September 3rd, 2010
02:18 PM ET

How Christians spoil sex

Christian marriage.

Hot sex.

Let’s try that again:

Christian marriage; hot sex.

It doesn’t quite go together does it?

Passionate, toe-curling sex isn’t normally associated with Christianity or even spirituality in general.

At least that’s what Jonathan Acuff, a Belief Blog contributor and author of "Stuff Christians Like," argues in a recent blog. He says Christians need to do a better job of connecting God with a vibrant sex life.

That’s what we’ve been told. That God and sex don’t go together. And if you say something enough times, people start to believe it’s true…. You can’t have both in the same bottle. They’re oil and water. Cats and dogs. Spencer and Heidi. They just don’t go together.

Acuff, who is married, says Christians shouldn’t just teach abstinence. They should also teach that while sex before marriage is bad, “sex when you’re married is awesome.”

He says Christians damage sex in four ways:

They teach guilt, not abstinence.

They have very few ways to discuss it.

They write 10 books about lust for every one book about the gift of sex.

They've "made the crayon box pretty small" (they're afraid of being creative during sex).

Acuff says it's time Christian couples realize passionate sex is God's idea.

We’ve bought the lie that the world gets to have wild, crazy sex and Christians, holy folks like us, have to have black-and-white, two-dimensional sex. But what if that’s wrong? What if the God who overflows us with love and hope and mercy wants that part of our lives to be as big and as colorful as two married people could possibly imagine?

- CNN Writer

Filed under: Christianity • Culture & Science • United States

soundoff (2,079 Responses)
  1. Noel

    Respect for one.s partner is essential. We are a couple that believes in creativity and fun. But there are things we do not want to be done during sex and those are going to be respected. Creativity with limits is what I want to emphasize. Sex has to be enjoyed by both partners.

    September 5, 2010 at 12:51 am |
  2. Rochelle

    Ok...so the reality is that this is all a moot point. God will judge you in the end. To presume that anyone here speaks for God or Jesus is, well....All I can say is Heresay! Find your own personal relationship with HIM–pray and HE will answer, if not in so many words. But don't fool yourself into thinking you speak for him, or even that the Church speaks for him. HE speaks for himself.

    September 5, 2010 at 12:50 am |
  3. No More Koolaid

    Christianity and any other religion that doesn't teach free thought is mind control...You are told what to think instead of how to think. Some imperfect dumbo is always trying to speak for God. I challenge any religious leader to go out and look directly at the Sun without any eye shields, without blinking and without looking away for more that 30 seconds. Foolish you say? Well, its also foolish to have you as a middleman to God. I don't need your interpretation of what God is all about. I have my own spirit, and my own mind. Kick Rocks...! I'm free.

    September 5, 2010 at 12:49 am |
  4. Donna

    Wow....ALL this time and I thought I was a Christian. I must not be because I've burned several beds up in my day and would STILL do it at 51 if I could find some guy who could keep up with me. This article is the biggest joke I've read in a long time and 2 minutes I could have spent doing something A LOT more enjoyable than reading this bunch of garbage.

    September 5, 2010 at 12:48 am |
  5. Cris C.

    Clearly this article writer does not understand Christianity. God invented sex and he knows exactly what it is like and he expects married people to enjoy sex between themselves without any shame at all. This is just another article from an ignorant liberal taking aim at Christianity which is a subject he is very much ignorant of. As someone said earlier, read your Bible, especially Song of Solomon.

    September 5, 2010 at 12:40 am |
  6. LOL@Christians

    I love seeing all of these Christians getting their panties up in a bunch over this.

    September 5, 2010 at 12:40 am |
    • jerry

      like i said before laugh and mock all you want but just remember there will a day of reckoning and judgement because GOD will not be mocked what a man sows that he will also reap go ahead and continue to moch gods children but remember GOD is a GOD of judgment and wrath as well as a GOD of love

      September 5, 2010 at 8:47 am |
  7. pete

    I'm a Christian, so is my wife. we have great sex that we enjoy...spend more than five minutes in the bible and you'll see that the Bible, Christians, and God are keen on good sex.

    September 5, 2010 at 12:23 am |
  8. mari

    oh yeap, god and sex, does not go together, specially when you get married in church...soooon after the sex is not so great. right , keep it alive by keeping yourself single.

