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 Don Lemon with his grandmother on his third birthday.
May 22nd, 2011
01:00 AM ET
My Faith: How I learned to stop 'praying away the gay'Editor's Note: Don Lemon is a CNN anchor and author of Transparent, a memoir . By Don Lemon, CNN "School day, time to get up, sleepy head. School day." Although she's been gone since 1998, my grandmother's words ring in my head just about every morning of my life. That's how MaMe, as I called her, got me out of bed and off to my Catholic school when I was growing up and in her care. But before I shuffled my way to the bathroom to begin my morning routine, I had to hit the floor on my knees to pray, just as I had the night before. It was usually The Lord's Prayer ("Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name...") followed by asking God to watch and guide me through my day until I returned to the safety of my home that evening. But MaMe (pronounced MAH-me) didn't know that at a very early age her favorite grandson had begun to pray, silently, that God would change him from being different, from having crushes on boys, from being more curious about boys than girls. By age four or five, I was too young to sexualize my infatuations but I knew that everyone else, including my family and friends, would think it was wrong. Perhaps it was the conversations I overheard from adults around my hometown of Port Allen, Louisiana, who'd mimic gay people, calling them "funny" or "sissy" or "fagots." Perhaps it was Sunday mornings at our Baptist church, where preachers taught that liking someone of the same sex was a direct and swift path to hell. And that if that person would just turn to the Lord and confess his sin, then God would change him back into the person He wanted him to be - a person who only had crushes on the opposite sex. All of which meant that, from a very early age, I began to think I was dirty and that I was going to hell. Can you imagine what that feels like for a kid who was just learning to read and perform basic arithmetic? It was awful. And talk about guilt - I was a Baptist attending Catholic school! I prayed the silent prayer for God to change me every chance I got until I started attending college in New York. That's when common sense began to take hold and I realized that no amount of prayer would change me into something that wasn't natural to me. With my religious upbringing, I'd had the opportunity to study religious doctrine. But I learned from different perspectives, from Catholic Mass on Fridays to Baptist services on Sundays to vacation Bible school in the summer to Bible study with a Jehovah's Witness as a teenager. As I got older I began to realize that all these people and institutions interpreted the Bible somewhat differently. I had a sort of epiphany: the Bible was about the lessons you learned, not about the events or words. When I became old enough, intelligent enough and logical enough to discern the difference between metaphor and reality, everything changed. I realized that Jonah living in the belly of a whale was a parable written in the same vein as Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. saying that he had "been to the mountaintop." Neither Jonah nor King had actually been to those places. They were metaphors for lessons for those of us who cared to absorb them. So many of us, especially in the black community and in churches, tend to think that religious teachings happened word for word as they were written in Scripture. I think that's naïve, even dangerous. That type of thinking - or non-thinking - keeps many religious people enslaved to beliefs that they haven't truly stepped back from and examined. That type of thinking causes people who are otherwise good to shun and ostracize young gay people. It causes people to want to control and change people who aren't like them. And who wants to be like someone else? Imagine if we had allowed Christian doctrines and teachings that supported slavery, segregation and the subjugation of women to pervade our society all the way up until the current moment. What kind of world would that be? Instead, we got on our knees, just as I did as a little boy, and prayed that slavery, segregation and the subjugation of women would end. In the United States, at least, those prayers have largely been realized. I'm no longer the member of any church but I do believe in a higher power. It's time for us, especially black people, to stop trying to pray the gay away and to get on our knees and start praying that the discrimination of gay people ends. What we're doing to our young gay people now is child abuse. It's plain old bigotry and hatred. And if African-Americans don't know what that feels like in America, I don't know who does. The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of Don Lemon. soundoff (4,733 Responses)« Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 Next »
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The CNN Belief Blog covers the faith angles of the day's biggest stories, from breaking news to politics to entertainment, fostering a global conversation about the role of religion and belief in readers' lives. It's edited by CNN's Daniel Burke with contributions from Eric Marrapodi and CNN's worldwide news gathering team.  |
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Maybe religon isn't so bad, if there were no shepard there would be no one to lead the sheep to slaughter.
Why is a perversion, a sinners story in the Belief section?
Why do you think being gay is a perversion?
What useful purpose does being gay have?
The belief page seems like a good place to run a perversion story.
@Shannon
Oh Chr-st. That one again. Do we really have to go through the list of all the famous artists, doctors, scientists, bla, bla, bla. If it were a useless trait, it would have been selected out 2 million years ago.
@Shannon
W T F...?
Peace...
