September 3rd, 2010
02:18 PM ET

How Christians spoil sex

Christian marriage.

Hot sex.

Let’s try that again:

Christian marriage; hot sex.

It doesn’t quite go together does it?

Passionate, toe-curling sex isn’t normally associated with Christianity or even spirituality in general.

At least that’s what Jonathan Acuff, a Belief Blog contributor and author of "Stuff Christians Like," argues in a recent blog. He says Christians need to do a better job of connecting God with a vibrant sex life.

That’s what we’ve been told. That God and sex don’t go together. And if you say something enough times, people start to believe it’s true…. You can’t have both in the same bottle. They’re oil and water. Cats and dogs. Spencer and Heidi. They just don’t go together.

Acuff, who is married, says Christians shouldn’t just teach abstinence. They should also teach that while sex before marriage is bad, “sex when you’re married is awesome.”

He says Christians damage sex in four ways:

They teach guilt, not abstinence.

They have very few ways to discuss it.

They write 10 books about lust for every one book about the gift of sex.

They've "made the crayon box pretty small" (they're afraid of being creative during sex).

Acuff says it's time Christian couples realize passionate sex is God's idea.

We’ve bought the lie that the world gets to have wild, crazy sex and Christians, holy folks like us, have to have black-and-white, two-dimensional sex. But what if that’s wrong? What if the God who overflows us with love and hope and mercy wants that part of our lives to be as big and as colorful as two married people could possibly imagine?

- CNN Writer

Filed under: Christianity • Culture & Science • United States

soundoff (2,079 Responses)
  1. Doug

    Why give Sex a bad name and associate to religion. It would be better to make sex your religion and rock on!

    September 10, 2010 at 1:45 pm |
  2. csnap

    I don't think this article is meant to bash Christianity or sex in any way. But I agree that the subject of sex is very hush hush when spoken about in this religion. ALmost like its a dirty act. And it just seems to be more prevalent thinking within Christianity.

    September 10, 2010 at 11:59 am |
  3. Joshua

    The more liberal a person is, the better they are in bed. The more socially conservative they are, the more they get hung up by "sodomy" and the less likely they are to engage in all kinds of hot s_ _ acts. Religious people have been taught that they should only practice one se_ _ al position that results in baby-making. How boring is that? That's why I only date the more liberal minded, as I want to have a good s _ _ life.

    September 10, 2010 at 12:13 am |
  4. Jeff

    Why does this author care what Christians do in "the privacy of their own bedroom". I thought it was no-one else's business. At least it is when Christians discuss homosexuality.

    September 9, 2010 at 9:58 pm |
  5. mkv

    Christians spoil sex? Lets not forget that society spoils sex as well. Sure, the catholic church may have something to do with how they view and taught sex to other people. The Catholic doctrine has endocrine us that sex is bad, wrong and nasty. Mature Christians believe that sex is a GOOD thing. Sex within marriage is great. HOT sex within marriage is even better. I know the God of the Bible doesn’t believe so. Uh hello, he CREATED sex. He CREATED pleasure and to say that Christians spoil sex? Oh please.

    September 9, 2010 at 8:23 pm |
  6. Cthuluthegreatoldone

    How christians spoil sex....By existing?

    September 9, 2010 at 1:44 pm |
  7. jerry

    GOD will niot be moched

    September 8, 2010 at 9:25 pm |
  8. Old Hag

    Take it from the old hag: this Christian has and will enjoy sex! Whoopee!!!

    September 8, 2010 at 6:42 pm |
  9. Mai

    I know I had something to say. Yes – I am Christian and truly believe that sex is as joyful and as much a sacred act, but I totally disagree that the majority of Christians believe that sex occurs only in black and white, and the truth is that when Christian couples commit the act of sex within their marriage, they do welcome God into their bedroom in the power of love, passion, and commitment.

    September 8, 2010 at 5:42 pm |
  10. Thomas Liaw

    Interesting topic

    September 8, 2010 at 4:59 pm |
  11. Drew

    You've got to love the fact that this author chooses to lump all Christians together. I'm sure we could find articles from this guy suggesting that the majority of Americans are bigots for refusing to accept the fact that only a small number of muslims are radicals. Hypocrite

    September 8, 2010 at 12:21 pm |
  12. Kari

    I am so confused... I quit reading around comment 100. This article was about SEX in marriage and turned into a debate about contraception. What about the debate on how to encourage abstinence without leaving our young women entering their marriage beds with guilt, shame and apprehension? I was raised in a conservative Christian home and 15 years into adulthood still struggle with those emotions!

    September 8, 2010 at 12:18 pm |
  13. Strick

    Yes, sex within a marriage is moral. Sex out side a marriage is NOT. There is nothing that talks about safe sex within a marriage. Abortion is taking another life....competely condemned in the bible.

