September 3rd, 2010
02:18 PM ET

How Christians spoil sex

Christian marriage.

Hot sex.

Let’s try that again:

Christian marriage; hot sex.

It doesn’t quite go together does it?

Passionate, toe-curling sex isn’t normally associated with Christianity or even spirituality in general.

At least that’s what Jonathan Acuff, a Belief Blog contributor and author of "Stuff Christians Like," argues in a recent blog. He says Christians need to do a better job of connecting God with a vibrant sex life.

That’s what we’ve been told. That God and sex don’t go together. And if you say something enough times, people start to believe it’s true…. You can’t have both in the same bottle. They’re oil and water. Cats and dogs. Spencer and Heidi. They just don’t go together.

Acuff, who is married, says Christians shouldn’t just teach abstinence. They should also teach that while sex before marriage is bad, “sex when you’re married is awesome.”

He says Christians damage sex in four ways:

They teach guilt, not abstinence.

They have very few ways to discuss it.

They write 10 books about lust for every one book about the gift of sex.

They've "made the crayon box pretty small" (they're afraid of being creative during sex).

Acuff says it's time Christian couples realize passionate sex is God's idea.

We’ve bought the lie that the world gets to have wild, crazy sex and Christians, holy folks like us, have to have black-and-white, two-dimensional sex. But what if that’s wrong? What if the God who overflows us with love and hope and mercy wants that part of our lives to be as big and as colorful as two married people could possibly imagine?

- CNN Writer

Filed under: Christianity • Culture & Science • United States

soundoff (2,079 Responses)
  1. Believenotmen

    What do you mean Christians of some variety? Why do you condemn others ?
    You need to read this, as your doing it!

    Paul considered himself a follower of God and a member of God's kingdom. But he was persecuting Christians. When Jesus struck him down on the road to Damascus, he introduced himself to Paul by asking him a question: “Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting me?” When Paul asked him “Who are you?” Jesus replied, “I am Jesus whom you are persecuting” (Acts 9:4-5). Notice Jesus' ident–i-fication with his followers: the way Paul treated Christians was the way he was treating Jesus..
    But Jesus tells him that the opposite is true: “You are excluded from God's kingdom because you disagree with my followers

    You keep telling people they are lost if not a follower of Catholicism, CatholicMom

    September 5, 2010 at 12:45 pm |
  2. Wendy

    Personally, I think this article, while it may have good intentions, is a piece of worthless crap.

    September 5, 2010 at 12:27 pm |
  3. KJ

    Christians have great sex

    September 5, 2010 at 12:12 pm |
  4. Charles

    I was raised under Catholic tutelage for a number of years (though I have since become a philosophical agnostic–for fundamental reasons). My knowledge about the religious concepts of intercourse, therefore, are mostly Catholic in nature as well. The impression I got was that intercourse was not to be seen as an act of pleasure but an act intended to create new life (which, if you'll recall the Catholic position of life, begins in the womb). Anything pertaining to life is taken extremely seriously; as a result, procreation is viewed as a responsibility, not a pleasure. I suppose they view it as serious as handling a gun, for similar reasons: a life decision falls in your hands. As for trying to avoid all other instances and temptations, well that's part of the religious life to "resist temptation". Part of the reasons fornication and adultery are considered sin are them being signs of moral weakness; Catholics are supposed to stand firm in answer to a higher authority. Please understand that I am not holding the view in judgment: simply spelling it out as a means to perhaps understand the view. I personally have my own judgments on the view but can at least say, "At least I respect their perspective."

    September 5, 2010 at 12:11 pm |
  5. Believenotmen

    If we say that our salvation is based on serving the poor, then we are directly contradicting what Jesus and the apostles teach—namely, we can never earn God's acceptance by our good works (Galalatians 2:16). Rather we receive God's acceptance as a gift (paid for by Jesus' perfect and finished work) by faith (Ephesians 2:8-9). Good works (like the ones mentioned in Matthew 25) are a result of our salvation and not a condition for it (Ephesians 2:8-10).

    September 5, 2010 at 12:03 pm |
  6. John

    Married Christians have the same sex and any other couple. They just are too mature to go out and tell the public about it. This blogger is an idiot for thinking that sex between to married Christians is any different that sex between two unmarried non Christians. The difference, one again, is that married Christians do not believe that it should be the subject of public conversation.

    September 5, 2010 at 12:00 pm |
  7. Believenotmen

    And did all drink the same spiritual drink: for they drank of that spiritual Rock that followed them: and THAT ROCK WAS CHRIST). (I Corinthians 10:4).

