September 3rd, 2010
02:18 PM ET

How Christians spoil sex

Christian marriage.

Hot sex.

Let’s try that again:

Christian marriage; hot sex.

It doesn’t quite go together does it?

Passionate, toe-curling sex isn’t normally associated with Christianity or even spirituality in general.

At least that’s what Jonathan Acuff, a Belief Blog contributor and author of "Stuff Christians Like," argues in a recent blog. He says Christians need to do a better job of connecting God with a vibrant sex life.

That’s what we’ve been told. That God and sex don’t go together. And if you say something enough times, people start to believe it’s true…. You can’t have both in the same bottle. They’re oil and water. Cats and dogs. Spencer and Heidi. They just don’t go together.

Acuff, who is married, says Christians shouldn’t just teach abstinence. They should also teach that while sex before marriage is bad, “sex when you’re married is awesome.”

He says Christians damage sex in four ways:

They teach guilt, not abstinence.

They have very few ways to discuss it.

They write 10 books about lust for every one book about the gift of sex.

They've "made the crayon box pretty small" (they're afraid of being creative during sex).

Acuff says it's time Christian couples realize passionate sex is God's idea.

We’ve bought the lie that the world gets to have wild, crazy sex and Christians, holy folks like us, have to have black-and-white, two-dimensional sex. But what if that’s wrong? What if the God who overflows us with love and hope and mercy wants that part of our lives to be as big and as colorful as two married people could possibly imagine?

- CNN Writer

Filed under: Christianity • Culture & Science • United States

soundoff (2,079 Responses)
  1. Misk

    How about reporting some news not gossip.

    September 3, 2010 at 3:18 pm |
  2. George

    The proper title should be "How Ignorant People Generalize That ALL Christians Spoil -" Don't generalize. And stop being ignorant. Instead of posting a meager "article" expressing your biased opinions, do research by visiting many churches and learn why they are taught that sex outside of marriage is not a good conduct.

    September 3, 2010 at 3:17 pm |
  3. cherjb

    Try reading the Bible people. "Song of Solomon" is a book dedicated to love and joyous s ex between a man and his wife.

    September 3, 2010 at 3:16 pm |
    • peace2all


      Or... don't read the bible.... and enjoy it anyway...


      September 3, 2010 at 3:19 pm |
    • Mark

      I think the focus here is more on grade school education or what some people would call indoctrination. I've never read the Song of Solomon stuff, it definitely wasn't part of our theology class curriculum. We were taught abstinence and how happy it makes god.

      September 3, 2010 at 3:19 pm |
    • Scott

      this was the first thing that came to my mind as well. God wants us to have a great sex life. Just as long as it is with your spouse.

      September 3, 2010 at 3:21 pm |
  4. Mark

    I agree with everything this author says. I went to a private christian grade school and high school, and we had constant propaganda about abstinence. I couldn't even look at a girl without feeling guilty and didn't start dating until college. Even after I got married I had to convince myself that it was ok to do it now.

    Now that I'm an adult I have very, very bitter feelings about my religious upbringing.

    September 3, 2010 at 3:16 pm |
  5. w

    I read a lot of over-generalizing. My experience is that most people keep their private lives private, and the ones who live them out in ways different than what people think should be typical for them i. e. Christians, don't honestly disclose what they do behind closed doors anyway. Whole lot of Projection going on where people are invoking their own prejudices based on their own myopic experiences. That's just my opinion, and this writer hasn't been to a lot of the Churches I've attended, mostly non-denominational Christian, that make it a habit to constantly promote excitement and intimacy as a means to promote fidelity in the lives of married couples. It's bothersome when the stories that get the "heat" journalistically are the ones that take the most critical views, as opposed to the most dynamic and accurate ones.

    September 3, 2010 at 3:16 pm |
  6. Gino bernachio

    Having s-ex is on thing making love is another. Let me explain it's simple enough.If two people get together for a one night stand that' s called s-ex because your not really in love with that person it's just two people needing to get off and have fun. But if you are truly in love with someone and want to share your life with that is called making love. It's a gift from God enjoy it.

    September 3, 2010 at 3:16 pm |
    • CatholicMom

      Gino bernachio,
      Well, then, you should never have sex and only make love in marriage.

      September 3, 2010 at 3:54 pm |
    • CatholicMom

      Gino bernachio,
      Well, then, you should never have s3x and only make love in marriage.

