September 3rd, 2010
02:18 PM ET

How Christians spoil sex

Christian marriage.

Hot sex.

Let’s try that again:

Christian marriage; hot sex.

It doesn’t quite go together does it?

Passionate, toe-curling sex isn’t normally associated with Christianity or even spirituality in general.

At least that’s what Jonathan Acuff, a Belief Blog contributor and author of "Stuff Christians Like," argues in a recent blog. He says Christians need to do a better job of connecting God with a vibrant sex life.

That’s what we’ve been told. That God and sex don’t go together. And if you say something enough times, people start to believe it’s true…. You can’t have both in the same bottle. They’re oil and water. Cats and dogs. Spencer and Heidi. They just don’t go together.

Acuff, who is married, says Christians shouldn’t just teach abstinence. They should also teach that while sex before marriage is bad, “sex when you’re married is awesome.”

He says Christians damage sex in four ways:

They teach guilt, not abstinence.

They have very few ways to discuss it.

They write 10 books about lust for every one book about the gift of sex.

They've "made the crayon box pretty small" (they're afraid of being creative during sex).

Acuff says it's time Christian couples realize passionate sex is God's idea.

We’ve bought the lie that the world gets to have wild, crazy sex and Christians, holy folks like us, have to have black-and-white, two-dimensional sex. But what if that’s wrong? What if the God who overflows us with love and hope and mercy wants that part of our lives to be as big and as colorful as two married people could possibly imagine?

- CNN Writer

Filed under: Christianity • Culture & Science • United States

soundoff (2,079 Responses)
  1. Reason

    if I had a nickel for every woman Ive known with a story about how some Christian guy in their life made them feel very guilty about their desires while having sex.........

    If everyone would just stop believing in this fairy tale about the man in the clouds, there wouldnt be the problems associated in the story. Evolution designed us to handle sex without God for thousands of years. We wouldnt be here otherwise.

    September 4, 2010 at 7:30 pm |
  2. Jon

    Sex is awesome before and after marriage. The idea of abstinence before marriage is as antiquated as believing that god actually cares about what you eat or as irrelevant as sacrificing goats to please god. Religion is nothing more than superstition. And Christianity is famous for using guilt to make us feel bad about all sorts of pleasures. Morality is individual and societal. It has nothing to do with an invisible, non-existent deity in the sky. When we will people grow and realize that we are responsible for our own salvation and this life is all we have. Make the best of it by helping others and stop feeling guilty for enjoying yourself.

    September 4, 2010 at 7:28 pm |
  3. pet rock

    For quite a while women believed ,and a few still do, That they were /are not supposed to enjoy sex and thats sad

    September 4, 2010 at 7:19 pm |
  4. Old Christian Guy

    I read an article 2 years ago which pointed out that middle aged christian women have more sex than any other group. So maybe what we are missing in quality we are making up for in quantity. Seriously, sex in marriage probably has more to do with respect, love and trust than lust.

    September 4, 2010 at 7:16 pm |
  5. pet rock

    Reliigon(christainity) is all about control. Jesus told you/us that it was with in you/'us. He also said that when you pray say Our Father not my father..we should all re read the old testemant i think you will notice no love there.just a lot of killing of me women and children and taking.

    September 4, 2010 at 7:15 pm |
  6. eric

    WOW Cnn.com!!! All this month you have featured articles on Islam in such a positive way. What to you write about Christians? 1. We spoil Sex and 2. Children are becoming "fake Christians'. You attack Christianity all day long and praise to the heavens all of Islam. Sure you are not biased!

    September 4, 2010 at 7:13 pm |
  7. Nostromo45

    Any religious belief has always spoiled everything
    from before Galileo o Leonardo da Vinci to the present day
    from before Aristoteles to the present fay
    and now in the 21st Century – according to modern counting –
    what the heck has any form of religious thinking got to do with anything?
    I mean: if a god really existed and was provable and definable, we would not have the Big "M" – Macdonald's – all over the place, we wouldn't have even had to endure eight years of George W, Bush

    September 4, 2010 at 7:12 pm |
  8. peeved

    I don't know where this guy gets his information, but he does not speak for the whole Christian community. I am sick an tired of so many Christian-bashing articles and negativity on the part of CNN. Reading most of the posts on these boards would lead one to think only atheists post comments here. There are many Christian people in this world that have discovered what peace you can have in your life with a relationship with God. Why so many people find the need to knock that with their anti-Christ comments is beyond me.