    September 5, 2010 at 11:59 am |
  8. Believenotmen

    For the RCC:
    And did all drink the same spiritual drink: for they drank of that spiritual Rock that followed them: and THAT ROCK WAS CHRIST). (I Corinthians 10:4).

    Plus, Peter was married...so much for "traditions" of the RCC

    September 5, 2010 at 11:57 am |
  9. Fran

    Seems like by making sex seem like a 'no-no' it becomes more attractive for some people. It might not be a bad idea to rethink that approach.

    September 5, 2010 at 11:17 am |
  10. MDL7

    Well, Mr Blake – if you can point out which religion has the best sex – I will quickly convert. In the mean time – your lazy one side story seems to have no empirical evidence supporting it. What was your control group? Give me a freaking break.

    September 5, 2010 at 10:53 am |
  11. Terry from West Texas

    The Middle Eastern religions (Judaism, Christianity, Islam) inherited their anti-sexual attitudes from the culture they grew out of. The Bible advises against marriage and against sex. Paul urged Christians not to marry and he urged married couples not to have sex. The Bible has not one word in favor or romance or sensuality – except for the Old Testament's praise of polygamy.

    Of course, modern Christians pay little attention to the Bible for good reason. If you lived your life as the Bible commands, you would be very unhappy and very lonely.

    September 5, 2010 at 9:46 am |
  12. Calm Analysis

    @Keith: Not everyone who who claims to be a "Christian" is–no matter how much scripture they know or can spout off. "Christian marriage" is somewhat of a misnomer though (in a manner similar to "Christian music", "Christian schools", etc.). There may be a marriage between two Christians (i.e., believers in Christ) as there may be between a Christian and an unbeliever. I know some who experienced the latter, and it was perhaps the most painful period in their life. In any case, this word "Christian" has become almost meaningless and minimally requires some kind of qualifier. The New Testament scripture (in Acts) reports that the DISCIPLES [of Jesus] in Antioch (of Syria) were first called Christians. Today, we have many around the world who are called "Christians" who are not disciples.

    September 5, 2010 at 9:08 am |
  13. CatholicMom

    Yes, there is such a thing as Christian Marriage and you are living up to it whole heartedly. God bless you. I hope your wife starts listening to the verses as she peels them off.

    September 5, 2010 at 9:03 am |
  14. freetime1

    Religion and church membership is a form of mind control. By definition most christians' are members of a cult and most of these cults look down on sex. Have to free your mind to free your body and christians' do not have a free mind. Sad!

    September 5, 2010 at 8:54 am |
  15. Jeanette

    I have the misfortune to live in the "Bible Belt" and I'm here to tell you that many. many Christians that I know are having GREAT sex....just not with their spouses. I have learned from the good folks down here that their religion really only applies during the hour on Sundays and Wednesdays that they sit in church, and of course it comes in handy when judging others.

    September 5, 2010 at 8:52 am |
  16. PJ

    Christian Fundamentalists in the States appear to be extremely creative given all the scandals. I think they probably have a ball under the sheets unknown to all. They are especially good at AC/DC etc. I would also suppose that Benedict knows a few "tricks".

    September 5, 2010 at 8:47 am |
  17. jerry

    if people only knew how much of a good time christians have and how much a better life it is to be a christian they would change in a second

    September 5, 2010 at 8:42 am |
  18. Buffetking

    CNN! A non-substantive anti-christian puff piece!

    September 5, 2010 at 8:30 am |
  19. david

    speak for yourself...im a CHristian..a firm believer in Jesus Christ...and I have hot sex with my wife.
    That is how God would want it...He doesnt want our marriages to be stagnant and boring...he wants us to be happy with our spouses.

    There is a chapter in the bible called Song of Songs and that is what it is about..a couple that is madly in love with each other and yes..they do sexual things but written in a Godly way....so I feel as a Christian..you need to have hot sex with your wife..your wife needs it.

    September 5, 2010 at 8:22 am |
  20. Stacy

    This article may have had wings about 30 years ago. However, it's just another misinformed swipe at Christianity by an apparently lazy "reporter".

    September 5, 2010 at 8:16 am |
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The CNN Belief Blog covers the faith angles of the day's biggest stories, from breaking news to politics to entertainment, fostering a global conversation about the role of religion and belief in readers' lives. It's edited by CNN's Daniel Burke with contributions from Eric Marrapodi and CNN's worldwide news gathering team.