September 3rd, 2010
02:18 PM ET

How Christians spoil sex

Christian marriage.

Hot sex.

Let’s try that again:

Christian marriage; hot sex.

It doesn’t quite go together does it?

Passionate, toe-curling sex isn’t normally associated with Christianity or even spirituality in general.

At least that’s what Jonathan Acuff, a Belief Blog contributor and author of "Stuff Christians Like," argues in a recent blog. He says Christians need to do a better job of connecting God with a vibrant sex life.

That’s what we’ve been told. That God and sex don’t go together. And if you say something enough times, people start to believe it’s true…. You can’t have both in the same bottle. They’re oil and water. Cats and dogs. Spencer and Heidi. They just don’t go together.

Acuff, who is married, says Christians shouldn’t just teach abstinence. They should also teach that while sex before marriage is bad, “sex when you’re married is awesome.”

He says Christians damage sex in four ways:

They teach guilt, not abstinence.

They have very few ways to discuss it.

They write 10 books about lust for every one book about the gift of sex.

They've "made the crayon box pretty small" (they're afraid of being creative during sex).

Acuff says it's time Christian couples realize passionate sex is God's idea.

We’ve bought the lie that the world gets to have wild, crazy sex and Christians, holy folks like us, have to have black-and-white, two-dimensional sex. But what if that’s wrong? What if the God who overflows us with love and hope and mercy wants that part of our lives to be as big and as colorful as two married people could possibly imagine?

- CNN Writer

Filed under: Christianity • Culture & Science • United States

soundoff (2,079 Responses)
  1. erik

    I'm christian and I have out of this world toe curling sex.

    September 4, 2010 at 3:29 pm |
  2. AnnBChrist

    If we are all just sitting around reading and commenting on the dopey take on s3x than it is clear none of us are getting any either.

    September 4, 2010 at 3:23 pm |
    • Frank

      So true. 🙁

      This might be a f#tish of mine, though. :p

      September 4, 2010 at 10:16 pm |
  3. BMWJ

    I don't see anything in the 10 commandments about getting as freaky as I want with my wife. And to tell you truthfully, well, i'd be breaking that one daily. No wonder hardcore christians are miserable and at times turn to prostitutes. I have a couple books in my night stand...of which include the Bible, Kama Sutra and The Joy of Sex. and I read them all religiously. Get freaky ya'll, cause you know God does. She's the biggest freak of us all.

    September 4, 2010 at 3:21 pm |
  4. Mother Carmody

    Thou shalt not give into the poisons of the flesh.

    September 4, 2010 at 3:16 pm |
  5. Married25

    A true christian would know Song of Solomon. Read it...it's in the bible!!!

    September 4, 2010 at 3:07 pm |
  6. Jennifer James

    BIBLE BOOK 'Song of Solomon' is hotter & more stimulating than any porn could every be because of all of the subtle nuances & the romance that is overtly depicted. Here are just a few.

    _1 verse 2: Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth: for thy love is better than wine.

    _2 verse 3: As the apple tree among the trees of the wood, so is my beloved among the sons. I sat down under his shadow with great delight, and his fruit was sweet to my taste.

    _2 verse 6: His left hand is under my head, and his right hand doth embrace me.

    _7 verse 9: And the roof of thy mouth like the best wine for my beloved, that goeth down sweetly, causing the lips of those that are asleep to speak.

    _8 verse 6: Set me as a seal upon thine heart, as a seal upon thine arm: for love is strong as death; jealousy is cruel as the grave: the coals thereof are coals of fire, which hath a most vehement flame.

    I am a staunch proponent of intense Bible study & context is essential...so I invite all who have not to study Song of Solomon. It's pure example of spousal romantic love is exquisite.

    Any Christian & anyone not living in a sexually healthy marriage should heed the poetry of these passages.

