September 3rd, 2010
02:18 PM ET

How Christians spoil sex

Christian marriage.

Hot sex.

Let’s try that again:

Christian marriage; hot sex.

It doesn’t quite go together does it?

Passionate, toe-curling sex isn’t normally associated with Christianity or even spirituality in general.

At least that’s what Jonathan Acuff, a Belief Blog contributor and author of "Stuff Christians Like," argues in a recent blog. He says Christians need to do a better job of connecting God with a vibrant sex life.

That’s what we’ve been told. That God and sex don’t go together. And if you say something enough times, people start to believe it’s true…. You can’t have both in the same bottle. They’re oil and water. Cats and dogs. Spencer and Heidi. They just don’t go together.

Acuff, who is married, says Christians shouldn’t just teach abstinence. They should also teach that while sex before marriage is bad, “sex when you’re married is awesome.”

He says Christians damage sex in four ways:

They teach guilt, not abstinence.

They have very few ways to discuss it.

They write 10 books about lust for every one book about the gift of sex.

They've "made the crayon box pretty small" (they're afraid of being creative during sex).

Acuff says it's time Christian couples realize passionate sex is God's idea.

We’ve bought the lie that the world gets to have wild, crazy sex and Christians, holy folks like us, have to have black-and-white, two-dimensional sex. But what if that’s wrong? What if the God who overflows us with love and hope and mercy wants that part of our lives to be as big and as colorful as two married people could possibly imagine?

- CNN Writer

Filed under: Christianity • Culture & Science • United States

soundoff (2,079 Responses)
  1. Hilary

    I grew up going to church. My grandmother constantly quoted the bible. It was made clear to me as a child that enjoying one's body is shameful.

    September 4, 2010 at 9:10 pm |
  2. Frank Jensen

    The author must be a liberal atheist. They're always looking for some way to "feel good about themselves" and trash christianity at the same time.

    September 4, 2010 at 9:04 pm |
    • BeatleBabe

      Actually, as many people on here have pointed out, the author is a Christian.

      September 4, 2010 at 9:08 pm |
  3. Mr. Bluetooth

    Another cheap shot at Religion, Marriage, and Private bedroom life. Now you know what christians don't do right.
    They got married to each other not to you. Stay out of their bedrooms and talk about your own failing sex life. Another atempt to Make religion, look bad. The Third member in your bedroom. Sheesh. No sense of direction at all. Religion does not have anything to do with your sex style problems, does it? Your the expert on what christians should do in the bedroom now. Another Commy Bull story. Peeping Toms of tying Sex problems, Religion, Right to privacy, Christianity, all to your propaganda, agenda.

    God and Democracy

    September 4, 2010 at 8:51 pm |
  4. Petey

    This article completely ignores the Catholic School Girl Principle, and its Southern counterpart, the Rebel Baptist Girl Principle.

    September 4, 2010 at 8:42 pm |
  5. Josh


    September 4, 2010 at 8:42 pm |
  6. Margot707

    Where's the rest of the article? It just stops in mid-thought. And some how people start talking about Hitler, gays and Mel Gibson. What a weird blog.

    September 4, 2010 at 8:37 pm |
  7. Caral from SoCal

    Don't know where the author of this piece goes to church, but not at the Evangelical churches i'm familiar with. We go to great lengths to make sure our young couples get good advice for a fulfilling, dynamite sex life. From youth group lessons to premarital counseling, straight through to the lingerie at the bridal shower, we make sure that the message isn't that sex is bad....but that sex in the context God intended is mighty fine indeed!

    September 4, 2010 at 8:34 pm |
  8. One Christain Guy

    I get so tired of people inside and outside of the church pretending to know what I think on every subject and now pretending to know all about my sex life because I identify myself a believer in Christ. Do other societal groups tolerate such stereotyping? Do I need to prove to someone that my wife and I enjoy a hotter sex life than you?

    September 4, 2010 at 8:30 pm |
  9. Kyle

    Sex is a covent between one man and one women that is all it is.

    September 4, 2010 at 8:25 pm |
  10. Debnovatny

    Well, that explains why they try to ruin sex for the rest of us!