    September 8, 2010 at 12:16 pm |
  14. Jim

    while every human deserves to wonder about the true mysteries of life I find that religion is a human condition written by humans to control and take advantage of other humans. It is desguised as beauty and for the most part has positive effects but it is still control of thought and action. More to the topic, sex is a pleasant tool of procreation and evolution. Religion is not at the core of religious rules about procreation... social manipulation and control is. Other than the responsibility to the safety, comfort, and reciprocating desire of ones chosen partner there should be no limits or restrictions to your sexual joy. Live life, stop defining it and enjoy the very short time that you get to be here.

    September 8, 2010 at 9:33 am |
  15. agchristian

    It's funny how the media likes to portray all Christians as so antiquated. Not all of us are oppressed, sad-looking people wearing clothes from the 1830's. I think a lot of Christians have moved past all these stereotypes that the press likes to continue to give them. I feel no sense of shame or problem with sex and I am a Christian woman.
    And by the way – the Duggars are not like all Christians – I know a number of Christians with 2 children or less!
    And many of you are right – there are some Christian religions who don't believe in birth control, but many do – Baptists, Mormons, etc.

    September 8, 2010 at 8:01 am |
  16. Jasper, Netherlands

    I think it is a sign on the wall that we hear so much about child abuse in the Catholic church. The way 's-x' is treated in the church is against our human nature.
    Strange that people do tend to believe that the feelings they have could ever be sinfull, according to a passed on book and associated interpretations.
    People above argue that getting a child is a gift, and it is not up to you to stop this gift with contraception. Is this really the 21st century? Anyone ever heard of AIDS? And no, don't start the 'AIDS is Gods punishment' nonsense.
    The previous pope went to Zambia, and in a full stadion told the Zambian people that using condoms is a sin. Almost half of the attenders has died of AIDS since then. God's punishment? While childabusing priest get 'promoted away'?
    I think that they should, even postmortem, sue the pope for multiple cases of death by fault.
    It is time that the Catholic Church, and religion as a whole, starts understanding the collective responsibility we carry for the world at large, and the liveability of this planet for future generations. Presumed 'sins', deviced in the past should be left to that past.

    September 8, 2010 at 5:51 am |
  17. Chris Richards

    Sometimes I get an idea of how some Muslims might feel.

    I see an aweful lot of people saying 'what Christians think' and very few (mind you, thanks to those that did) speaking for 'what Christ says to me' or 'what my understanding of Christianity and the teachings of Christ is'.

    The fact is that there are millions of Christians who view Scripture through a metaphoric lens. Now, if you are a scriptural literalist, and that works for you and you aren't using it to beat up on other people, good for you and carry on. But there are an increasing number of Christians for whom a 6000 year old earth and a star that moves to guide Asian kings to a city where Christ probably wasn't born anyway (best info is he is from Nazareth in Gallilee) doesn't present a compelling argument.

    This is a long way of saying that the authors of many posts above me here are proving Mr Acuff right. If we spent even half the energy we, as a faith, seem to put into screaming about the evils of healthy sexual varience in human beings, and directed it say eradicating hunger or fighting racial or financial inequality in the world people would see the Christian faith as a model for social justice and equality, and not the exclusivist, patriarchal, "me-centric" set of rules to tick off before Jesus will love me, or before God will let me get into heaven.

    God, in Jesus, loves us all, and wants us to take delight in the person we are engaged in a permanent comitted relationship. Human sexuality is a wonderful gift, and it's high time we treated it as such and stop treating the gift that can create life (note: it doesn't HAVE to...this is a doctrine of the medieval church, not scriptural) as some dirty little secret we have to hide and ignore.

    September 7, 2010 at 11:26 am |
  18. Averydisturbedperson

    I honestly feel sorry for you because you have nothing better to do than worry about Christian's sex lives and what goes on in bed. They're actually probably off having hot sex, instead of wasting their time on here and writing an article. Obviously someone isn't content with their sex life..

    September 7, 2010 at 10:59 am |
  19. Ajua

    I think it is a high time people who are writing stuff about Christianity know what they are talking about i.e. study the bible before they purportedly write authoritatively about Christianity.

    Just because Christians don't threaten you with beheading, or some strong retribution doesn't mean that every pagan Jesus hating lunatic can bash Christianity. it has become so fashionable to write negative stuff and doubt anything and everything about the bible and Christianity in General.


    Christianity is a way of life, it is not some piece of winter clothing you out on during winter and remove during summer, live or leave it.

    September 7, 2010 at 9:38 am |
  20. Beena

    Has anyone read Songs of Solomen in the bible. God made sex inside marriage as an awesome and wonderful. God made man, woman and marriage so he had to make sex. Bible talks about this all the time. We are suppose to love God in an intimate way. We break God intent of sex when we do it outside of marriage. It better than what Hollywood makes out of it. It is so much better.

    September 7, 2010 at 9:15 am |
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67
About this blog

The CNN Belief Blog covers the faith angles of the day's biggest stories, from breaking news to politics to entertainment, fostering a global conversation about the role of religion and belief in readers' lives. It's edited by CNN's Daniel Burke with contributions from Eric Marrapodi and CNN's worldwide news gathering team.