      September 3, 2010 at 3:55 pm |
  7. Read it

    The Bible is a great place to read about sex from all perspectives. Try reading the Song of Solomon for a beautiful and passionate representation of a physical relationship in marriage. Doesn't sound stiff and judgmental to me 🙂

    September 3, 2010 at 3:16 pm |
  8. SkegeAce

    There's a whole BOOK in the Bible that talks about the wonderful, sensual love between a married couple. Heck, Paul says it's a SIN to withhold sex from your spouse! The Lord told Adam and Eve to be fruitful and multiply- He told them to get busy! Victorian "moralism" is what caused the repression of sex- not CHRISTIANITY.

    CNN is at an all-time low. What kind of heading for an article is "How Christians Spoil Sex"? CNN, you are biased, misinformation spreading, idiots!!! Christians support monogamous, stable relationships in which the BEST sex occurs. Polls show married people have the best sex. What is WRONG with you people?! Stop blaming everything bad in the world on Christians. I'm sick of it!

    September 3, 2010 at 3:16 pm |
  9. Donna

    I'm a Baptist Christian and my sex life is pretty darn good. This guy must have the wrong pastor and/or church and/or adolescents. who knows, but he's wrong.

    September 3, 2010 at 3:15 pm |
  10. Wayne

    You know, the funniest part about this article is that it's sooooo far off base. The notion that Christians are having boring sex is just absurd. They're have the same kind of kinky, fetish-laced, fantasy driven, open marriage sex like everyone else. The only difference is, they don't speak about it because what would all the other good, wholesome Christians who are trying to keep the same secret think? So, I believe Christians ARE having hot sex. They've just adopted the Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy.

    September 3, 2010 at 3:15 pm |
  11. Mike in NYC

    Okay .... i post a comment. It doesn't show up. Then when I try to post it again – you tell me its a duplicate comment and it will be deleted. Very nice! lol

    September 3, 2010 at 3:15 pm |
    • peace2all

      @Mike in NYC

      Hey Mike.... How have you been....? Hope that all is well.... And yes, understand the frustration with the comment thing..


      September 3, 2010 at 3:16 pm |
    • Mike in NYC

      What's up peace2all. How have you been friend?

      September 3, 2010 at 3:18 pm |
    • peace2all

      @Mike in NYC

      Been pretty good.... How are you doing out in the 'big apple'....? Haven't seen or heard from you in awhile on the blogs....maybe I just had missed some of your postings....?

      I hope that all is well.....


      September 3, 2010 at 3:22 pm |
    • Mike in NYC

      Been pretty good p2a. I've been around but unfortunatly half the time when i'm on cnn's blogs i don't any comment or reply options. Its weird. Sometimes the reply/comment link is there and sometimes its not. Don't know why that happens?

      September 3, 2010 at 3:26 pm |
    • peace2all

      @Mike in NYC

      Good to hear that you are doing well...... As for the reply/comment buttons.... I don't have any problem with that.. It could be your system/computer. I haven't so much heard about that problem, as we all have had problems with our comments being moderated.... and not sure why when they have been posts that should not have alerted the moderator god's

      Anyways, good to hear from you and see you back on the blogs.... I'll be watching out for ya'

      Peace to you..

      September 3, 2010 at 3:34 pm |
  12. Brad

    Huh? Are you serious? Some of the best sex I had before I met my wife was with preacher's daughters! But none of that compared to the love I make with my wife?

    September 3, 2010 at 3:15 pm |
  13. Nathan

    Wow, I agree with a CNN article for once. I'm a Christian, I believe in abstinence, and have an awesome S-life with my wife of 20 years. Christians and afraid of the one thing God never intended us to be afraid of! If you are married...have at it and make it good while you do!!

    September 3, 2010 at 3:14 pm |
    • peace2all


      And..... Hey, even if you are not married... as long as you are 2 consenting adults who love and care for each other..... or... you just want to enjoy anyway... go for it...!!!!!


      September 3, 2010 at 3:15 pm |
    • Wayne

      How good can it be? You're afraid to even say the word. I going to guess thta most people reading these articles here are adults, so it's alright to actually say the word SEX.

      September 3, 2010 at 3:18 pm |
    • Brenda

      Nathan, I so agree with you and I am a female. It is not up to our churches or our shcools to teach our children about abstinence that is our job as parents. My husband and I have a great sex life and I am always trying to think of new things to wow him with. What is done in the privacy of your home stays there and if you if are not enjoying each other then you are in trouble. Stop blaming the church for your sex life and your childrens mistakes.

      September 3, 2010 at 5:04 pm |
    • CatholicMom

      I can’t believe you are giving out this advice….do it without marriage….what about the baby that may come from that union….often unwanted…often aborted? Please say you were just joking….

