September 3rd, 2010
02:18 PM ET

How Christians spoil sex

Christian marriage.

Hot sex.

Let’s try that again:

Christian marriage; hot sex.

It doesn’t quite go together does it?

Passionate, toe-curling sex isn’t normally associated with Christianity or even spirituality in general.

At least that’s what Jonathan Acuff, a Belief Blog contributor and author of "Stuff Christians Like," argues in a recent blog. He says Christians need to do a better job of connecting God with a vibrant sex life.

That’s what we’ve been told. That God and sex don’t go together. And if you say something enough times, people start to believe it’s true…. You can’t have both in the same bottle. They’re oil and water. Cats and dogs. Spencer and Heidi. They just don’t go together.

Acuff, who is married, says Christians shouldn’t just teach abstinence. They should also teach that while sex before marriage is bad, “sex when you’re married is awesome.”

He says Christians damage sex in four ways:

They teach guilt, not abstinence.

They have very few ways to discuss it.

They write 10 books about lust for every one book about the gift of sex.

They've "made the crayon box pretty small" (they're afraid of being creative during sex).

Acuff says it's time Christian couples realize passionate sex is God's idea.

We’ve bought the lie that the world gets to have wild, crazy sex and Christians, holy folks like us, have to have black-and-white, two-dimensional sex. But what if that’s wrong? What if the God who overflows us with love and hope and mercy wants that part of our lives to be as big and as colorful as two married people could possibly imagine?

- CNN Writer

Filed under: Christianity • Culture & Science • United States

soundoff (2,079 Responses)
  1. Rev Mr Al Belcher

    I see little proof and no data even for an "opinion" piece. Who wrote the books? Christians in the pews or clergy? As a Deacon, married 29 1/2 years, my wife and I had a happy, healthy, at times toe curling, sex life. Once I was ordained as a Deacon that didn't change. Sounds like an opinion expressed to not feel guilt over life choices to me!!!

    September 4, 2010 at 6:04 pm |
  2. One of the fallen

    I've read several comments that state religion and Christianity are to blame for all the world trouble. This arugument is made by people who have trouble adding much past 2 + 2. They only look at the horrible atrocities commited by so called Christians (not those who truly follow Christian principles) and refuse to the see the good or believe the world is a far far better place because of Christianity. They do not think about our founding fathers and their principles that have guided our country which in turn has lead billions to freedom with much better lives than the tryants who ruled them before. For Example the 3 largest Mass Murders in history Napoleon, WWI & WWII were commited by people and governments trying to claim land and power not by religious zealots. Religion had very little to do with these wars or the people who were forced to fight on the agressors sides. Our Christian principles have lead America and our Allies to become the the most free and powerful countries in history because we trust each other and our principles. Can any other countries say this? Who are their Allies? How free are their people?

    September 4, 2010 at 5:53 pm |
  3. Happy Christrian

    Of course sex & God go together. He invented sex!!! Satan has destroyed it & made it dirty.

    September 4, 2010 at 5:50 pm |
  4. CaleraGuy

    Yes, a number of Christian groups do teach guilt instead of abstinence. Sex and the climax are one of the most powerful things that God gave us. I know of no other act that makes you feel that good. It is definitely a gift from God. While sex before marriage should be avoided, once you find your mate then have fun and enjoy it!!!

    September 4, 2010 at 5:46 pm |
  5. Richard

    This blog must be a joke!! I have always been a Christian and proud of it. I have had the great privilige to have only dated one woman, we started dating when we both were 16. She is also a very devout Christian. The sexual attraction between the two of us was always very extreme. How we made it to our wedding night as virgins was simply a miracle. However, we both had our first sexual experience on our wedding nihgt and it was awesome. That was almost 34 years ago and sex with her is still awesome and not boring.

    I agree with the posts about reading the Song of Solomon, sex is in the bible and when it comes to the marriage bed, watch out!! I have only been with one woman and I promise you, I have not missed out on anything!! Sex between a Chrisitian husband and Christian wife is to be celibrated at the highest level of intimacy and erociticism possible. That is God's gift to us for remaining pure and true to each other!!!

    Thank you God for this! (I am not being disrespectuf at all, I mean this as a true prayer of thanksgiving).

    For all you Christians out there, Love your mate with all your hearts, all your minds and all yoru body and God will bless you with tremendous maritial sex.

    September 4, 2010 at 5:45 pm |
  6. Annie

    Just ask the Duggers...

    September 4, 2010 at 5:43 pm |
  7. Beth Boyle

    This is bigoted there are many forms of Christianity and most are not hung up on sex. I am shocked CNN would print this rubbish.

    September 4, 2010 at 5:41 pm |
  8. Truth

    Wait....didn't non-Christians spoil sex by sleeping around and making AIDS a worldwide epidemic? Just making sure I'm not crazy.

    There's nothing wrong with someone choosing to save that experience and expression of love for one partner after marriage.