    September 4, 2010 at 8:25 pm |
  11. Kay

    This author hasn't heard about Christopher West then! And an example of this for Christians to read: "if sexual intimacy results from nothing more than lust, it’s not love. On the contrary, it’s a negation of love. Love is ready to sacrifice oneself entirely for the good of the beloved, and for the good of the offspring that might result. Lust seeks the pleasure and sensation of the sexual act, but without the sincere gift of oneself."

    September 4, 2010 at 8:20 pm |
  12. Bobby

    Why does every single article about Christianity make ALL Christians look so legalistic?? Geez. It is so irritating constantly seeing stories with people talking about how up tight Christians are. Not all are stuck in the Old Testament. People worry more about their status with their church instead of realizing the church does not make them right with God. It is all about the relationship with God.

    September 4, 2010 at 8:16 pm |
  13. james


    I am a very liberal person – but this is getting too much for me. I'm losing so much respect for CNN's religion bashing.


    Hey CNN – why not bash the Muslims or Jews for a while eh? See how far that gets you?

    September 4, 2010 at 8:16 pm |
    • Bobby

      They do it on purpose to get people riled up. No one has a right to attack another's belief system, but unfortunately it happens.

      September 4, 2010 at 8:19 pm |
  14. john

    As a gay christian, I can say that I'm looking forward to the day when my future husband and I can enjoy the blessing of sex together just like every other christian married couple. And we won't hold back. It's going to be hot hot hot. And it will be even more special knowing that the Lord blesses our relationship and that His decision to make us gay is part of His master plan for our lives.

    September 4, 2010 at 8:12 pm |
  15. David313

    I am a Christian, pretty conservative by most standards. My wife and I have an awesome sex life. It is both "passionate" and "toe-curling." It has only gotten better over the years. Selfless, genuine sex in a committed relationship is indeed a gift from God. It cannot be faked or replaced by casual sex or one-night-stands. Those things are like comparing Otter Pops to old fashioned, home made ice-cream. I know which one I will choose every time. I wish everyone could experience it with their spouse!

    September 4, 2010 at 8:08 pm |
  16. One Christain Guy

    I get so tired of people inside and outside of the church pretending to know what I think on every subject and now pretending to know all about my sex life because I identify myself a believer in Christ. Do other societal groups tolerate such stereotyping? Do I need to prove to someone that my wife and I enjoy a hotter sex life than you? WTF?

    September 4, 2010 at 8:07 pm |
  17. Just an Ordinary Christian

    Obviously, no research was done for this bit of "journalism". According to research done by the University of Chicago on sexual satisfaction and religion, Conservative Protestant women experience by far the most orgasms, with 32% reporting having one every time they make love. Liberal Protestant and Roman Catholic women only reached orgasm 27% of the time, and women with no religious affiliation only managed 22% of the time. I guess we know which men work hardest to please their women! And for the women, It's a whole lot easier to be hot, creative, and exciting with a man you trust - one who has waited to share the first time, and every time, and every act, just with you, and who you know will "until death do us part".
    Then again, I guess it's not surprising that life works best when we read and follow the Maker's manual. God invented sex, and He knows how we should use it for maximum joy!

    September 4, 2010 at 8:05 pm |
  18. Oliver

    I guess if there are any TRUE Christians who teach or have this belief should start reading the Bible and not depend on (subjective) opinions.

    September 4, 2010 at 7:51 pm |
  19. Winston

    The article says that there are 10 books on lust for every 1 book on the gift of sex... I would say that is because sex can speak for itself. Christians aknowledge far and wide that sex is great. such emphases is placed on lust and immorality because of the American culture we live in. Biblically, homosexuality, sex before marriage, lust of the eyes (just checking out women) and many more are WRONG yet America is full of all of it. that is why there are 10 to 1 books on it.

    September 4, 2010 at 7:50 pm |
  20. DJ McFly

    CNN: The Least Trusted Name In News...................This Is Why

    September 4, 2010 at 7:48 pm |
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67
About this blog

The CNN Belief Blog covers the faith angles of the day's biggest stories, from breaking news to politics to entertainment, fostering a global conversation about the role of religion and belief in readers' lives. It's edited by CNN's Daniel Burke with contributions from Eric Marrapodi and CNN's worldwide news gathering team.