September 3rd, 2010
02:18 PM ET

How Christians spoil sex

Christian marriage.

Hot sex.

Let’s try that again:

Christian marriage; hot sex.

It doesn’t quite go together does it?

Passionate, toe-curling sex isn’t normally associated with Christianity or even spirituality in general.

At least that’s what Jonathan Acuff, a Belief Blog contributor and author of "Stuff Christians Like," argues in a recent blog. He says Christians need to do a better job of connecting God with a vibrant sex life.

That’s what we’ve been told. That God and sex don’t go together. And if you say something enough times, people start to believe it’s true…. You can’t have both in the same bottle. They’re oil and water. Cats and dogs. Spencer and Heidi. They just don’t go together.

Acuff, who is married, says Christians shouldn’t just teach abstinence. They should also teach that while sex before marriage is bad, “sex when you’re married is awesome.”

He says Christians damage sex in four ways:

They teach guilt, not abstinence.

They have very few ways to discuss it.

They write 10 books about lust for every one book about the gift of sex.

They've "made the crayon box pretty small" (they're afraid of being creative during sex).

Acuff says it's time Christian couples realize passionate sex is God's idea.

We’ve bought the lie that the world gets to have wild, crazy sex and Christians, holy folks like us, have to have black-and-white, two-dimensional sex. But what if that’s wrong? What if the God who overflows us with love and hope and mercy wants that part of our lives to be as big and as colorful as two married people could possibly imagine?

- CNN Writer

Filed under: Christianity • Culture & Science • United States

soundoff (2,079 Responses)
  1. Petey

    You have a lot of hate in you. Too bad there's no God for you to blame it, huh?

    September 4, 2010 at 10:13 pm |
  2. wanna2know

    Doesn't it say in the good book that Christians are only allowed to engage in the missionary position. All other types of love making will disqualify the couple from going to heaven.

    September 4, 2010 at 10:12 pm |
    • Godsman

      Nope. Not in the Bible. Whatever a Christan husband and wife agree upon in the privacy of their own bedroom is up to them. A wife is to respect the will of her husband, but a husband is to respect the needs of his wife – in this way both submit to each other in a supporting way.

      September 4, 2010 at 11:01 pm |
  3. dwight huth

    Christian Sex is about the dominance of the man over the women which is basically the same as it is in Islam the subjagation of the women (Earth) to be a breeder to her husband where if she does not produce the desired offspring for the man she can be 'dealt' with in the same manner that Ashtiani in Iran is being punished.

    September 4, 2010 at 10:11 pm |
  4. knowthefacts

    Why is it that Catholics can be married for many years and decide to divorce and have to have the marriage annulled? Are the children that resulted from that marriage annulled? I'm just trying to understand the religion and the pros and cons of why anyone would choose a religion where they have to erase a segment of their life as if it never existed. I try to ask my family or friends and they just get deensive. Perhaps this forum can enlighten me so that I am not falsefying the religion. many thanks in advance. Please be sensitive to your comments because I really do want to know.

    September 4, 2010 at 10:10 pm |
  5. anonymous

    God did not create the body. God is a Spirit. Get that much straight and you end all religions of the world, as well as this idiotic article and ensuing comments.

    September 4, 2010 at 10:08 pm |
  6. Christian

    Read "Theology of the Body" ., Sex is suppose to be a great and open thing for a man and a women to share in marriage and gives a couple the ability to "make visible what is invisible". Without sex there would be no families. Society would not exist.

    September 4, 2010 at 10:04 pm |
  7. joe e buttafusco

    @Mike–Mormons don't have to argue that they are Christians since they belong to the Church of Jesus Christ. It is self-evident.

    ???? O-KAY! and the Church of Christ-Scientist ????? -jeb

    September 4, 2010 at 10:03 pm |
  8. Defilar

    I am a very christian man and my wife have exceptional hot sex often. What the hell does my religion have to do with my love making?

    September 4, 2010 at 10:02 pm |
  9. Jim

    This editorial mistakes hormones and toys for great sex. My wife and I were married at 21, and the sex was fairly steamy in the early years. Is it as good at 40? No, we have a toddler and jobs and a lot less energy than we used to. It was fun at age 21 to pig out at a barbecue and drink a little more than usual and stay out late...and I didn't pay for it the next morning. Now, I would pay for it for several days. That's human physiology – not religion.

    Bob needs to talk to his spiritual adviser about what it means to mature spiritually and physically. When Christians say that there's more to life than physical appetites, it's not a joke. Physical pleasures grow duller as we age, and a host of other rewarding adventures await us. If we are prepared to raise kids, rise in a career, build up our communities, then life is full of hidden joys. If you want to be Hugh Hefner, then you missed the big picture.

    September 4, 2010 at 10:01 pm |
  10. Andy

    Why doesn't anyone use the actual word "sex" in their comments? The article itself has it in the text so surely it isn't being moderated out.

