September 3rd, 2010
02:18 PM ET

How Christians spoil sex

Christian marriage.

Hot sex.

Let’s try that again:

Christian marriage; hot sex.

It doesn’t quite go together does it?

Passionate, toe-curling sex isn’t normally associated with Christianity or even spirituality in general.

At least that’s what Jonathan Acuff, a Belief Blog contributor and author of "Stuff Christians Like," argues in a recent blog. He says Christians need to do a better job of connecting God with a vibrant sex life.

That’s what we’ve been told. That God and sex don’t go together. And if you say something enough times, people start to believe it’s true…. You can’t have both in the same bottle. They’re oil and water. Cats and dogs. Spencer and Heidi. They just don’t go together.

Acuff, who is married, says Christians shouldn’t just teach abstinence. They should also teach that while sex before marriage is bad, “sex when you’re married is awesome.”

He says Christians damage sex in four ways:

They teach guilt, not abstinence.

They have very few ways to discuss it.

They write 10 books about lust for every one book about the gift of sex.

They've "made the crayon box pretty small" (they're afraid of being creative during sex).

Acuff says it's time Christian couples realize passionate sex is God's idea.

We’ve bought the lie that the world gets to have wild, crazy sex and Christians, holy folks like us, have to have black-and-white, two-dimensional sex. But what if that’s wrong? What if the God who overflows us with love and hope and mercy wants that part of our lives to be as big and as colorful as two married people could possibly imagine?

- CNN Writer

Filed under: Christianity • Culture & Science • United States

soundoff (2,079 Responses)
  1. Dave81

    Christians haven't spoiled sex, we just don't flaunt it like the rest of society does. Just because we're not having sex in the street doesn't mean we're not having "toe curling" sex in the bedroom.

    September 4, 2010 at 11:12 pm |
  2. LoveYou

    Okay- I thought this article was true in a sense that Christians are not properly equipped for a good sex life. I am a 15 year old teen, and my youth group told me sex was a gift of life. Some people are different with sex. Just as how everyone has a different fingerprint, every couple has a different way of having sex. Gifts are meant to be enjoyed, and our father meant for the deepest connection (sex) was to be enjoyed in the marriage relationship. HE knew the connection was so deep that it could only be properly shared by two people bound by each other. I just learned in the Jewish culture, couple (before they are married) walk around each other to symbolize their souls joining and making ONE whole person. This is why I wear my purity ring, and I do not allow my body to lust after someone who is not married to me.

    September 4, 2010 at 11:10 pm |
  3. Doyle

    Genesis 1:28

    September 4, 2010 at 11:10 pm |
  4. Marie

    I'm in a Christian marriage, and we do enjoy wild, hot, passionate sex, including BDSM and spanking. Nothing "vanilla" about this Christian marriage in the bedroom!

    September 4, 2010 at 11:05 pm |
  5. mudbone9

    Ah I was raised a Catholic...those celibate nuns and priests tried to ruin sex for the faithful but all they did was make it naughty. Nothing like great naughty sex!

    September 4, 2010 at 11:03 pm |
  6. Mr. Bluetooth

    With articles like this, its no wonder, were losing our freedon of the Press also. When your done with our freedom of the press with these articles, you can move back to yugoslavia.

    God and Democracy

    September 4, 2010 at 11:01 pm |
  7. Scott

    If that blogger is a Christian, he can speak for himself. I converted mid-way through life, so I've lived as both, and will say that it's the person, not the faith, that determines the experience. The lie is that non-Christians are really having that much more fun; I know plenty of agnostics unhappy in their sex life. I'm Christian, my long-married wife still keeps me very happy. You get out of it pretty much what you put in.