    September 4, 2010 at 3:06 pm |
  7. WLK

    Hmmmm....funny how the folks with the best & longest lasting & kindest & lovingest marriages I know (so I'm pretty sure their intimacy is great & intact) are deeply sincere, committed Christian husbands & wives. And they believe & teach that God invented sex!! 😉 And I'm thinking their marrital love is so great because they happen to truly know & be lovingly aquainted with the One who invented sex!!

    September 4, 2010 at 3:04 pm |
  8. AnnBChrist


    September 4, 2010 at 3:02 pm |
  9. freepalestine

    if this article was about jews it would be deemed anti-semite.

    September 4, 2010 at 2:59 pm |
  10. wcb2009

    Didnt god kick Adam and Eve out of Eden becuase they ate from the tree of "knowing". Where it is believed by many scholars that "knowing" was symbolic of procreation. No surprise the Church views sex as evil and something promoted by satan.

    September 4, 2010 at 2:57 pm |
  11. david

    get plenty while you can,before you get too old.this sex before marrage?you don't buy a car,without taking it for a test drive,do you.marriage is for idiots,anyway.

    September 4, 2010 at 2:56 pm |
  12. CJ

    He's out of his flippin' mind. Sounds like he's simply perpetuating the myth that Christians & sex don't go together - it's a misconception, just like the one about Christians being homophobes. Sure, there are Fundamentalists out there who take things to the extreme, but they do not represent the majority, by any means. They're just the ones who get all of the press, because they ARE so extreme in their beliefs. In my church (a Bible-believing, spirit-filled, deep-South church, mind you!), we were taught the concept of LOVE for our fellow man. We were taught to accept everyone, regardless of their background. We were taught that homosexual sin was exactly the same, in God's eyes, as the sin of lying, premarital sex, disobeying your parents, etc., because "sin is sin" & everyone does it. And the ladies in the church spoke openly & freely to the young women about sex, marriage, & child-rearing. We were taught that sex is a gift to be enjoyed fully by both parties, with passion & abandon - it's an important tool in marriage that binds the two together (mind, BODY, & spirit). We weren't "special" or different: My friends who attended other churches/denominations were taught the same thing. It's how things are done - "it takes a village..." The idea that Christians are uptight, judgmental, close-minded prudes is SO way off-base; I just wish people weren't so quick to believe the lie.

    September 4, 2010 at 2:52 pm |
  13. Kittykat

    First of all...peoples sex life is nobody's business. This is personal between two people. Secondly, I have heard preachers state what goes on (sexually) between husband and wife in the bedroom is their business. Did this guy do a survey? Thirdly, our pastor teaches marriage classes and in no way negates that sex has to be boring. Hello. Christians have hormones and sex drives like anyone else. Even people who are not Christian have different levels of sex drive. Let this subject rest in peace and if you are married...go get some hot sex.

    September 4, 2010 at 2:51 pm |
  14. Karla

    perhaps.. lmao

    September 4, 2010 at 2:47 pm |
  15. Satan Claus

    Christians are weak will individuals who are unable to cope with the harsh reality of death. Instead of living their lives to the fullest in the real world, they create a fantasy in which they are superior to everyone else and are rewarded for their intolerance. They brainwash their children to believe the same ridiculous crap they were fed as a child, continuing the endless cycle of irrational though.

    Although SOME of the founding fathers of the US were christian/catholic (same god you retards), this country was founded on largely atheist, or at least agnostic beliefs. Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness are NOT christian ideals. Fear, servitude, bigotry, and ignorance are what the church teaches, and that's what many of the early Americans were trying to escape. Christians try to put a positive spin on history, claiming that they are responsible for the birth of the US, but in reality and present day, they are ruining this country and holding us back.

    Christianity, and religion in general, is a cancer. Unfortunately the only cure is rational thought, and most people are far too stupid to break the cycle themselves.

    September 4, 2010 at 2:44 pm |
    • CatholicMom

      I am Catholic because I am rational.

      September 4, 2010 at 3:10 pm |
  16. tom

    Christians have also spoiled the compassion, love and tolerance of Jesus Christ through their greed, jealousy and arrogance.