Because this is CNN
It's interesting in Don's attempt to justify immoral behavior based on the premise that we should go with what we naturally feel like doing, that he randomly thows in many problems skeptics have with the Bible.
One, he has a problem with people touting a moral superiority because of the many different interpretations of the Bible. As if the fact that if people have different views of the Bible that somehow takes away from there being an underlying objective truth.
Two, he has a problem accepting the legitimacy of miracles in the Bible. Amazingly, and underhandedly, he blankets people who believe in miracles in the Bible as "non-thinking". Sadly, Don is the one who hasn't done the critical thinking necessary to garner rational, logical beliefs regarding a "higher power". If he had, he would realize that believing in a higher power, let's call him God, would entail him being completely justified logically to therefore believe in miracles. Putting parameters around the creator of the universe, as most would define this higher power, is totally and utterly illogical.
Three, he mischaracterized the Bible and therefore understandably has a problem with teachings in the Bible that simply do not exist. The Bible in no way shape or form condones slavery as it took place in most modern of times. In biblical days, people sometimes were forced to sell themselves into slavery as a last ditch effort to support their familiy. The comparison to modern day slavery is simply unfounded and off-base.
Not sure if there are any more. Don hasn't done the critical thinking necessary for these subjects. It's incredible how contradictory liberal people are regarding their beliefs. They are plurists, which means each person has his own truth, and his own path, and no one should tout any kind of moral superiority. But then they go right ahead and blast certain people's beliefs. Namely, the ones that don't coincide with their own.
Think harder, people. More like, accept the hypocrisy of liberalism. At least Christians don't make any bones about it. They tout it's their way and everyone else is wrong. Time for the liberals to stand up and do the same.
We liberals have a hard time keeping up with the new things you bible thumpers decide is a sin from week to week, and therefore should be illegal. That is why we sound contradictory.
Mostly we just sort of go with the Golden Rule and separation of church and state.
In biblical times, slaves were also taken as a result of war or other conflict. Sure, they weren't all black, but the fact remains that slaves of old were *exactly* like modern slaves. They were forced into servitude and performed unpaid labor and possessed no rights. Are you arguing that this was ok?
The contradiction is in liberalism, not Christianity. The idea that everybody is right in their beliefs, followed by a denouncing of certain peoples' beliefs, is utterly contradictory.
I am quite literally ashamed to have the same name as you. You need to do your home work too. Not everyone observes and accepts the dichotomous liberal/conservative stance you have. and quite honestly its offensive that you assume that a human being is not capable of having both liberal and conservative ideals. I guess that makes sense though...its impossible to be a well rounded critical thinker when your are too far to the left or right. If you read carefully...he wasn't saying that the bible condones slavery...what he is saying is that people have used the bible to justify our judgmental and evil actions. As a college professor I have studied slavery through numerous eras, and you are incredibly misinformed when it comes to people willingly giving themselves up as slaves. It happened...yes...and in almost every case i have studied the whole family ended in slavery. Learn what you are talking about and get a grip.
@Adam #1
Sort of like your original post.
Sin it is. God said so, that settles it. Remember Sodom?
Sin it WAS. re-read it. You missed some stuff.
But remember what Santa Claus did with Rudolph, he included him even though he was diffrent. Why is your myth a better example than mine.
Sorry welladjusted Old and New it is sin. Also God is the same yesterday today and forever.
No, God doesn't say it, the bible says it. Which was written and compiled by MEN. Human beings. Not "God". The names of the men who wrote these things are on the books they each wrote. Book of John. Book of Mark. Book of Luke, etc. etc. None of them was even remotely written by "God". These are just men who wrote things about God according to their own interpretation and beliefs.
Funny how bible-thumpers always insist on taking it literally, then when someone's name is literally inscribed on the pages as the person who wrote those words, they ignore that.
If you actually read that story God isn't angry about any non-hetro activity. He is angry about the r a p e part and the poor treatment of guests.
Religon = Hate
I believe everyone should have a right to choose who they want to love but I wanted to correct a few things you said 😀 First, Santa didnt include Rudolph just to show the other reindeer the wrongs of predjudice he did it because there was a huge storm remember? It was after that that the other reindeer included him in monopoly. And secondly I am LDS and I resent you saying that religion=hate. My sister is a lesbian and I completely support her decision to be married and I LOVE her fiancee soooo much and am excited to have her a part of our family. Wait... is this possible? Can a religious person accept and love those who are gay? The answer is YES! Not all do but many do. Our prophet joseph smith said that our belief is of GOD and any errors and misconceptions in our texts are of MAN. Dont believe me? You just wait 🙂 Gays of the world: be strong, keep your head up and remember that God loves you soo much.