    September 5, 2010 at 12:18 am |
  9. Ashmic

    You Christians DO know not allowing children and teens and even adults to fullfil their NORMAL sexual urges, they end up as priests molesting Children, you DO know that right, your not that oblivious?

    September 5, 2010 at 12:15 am |
  10. Atheist

    Allah? ahahahahahahhahahahah, now thats funny!!!

    September 5, 2010 at 12:08 am |
  11. Tobias Strauss

    @ Matt Oskey

    I will never understand why so many people like yourself treat the faith of others with such contempt. I am ashamed to consider people like yourself my peers as a reader of CNN.

    If you do not believe in God (which is your right in a pluralistic society), then why do you feel the need to mock those who do? Why is faith so upsetting to you that you do not feel that you are obligated to be respectful to those who believe differently than you?

    You and those like you are no better than the "Christians" (I use the term loosely) who protest military funerals, or the radical Muslims who harm those of other faiths. You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

    September 5, 2010 at 12:06 am |
  12. funny you

    the frist commandment was be fruitful and mulipile that was given in the garden before sin

    September 5, 2010 at 12:04 am |
  13. Les

    I am not so sure that the original author of this post is well informed in the subject matter. The 7th-day Adventist have published a book that would keep his/her jaw opened for a while. It's entitled "For Better and for Life." Read it and you will have a totally different view of the subject matter. Maybe the denomination, or the type of fellow members with whom you are dealing need to get their head out of the sand. God created our bodies as a mean of glory to Him. Sex within marriage is the most glorious event that mankind can experience, beside the atonement.

    September 5, 2010 at 12:03 am |
  14. Atheist

    christianity is a lie, there is no god 🙂

    September 5, 2010 at 12:03 am |
  15. Really

    I am a Christian and wonder where the writer is coming from. How does he know what I do in my bed? Does he get better sex than I do? How would he know? What a bogus article!! Actually it seems to me that the happily married, which can and does include Christians, can and do enjoy sex and life with their partner just as much as anyone else. There are no doubt many Christians and non-Christians that have problems with getting enjoyment out of sex. Many Christians and non-Christians have great enjoyment. That is just the human condition. How can the writer grade enjoyment? This article is a bigoted attack on Christianity by someone who is not a Christian and does not know the topic they are talking about. What lousy writing and reporting. Enough of such trashy writing.

    September 4, 2010 at 11:53 pm |
  16. Don

    May I suggest reading Song of Solomon in the Bible it is a love story with sexual references in it.

    September 4, 2010 at 11:49 pm |
  17. Sue

    I showed this article to my husband, family and a couple friends. They all think it's wrong to assume that christians spoil sex! The best sex is between 2 people who truely love each other! Not just a one night stand..Maybe the writer is deprived and angry about his lack of a real relationship!

    September 4, 2010 at 11:47 pm |
  18. Sockpuppet

    Why do people who actually know nothing about Christianity insist on writing articles on the subject? I have been to many denominations and sat through many a sermon speaking about the joys of sex within marriage and in fact, encouraging couples to experiment and have fun with it. This is outdated, ridiculous, and only perpetuates stereotypes. Is your next article going to be about how you wish women wouldn't be afraid to show their ankles in public?

    September 4, 2010 at 11:44 pm |
  19. bird

    the point everybody seems to be missing is that the author never said Christians shouldn't have enjoyable s ex, but rather than because of the strict upbringing and teachings on abstinence only, many even after marriage still feel very un-easy or "dirty" about the act of s ex itself. they know it is okay to do it and it is part of God's gift to married couples, but because of years and years of conditioning that s ex is a sin until x requirement is met, even once it is met, the brain is too hardwired to the contrary. I can vouch for this from personal experience. The author doesnt ever say 100% of christians are like this, but many are and thus the article has relevence

    September 4, 2010 at 11:38 pm |
  20. Don

    May I suggest Song of Solomon, this is a love story with physical activity.

    September 4, 2010 at 11:12 pm |
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The CNN Belief Blog covers the faith angles of the day's biggest stories, from breaking news to politics to entertainment, fostering a global conversation about the role of religion and belief in readers' lives. It's edited by CNN's Daniel Burke with contributions from Eric Marrapodi and CNN's worldwide news gathering team.