    September 4, 2010 at 2:39 pm |
  17. Jonathan

    I have realized that in my promiscuous batchelor days, that noncommital sex was enjoyable, but short lived.
    I have learned that since married to my awesome wife, that any sex that I had before marriage was just practice.
    Any person who is in a married manogamous relationship who is really into their spouse will more than likely experience a heightened level of sexual arousal, and more passionate, quality sex than the casual sex they get from other relationships.
    I agree that sex is on the hush with the Christian community. It is considered a private matter between a husband and wife, and not an appropriate subject to be brought up in a Bible study. Even with this social stigma, there is room for Christians to give testimony to the improvements in their lives that come with marriage. My pastor has declared before his congregation (on wednesday night though) that him and his wife have the best sex imaginable, and that Christians "do it better."
    This was answered by some snickers and nervous laughter in the audience.
    A campaign of the Christian church as a whole to declare the joys and benefits of marriage would go far among younger listeners who are bombarded with sex every day when they switch on the radio, television, or go online.
    This message of better, safer, more intimate sex among married Christians is a positive one, and can encourage abstinence, celibacy, and chastity until young adults are ready to tie the knot. The Christian community just needs to get over their prudish, and puritan past and acknowledge that sex among husband and wife is not a "necessary evil" but rather a blessing from God, who designed man and woman, bound in love and committment to enjoy the pleasures of each other.
    It is not an unnatural act to enjoy sex with your spouse. If you do not believe me then read the book in the Bible known as the song of songs (song of solomon).

    September 4, 2010 at 2:36 pm |
  18. Doug

    Sex is a biological necessity to perpetuate the species and should never be portrayed as "wrong". The sexually repressed nature of the US is directly related to the oppressive nature of Christianity. Sex is bad, sex is bad, sex is bad, oh wait you're married now, sex is good, sex is good, sex is good. Just stupid. What should be said is that indiscriminate sexual activity is bad for your health and therefore not a good idea. Sex should be avoided unless you're prepared to deal with the possible results of it. If you're too young you're not ready.

    September 4, 2010 at 2:35 pm |
  19. Avis Ward

    Perhaps what we all fail to remember is everyone is entitled to his or her opinion. As Christians (those who mimic Christ in words, deeds, thoughts and actions) even our opinions do not matter. God's word is final and unchangeable. We must live for Christ, allowing our lives to be the example to the world. Truth is what matters and Jesus is the Truth. We must be forgiving and loving, even to the misguided and highly opinionated. I know many pastors who teach and talk about sex in pre-post-marriage counseling and Marriages Conferences, where it is more appropriate, than during the general services/congregation on Sundays.

    Also remember, the adversary loves to stir up a hornet's nest for publicity. Respect the opinion of others but discard untruths. It's quite simple easy with the Holy Scriptures as your life manual.

    Blessed regards and Happy Labor Day weekend! (USA)

    September 4, 2010 at 2:32 pm |
  20. Karla

    I don't like Christianity, I don't like Catholicism, I don't like any religion because that is the way any church /congregation/group has to monopolize the human believes for their own good and interest. They spoil all the good it could be in the spirituality of a congregation. For this reason I just like God w/o a religion, period. I love having se-x, and I will keep doing it however I want for as long as I can and live. If someone does not like it, close your eyes, cover your ears but most of all shu-t your mouth.

    September 4, 2010 at 2:27 pm |
    • Frank

      Right on!

      It's pretty much the same with me. I'll keep my Gods, Goddesses, Spirits, Ancestors and all other positive Beings on other realms but they can keep their poisonous organized religion. Find your own way!

      September 4, 2010 at 10:08 pm |
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The CNN Belief Blog covers the faith angles of the day's biggest stories, from breaking news to politics to entertainment, fostering a global conversation about the role of religion and belief in readers' lives. It's edited by CNN's Daniel Burke with contributions from Eric Marrapodi and CNN's worldwide news gathering team.