If being gay is an abomination and you will go to hell for it, isnt god supposed to be the creator of everything befor it happens, so why would he create an abomination just so he can send them to hell? that seems a little harsh to me. I think people use religion as mind control and it works unfortunatley. Its so sad! gay people are harmlessm they dont mess with anyone! we call came from the sun and the sun doesnt judge so why should we, 2 bad for the people who stay stuck in their beliefs and dont think for themselves.
The ONE THING that Jesus asked of us is to not judge eachother and to love one another and we (all societies) can't even do that. Hmmm, maybe Jesus should have said, "Judge eachother, kill eachother on the battlefield, hate your neighbor". Like so many five year olds that I know, maybe we would have done the opposite then and been a peaceful society.
Your comment is not based on biblical knowledge or what Jesus actually said just what you want him to say. Mat 10:34 NIV – 34 "Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword
@Noreen,
You are a very sweet person. All day you have been here talking about gentle things, and love. Thanks. 🙂 They may not listen,and I may not agree with everything, but the fact that you are here, gives me hope.
Umm...Im sorry you experienced such hard time growing up, but lets get this straight saying that the Bible is Metaphorical is wrong. the Bible isnt some big fake story those were real events. I suggest you read the Bible again..
John 1 says 1. In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. 2 He was with God in the beginning. 3 Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. 4 In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. 5 The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome[a] it.
So if you say that Jonah's story wasnt real your saying the whole bible is a lie and God is not a liar. There is a deeper reason to why you are that way.
Oh and to the peole who are supposed to be Christians YOU are not to Judge people for what they do wrong only God can do that. As a Christian we are called to Love everyone as Christ loved us. For no one is better than anyone else . If you lied in your life they are just as bad as killing idolatry, etc etc for it says in
James2: 8 If you really keep the royal law found in Scripture, “Love your neighbor as yourself,”[a] you are doing right. 9 But if you show favoritism, you sin and are convicted by the law as lawbreakers. 10 For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it. 11 For he who said, “You shall not commit adultery,”[b] also said, “You shall not murder.”[c] If you do not commit adultery but do commit murder, you have become a lawbreaker.
12 Speak and act as those who are going to be judged by the law that gives freedom, 13 because judgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful. Mercy triumphs over judgment.
STOP GIVING US A BAD NAME
READ THE BIBLE
The bible is a farce. Everything you just typed is invalidated by such a fact.
So I assume that you, as a strict interpreter of the bible, don't eat seafood, own slaves, and do not allow your women to speak?
Sorry, I tried to read it all but I couldn't get past your first sentence or two without falling asleep.
FACT...the bible was written by men.
Translated countless times...by men.
Edited, revised, redacted even more countless times....by...you guessed it men.
You believe that the bible is the word of God speaking through the men who wrote in it.
I believe that many of those men were inspired by their faith to contribute their words. But I also believe that many others had less altrusitic motives. These men saw the power and wealth they could gain for themselves by exploiting the faith of others. The men who advocated slaying people for anything and everything and approved of slavery, polygamy, misogeny, hypocrisy....these men's words are in that bible you cherish so much and I doubt that heed their words with the same fervor that probably do other verses that are so frequently cherry picked.
Telling people to "read the bible" as a way of prooving your point on anything is frankly silly because as you have so adequately proven...the bible is full of contradictions and things that can be interpreted in many ways – which all depend on what motives and agendas the person ready it has.
It is this defensive stance that gives US a bad name. Don't you see that. We are all human and will be judged by god...leave it to him and focus on love and compassion. I could rail off a bunch of bible passages to you, but it doesn't change the fact that Jesus would have reached out to this ostracized group of people in our society, and would have scolded us for sitting in our comfort merely reading the bible.
get it a grip
The bible was written and compiled by MEN. Human beings. Not "God". The names of the men who wrote these things are on the books they each wrote. Book of John. Book of Mark. Book of Luke, etc. etc. None of them was even remotely written by "God". These are just men who wrote things about God according to their own interpretation and beliefs.
Funny how bible-thumpers always insist on taking it literally, then when someone's name is literally inscribed on the pages as the person who wrote those words, they ignore that.
Yeah... you're one of the people really giving Christianity a bad name. Anyone who takes a book at minimum 2000 years old that's been edited and selected by people nearly that far back is an idiot.