    September 4, 2010 at 5:40 pm |
  9. allforfunone

    Christian sex is the BEST!! Why do I say that? Because Christian couples enjoy all their bodies can deliver without the pangs of a bad conscious...We do it, and enjoy it, with NO REGRETS!!
    No fornication, no adultry, no homosexuality, no children out of wedlock, no outside dreaded diseases slipping in the marriage, just clean fun with a clean mate and no jealousy, nor wife-swapping, no lack of trust issues...the benefits are too many to recount. The best part is the knowledge that you have God's approval....

    September 4, 2010 at 5:38 pm |
  10. Snoman

    Maybeyourbible......etc. Your second to last line of your post amazed me. You refer to " the people in charge of us" Do you live in a foreign country perhaps? Or, are you under age 18?. If neither of these answers apply to you, then there are no "people in charge of you, except yourself. This is called personal responsibility and is one of our greatest freedoms. Something to truly thank God for. We have laws, and leaders, whom we freely elect . It is up to each of us as to whether or not to obey the law, but of course, if we don't, there are consequences for that behavior. You sound much more like a fearful people pleaser then a fully mature Christian. And, by people pleaser, I mean the sect you identify with religiously. Think about your own use and misuse of free will before making pronouncements on others, please.

    September 4, 2010 at 5:36 pm |
  11. carl

    christianity has so warped the human psyche the confusion over sex is understandable. cant wait tll humans outgrow the need to have an invisible friend running the show and instead take responsibility and credit for their own lives.

    September 4, 2010 at 5:36 pm |
  12. Beth Boyle

    I love wild crazy sex and I am a Christian I just only have it with my husband. More CNN Chrisitian bashing news!

    September 4, 2010 at 5:36 pm |
  13. Abby

    freepalestine: You couldn't write a similar article about Jews because Jews have a different view on marital relations.

    The Jews believe that sex between a man and his wife is a blessing from God.

    September 4, 2010 at 5:34 pm |
  14. XWngLady

    What a crock! The problem doesn't have anything to do with how Christians feel about it. The problem is that non-C(and many Christians themselves) in general just don't want to abstain until marriage.period. Any effort to try to tell them that this is best, regardless of how the message is delivered, is met with resistance, disdain and sometimes outright hostility! I don't know any single Christian, male or female, (and I know a lot) who thinks that se-x within marriage is dirty or should be boring. As a matter of fact, most are eagerly awaiting their spouses so that they CAN have all of the hot, creative love-making sessions that they want. This article is short-sighted and just plain wrong.

    September 4, 2010 at 5:34 pm |
  15. Sara

    Well, how about that.

    September 4, 2010 at 5:31 pm |
  16. Desertphile

    Okay, I give up: why does the article quote the bizarre assertion that "sex before marriage is bad," but doesn't offer any reason to support that insane assertion?

    September 4, 2010 at 5:31 pm |
  17. Onan

    Genesis 38:8-1

    Whoever brought up this verse of the bible saying that birth control is a sin is not correct....

    Then Judah said to Onan, "Lie with your brother's wife and fulfill your duty to her as a brother-in-law to produce offspring for your brother." 9 But Onan knew that the offspring would not be his; so whenever he lay with his brother's wife, he spilled his semen on the ground to keep from producing offspring for his brother. 10 What he did was wicked in the LORD's sight; so he put him to death also

    He was put to death because he did not fulfill his duty not because he didn't pull through... whats worse using birth control or sleeping with your sister in law????????????????? Wake up noob

    September 4, 2010 at 5:30 pm |
  18. french pastor

    how many of you have read songs of solomon and really understand it
    the whole world to the whole world in season and out of season nothing new under the sun

    September 4, 2010 at 5:30 pm |
  19. Criticscorner

    I'm agnostic and not a fan of religion in general, but the article is uninformed, biased and cowardly. I dare CNN to put a similar headline by just replacing the word "Christian" with "Muslim". I personally find the Christian faith a lot more accommodating of personal liberty than the faith practised in the name of Islam. I am not well-read enough to know what the Koran or Bible actually say, but empirically I have seen that countries with majority Christian populations are far less repressed than their Muslim counterparts. It is an observation, not an attack on any particular religion, rather it is a critique of CNN's willingness to paint all Christians with the same brush while bigger perpetrators might exist elsewhere.

    September 4, 2010 at 5:30 pm |
  20. Joseph Eyer

    Ugh. Another Christianity piece from an anti-puritan perspective. Who is anyone to say what any of us should and should not enjoy ? Christianity does not teach any of what this op-piece is spouting, it's the clergy and church elders who spread the drivel, and then use donations to mop up the guilt. You can be a good Christian, Muslim, Jew, Atheist, Agnostic or Sun Worshipper and enjoy all the things life and relationships and sex have to offer.

    September 4, 2010 at 5:27 pm |
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The CNN Belief Blog covers the faith angles of the day's biggest stories, from breaking news to politics to entertainment, fostering a global conversation about the role of religion and belief in readers' lives. It's edited by CNN's Daniel Burke with contributions from Eric Marrapodi and CNN's worldwide news gathering team.