    September 4, 2010 at 9:55 pm |
  11. Calm Analysis

    This article and the opinion that it contains is quite uninformed. The entire matter is much more involved. In this regard, the author has done quite a disservice; his perspective is quite skewed.

    September 4, 2010 at 9:49 pm |
  12. Russ

    "They've "made the crayon box pretty small" (they're afraid of being creative during sex)."

    Actually, I've found just the opposite to be true. The smaller the "crayon" box (or for that matter the larger the crayon), the better the sex.

    September 4, 2010 at 9:44 pm |
  13. DancingGoats

    @CatholicMom: "Then when one sect decided it was okay they, I believe, all have followed suit except the Catholic Church which knows that Truth does not change with social winds." Your statement embarrasses me as a Catholic.

    Well shoot... then shouldn't my Catholic mass be in Latin (as was required by the Church until 1960s), and aren't girls forbidden from being alter servers (as was Church law until the 1990s)?

    Hum. It appears that decades after suffrage and globalization, social winds did indeed affected the Catholic Church, or maybe you can enlighten me as to what has changed in Gods eye to make it NOW appropriate to have female alter servers or an English mass? Is it perhaps that SOCIAL norms of the congregation have changed? Why is it that the verses upon which these laws were based are now interpreted differently? Let us hope that as society changes, our Church evolves to meet our changing needs... Please try to explain otherwise. The issue of birth control is no different – a change in social norms – and is something that the Church needs to get on board with.... but as we've seen, apparently it's about 50 years behind the curve.

    Screw that, I'm not waiting for the Church to tell me it's OK. I'm a happily single, 25 year-old Catholic girl on birth control! Woo!

    September 4, 2010 at 9:41 pm |
  14. Devout Christian

    This article is absolute nonsense. As a Christian woman, I can honestly say that I regularly ROCK my husbands world.
    I work to retain my hotness and I fit into my pre-kids clothing -after 4 kids in 5 years. We may not have sex as often-but with 4 kids I am TIRED- but as the little one gets older we do it more. I love sex with my husband. We have been married ten years and have even more intimacy-also monogamy provides the wonderful bonus of NO STDs.
    I know non religious couples that have lousy sex. I know Christians who have great sex.
    Christianity does not preach/teach guilt.
    People who have absolutely NO relationship with our heavenly Father -who created sex should even be referenced for this topic
    IT IS BEYOND YOUR SCOPE OF PRACTICE- which in medical terms is illegal.
    This is hate speech. or intolerance at best.
    Thanks and goodnight.

    September 4, 2010 at 9:37 pm |
  15. aud

    its a shame what the man made cult about a jewish space zombie has done to something Mother Nature gave to us. Premarital relations are EVIL.. and when you are married, only for procreation... (catholic school survivor here). What about those of us who will never marry? Are we doomed to a lifetime of abstinance? Medical professionals would say this is WRONG. Sex is important for physical, mental, and emotional health.

    September 4, 2010 at 9:36 pm |
  16. Christrein's

    God created man in his image...God created a woman from the man's rib...then he cursed them both with parenthood...I guess its safe to say that sex was a part of God's plan.

    September 4, 2010 at 9:29 pm |
  17. Ironic

    You are right. Christians do vary considerably in their beliefs and practices. We should all consider that. However, Christians also lump all non-Christians into the same category called "people going to HeII". This broad-stroke generalization of people should stop on both sides. Believe what you what, but let's just agree to disagree and move on.

    September 4, 2010 at 9:29 pm |
  18. Brin

    As a Catholic couple I can tell you that not all Christians think this way about sex – my husband and I have a great sex life and are very comfortable with each other....and *shock* we were both chaste until we got married. We also are one of "those people" that don't believe in birth control... no we don't have 10 kids – we have 2 – we practice natural family planning and have spaced our children they way we have wanted them and avoided pregnancy the rest of the time.... does it stink if we're "in the mood" and can't have sex during a fertile time? Sure, but it just makes the next time we are together that much more special.

    September 4, 2010 at 9:23 pm |
  19. Mike

    When you teach that sex before marriage is bad, the idea that sex after marriage is great is not going to hit home overnight. Didn't work for the Catholics back in the 50s – doesn't work now.

    September 4, 2010 at 9:13 pm |
  20. Staks

    In 1 Corinthians 7:8-9 Paul talks about how ALL Sex is wrong but if you must have it, you ought to be married. Christianity is anti-sex and anti-sexuality. I am glad that this Jonathan Acuff feels that Christianity is no longer relevant to people today, but that really is a problem with Christianity. He can't just re-write the Bible. He really should just abandon Christianity as a whole are recognize that it is an out of date religion.

    September 4, 2010 at 9:13 pm |
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The CNN Belief Blog covers the faith angles of the day's biggest stories, from breaking news to politics to entertainment, fostering a global conversation about the role of religion and belief in readers' lives. It's edited by CNN's Daniel Burke with contributions from Eric Marrapodi and CNN's worldwide news gathering team.