Then why the two creation stories ? Why all the contradictions in the four gospels ? You need to read you some Bart Ehrman, then check back with us in about 10 years. Good luck.
The bible is a book of metaphorical stories, written and re-written by MEN many times over, meant to teach moral lessons, NOT be taken LITERALLY. Most everyone has enough common sense not to take Star Wars, Harry Potter, or other modern fairy tales literally, so why do some people take a nearly 2,000 year old book literally when it is CLEARLY allegorical? Perhaps if they had taken and understood more science classes in school, they would be better able to separate fact from fiction.
At best, to argue literal interpretation is to completely discredit the intent of the playwrights of their day who expanded upon previously told mythological creation stories from past civilizations. Even the main character Jesus was based almost entirely on earlier mythologies' folk heroes. An explanation that a person today might believe in Jesus is because they were indoctrinated in childhood in the Christian faith, as opposed to that of pre-Christian stories that had a similar central hero by a different name, but shockingly similar otherwise, because the creation stories thousands of years ago were passed around and modified by regional preferences and retellings.
At worst, to argue literalism is to utterly play into the selfish motivations of manipulative forces that have used religion to subjugate the human race for thousands of years.
If the human species is to survive, we must collectively learn to think for ourselves, once and for all. More and more people today are flat out rejecting religious literalism. The United States is woefully behind the times in this regard for industrialized nations, so we must work especially hard as a country at overcoming this severe educational deficiency and lead the way once again for the search for reason, just as our Founding Fathers originally established our secular nation.
jeanie, I think you missed something. Those friends of yours didnt wake up and decide to be g a y, they woke up and decided to tell the truth. Big difference.
Kevin, and the rest of you slandering the Bible,
If you haven't read the Bible, go read it first before writing. Your god is a figment of your imagination. He may seem "nice" to you, but so does Santa Claus. The true God is in the Bible. Read it before commenting on something you haven't read and therefore are ignorant about.
You vs. Bible,
Did you miss the part called the Golden Rule?
You vs. The Bible You don't read the true Bible nor are you capable. You read a modern (mis)translation of the Scriptures which were originally written in Hebrew, Aramaic and Koine Greek.
It is ignorant and stupid to ass-ume that people haven't read it. I am a christian, but i have found it is incredibly dangerous to assume that people who question the bible haven't read it. Most christians fail to understand the opposition, whereas the opposition usually has a pretty good idea of us. get a grip and stop making us look stupid.
Cant believe you all didnt ALREADY know this. I'm waiting for Anderson's announcement now. And for all you Jesus Freaks: the Bible says JUDGE NOT, lest you be judged. So unless you are a SAINT.......
Touching story by the brave Don Lemon. Thanks! (And that gays are going to hell is every bit as certain as the May 21 Rapture prediction.)
Don, take another step beyond the realization that the words in the bible aren't literally true. If you take the same intellectual step to examine your "higher power" and the evidence that such a thing exists, you might just be released from another dogmatic yoke.
Chistians will believe anything. Too bad they can't pray the dumb away.
The biggest nonsense in all of this is that people actually believe they were born this way. It's nonsense. We all could have a propensity but it is still a "CHOICE". I have many gay friends and even relatives and we have major intelligent discussions on this topic. Too many people that were happily married and have had children and then made a conscious decision to be gay. Which is fine. But DON'T tell me you were born this way. Nonsense. If not, you would have NEVER gotten an erection. Sorry maybe the media and Lady Gaga can believe you. I for one, consider myself a little smarter than that. Ok. Go ahead and beat me up... But if anyone has any common sense. They know I am one thousand percent right.
I am glad you and all of your friends have firmly established it is a choice. Could you correct all of these scientists who have shown, using empirical peer reviewed evidence, that there is a genetic link.
Bailey JM, Pillard RC, Dawood K, Miller MB, Farrer LA, et al. (1999)
Camperio Ciani A, Corna F, Capiluppi C (2004)
Dawood K, Pillard RC, Horvath C, Revelle W, Bailey JM (2000)
Hamer DH, Hu S, Magnuson VL, Hu N, Pattatucci AML (1993)
Hu S, Pattatucci AML, Patterson C, Li L, Fulkner DW, et al. (1995)
King M, Green J, Osborn DPJ, Arkell J, Hetherton J, et al. (2005)
MacIntyre F, Estep KW (1993)
Miller EM (2000)
Mustanski BS, DuPree MG, Nievergelt CM, Bocklandt S, Schork NJ, et al.