    September 4, 2010 at 7:08 pm |
  9. BibleMan

    It's all pretty simple – just read the Bible. Including Song of Solomon.

    September 4, 2010 at 7:05 pm |
  10. junius

    Hot sex is always a more conceivable option. Why be against it? Fear of procreation?

    September 4, 2010 at 7:04 pm |
  11. HateisGreat

    As a Christian all I can say riiiiight! Poll after Poll has shown that Christian woman are happest with thier sex life. If mama is happy pappa is happier.

    September 4, 2010 at 7:01 pm |
  12. John

    Free Will. We can choose not to have sex and not to have children. Not everyone has to have them just like not everyone has to farm or shovel crap or any of the other necessary life functions. There're drugs that can reduce the sex drive and free you of sexual sin. It's liberating. They're getting better too and no side effects. I was spilling so much seed, chained down by my inner lusts, that I was in hell with debt up to the ceiling. The good lord shined his wisdom down on me. Free at last!

    Free yourself! Sexual desire is a prison.

    September 4, 2010 at 6:59 pm |
  13. areligious

    Bible thumpers lead such a sad and guilt ridden life. I feel sorry for them, but long ago realized you can't save most of them from ignorance. If the religious imprinting starts early enough, pride will not allow a person to logically realize there is no evidence of God, and that the concept of Christian God contradicts itself one million times over. The "problem with evil" can't be ignored, and free will is a pathetic explanation tantamount to a child yelling "forcefield" as he is about to lose a game of tag.

    September 4, 2010 at 6:56 pm |
  14. Spellman

    What if the title read "How Jews spoil sex"? There would be 'media' outrage and everyone would be made to feel guilty about the shamefull attack. Can we not let Chirstians enjoy their faith without constant media erosion?

    As a Jew it makes me wonder why there is such a media agenda to dismantle Christian faith. It's not right.

    Who's next?

    September 4, 2010 at 6:49 pm |
  15. Ken

    (((Matt Otskey

    "And if you say something enough times, people start to believe it’s true…."

    That quote kinda reminds me of the beginnings of religion. Tell people they will go to hell if they don't go to church enough times, and they will start to believe it. Religion is a scam.)))

    WELL SAID MATT.. (should I follow this with "Amen"?...lol)

    September 4, 2010 at 6:45 pm |
  16. Tony

    We did not "evolve from monkeys" .. humans and monkeys evolved from a common ancestor – different branches.

    September 4, 2010 at 6:44 pm |
  17. Thomas

    Just browsing these comments made me laugh at how many of you Christians can't even say the word "sex". That pretty much just goes to prove the article right there. Sex is natural; our bodies were made to have sex. It's not dirty or shameful. Christianity is a choice. Now there's something dirty and shameful.

    September 4, 2010 at 6:39 pm |
  18. george

    People who are not Christians (don't know the salvation and life changing power of Christ) criticizing true Christians for their sexual habits is like obese people criticizing those who have proper habits of diet and exercise for not knowing how to be a glutton.

    September 4, 2010 at 6:35 pm |
  19. Rob P.

    Almost every religion destroys sex, when what God gave us should be enjoyed. Knowing your partners body completely, without hesitation, without being shy or ashamed out it, the way most religion teaches sex, makes a couple closer than any words can ever describe. I'll be getting married in a few weeks because, for one of MANY reasons, my fiance and I will have had the pleasure of knowing each other honestly, without being able to hide anything.

    September 4, 2010 at 6:35 pm |
  20. wayne Gage

    Why is there a belief blog?
    There should be an atheist blog as well.

    September 4, 2010 at 6:22 pm |
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67
About this blog

The CNN Belief Blog covers the faith angles of the day's biggest stories, from breaking news to politics to entertainment, fostering a global conversation about the role of religion and belief in readers' lives. It's edited by CNN's Daniel Burke with contributions from Eric Marrapodi and CNN's worldwide news gathering team.