    September 4, 2010 at 10:58 pm |
  8. Godsman

    Ya know, doing everything to please God is awesome. God invented sex, the physiology, the psychology, the biology of everything going on there – and when done God's way (pure, devoted, committed, faithful love) it is awesome! We've been married for 15 years – it is better now than ever! We stay faithful, we stay connected emotionally, we do everything we can together and it all only enhances our love making. Hot-buttered-steamy-and-lovin'-it sex! We are Christians – we have the promise of paradise through grace – through no action of our own! With freedom from guilt like that, why should there be any guilt associated with sex? I think the author needs to start reading a Bible and get to living life that is truly life!

    September 4, 2010 at 10:58 pm |
  9. Ben Hur

    I read the trash posted here and realize what a Godless society we are. We can't spell, our thought are incongruent and illogical, our attitudes are apathetic and arrogant. Sure, let's take God out of the equation and leave us to our own devices. Umm. . . .take a look. We're not exactly waltzing towards Oz on the yellow brick road, folks.

    As far as this article – what a waste of space. The logical fallacies abound. Have you spoken to Christians, Mr. Acuff, whilst in the throes of passion? Have you interviewed their intercourse? In one paragraph it says that "Christians shouldn't just teach abstinence;" in the next it says that, "Christians teach guilt, not abstinence." Sounds like the confused teaching confusion. This is EXACTLY what the Bible warns us about. In my experiences, God consistently uses the foolish to confound the wise and here's a perfect example. Keep rambling – you're going a great job!

    September 4, 2010 at 10:54 pm |
  10. Mr. Bluetooth

    Excellent example of Character smear. Amendments violations, and anti-christ. Yelling fire in a movie is what your not allowed to do. Your going to bull your own freedon of speech, not ours.

    God and Democracy

    September 4, 2010 at 10:53 pm |
  11. moby

    Many people believe different things some have no fun because they are too stuck up. And some are physically incompatable. Not every male is hugely endowed and not every woman has small parts. This can lead to issues. Hate to say it. Some people have no idea of how to love another because todays society is so selfish. I believe in God and Jesus but I do not believe in the state of the church where people look down upon others. Those people should just go to hell.

    September 4, 2010 at 10:46 pm |
  12. Bobby

    How about Christian Tantric Yoga !

    September 4, 2010 at 10:42 pm |
  13. Tim

    It's interesting how a blog about Christians and hot married sex (both of which are my experience) changes to a battle about whether or not Christians believe in birth control, whether God hates gays or not, is God even real, what about the Muslims, and the Mormons ... etc. You guys have too much time on your hands. Let's stay on topic folks.

    God created sex within marriage, He intended us to love it and enjoy it. Thank you God!

    September 4, 2010 at 10:38 pm |
  14. John

    I am a devote Catholic and I have great sex with my spouse. It is a myth that Catholics feel guilty about having sex after marriage. The guilt that this blogger is referring to that ruins sex is the guilt that comes with cheating on your wife, children and best friends and the guilt that comes with the woman having an abortion to keep a lid on the affair. It is the bad deed itself that creates the guilt associated with sex outside of marriage. For sex within marriage it is a blast and very exciting to both the husband and the wife. This blogger is way out of touch with reality on this issue. He is probably also pro abortion... so a mother can kill the baby if it is the result of sex outside of marriage.

    September 4, 2010 at 10:37 pm |
  15. Charles

    I think you have some inhibited sexual fantasies. Your married...Love & have sex with your wife (however kinky), don't bring Religion into it.