(2005)
Pattatucci AML (1998)
Pillard RC, Poumadere J, Carretta RA (1981)
Pillard RC, Poumadere J, Carretta RA (1982)
Pillard RC, Bailey JM (1998)Bailey JM, Pillard RC, Dawood K, Miller MB, Farrer LA, et al. (1999)
Camperio Ciani A, Corna F, Capiluppi C (2004)
Dawood K, Pillard RC, Horvath C, Revelle W, Bailey JM (2000)
Hamer DH, Hu S, Magnuson VL, Hu N, Pattatucci AML (1993)
Hu S, Pattatucci AML, Patterson C, Li L, Fulkner DW, et al. (1995)
King M, Green J, Osborn DPJ, Arkell J, Hetherton J, et al. (2005)
MacIntyre F, Estep KW (1993)
Miller EM (2000)
Mustanski BS, DuPree MG, Nievergelt CM, Bocklandt S, Schork NJ, et al.
(2005)
Pattatucci AML (1998)
Pillard RC, Poumadere J, Carretta RA (1981)
Pillard RC, Poumadere J, Carretta RA (1982)
Pillard RC, Bailey JM (1998)
Sorry pasted that list twice.
If you want to talk about CHOICE here, I believe that people that know deep down that they are gay, make a choice not to live in that lifestyle, their CHOICE is made to live a lie, get married, have children; all of which our society has conditioned us to do. People do not make a CHOICE to be gay/lesbian/bi/whatever....
"They know I am one thousand percent right."
1,000 percent? Wow. Don't claim any great education after that statement.
you are right.
Jeanie, Did you choose to be a bigot? Or were you just born that way?
Every case is different. But Jeannie, you just don't have a clue what you are talking about.
I think you just sinned...
"But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence." 1 Timothy 2:12
Until you learn the proper use of commas, your comments are completely void. Seriously, I can't even read the things you're trying to say because your grammar is so god-awful (pun intended).
Im not even sure where I stand on this topic, but i think you should step out of your own posse and see what other gay people think. It is idiotically bold to claim such things. get a grip.
And Fock U is seriously mentally ill. There is no imaginary heaven or hell so fock u doesn't need to worry about Don Lemon. Fock U needs to get help soon before he completely implodes. He also needs to remove the cap lock key from the borrowed computer he is using during his one hour of supervised time in the home.
Yesterday's events (or lack, thereof) proved that conservative Christians can and do misinterpret the Bible (although nobody thinks that THEY are the ones doing the misinterpreting).
We all need to question everything that is told to us.....even by those that we trust as our leaders. In many cases, the most steadfast of those leaders are the ones most likely to be wrong.
<>
These are not Christian doctrines and you should be careful to take scripture in context before twisting it to serve your agenda. The Bible, when interpreted correctly and in context, is a transformational book for individuals and societies alike. It promotes acceptance and love of the individual – but not sin. We all want God to be love but have contempt for his justice. The reality is that love without justice is an irreconcilable contradiction.
This is the quote from the article that I was responding to:
"Imagine if we had allowed Christian doctrines and teachings that supported slavery, segregation and the subjugation of women to pervade our society all the way up until the current moment. What kind of world would that be?"
But if we interpret it that way how are we supposed to use it to make people do what we want them to do?
Ok i know I already commented on this, but seriously....
when interpreted correctly and in context????? Are you god? How do you know how to interpret the bible correctly. Please tell me where you found the manual because i'd really like to read it.
When I saw the article I said " and this one too?" (with the smile). I dont believe that God makes mistakes by creating people the way they are, its us "who are playing GOD'S" by punishing and judging.
God didn't create you or me. He created Adam and Eve. They sinned and became spiritually dead. We are offspring of them with the weakness' and propensity to sin. God does not create people to be gay or alcoholics, pedophiles or liars. That is why we need to be born of the
spirit.
@FOCK U : Your comment shows you lack intelligence and that your one of the people that God forgot to put a brain in. Poor you. t(-_-)
ine if we had allowed Christian doctrines and teachings that supported slavery, segregation and the subjugation of women to pervade our society all the way up until the current moment. What kind of world would that be?
Instead, we got on our knees, just as I did as a little boy, and prayed that slavery, segregation and the subjugation of women would end. In the United States, at least, those prayers have largely been realized.
I'm no longer the member of any church but I do believe in a higher power.
It's time for us, especially black people, to stop tryin
But they didn't happen because anyone prayed about them, they happened because man and women got off their a-s, and went out and DID something about it.