      September 5, 2010 at 9:29 am |
  14. ghaste

    Many Christians say you can do this in bed, and you can't do that?......Sex is creative expression of physical love/ intimacy? Keep it what it is,....an expression. Not a 'list of does and don'ts in bed'....get a life. Start enjoying it.

    September 3, 2010 at 3:13 pm |
  15. DNSmith

    Marriage Encounter, a program of intimacy as it relates to married love, is the exception to a rule which indeed does seem to put s-ex on the back burner. Primarily presented by Catholic Christians, it is becoming more popular in other expressions of faith.

    September 3, 2010 at 3:13 pm |
  16. Peter

    As a Catholic, I have one observation:

    If your love life with your spouse is less than fulfilling, you're doing it wrong...

    September 3, 2010 at 3:13 pm |
  17. mario

    Of all the stupid things to say! Christians ruin sex...that is about as liberal as I have ever heard of before in my life! Howe about moronic libs ruin everything including sex! Idiots!

    September 3, 2010 at 3:12 pm |
  18. Radtech1

    Why is it that Christians ruin everything? What about Muslims? What are their views on s-e-x? Or Hindus? What about how atheists are ruining society with their over s-e-xualization of everything?

    September 3, 2010 at 3:12 pm |
    • Flora

      You shouldn't have even mentioned the Hindus...

      Hinduism is possibly the most s e xual religion out there – in ancient times (and possibly today) they considered s e x a form of meditation and worship. Temples are covered with holy murals of gods and goddesses having s e x with each other, with humans, even the demons were getting it on.

      September 3, 2010 at 5:27 pm |
    • Hank

      Dude, Hindus literally wrote the book on sex.

      September 3, 2010 at 7:38 pm |
    • Hank

      Dude, Hindus literally wrote the book on s.e.x.

      September 3, 2010 at 7:38 pm |
    • white

      The Muslims view S as something to be enjoyed and acted in any way they wish,as long as it is within marriage.God created S for two reasons,for procreation and pleasure.Commiting the act before marriage or with someone other than a spouse is considered a sin.As Muslims we also educate our children that it's a beautiful thing from God,but they need to save it for marriage.

      September 3, 2010 at 9:08 pm |
    • Greg

      I will tell you that as an atheist I do not feel guilt for behaving like a human being. I am sorry you are so intolerant of our humanity bro!

      September 3, 2010 at 10:48 pm |
  19. thisguysnuts

    What is this guy talking about? First off, mabe he's confusing Christians with Muslims.
    My wife and I (both Christians) have been married for nearly 20 years and have always been taught by those we respect in our church that sex is something we should always practice wildly and often... so we have. Turns out, they were totally right. And it just keeps getting better – trust me on this.
    So... like all opinions, you have to take them with a grain of salt. Especially, when it just doesn't sound right like John Blake's opinion. He stereotypes for some reason, who knows why and of course CNN loves to bash Christians so they'll run with definitely post this piece.

    Seriously, do people really think Christians spoil sex? Actually, it's the opposite. ESPECIALLY when you know God totally supports and encourages married couples to enjoy sex – look it up!

    So yeah, I've been around the block on marriage and being a Christian. Take it from me (and all those in my circle). John Blake is a putz and has no idea what he's talking about. The only reason anyone knows of this guy is because CNN hates Christianity (they're Christophobic).

    So... Christians. ignore CNN and John Blake. Could you imagine CNN publishing a piece that read... "Muslims Spoil Sex". They'd be getting death threats.
    Typical bullying by CNN/

    September 3, 2010 at 3:12 pm |
  20. Rock God

    All I know is the preacher's daughter is always the horniest girl in town.

    September 3, 2010 at 3:12 pm |
    • mario

      Your right dude!

      September 3, 2010 at 3:13 pm |
    • peace2all

      @Rock God

      Amen to that....!


      September 3, 2010 at 3:13 pm |
    • Mike in NYC

      I dated the local minister's daughter when i was a teenager. Man what a nympho she was!!!!!

      September 3, 2010 at 3:17 pm |
    • Scott

      That is why I married her. It gives me something to dco after bible study EVERY night!!!

      September 3, 2010 at 7:56 pm |
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The CNN Belief Blog covers the faith angles of the day's biggest stories, from breaking news to politics to entertainment, fostering a global conversation about the role of religion and belief in readers' lives. It's edited by CNN's Daniel Burke with contributions from Eric Marrapodi and CNN's worldwide news gathering team.