than others.

    September 4, 2010 at 11:17 am |
  4. billp

    Back when Groucho Marx was hosting the TV game show "What's My Line?", in one episode he welcomed a contestant who was a Catholic priest:

    Priest: "Mr. Marx, I wanted to thank you for all the joy you've brought to this world."
    Groucho: "And I'd like to thank you for all the joy you've taken out of this world."

    September 4, 2010 at 11:15 am |
  5. btinc

    "Christians" comprise a vast and varied group, however . . . there is a large group of evangelicals and others who are completely in denial about the nature of human sexuality and love. They are the ones driving the message against same-gender marriage. They are consumed with how dirty sex is in general, and seem smug in their "wisdom" that same-sex attraction is controllable, and a sin against God. They "prove" their position using Bible quotes and fake science.

    I grew up in a family that thought that sex was dirty and unmentionable, and just plain embarrassing to talk about at all, or admit that you did or liked it.

    It's time for these people to grow up.

    And it's funny how so many of those who rail against human sexuality seem to get caught have so much illicit sex.

    September 4, 2010 at 11:15 am |
  6. Brian

    Most Christian, heck most religions, do not actually preach "love and hope and mercy", they preach hate and fear and death. This is why they will not embrace sex as anything other than procreation to make more of their droids.

    Kudo's to the blog author for thinking outside of the little box that those who seek to control people are trying to put him into.

    September 4, 2010 at 11:12 am |
  7. ChicagoAnthro

    It cracks me up how many christians are all up in arms from such a grave "overgeneralization"....go check out their comments on other subjects (i.e. liberals, academics, scientists, etc). All they say is that we are all amoral and going to hell...ALL OF US!! 🙂

    I think its a great article...and its really not that much of an overgeneralization. I grew up in the church and my own mother thought I was a slut the second I got breasts and made me go talk to our 85 year old paster about what a whore I had become (e.g. virgin and never been on a date)...yeah, that worked, cause I grew breasts on purpose and against gods will!

    Really, christians...find a way to talk about it with your kids. Part of being a whole-adult is having a great sex life with your partner.

    September 4, 2010 at 11:10 am |
  8. gqone

    it really shouldn't be "what" religon has sex and what positions they do, it shouldn't matter at all, now 2 sit and dwell with thinking how a religon can ruin "sex"? wow, muslin catholic, we should mind our bussiness, and not criticize "any religon" what's gonna be the next idiotic question, it's an opinion "so PLEASE, don't get wild-up about it, i've heard s*** but 2 criticize christians? muslims are having a hard time with criticizm, add think logical

    September 4, 2010 at 11:08 am |
  9. evolved

    What? People still "practice' religion? What suckers...

    September 4, 2010 at 11:07 am |
  10. tinkerpink

    wow. I have seen more references in this forum to s-word and s-thing. Believe whatever you want but, its called SEX people. and its healthy and normal and natural. no matter what religion you are in-or whether you choose to be married or not. If you can't even say it, how in the in hell can you do it?

    September 4, 2010 at 11:04 am |
  11. Bill Kilpatrick

    This is not journalism. It's publicism, at best. Somebody writing a book arguing that Christians should embrace sex as a positive thing is neither science nor news. It's manipulative to use a news outlet to advertise a book. It's the kind of tactic the public has been warned about – from Orwell to Chomsky. It's also tabloidesque to use a title that, without explanation, would be anti-Christian. If a similar title were used to describe another religion, it would certainly be considered inappropriate. This is just another example of how CNN's standards have taken a nose dive.

    September 4, 2010 at 11:00 am |
  12. Dave C.

    I used to call myself a Christian but I don't any longer. I don't even know what Christianity is any longer. I call myself a follower of Jesus and even He forgave the prostitutes and whoremongers. None of us are Jesus and can't be and that is the real problem with the Church. I can overlook any sin with the exception of that of taking a human life. And really, I think the Christians can take the fun out of anything, not just sex.

    September 4, 2010 at 10:59 am |
  13. egon

    ... guess Mr Acuff or Mr Blake have never heard of THEOLOGY OF THE BODY!!!!!!!!!! HELLOOOO, EARTH TO ACUFF!!!
    JOHN PAUL THE GREAT SAID THIS YEARS AGO! It's so simple and brilliant, it's Beautiful!!!

    September 4, 2010 at 10:58 am |
  14. Reality Check

    I disagree, I've had wild sex with many christians!

    September 4, 2010 at 10:56 am |
  15. formerPK (Preacher's Kid)

    Hasn't anyone read the Song of Solomon lately? LOL! It's IN the Bible.....but not many sermons get preached out of THAT book!

    September 4, 2010 at 10:55 am |
  16. Stevger

    I believe this guy has skipped to many sunday school classes. "LUST" according to the christian faith, is one of the seven deadly sins. Do you just expect them to change that? ALSO "to deny the thirst of the body brings you closer to the lord" is another lesson brought to you by the bible, shown in the fasting rituals of lent. You expect them to change that too?? While your at it why dont we just change the cross to an easy chair and the blood to beer, your an idiot.

    September 4, 2010 at 10:54 am |
    • ChicagoAnthro

      "your" an idiot....lust is different than love. get a dictionary....actually, dont. keep deepening the stereotype.

      September 4, 2010 at 11:13 am |
    • Frank

      You can't have romantic love without lust. Lust is physical passion.

      Of course, you can have lust by itself. Nothing wrong with that. 😉

      September 4, 2010 at 10:00 pm |
    • Frank

      I already know what the Church says about it. I was once a devout Catholic.

      September 5, 2010 at 8:52 pm |
  17. J Rev

    I have never heard any of this B.S. this guy is spiting in ANY of the churches i've EVER been in. Maybe it was like that in the past, but its not now. Just because we save ourselves for marriage and we deem it inappropriate to talk about sex in detail 24-7 doesn't mean that we hate sex. We just treat it as something very sacred and reserved for the right time and the right person. Heck, my church is going to have a sermon series on sex and relationships in February!

    September 4, 2010 at 10:53 am |
  18. john Pappas

    Just another reason why all religion is a big waste of time. You got one life in this body, live it to the fullest.

    September 4, 2010 at 10:53 am |
  19. Kat

    Christianity only asks waiting til marriage to have sex. Nowhere in the bible does it require boring sex.. In fact anyone read Song of Solomon lately?

    September 4, 2010 at 10:51 am |
  20. Mim Williams

    Married 29 years – I am Christian and have never had a problem in the passion department – never felt guilty for returning to the Garden of Eden with my husband as a respite from this evil world – I've always found absolute joy and satisfaction with him – and I still think he's the hottest guy around – thank You Jesus for giving me this awesome blessing

    September 4, 2010 at 10:47 am |
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The CNN Belief Blog covers the faith angles of the day's biggest stories, from breaking news to politics to entertainment, fostering a global conversation about the role of religion and belief in readers' lives. It's edited by CNN's Daniel Burke with contributions from Eric Marrapodi and CNN's worldwide news gathering team.