    September 4, 2010 at 10:34 pm |
  16. Observer

    What a tangled web we weave. However, just because you're Christian does not mean you believe sex should be lame. But for all those people who refuse to grant their spouse more physical intimacy, Christianity is a convenient crutch, isn't it? I think this is a MODERN Christian phenomenon. Christianity and hot sex are not synonymous because the constituent parties therein MADE it that way. Anyone who's read the Bible knows there's plenty of sex in it, so what gives? Is it really that difficult to see? Like the article said, the encouraged abstinence is based on guilt, and fear of judgment. Judgment is something modern Christians truly enjoy. Married sex is awesome, but before that, it's not? NO. Sex is awesome whether or not there is a piece of metal around your finger. Let's follow that line of reasoning, and tell all teens that beer tastes like crap until your 21, at which time it becomes awesome. Remember though that we Americans are STILL living in a vestigial Puritanical society, with very little emphasis on truth or social pragmatism. The older generation of hippies and baby-boomers, having had their fun (the sexual revolution, drugs, etc.) have gone belly-up and become wonderful leaders, legislators, and rule-setters for a generation of repressed younger people who just turn their heads in bewilderment. The same people that thought Elvis' hips were the devil, and that people shouldn't read Harry Potter because it has sorcery involved. People that have retreated into their religion and their own insecurities , and have nothing left to do but prove their spiritual worth by showing God everything they DON'T DO. Most modern day Christians presume to have the moral high-ground before the debate starts anyway, so how can they be wrong? A spouse longing for more sexual excitement would probably hear back, "Too much sex will take our focus off God." or some variation of that theme, from their other. So if the spouse craving more sexual intimacy continues to press the issue, they are circumventing Gods will? How does one respond to that? You don't. It means you don't have more sexual intimacy. It means you have more time to watch Joel Osteen on TV, and play your role as a cog on the wheel of ignorance. The whole mindset needs to be gone, that's the problem. Find a young "Christian" couple who just shared with their church group about the hot sex they had last night. Still looking? Me too. Why are we so surprised modern American Christian's have a flawed conception of sex? They have flawed conceptions about just about everything else. The whole culture of modern Christianity is based around this Partridge family facade which all must conjure up and reenact every Sunday for eachother. Great sex happens when 2 people don't have fear (i.e. fear of God, fear of social/spousal judgment) and can be truly physically intimate. It's ok to have sexual preferences, regardless of motivation, however it is the morally judgmental nature of "Christians" (notice I didn't say ChristianITY) that will sustain the status quo of Christian sexual intimacy. That's why people with a vibrant, bold, kinky, and healthy sex life generally don't seek out Christian circles, or are quickly turned off. This issue is exhausting. I feel like it's 1950, and I wasn't even born then. This age of anti-intellectualism and conservatism needs to stop. Anyone been to Europe lately? Wow, the stuff they DON'T argue about is amazing.

    September 4, 2010 at 10:33 pm |
  17. ann

    wow. I never heard that in church! God created our bodies and every aspect of it. If you're told to be ashamed of sex, your body or your relations with your husband/wife, you're being misled. God makes it clear what sex is for and who its for. And if your having some trouble understanding, just do what we're supposed to do....pray and talk to God about it.

    September 4, 2010 at 10:28 pm |
  18. AndyP

    As most religions seem to teach, s e x is a dirty, awful, filthy thing that must be saved for your one true love, your spouse...

    September 4, 2010 at 10:26 pm |
    • ann

      well that just goes to show that they aren't teaching God's word. Pre same sex and extramaritial sex are the things that are bad for us. Maybe some people just don't teach it right! When we are intimate with someone other than our spouse, it can/does/will damage our sexual attitude, outlook and expectations.

      September 4, 2010 at 10:33 pm |
  19. John

    I'm suprised by this article. We are christians and my wife and I enjoy passionate sex to the fullest extent every time. I've heard many times that christian couples often have better sex than most couples and I tend to believe it's true.

    It's also true though that at church: "We have very few ways to discuss it". I guess it's because the Sunday morning service is geared towards many group age and would probably not be the best fit place.

    One thing for sure, the bible sure talks a lot about sex in passionate ways: Proverbs, Song of Salomon...

    There is nothing better than to enjoy the women of your youth...

    September 4, 2010 at 10:25 pm |
  20. Frank


    I'll ask my (former) priest.

    Yours truly,
    a lapsed Catholic

    September 4, 2010 at 10:19 pm |
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The CNN Belief Blog covers the faith angles of the day's biggest stories, from breaking news to politics to entertainment, fostering a global conversation about the role of religion and belief in readers' lives. It's edited by CNN's Daniel Burke with contributions from Eric Marrapodi and CNN's worldwide news gathering team.